Evening Star
by caitiespace
Summary: Bella Swan was young, naive and desperate to be in love when she met Edward. But what would have happened if she was not? Kaia Snow is a young, driven woman who has always known what she wanted. She is jaded on the institution of love, and has no interest in falling in love again. But what will happen when she starts her dream job, only to meet Oliver - a colleague with a secret?
1. Chapter 1

My world is awash with green.

It's a nice change. For too long now, the only colour I have seen has been a blood red. But even this change in the colour palate of my life could not distract me for long, as my eyes stared forward unseeingly at the forest that surrounded me. Even though I could see every leaf on every tree that I passed, even though I was able to pick out the fine veins that ran through them as they rustled in the slight breeze that also swept my grey coat out majestically behind me, the beauty of this place that I had once called home failed to touch me. My mind, for so long completely numb but this morning painfully sharp, was far too concerned with other things to be worried about the living sea that surrounded me.

The rhythmic footsteps of my colleagues, far too quiet for humans to hear, reminds me of my long-absent heart beat. It is an unusual sensation, feeling the pulsing vibration rush through my body once more. Were I not so acutely aware of where I was and who surrounded me, I may have even been able to pretend that I was still alive. Not that I wished for that - not now. It was no small blessing that my heart had long since perished, otherwise it would break with what was about to pass today. Because today I would have to make a sacrifice far too great for me to make. Today I would kill those I had once called my family, all for the sake of the one that I loved. Even with the black void that filled where my soul once rested, I could not pretend that these events did not concern me. I was all too aware that I deserved death far more than those I would bestow it upon, and yet I did nothing to prevent this from occurring. I just kept marching forward, in perfect unison with those that surrounded me, closing the distance between me and a destiny that no one deserved.

I continued to watch as the scene surrounding me continued to brighten, as we approached the clearing that our targets had lead us to. It took only a few more minutes to break through the bank of trees and enter a grassy meadow, only for my eyes to meet those of who were waiting for me. My eyes only paused briefly on each set of golden eyes that stared back at me. Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Edward and Bella, none of these familiar faces held my empty gaze for long. What was there to hold on to? Even if I could appreciate the emotions that played within those topaz depths, it would not change what was about to pass. I had made my decision, long before any of these events had unfolded, and I would not change it now.

And because of that, the Cullens had to die.


	2. Chapter 2

I sat, staring at the computer monitor, as I read over and over again the words displayed on screen, and I felt a smile slowly creep across my face. Offers for intern places had just come out, and I had been accepted for all three that I had applied for. Now I just had to pick one.

I realised as I looked at the three very different options in front of me, that I had three very different reasons for applying for them. The first intern position was at the Royal Adelaide Hospital, the institution where I had completed most of my training. I had applied for one here basically because I was fairly sure that I would be accepted, even if nowhere else wanted me. I have enjoyed the past six years that I have spent studying here in South Australia - a place I originally picked to study at for the sole reason of getting as far away from my parents as I could - and I feel no real aversion to remaining here.

Although I love my parents, on so many levels we are complete opposites. Skysong and Heartbeat, my mother and father, always tried to raise me with the same ideals they held, but like so many other children, my whole life I have felt the need to rebel against them. The only difference was that my rebellion was not going out and getting drunk and stoned, or sleeping around, or getting piercings (all of which my parents would probably have been proud for me to do), it was running away to medical school at sixteen. My whole life has been the opposite of what they hoped. I did well at school and embraced the institution, finishing year twelve a year younger than expected, with a perfect score. Getting into medical school in South Australia had just allowed me to escape my parents much sooner than would have been possible had I been accepted to a university in Queensland, where my parents and I had lived. Whilst my parents were disappointed that I was so in cahoots with "the man", they still allowed me to go. They told me this was because they hoped that the other teenagers at uni would corrupt me, but I think it was because it gave them a chance to finally move to Nimbin, one of the last strongholds of hippies in Australia, and open their organic vegetable farm. Either way, it doesn't really matter, and I have spent the past six years studying medicine and enjoying the freedom it has afforded me.

So option A was to stay at the Royal Adelaide Hospital, to continue to with the status quo, which seemed like a perfectly reasonable option to me. It would present me with career opportunities as much as any other institution. It was a safe choice. I liked safe.

The second intern position I had been offered was at the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital in Sydney, one of the most prestigious hospitals in the country. Any other medical student would probably give their left foot for this post (in fact, my boyfriend, Mark, would give more than his left foot…probably his whole leg), as it presented you with the best opportunity for learning and the best opportunity for specialisation. To me, I found this post to be less interesting than the one at the Royal Adelaide Hospital. I have never been interested in climbing the greasy pole. I have never felt the need to feel better than anyone else. My whole life I have been averse to competition (to be honest, it was mostly because I always won, which I always found made people less inclined to want to deal with me), and I knew that if I took this position, that would be exactly what I would be doing - competing. I had only applied to the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital in the first place because Mark had wanted me to. He desperately wanted an intern position there. Mark loved the greasy pole. He lived for the thrill of competition. He was always bitterly disappointed when he came off second best, which he always did with me around. The only way he had managed to reconcile that with himself was when we had started dating. At least that way, he could say that his girlfriend was better than everyone else.

It wasn't Mark's fault that he was so competitive. His father was a world famous neurosurgeon, and his mother was the head of a neonatal intensive care unit. His whole life, he had been compared to his famous parents, and was always treated like he had to prove himself to them. As a result, he had developed a competitive streak, something that I now found quite endearing now it was no longer directed at me.

I sighed, knowing that when Mark found out that I had been offered a position at the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital, that there were only two possible responses he would give me.

1. He had not been offered an intern position there as well, at which point he would insist that I take the position at the Royal Adelaide Hospital, and try to convince me that it was not because he was bitterly disappointed that he hadn't been offered one.

2. He _had_ been offered an intern position, in which case he would be overtly happy that I was doing so well, and insist I take the position without considering my other options.

If I was being honest with myself, it was the third intern offer that I found most appealing. I hadn't even told Mark that I was applying for it, knowing too well that he would only ever humour my dream, then tell me how irresponsible it would be for me to follow it, if I ever considered it seriously.

My third offer was a remote area placement in Western Australia, in a small mining town called Keyes, three hours from Broome. I loved the idea of adventure associated with such a position. I also wanted to experience medicine hands-on, in a way that hadn't been available during my studies. The medical hierarchy meant that in most hospitals, there was always at least twenty people higher up the ladder than you, waiting for the interesting cases. Out in such a remote location, with only a few other doctors aside from myself, I was much more likely to be able to do hands-on work, and that appealed to me greatly. Besides which, access to health care in remote locations was always difficult, and I loved the idea of being able to help reduce that gap in some small way, even if as a novice, I would need to learn a lot to do so. Then again, learning had never been a problem for me before.

It was just then that I heard a knock on the door of my dorm room. I looked at the clock - if it was Mark, he was early. I dragged myself away from the computer screen to greet my mystery guest, only to find Mark standing there when I opened the door.

Mark was an extremely beautiful man. His emerald green eyes looked out at me from under his pitch black hair, that always seemed to be windblown. He was tall, but not gigantic, and he had the most beautiful smile. I always felt lucky to know I was with this man. Mark was a year older than me, but then again, everyone in my cohort was at least that. I could hardly believe my luck when he had asked me out in our third year - I had been so sure he hated me before that - but sure enough, right after my eighteenth birthday, he had asked me out, and we had never looked back.

"Hello, Kaia."

"Hey, Mark."

Mark stood there, watching me with anticipation, as though I had a line to deliver that I had forgotten. I sighed.

"What is it? What have I forgotten to ask?"

That perfect smile broke out across his face.

"Nothing. I was just wondering if you'd checked your email today. Intern offers are out."

I should have known it would have been something like that.

"Yeah, I did. I got offered three positions. How about you?"

"Yeah, I got offered two, but that doesn't really matter. What were you offered?"

"I was offered a spot at the Royal Adelaide, at the Royal Prince Alfred, and a remote area spot in Western Australia…"

"Royal Prince Alfred? That's fantastic, Kaia! We can be interns together!" He grasped my arms and swung me around, completely oblivious to the other two options.

"I haven't exactly decided that I'm going to the Alfred yet, Mark. I was sort of interested in going bush for a year…"

He stopped and looked me in the eyes, like he was looking for madness or something.

"Remote area? Why?"

I shrugged, "You're only young once. Besides, I want to try something different, get some hands on experience, and the need out there is so great…"

Mark shook his head at me, "I thought we had this conversation. You were going to intern at a major hospital, specialise, then - _if_ you still wanted to - you could locum out bush occasionally. You only get these chances once, Kaia. Don't waste them in a bout of immaturity."

"Immaturity? You think I want to do this cause I'm immature?"

"Well, it's hardly a mature decision, is it? Throwing away your future for twelve months of escapism."

"It's not escapism, it's what I want to do! What I did medicine to do. How can you be so dismissive of my dreams?"

"Kaia Snow, you are my girlfriend and I care for you. I don't want you out there roughing it in the outback and wasting your potential."

"I think I'm the one who should be worried about my potential, Mark," I insisted, "I would _never_ tell you what to do with your life. With your dreams."

"That's because my dreams aren't silly."

"Silly? Silly, are they?"

"Oh, don't be so melodramatic," he rolled his eyes at me, like I was a rebellious child.

I could feel the anger consuming me. I _hated_ it when he pulled this on me. Whenever I wanted to do something that he disagreed with, he pulled out the age card. He was older, ergo he was right.

"Well, I'm accepting the remote area position, Mark. Congratulations on your offer at the Alfred."

"Think about what you're doing, Kaia," he cautioned, "If you do this, well, that's the end of this relationship. If you're not going to take your future seriously, I can't see any other option. I can't be involved with someone so immature."

"Fine! Dump me," I spat, "Maybe _I_ don't want to be with someone who doesn't nurture my dreams or respect my feelings."

"Fine! Goodbye, Kaia."

And with that, Mark turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

I was so consumed with rage that I couldn't speak, and shook my head, trying to dispel the tension. Temper was hardly my best asset, and both of us had more than enough to cover for the both of us. This was hardly our first fight. I guess you could say that Mark and I had a feisty relationship. Mark would call me back in the morning, all apologies. He would tell me it was okay and he should have respected my choice more, and I would tell him that he was right and I should go to the Royal Prince Alfred. It _was_ the more intelligent decision. Then we would kiss and make up and things would go back to the way they were before. That was how these things always went…

A week later, and Mark had still not called back. Evidently he was more mad at me than I had anticipated. I sighed. I had gotten over my anger at him that first night. My temper may be violent, but it was like a firecracker. One big explosion, then it was gone. Still, I had enough self-respect not to ring him till now. I wanted _him_ to be the one to call and apologise.

But a week? A week was a long time. Maybe this was serious. I hated to be the one to fold first, but I rang his mobile, only for it to go to his message box. I waited ten minutes, then called again (not wanting to look stalker-ish), but there was still no answer. I waited ten minutes more and called again. Still no answer.

I was frustrated, so I decided to go visit him at home. I took the bus to his suburb, then walked the five minutes to his house. I heard music on inside, coming from his room, so I decided to enter without knocking. I had a key, and it wasn't like I hadn't entered without knocking before. So I walked up the stairs to his room and opened his door…

…and that's where I saw him, his arms wrapped around a redhead I didn't know, their clothes strewn across the floor. I desperately tried not to acknowledge what they were doing, as I turned around and ran out, slamming the door behind me.

"Kaia!"

I kept moving, refusing to look backwards. My head spun.

_No, no, no, no, no…_

"Kaia," Mark grabbed my arm and spun me around to look at him. I could barely see him through my tears. I slapped him, hard. He didn't even acknowledge the pain that I had hoped to inflict upon him.

"You weren't meant to see that."

"Really? And here I thought it was a surprise for my birthday!"

"Is now really the best time to be facetious?"

"_Tell_ me, when would it be a good time?"

He sighed.

"Who is she, Mark?"

"No-one."

"She didn't look like no-one."

"She's no-one to me," he insisted, "I only just met her last night. It was a mistake."

"A mistake is an understatement."

"Don't you go judging me, Kaia Snow. This is your fault."

"My fault? How is me finding you in bed with another woman _my fault_?"

"Because you are the one who upset me so badly that I fell into the arms of another woman, and you are the one who has a no intimate contact policy."

"So it's my fault because I wouldn't sleep with you and because I wanted to follow my dreams?"

"Yes."

"No, Mark. This is _your_ fault. Even if I had decided that I wanted to quit medicine, it is _your duty_ to support me in that choice. And I only don't sleep with you because I don't like taking risks. You know what my family is like. I always told you when we married or when we got engaged, we would. You told me that was okay, that you wanted that too. Was that a lie?"

He just looked at me.

"How was the need to get laid suddenly so overwhelming? You've never talked to me about it…"

Then something clicked. Maybe he didn't talk about it because he was already getting it somewhere else. I felt my breath come in brief gasps. The look on his face said it all.

"Get out," I growled, "I don't want to see you ever again. It's over."

"Kaia, this is my house," he didn't look concerned, only amused, like I was a child throwing a tantrum.

"Fine," I turned and stormed away, removing his key from my keychain. At the door, I turned and threw the key at him. "Goodbye, Mark."

I slammed the door and stormed away. As I walked through the front yard, I felt a wave of nausea wash over me and I threw up into the garden bed. After I was finished, I walked out of his yard and didn't stop walking. I walked all the way home. It took me over an hour. I walked up the flight of stairs to my dorm room, and switched on my computer.

I loaded up my email and sent an email to Western Australia.

Keyes, here I come.

I stared out of the window at the red earth below me. I could barely breathe with excitement, as I anticipated the adventure that awaited me when this small, cramped, Royal Flying Doctors Serve plane finally landed. I couldn't believe that the two months between me accepting the intern position in Keyes and today had gone so quickly. It seemed like almost a lifetime ago that I had uncovered Mark's extracurricular activities, ending that relationship and removing the only reason why I was hesitant about selecting this post. Mark had tried to make amends, of course. He had sent me flowers, sent me numerous text messages, and had even banged on my door a few times. I never replied - I had too much respect for myself for that. Mark had shown me the greatest disrespect during our time together, and I would never put up with being treated like that. I didn't need somebody like that in my life. I was always able to manage alone.

The only time that I have seen Mark since was at our graduation ceremony. Mark was dux of our cohort (of course), so I had no choice but to watch him as he gave his speech. It was fairly standard fare, but I still tried not to listen. Even though I was sure of my decision, it still hurt to see Mark and to hear his voice. It hurt even more to see that he looked to be doing a lot better than I had hoped he would. I was, however, able to distract myself with the excitement I felt at the coming year. What was graduation, anyway, but an ending? I was too excited about my future.

My parents were actually proud that I had decided to go remote rather than join "an institution". I guess, when you think about it, being a bush doctor is about as close to hippy as medicine gets…unless you decide to take up acupuncture or something. Pleasing my parents had almost made me wish I _had_ decided to accept the position at the Royal Prince Alfred.

Almost.

The sun was setting, as our plane finally landed on the dirt air strip. I climbed out with my meagre possessions, and looked towards the voluptuous woman standing by a Land Rover at the side of the airstrip. She waved me over.

She was sort of short, and probably looked a lot older than she should. Her brown hair was pulled back into a loose knot, and there was kindness in her eyes. When I reached her, she scooped me into a warm hug.

"Welcome to Keyes, Kaia Snow."

I pulled myself back and smiled at this motherly woman. This must have been Ruth Cox, director of nursing at Keyes Hospital.

"It's nice to be here."

We piled my belongings into the back of her car, before setting out towards town. As we drove, she gave me the low-down on Keyes.

"Keyes had a population of approximately one thousand people, even though technically speaking, there are probably only around two hundred permanent residents. The rest of the population are contracted out at the mine, or related to the people who work at the mine. They mine aluminium here, and I'm sure you'll see your fair share of mining related injuries. They're never as careful as they should be. We have a large indigenous population out here, around three hundred people if you include the surrounding communities. They are the Warrengibie. You'll probably have to do clinics out in the communities. Don't worry, you'll get to terms with their culture soon enough. Just remember, there's men's business and women's business. Don't stray outside your territory and they'll respect you. Maybe we'll actually manage to get some pap smear screening done now that we have a female doctor.

"There's only one hospital in Keyes. It currently has two doctors and now you. Dr Greg Young and Dr Oliver Monroe. Greg's a Perth boy born and bred. He came here locuming twenty years ago and never looked back. Oliver's an Englishman. Very nice chap, very bright. Closer to your age than mine. He doesn't do indigenous clinics, but then again, he's so busy with what he does he doesn't really have time to. He's a surgeon."

As I listened to Ruth yell above the roar of the engine, I was beginning to feel like I was getting to know a bit more about her. She seemed to enjoy telling me all this stuff a bit too much - I had a feeling she was a bit of a gossip.

"They'll both be at the bonfire tonight. As will the nurses. There's three of us. One per doctor. You have no idea how glad we are to have another set of hands out here. We could hardly believe it when we got your application."

"I'm glad I got accepted," I replied honestly, "I've always been interested in rural medicine."

"Well, Keyes is about as rural as you can get," she turned from the road to smile at me.

Ruth continued to babble to me about life in Keyes, but my mind strayed elsewhere as I watched the scenery outside the window. It was beautiful out here. The land jutted out towards the ocean where it suddenly ended, falling off as cliffs. The sun was setting over the Indian Ocean, the sky a blazing red, matching the colour of the soil around us. Plants were sparse, mostly intermittent scrub. As we drove into Keyes, I instantly fell in love with it. On the outskirts of town was the mining settlement, mostly a caravan town made up of small trailers covered in air conditioners. Next to it were the houses for the miners with families, generic little houses, all matching in street after street. The other houses in Keyes were a lot more casual affair, mostly fibro, but occasionally there was an old stone cottage. In the town centre, the buildings were mostly old and made of stone. There was the town hall, a bank, the police station, a grocery shop and of course, the pub. A few streets back there was the hospital, in a style that was more befitting an earlier decade. I think you would describe it as utilitarian, but I didn't mind - I loved it.

We drove to just behind the hospital and pulled up in front of a small fibro house. It was painted an arsenic green.

"Welcome home," Ruth smiled, and got out of the car to help me with my things, "Just remember, don't put any holes in the walls."

I smiled. I had guessed as much.

Ruth helped me bring my bags inside the house and gave me a brief tour. The kitchen was small and seemed to be original, as did the bathroom, but I did like the look of the ducted air conditioning. It wasn't too hot at the moment, but then again, it was night. I'd hate to think of what this place would be like in the day, seeming shade seemed to be a myth around here. I didn't get too much of a chance to get settled in to my new home, as Ruth seemed determined to take me to my "Welcome to Keyes" barbeque. She dragged me back to her Land Rover and drove me to the footy oval, which appeared to be the only green thing in town.

Other four-wheel drives were parked in a loose circle, their boots open and music playing. People were wandering around, chatting to each other and laughing. It felt so welcoming.

As soon as we got out of the car, someone shouted, "Hey! It's Ruth and the new girl!"

Suddenly I was surrounded by admirers, all welcoming me and introducing themselves. I was fairly sure I wouldn't remember any names, and I hoped they would get repeated when I met them in the future.

There was only one face that stuck, and that was the only person not desperate to get to know me. He was sitting by the bonfire, and was pale with chocolate brown hair. I didn't know if it was the play of light, but his skin seemed to glisten with the flames, and his eyes appeared to be pitch black. He wasn't looking at me, but he did appear to be listening to something. A small smile crept across his face.

"Hey, Oliver! Aren't you going to come meet the new girl?"

He turned and smiled at the questioner, who turned out to be Doug, the local cop.

"I thought maybe she would like to be buried alive under one less body. I _am_ going to see her at work, you know."

His voice was beautiful, with a gentle English accent. So this was Dr Monroe. No wonder Ruth had let the conversation drift to him, again and again. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen, even when compared to Mark.

"Yeah, but tonight's her night, Oliver. After this, she's going to be too buried with _work_ to enjoy herself. Join the party."

"How about you come help me with these sausages, Doug. I seem to remember something about this being a barbeque. I'm sure you'd like to get fed at some point."

With that, Doug said his goodbyes and went to help the remarkably handsome doctor. Other people came in his place to chat to me, but my mind was distracted. Throughout the evening, my mind strayed to Oliver Monroe again and again, and I couldn't help but wish that he would come over and annoy me.

Eventually, after everyone was fed, the night started to wind down. People were now sitting in the boots of their 4x4s, in portable deck chairs or on rugs surrounding the bonfire. I was sitting on a rug close to the fire, my arms wrapped around my knees, and I was falling asleep. Every now and then, my eyes would glance over towards Dr Monroe, and he was always in conversation with one person or another. He appeared to be very popular (honestly, with a face like that, how could he not be?). But I wasn't worries that he didn't like me. Apart from not talking to me all evening, which I put down to him trying to be a gentleman, his eyes did seem to glance at me every now and then, as if questioning. Although I doubted it, I did hope that he was as anxious to meet me as I was to meet him.

Suddenly the wind blew from behind me, throwing a shower of sparks towards Dr Monroe, and his head snapped up to look at me. Bore into me, more accurately. I had never seen _anyone_ in my life look like that before, and my blood went cold. He looked so fierce, so angry, and he was looking at me. His easy going manner had left him, his body had gone rigid.

He held my stare for a few seconds, then was suddenly up on his feet in a movement so graceful I wasn't sure I hadn't imagined it. The next thing I knew, he had left.

What had just happened? More importantly, what had I done?

Suddenly I wasn't so sure he wanted to meet me anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

I must admit, even though life in Keyes was very different to anything I had experienced before, I didn't have any trouble settling in. Dr Young (who insisted I call him Greg, but I was too used to working in the big hospitals to manage that just yet) gave me a tour around the hospital the next morning, and gave me my work roster.

Dr Young was a jolly old man. He reminded me of Santa Clause for some reason, just without the beard. His face was round and balding, and he wore these Harry Potter-esque glasses, always set halfway down his nose. And he was always smiling.

My work roster was quite busy, but I was happy with that. I wasn't sure what sort of past times Keyes offered, and seeming I tended to get bored easily, busy was good.

Monday and Tuesday I had clinic in the hospital from 8am till 5pm, with a one hour lunch break at 1pm. Wednesday I had outreach clinics at any one of the four Aboriginal communities around Keyes. Thursday I had clinics again, and Friday I had after hours on call at the hospital. Every second weekend I was to be on call as well.

Pretty much I would be spending all my time with Dr Young, as his timetable mirrored mine, except for Friday night on call. This was because Dr Young would be my supervisor for this year, because as an intern, I still needed someone to sign off all the work I do to make sure I didn't make a mistake.

Dr Monroe I would hardly see. He was always on night shift, so pretty much the only time I would be inflicted upon him was my Friday night on call.

I had to admit, I was a little disappointed, but then again, after Dr Monroe's exit at the barbeque, maybe it was good that I didn't have to inflict myself upon him.

The week went by smoothly. Dr Young was a great teacher, and I did get to do 99% of the work myself. In fact, quite often when I brought him a chart to check off on, he would sign without really looking at it. Whether this was because he trusted me or if it was because he was too busy to do otherwise, I didn't know. But I was fairly sure if he didn't trust my judgement, he would have checked more thoroughly.

Ruth really did fall into a motherly role with me. During working hours, she always said hi and asked how I was doing, and every night after work she would ask me over to her place for dinner, where she would regale me with stories about her life in Keyes. She lived with her son Darcy, who was nearly 16, but the only time I ever saw him was as soon as dinner was put down on the table, and he left as soon as it was finished. Ruth would always sigh and say he was going through a phase. I guess Keyes had more of a social scene than I thought.

I had the day off on Friday to prepare me for my night shift. I really didn't know what to do with myself, apart from sleep, but I thought that it would be best if I left that for the afternoon. So that morning I decided to go for a walk around town, something I hadn't really had a chance to do before now. So I slathered myself with sunscreen (my skin was too pale not to - I didn't tan, I burned), threw my unruly curls into a loose ponytail and put on a hat and sunglasses. I took slip-slop-slap very seriously.

Town was so small it didn't take me a long time to walk through it all. In fact, I managed to loop through it three times in an hour. I did stop in at the grocery shop to pick up some things for dinner, and some extra for Saturday when I would ask Ruth if she'd like to come over for dinner. I felt guilty being cooked for all the time. After I brought my groceries home and put them away, I decided that I wanted to go look at the ocean, so I revved up the old Land Cruiser I was provided with, and drove the five minutes to the cliffs.

When I got there, I was in awe with the beauty of it as I was on my first day, even now when the spectacular sunset was replaced with the vivid blue sky. You could look out across the ocean endlessly, and the way the cliffs dropped away made this feel like the edge of the world. It was beautiful.

I set up an old picnic blanket next to my car, and an old umbrella over that, and sat myself down to watch the world pass me by. I sighed, and after an hour or so, packed myself up and drove myself home. I would need to sleep if I was going to stay awake all night. From what I had heard, Friday nights in Keyes were never boring.

So it was at 6pm when I dragged myself over to Keyes Hospital to start my first night shift. The sun was setting, casting a red glow over everything, making the earth look like it was on fire. I didn't see Dr Monroe when I got in, so I asked Cassie, the nurse on call for the evening, if he was in yet. She told me he was, but even with that information I didn't manage to find him.

The first trauma for the evening came in around 7pm. A man had gotten into a fist fight with a tree (in other words, someone had beaten him up and he said that he had walked into a tree. A difficult concept when Keyes didn't have any trees over 4 feet tall). I went about cleaning the wound and stitching him up, knowing full well that I _needed_ Dr Monroe to check him off before I was allowed to discharge him. I asked Cassie to find him when I was putting in the final suture. Next thing I knew, he was there.

He was even more beautiful under the buzzing fluorescent lights, they somehow made his skin even more translucent that I felt brown next to him. He had brushed his chocolate hair away from his eyes, which I could see today were a golden brown (how I ever thought he could have had black eyes like some kind of monster was beyond me), and the way his button-down short sleeve shirt pulled across his chest suggested that he was very toned beneath it.

Dr Monroe only examined my stitching for the barest of moments, so short I didn't even notice him take a breath, before he nodded at me, signed my chart and disappeared again.

I felt my heart sink. At the bonfire, Dr Monroe had chatted merrily to anyone that came near him - apart from me. Even now, while we were working together, he couldn't bring himself to say one word to me, to even be around me. What had I done wrong?

The rest of the night followed pretty much the same pattern. Someone came in, normally with an alcohol-related injury or illness (I had managed to dodge being vomited on three times already), I would fix them up as best I could, ask Cassie to find Dr Monroe for me, he would appear, sign my chart, and leave, normally without acknowledging me in the slightest. Occasionally, if he thought I'd missed something, he might spit out a word like "LFTs" before he disappeared, but not once did I get to see the smile he greeted other people with at the bonfire, to hear the flow of his English brogue, or get any insight at all into what kind of doctor he was. He always seemed painfully rigid around me.

I asked Cassie during our tea-break if he was okay. She looked at me, confused. He seemed as lovely as ever to her. I just sighed. So it was just me he gave the cold shoulder to.

Around midnight, the call came in that there was a car rollover just outside of town, three people were injured. Seeming there was no ambulance in Keyes, we would have to go out to it. My heart started beating more rapidly - my first road trauma. I thought we would travel there in the same car, but just before Dr Monroe got into his Range Rover, he spun to face me. We had never been this close to one another, and I could feel my breath hitch in my chest.

"Dr Snow, we will need more than one car to bring the casualties back."

Oh, so I was being ditched. Ok.

I don't know why this stung me like it did. It made sense that with three casualties, we would need more than one car to bring them back. It's not like we could squish them in like sardines, but still, it _felt_ like it was an excuse to not be near me.

So I drove over to the crash site. I couldn't work out how they managed to roll the car here; the dirt road was perfectly straight, one of the better roads outside of Keyes. But there it was, the ute upturned on its roof. I could see the local SES surrounding the vehicle, using the Jaws of Life to free the two moaning passengers inside. Dr Monroe was already looking after the man who was in the tray when the car rolled. He looked pretty bad, he was so pale that even Dr Monroe looked like he had colour. A SES worker was squeezing a bag of saline as Dr Monroe worked like a machine, trying to reduce the blood loss. He had removed his shirt to make a makeshift tourniquet, and there was blood splashed across his chest, like rubies scattered amongst diamonds.

I heard the screech of metal tearing, as finally another passenger was freed from the wreckage. Two SES guys pulled him out and dragged him over to me. He was yelling and holding his leg, where a metal bar was pierced through it. Did we have any tourniquets? I didn't want to remove my shirt like Dr Monroe did to stop the bleeding…

"In the bag," Dr Monroe shouted over the din.

I looked at the emergency bag that had suddenly appeared at my side (how did that get there?) and opened it up, finding a tourniquet in the side pocket (why had Dr Monroe ruined his shirt when a perfectly good tourniquet existed?), yanked it out a pulled it tight around the leg above where the metal bar was. My patient, a young man around my age, continued to shriek with pain, so I pulled morphine out of the bag and gave him an injection to calm him down. I inserted a drip in his arm, letting the saline replace the blood that was lost. I couldn't really do much else for him, I floundered, feeling useless.

This man needed a trauma centre, the nearest of which was in Broome, three hours away by light aircraft. If you considered the flight there and back, assuming they had already left, it would be six hours before he would be able to have his leg repaired. By then, it would be too late to save it.

"Move."

Dr Monroe was by my side, still not meeting my eyes.

I moved to the side and allowed him to take my place by the leg.

"But your patient…"

"He's dead."

I looked over to where he came from, and saw the SES bloke who had been holding the bag of saline, pulling a sheet over what was his patient.

"Get me my bag from my car, Dr Snow."

I rushed over to his Range Rover, and yanked open the door, throwing myself into it, looking for his bag. I thought I found what I was looking for, and rushed back over.

In the short time I had been gone, the scene around my patient had changed. There was a blue tarp pulled underneath his leg, the red sand that caked the wound was being washed away as I looked at Dr Monroe, who had pulled on a pair of surgical gloves. As I placed the bag beside him, he motioned for me to do the same.

He worked without talking, incising the leg as my patient screamed in pain, dissecting around the pole as my patient was held down by three burly SES guys. Every now and then, his hand would flick out towards me, and I would place the instruments that I retrieved from his bag to him. I watched as he worked, completely at awe at how skilful his hands were, how calm he was in what could hardly be called a makeshift theatre. I was frozen as I watched him work to remove the metal pole. I don't think I could have moved if I wanted to.

"Dr Snow, some more morphine for your patient."

I shook my head clear. Of course - pain killers. I could hardly blame Dr Monroe for such a lapse in judgement; he had his hands full where he was. As I fumbled through the emergency bag to find something that would reduce the pain, I wished desperately for the anaesthetic tray at the hospital. What I wouldn't give to have something to knock him out with!

But I just had to make do with the morphine - there was no midazolam or anything else to put him to sleep with, which I inserted into his IV. I couldn't give him enough to stop his pain completely (it would probably also stop his breathing), but I could give him enough hopefully to make him more comfortable.

He worked for a few more minutes in silence, reaching out every now and then for me to hand him something else. The next thing I knew, he yanked the metal rod from the wound, as the patient shrieked in pain and I watched in horror, expecting blood to come spurting from the wound, which it didn't. He threw the rod aside, and started in on the wound again, sowing bits and pieces back together.

"You can go have a look at patient 3 now. I can manage from here," he grunted, sounding short of breath.

I hadn't noticed that his breathing should be laboured. In fact, it hadn't registered if he was breathing at all.

I stood myself up, careful that none of the dust I was caked with blew towards the wound, and walked over towards the final victim of this accident. He was in much better shape than the others - he had been the only one wearing a seatbelt, which was evidenced by the large purple bruises developing across his chest and stomach. He had a few small cuts and a broken arm, which I put in a backslab (the plaster would have to wait till we got back to the hospital to have it x-rayed), and I stitched the worst of his cuts under local anaesthetic.

My patient just sat there while I went to work, his eyes never leaving the covered shape that had been his friend. Tears rolled slowly down his cheeks, washing away the dirt caked to his face.

"It was just meant to be a bit of fun," he repeated to himself, over and over.

Although I could find it in my heart to feel sorry for this young man, at the same time I was starting to feel angry at his group. I had smelt the alcohol on the breath of the driver as I attempted to deal with his leg, just as I could smell it on my current patient. I could see now the tire tracks ground into the dirt road where he and his mates were trying to get the ute to do donuts. How could they have been so stupid? But my hands remained gentle as I pulled my needle back and forth through his skin. I don't think he needed my lecture to know they had done the wrong thing. The blue tarp pulled over his friend was more than enough evidence for that.

I looked out the window and could see the colour on the horizon start to change. It had been two hours since the RFDS plane had come and collected the driver with his leg, although I couldn't see why he needed to go to Broome. Dr Monroe had re-established blood flow and his leg appeared to be almost as good as new - I had seen worse operation outcomes at the RAH, with their world class facilities, when compared to what Dr Monroe had managed to do at the side of a dirt road on a blue tarp.

Dr Monroe had gone back to his no-talking policy as soon as our patient had been flown out. He did watch me, however, x-ray and plaster the passenger's arm, signing off my chart so he could be admitted for observation overnight. He did say one last thing to me, as he signed the chart:

"Revise your primary survey for next time. Remember: airways, breathing, circulation. You… did well… for a first timer."

I sighed and wondered if the enigma of Dr Monroe's dislike for me would ever be revealed as I packed up my stuff and readied myself to go home. I didn't even bother to search out Dr Monroe to say goodbye - inevitably he would currently be behaving like a ghost, as he always did as I looked for him. What a strange, intriguing man. I was too tired to ponder his disposition anymore, collapsing on my couch as soon as I walked through the door, not having enough energy to carry myself to my bed.

That was the first time I dreamt of Dr Monroe.

I was standing in the centre of a dirt road that could have been anywhere, stretching off in a straight line as far as the eye could see, the horizon on all sides of me unbroken, not even by a single piece of scrub. I was watching the horizon for something, something I knew I couldn't see. I could feel the wind swirling around me, making the white dress I was for some reason wearing (I hated dresses), swirl around me like I was Marilyn Monroe. My blonde ringlets blew in the wind (why was my hair down?). Suddenly, he was in front of me, his chest bare except splattered with what I knew to be blood. Rubies and diamonds. His eyes were dark and dangerous, black, like the night at the bonfire. His hair did not blow in the wind, it had ceased as abruptly as his arrival.

He just stared at me, not breathing. I felt like touching his chest, whether to feel the toned muscles that rippled before me, or to see if my clinical assumption about his breathing was accurate. But I just stood there, staring back at him.

"What are you doing here, Kaia, it's not safe."

His gorgeous accent made me melt.

"How could I not be here when that is where you are?"

"Because it's where I am is the exact reason why you should not."

What a confusing conversation! Who talked like this in real life? I must be dreaming.

I reached out my hand towards him, desperate to touch his skin.

He took a step back and sighed.

"Even the most beautiful flowers have thorns."

And then he disappeared.

I awoke abruptly, the sun shining in through my window. I was sprawled across my bed (how did I get here?), my sheets strewn across my floor. I had evidently discarded them at some point, the weather hot enough that they would only hinder my comfort.

I groaned - I had never been a morning person - and rolled over to look at my clock. It was already past lunch time. I was amazed I wasn't hungry. I sat up and saw myself in the mirror, my mess of golden ringlets strewn around my head, evidently having come out of the ponytail I had held them in last night. My clothes were smeared with dirt and blood. They would need a good soak…as would my bedding, as I had slept there in this mess all night.

After I put my laundry on, I had a shower, then sat down to eat my breakfast, hoping that it would be the final key to making me feel human again. As I stared grumpily at my Weet-bix, I pondered my dream. Why was I dreaming about Oliver Monroe? And why was it so cryptic? Was I attracted to him because of his undeniable beauty, or was it because I was intrigued by his behaviour around me? I couldn't see why his dislike of me bothered me so much. Plenty of people disliked me - they were always jealous how everything seemed to come easy to me. But Oliver (somehow my dream had changed him from Dr Monroe to Oliver in my mind) was easily _as_ smart as me, probably even smarter. His skill as a surgeon last night was more than evidence to that. He had no reason to feel jealous of me; I was in awe of _him_.

Maybe it was my obvious awe of him that was putting him off. I had thought I had managed to compose myself around him, but maybe he was exceptionally observant. Maybe he had seen that I was developing a crush on him, and, trying to be a gentleman, he was establishing space between us so my infatuation would not develop further. But was I developing a crush on Oliver? I didn't think so. Even though he was (without understating things) the most beautiful man I had ever seen, obviously the most intelligent and had a great accent (I was a sucker for accents), I didn't think that I thought of him in anyway other than a colleague. I mean, the man annoyed me sometimes with his aloofness that he seemed to reserve solely for me. But then again, I _was_ dreaming about him, but was anything in that dream sexually charged? All I remembered was how confusing it was. Flowers with thorns?

Perhaps that was the reason I dreamed about him. I was confused about Oliver Monroe. I had never liked not understanding something, so maybe the dream was just my subconscious trying to work things out. If that was the case, it had failed miserably. I was even more confused now then I was before.

Once I washed up my dishes and put my clothes and sheets in the dryer (you couldn't hang things on the line out here or they would end up messier than before), I went over to Ruth's house. I was hoping she could distract me from my dream - Ruth was always good for gossip.

I guess that was one of the good things about small towns - doors were always open, so I entered her house without knocking. It was too hot to stay outside for long - I would end up looking like a lobster.

"Kaia!" She greeted me warmly, walking up to hug me, as was becoming standard for us. "I can't believe you're out of bed already! From what I heard you had a busy first night."

"Oh, it wasn't too bad. Oliver got stuck with the hardest work. I just got to sit beside him and hand him things mostly."

"That's not what I heard from Oliver, he said you had a natural talent for these things…" I lost concentration in her rambling discussion about the miner boys who were involved in the accident, distracted by what she had said. Oliver Monroe had _complimented_ me? Without prompting?

"Wait, when did you speak to Oliver?"

"Oh, he rang me up shortly after your shift ended. He wanted me to come and check on you later today. Thought you'd be exhausted and sleep for the next week."

So he was not only complimenting me but looking after my wellbeing? What was with this man?

"I should have told him not to worry. I mean, look at you, you're awake before Darcy is and he doesn't have the excuse of being up all night at a road accident. That was pretty bad luck scoring that one on your first night shift, but then again, it was lucky for Oliver you were on. I'm not sure he would have managed as well on his own…"

I zoned out Ruth's rambling again, deep in thought. Did this mean Oliver didn't hate me, as I always felt whilst he was around? So why did he avoid me? These thoughts frustrated me - I was here to be distracted and I was failing miserably.

"Ruth, why is Oliver out here anyway? I mean, he's a brilliant surgeon, shouldn't he be working in a larger hospital?"

"Oh. I guess he's a bit like you. You know, a child prodigy. Trained at Oxford over in England, graduated when he was eighteen, trained as a surgeon in London. Next thing I know, two years ago I get a letter from this 21 year old boy asking if he could come work out here. I was floored by his qualifications. I thought it was a hoax, so I went to talk to Greg about it. He was a little confused about why he would want to come out to here from England of all places, wondered if he'd be able to settle in, but Greg was right, if it was real, we would have been mad to pass up such skills. Next thing I knew Oliver rocked up here and settled into life in Keyes like he had always been here. He doesn't have a contract, he works on the Medicare rebate alone. Bulk bills all his patients too. Tells me he doesn't need to worry about money, that he was left heaps of it by his parents. Says he enjoys helping the community out here too much to leave."

My mind was floored. Oliver was only 23 and he was that talented? Mark was 23...he would be so envious of Oliver he probably would turn green. And he just randomly decided to come out here from England? But why? And he studied at Oxford…none of this made sense why thing boy genius would decide to leave being a surgeon in London to work the night shift in Keyes, Western Australia. Who was this man?


	4. Chapter 4

My life after that fell into the same strange pattern. Even though I was worked off my feet all week, I always looked forward to Friday nights, wondering how much more of the enigma that was Oliver Monroe I could figure out that evening. He still never talked to me more than a few words, and unless it was necessary to be around me, he always was invisible while I was around. I would always fall asleep on my couch after night shift, and would always wake up in my bed the next morning. On Saturdays I would go over to Ruth's, with my satellite phone strapped to me if I was on call that weekend, and we would discuss the phone call she always had with Oliver that morning about me. Not that he ever revealed that much to her - he thought I was very talented and wanted to make sure I woke up sometime during the next week. Did he really think I was so weak that working through one night would mean I'd feel the need to sleep forever? It wasn't like I was Snow White with the poison apple!

It was six weeks since I first arrived in Keyes, and I was glad for my little routine. I never felt any closer to understanding Oliver, but this only served to increase my interest in the man. I am rather embarrassed to admit I Googled him at one point, but nothing that was related to him ever popped up. His name seemed to be constantly popular throughout time, with people with his name existing as far back as the 1600s.

It was Friday afternoon again, and I was buzzing with the anticipation of our next meeting. What would he tell me tonight, or more importantly, what would he tell Ruth in the morning? I was a little impatient, sitting at home, waiting for 6pm to role around so I could head over to the hospital. I decided to go for a walk to distract myself for the hour that remained before I would have to go to work. I didn't walk anywhere in particular; my legs just carried me along as my thoughts were completely preoccupied with Oliver, yet again. I don't know what it was about him, but there was a sense of something entirely _other_ about him. I found it difficult to resolve the image I held of him in my head as merely human, something I knew that if I discussed with anyone else they would probably think I was mad.

In the intervening six weeks, there had been more than enough emergencies to keep us occupied during the Friday night shift. Like the time a pregnant Warrengibie woman came in complaining of stomach cramps, and Oliver instantly knew she had a placental abruption, even though she wasn't bleeding, and delivered her baby via an emergency caesarean section, saving both mother and child. Or the man who had been stabbed by a mate at the pub, who conveniently passed out while Oliver sewed up his wound seeming I couldn't administer anaesthetic at that time because I was preoccupied with the man who had stabbed him. That seemed to happen a lot around Oliver, patients conveniently passing out. I wished I was so lucky. Would save me from some of the verbal diarrhoea I had to put up with when yet another drunk was dragged up to hospital by either their mates or by Doug the cop.

Oliver also had a knack of knowing exactly what was going on without patients ever needing to say a word. It was like he could hear their thoughts or something, which was ridiculous, of course. He must just be fairly intuitive.

I just couldn't make what I observed in those brief moments I was around Oliver add up in my head. They always seemed to me like Oliver was something more. And this just served to make me even more interested in him. It was pathetic, I was starting to feel like a stalker.

I looked at my watch and it was time I head back to the hospital so I wouldn't be late for night shift. Knowing the brevity of our contact during these evenings just made it all the more important for me to be around in case he would be forced to be around me too.

I was nearly at the hospital when I looked down the road to see Oliver coming in the opposite direction. As always, he was wearing that trench coat of his and hat that he always wore during the day (he took slip-slop-slap even more seriously than I did - not surprising considering his skin), and as always, the sight of him distracted me from everything else, until there was a screeching sound coming around the corner. His eyes flew up in my direction, locked on my face in horror, and for once they didn't hold me as I turned to face the sound.

A car was barrelling around the corner, coming straight at me. I knew in that instant that I was going to die - I couldn't get out of its way fast enough. It wasn't even a second later that I felt the impact, and I was surprised when I was thrown away into the wall of the hospital, hearing my arm snap.

I looked back to where I was and saw the car wrapping around Oliver, somehow in the space I had been a second ago. I screamed, whether due to my arm or the terror of seeing the death of someone I knew, I couldn't say.

The car flipped over Oliver, as if somehow he had acted as a fulcrum, once again flying in my direction. I didn't feel fear this time as it came towards me, a sense of inevitability washed over me. This was it, I was dead.

But it didn't hit me. I waited, braced, with my eyes shut, but that impact never came. I opened my eyes and saw the ute on its side, barely three meters from where I lay. How had it ended up there? I didn't want to look at it too closely, knowing that it would be smeared with Oliver's remains. I closed my eyes again and tried to keep breathing.

"Kaia? Kaia?! Are you alright?"

I opened my disbelieving eyes, and there he was. In one piece, not a scratch on him, standing before me in a pale blue shirt, his golden eyes filled with worry.

"Kaia, can you hear me?"

"Where's your trench coat?" I couldn't believe that was the first garbled sentence out of my mouth - it should have been, _why are you alive?_ I guessed I wasn't sure that he _was_ alive. Maybe I was hallucinating.

"I didn't bring my trench coat today. Kaia, are you hurt?"

No, he had brought his trench coat. I saw him in it just before… why was this so important?

He reached towards me and touched my forehead, evidently deciding I was beyond rational conversation at the moment. I shivered as his cold hand brushed against my skin. Was he always this cold? Was he even here? Was I even here? No - the pain in my arm told me that I was alive at the very least. Whether he was or not, I was not entirely certain.

He reached across and touched my arm as I hissed in pain. His perfect brow furrowed in response.

"Kaia's arm's broken. Can you warm up the x-ray machine?"

Who was he talking to? Oh, Cassie had come out from the hospital; evidently the noise had alerted her.

"Can you call Greg? I'm not sure of the condition of those idiots in the car."

"Did she get hit?" Cassie sounded worried.

"Just clipped, I think. Thankfully they ran into the fire hydrant."

What? Fire hydrant? I had been nowhere near it. I was at least 5 meters away from that.

I looked up at him once again, trying to make my scrambled thoughts into coherent sentences.

"How you get here so fast?"

"I was only a few metres away, Kaia. I pulled you out of the way."

So I hadn't been hit by the car - Oliver had pulled me away. _Thrown_ me away, if my flight into the wall was anything to go by. How strong was this man? Strong enough to survive being hit by a ute, anyway.

"You…were hit. You should be dead. Why aren't you dead?"

"I wasn't hit, Kaia, the car was nowhere near me."

"Yes, I saw you, I saw you die…"

"You're in shock, Kaia, you're just imagining things."

"I'm not!"

"It all happened so quickly, how can you be sure of what you saw?"

"If it didn't happen, then where's your trench coat?"

As the words spilled out, it suddenly clicked. _He_ may be pristine, but he was missing his trench coat. Evidently getting rid of the evidence…wait, had I gone mad?

"Please, Kaia," he begged me, as Doug the cop arrived finally.

I don't know why, but I swallowed and nodded at him. These questions could always wait for later, when we were alone.

Oliver stood up and left me then, going to greet Doug and tell him what happened, and then go and see to, as Oliver called them, those idiots in the car. Dr Young reached me then, babbling about if I was ok and did my arm hurt and all sorts of things that I wasn't really listening to. My mind was somewhere else.

After my x-rays, it was decided that I would need to be flown to Broome and get my arm reconstructed by an orthopaedic surgeon. I had fractured my humerus in two places, most of it shattered into pieces. Dr Young couldn't work out how it had shattered in that way - the area was about the size of a human hand… I would need a shoulder reconstruction, as my arm had dislocated in the process (something else Dr Young couldn't explain) and I had fractured the joint capsule. I had an idea of how that had happened though…

I hadn't seen Oliver again since the accident, but my mind hadn't left the scene. I just kept playing it over and over in my head.

I was walking down the street, Oliver was walking towards me about a hundred metres away, the ute came rushing around the corner and was going to hit me, suddenly I was thrown away from its path and into the wall, breaking my arm, then Oliver was hit by the car, the car flipped _over_ him and should of landed on me, but instead landed three metres away from me. Somehow in all of that, Oliver had lost his trench coat.

I must be going mad.

The two men in the ute - drunk, of course - could hardly remember the incident. Neither of them could remember Oliver being anywhere near them. Then again, they couldn't remember _me_ being anywhere near them, so they were hardly reliable witnesses. Unbelievably, they both came out of it fairly unscathed. The same thing could not be said for their ute.

Ruth had been fluttering around me like a mother chook since the accident. I couldn't get any sense out of her, so I didn't try. Evidently she needed to babble to calm herself down. I had calmed down considerably since the accident, even though my mind continued to whirr as piece by piece fell into place in my head. Once I was done working out what had happened, Oliver and I _were_ going to have a talk. Even if I could make sense of the how, only he could make sense of the why.

The RFDS plane arrived and I was being shuffled out towards it, Oliver still not having reappeared. This frustrated me - I would not get the chance to talk to him before I left, and I had no idea when I would be able to come back. Was this his plan? Did he think if I was away long enough I would forget about my impossible rescue? He was not going to be that lucky.

When we got to the airstrip, I saw a man come bounding over to us. Was he a local? He was indigenous, though I couldn't say if he was Warrengibie or not, but he was lighter than most of our locals. One of his parents was white, obviously. He had a mop of curls and a cheeky smile, and he was well dressed in a simple white dress shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and a pair of old jeans. A stethoscope hung around his neck.

"Hi, I'm Dale. You must be my patient for today."

I couldn't help but smile back at him. His personality permeated the air around him.

"I'm Kaia."

"Lovely to meet you, Kaia. So, business class or economy?"

"Don't think I can afford business class."

"It's alright, I know a guy." He winked at me and turned to Dr Young.

"Multiple fractures to left middle and distal humerus. There is splintering of the bone distally. There is also a fracture of the glenoid capsule from a posterolateral dislocation, which has been reduced."

"Ok, so no-one else to pick up while I'm here?"

Dr Young shook his head, as Dale turned back to me.

"Ok, let's get this show on the road."


	5. Chapter 5

The three hour flight to Broome could have been boring, but Dale was a very chatty person and his good temperament was infectious. After briefly asking me what had happened to my arm ("I was hit by a car"), he was more interested in how I was enjoying life in Keyes.

"You seem to know a lot about Keyes," I said, once he asked me if the grocers still overcharged for everything.

"I should do," he laughed. "I was born there."

"Oh, so that would make you…"

"Warrengibie, yeah. Well, part, anyway."

"And now you're a doctor?"

"Yup, emergency registrar with the RFDS. Dream come true. How bout you? How'd you end up in Keyes?"

"I filled out an application and they accepted me as their intern."

I shrugged - wrong move, it hurt.

He laughed.

"Big mistake. Bet if you were at some city hospital you wouldn't be in this plane right now."

"If I was in some big city hospital I still wouldn't have gotten to touch a real patient yet," I retorted.

He laughed again.

"Guess you're right. I think during my internship I only got to touch maybe three patients, and most of them had already been touched by at least six people before I got to them. So, you're pretty lucky then, being hit by a car and getting out of it with just a broken arm."

"I was lucky that I got pulled out of the way so I didn't get hurt too badly." I was trying to be truthful. Besides, I wasn't sure of exactly what the truth was… yet. I was hoping my hypotheses would get slightly more developed than Oliver-Monroe-must-be-Superman.

"Who pulled you out of the way? Must have been pretty brave," he seemed truly interested.

"Another doctor at the hospital."

"Not Dr Young!"

"No, Dr Monroe."

As soon as I said his name, the cheerful banter ceased and Dale froze. What did that mean? Before I could ask, a smile started creeping across his face again.

"Well I'll be. Dr Monroe. Didn't know he had it in him. No-one's going to believe that," he mumbled to himself.

"What?"

"Never mind, just the native being silly."

"What does Dr Monroe have to do with the Warrengibie?"

"Oh, it's nothing. It's just, there's some stories about Dr Monroe out in the communities." He shrugged. "Don't worry about it, it's just a myth."

"You know you're going to have to tell me now," I joked with him. I figured keeping things light was the best way to pull information from Dale.

"Nah, nah. Don't worry, it's not that good a story…"

"Please?"

He sighed. "Ok, but you're going to think I'm stupid. Just remember, it's just a story, ok?"

"Ok.".

Dale resettled himself in his seat, still looking vaguely uncomfortable, but started with his story, anyway.

"The Warrengibie are a proud people, made from sand and time and born of the eagle. Because of our birth, we are wanderers, doomed to roam our land and protect it from evil spirits. But because of our wandering, many parts of our land we don't see for a long time, which, every now and then, lets evil to take root in our lands.

"We were absent from the edge of the world when Liiver Man arrived. A wanderer himself, he had walked across the entirety of existence, looking for the end of everything, and found it at the end of the world. And there he sat, watching as time went by, not ageing. He had found peace in his solitude. For Liiver Man had a dark burden to carry. He was a cursed spirit, a soulless man. His soul had been stolen many years ago, long enough for the world to change and for many generations to have been born and rejoined the earth. When his soul had been stolen, this left Liiver Man with an emptiness, an emptiness that could only filled by drinking the souls of others. But Liiver Man was stronger than other men who had met this fate - and there are others who have, whose entire existences are consumed by trying to fill the void left by their soul with the souls of others. Liiver Man felt his emptiness, but could not bear to inflict what he had suffered upon others to fix it, so he became a wanderer, knowing that the only way to keep him from giving in to temptation was to avoid it altogether. He knew he was a cursed man, and welcomed the silence.

"Liiver Man remained there at the edge of the world, unaware that the land was protected by the Warrengibie. Here he hunted the kangaroo and the bunyip, trying to sate his thirst as much as he could by using the souls of animals, although he hated himself for doing so. It was while he was drinking from a bunyip that the Warrengibie returned to the edge of the world, where they saw Liiver Man.

"We had been gone from our lands for too long and evil had taken root here. We knew that we had to cleanse our land, to destroy Liiver Man to make it safe again, but how do you destroy a soulless man?

"Liiver Man saw us, and dropped his prey. He was as white as clouds, and glistened in the moonlight. His golden eyes were a warning. He walked towards us, speaking in a tongue we did not understand, but my ancestors stood their ground. Suddenly, he started to speak in our tongue, his face contorting as he tried to force the sound out.

"He told the Warrengibie that he meant us no harm, that he came here for some peace, and that he would not hurt us. He only wished that he would grant him some space here so he could think. We knew that if we engaged him, even though we shared our blood with the eagle, we would be defeated. So we granted Liiver Man his land at the edge of the world, with the promise in return that he would not cross into our land.

"And there he has stayed, for generations beyond counting. He leaves for a time, but he always returns to the end of the world. And he has kept his promise with the Warrengibie, never setting foot on our land in over two hundred years."

I listened, mesmerised. During his story telling, Dale had become another man, speaking with the power of ages. I was a little in awe. Still, I had no idea what his story meant. What did this have to do with Oliver? We sat in silence as I thought the story through in my head as Dale watched me apprehensively. Slowly, the pieces started to fit together. White skinned. Golden eyed. Undefeatable…which could be taken to mean _indestructible_… wait…

"You think Dr Monroe is a soul drinker?"

"No…"

"Oh, good…"

"…he's Liiver Man."

My world spun. Oliver. Liiver Man. _Liiver_ Man. O-_liiver_.

Oh. My. God.

As soon as I made the connection, I knew it was true. Oliver was Liiver Man. A soulless man. An immortal. No wonder he didn't do the outreach clinics in the Warrengibie communities. He _wasn't allowed_.

"…it's just a story, Kaia. You know, bunch of superstitious natives. _I_ don't think he's a vampire…"

My eyes snapped to him, "What do you mean a vampire?"

"Well, you know, he drinks souls. _Not Oliver I mean Liiver Man_. I mean, what else is there to drink besides blood in a body."

Oliver always worked the night shift. Oliver _never_ was out while it was daylight. Oliver wore his trench coat on his way to work. It was never about slip-slop-slap…

I had to stop thinking about it. Something about my facial expression was horrifying Dale.

I forced a smile to my face, "That was a good story, have you got any more?"

I was glad that Dale felt the need to regale me with more stories about the Dreaming, otherwise it would have been impossible to try and keep this new information out of my head, that Oliver was a vampire.

Ok, I probably had gone mad, but what else made sense?

As soon as I got to Broome I was wheeled in to surgery, so I didn't have a chance to think about that for a long time. When I woke up, my arm was in a thick cast, and I felt groggy, but I was capable of thinking.

_If_ Oliver was Liiver Man (I refused to think vampire any more, that wasn't in the Warrengibie story, just Dale's supposition), then that would make him hundreds of years old. No-one could be part of this world for that long without leaving some trace behind. I remembered when I had Googled Oliver, and all those people throughout time with the same name came up… could some of them be him?

Thankfully I was in a private hospital, so I was able to get internet access (which I would probably have to pay for later). I went to Google and typed in "Oliver Monroe". Three million, six hundred and fifty thousand hits. Hmm. This may be more difficult than I hoped for. I switched to the images page. I wasn't sure if there _could_ be images of Oliver - because wouldn't vampires be invisible to cameras? - but I figured it was my best hope of getting anything definitive. So I scanned through pages and pages, finding nothing. I sighed. It was too much to hope for, for this to be easy. But then, on the third page of images, I found one. He was standing next to a short man with an afro and glasses, in a crowd of hippies, looking much too clean cut to belong with them, while they were waving anti-Vietnam war placards. I opened the page this photo belonged to, and there it was. It was an online journal about some guy names Robert Hall. The caption below the photo read: "Me and Oliver Monroe. Anti-war Protest. Sydney University. 1973"

1973. And he looked exactly the same. His hair still had that windswept look, he still had those golden eyes.

But 1973 was over thirty years ago. This was promising.

I went back to the images page, now I knew that I had something to look for, and copy and pasted results into a Word document I could print later. When I had exhausted the image search, I went back to the web pages, now I had _some_ idea of where-he-was-at-what-time, I could filter my search to make things easier.

I found his photo from when he was in the First World War, found his army transcripts from when he was a medic for the Aussies at Gallipoli. I found out he received a purple heart in World War II, something he had "died" while doing. I found the ship log from the first fleet, which said he was a convict at the time for "the unnatural slaying of a sheep". The further back I got, the harder it was to know if the Oliver Monroes I was finding were him or not. I tried to match what details I knew, like his birthday (had weaselled that one from Ruth weeks ago), hoping that he had decided to keep the same date. Not that it was exactly original - January 1st. But, if all I found was accurate, it seemed like Oliver _had_ existed since the 1600s. I wasn't willing to bet on any earlier than the 1670s, though. Anything before then was a bit too sketchy to trust.

I sat in my hospital bed, staring at the endless list of references I found regarding Oliver. Why hadn't anyone noticed before? It was so obvious, when you knew to look, to find this stuff. Oliver Monroe was not human. He was so much more than that.

I knew when I got back to Keyes I was going to talk to him. How could I not? I already felt like I was going to combust from the knowledge. Maybe this was why Oliver never allowed me to get too close. Did he realise I was smart enough to unravel his secret?

Or was there some other reason, an answer I hadn't come up with yet?

Regardless, Oliver and I were going to talk when I get back, though I doubted he was going to like it…

On Saturday, the week after my accident, I got a flight back to Keyes. My body was buzzing with anticipation. I was going to confront Oliver about what I had learnt. I was going to get the answers I needed. The pages of research I had collected weighed heavily in my bag. I was fairly sure if I confronted him with evidence, he wouldn't try to lie to me. Then again…he could easily kill me to cover it up…no, he wouldn't do that. The man saved my life, why would he kill me? And besides, Liiver Man wasn't meant to hurt humans.

Ruth came and picked me up from the airstrip, and hugged me gingerly, trying to avoid the large plaster that covered most of my left side. In the car trip back to my place, I asked her where Oliver lived.

"Why do you want to know?"

_Because I'm going to confront him about being a four hundred year old monster…_

"Because I want to say thank-you, for him saving my life."

Good enough answer as any.

"Oh, well I can give him a ring and see if he wants to come over…"

"No, I'd rather surprise him. I'm fairly sure he doesn't like praise."

A grin crossed her face.

"That sounds like Oliver. Ok, how about we swing by his place now, then I'll drop you home."

"Well, I was sort of hoping it could be private…besides, I'm fairly sure Oliver would drive me home."

Ruth was a saint, she didn't even ask me why I would want our reunion to be private. Then again, the way she looked at me with one eyebrow raised, maybe she wasn't so saintly…

For God's sake, he's old enough to be my great, great, great, great…

I grinned at my inside joke.

We drove quite a ways out of Keyes, down a small dirt road up to a small stone cottage. I didn't see anyone or hear anything, but then again, Oliver always managed to be a ghost when he wanted. Besides, the sun was up…

Stop being stupid, Kaia.

I hopped out of the car and waved Ruth off. She would come over to visit around about dinner. I sighed as I saw the dust trail her car left disappear.

I walked hesitantly up to the door of the cottage, almost afraid to knock. What was I doing? Had I gone completely mad? But I didn't get the chance to knock, Oliver opening the door while my hand was raised.

"Kaia Snow. What brings you here?"

"Oh, um…" Not so brave now, was I? "I just got back, and I thought…we better talk."

He looked at me and raised his eyebrow, before standing aside so I could enter.

His house was a mix of antiques and more modern pieces, but oddly enough, they all blended together and looked like they belonged. There was no TV, but there was a wall full of books. There was an antique clock on the mantle piece.

I'm not sure what I expected his home to look like, but it wasn't like this.

He led me over to the lounge chair - one of his more modern pieces, white suede - and looked at me, waiting.

He sighed impatiently.

"What have you come here to say, Kaia."

I didn't know how to start. We sat there in silence, as the irritation began to show more and more on his face. I couldn't get my thoughts together, but finally, I managed to whisper, "I know what you are, Oliver."

He froze. With him this close to me, I knew for certain he wasn't breathing, but then again, when did he ever breathe around me?

"I don't know what you mean…"

"I know you're Liiver Man. I know you're a… a vampire."

Of all the ways I thought of this conversation going in the past week, I never thought it would have been as blunt as this. I always imagined somehow twisting the conversation so _he_ was the one telling _me_ his secrets… but how naive had that expectation been? He'd been keeping his secrets for four hundred years!

I wasn't sure he was ever going to talk again. He held as still as a statue.

"How did you find out?"

Good, he wasn't going to lie to me.

"I'm a genius, remember. I'm good at figuring things out." I didn't want to dump Dale in it.

He sighed.

"I guess you are at that."

More silence. This was driving me nuts. Why couldn't he just pour his heart - or whatever vampires had - out to me like I always dreamt of him doing?

"Are you frightened of me?"

"No."

In the moment I said that, I knew it was true. I didn't care what he was. So why had I pushed for the truth like I had? I felt awful.

"You should be scared of me."

"I don't think I can be scared of you."

"Why?"

"Because…I trust you…because…" My breath hitched in my throat as I realised what I was about to say…because I loved him.

This knowledge struck me harder than the wall a week ago. I felt my very knowledge of my being shatter, and rearrange itself, to fit Oliver into the heart of that construct. Suddenly so many things made sense…why Oliver avoided me, why I was always waking up in my bed when I fell asleep on my couch, why he always called Ruth on Saturdays to make sure I was alright, why he had saved my life…

Oliver…loved…me too.

"You know why I can't be scared of you, Oliver."

I looked into his now coal-black eyes. I watched the passion well up, smouldering in the darkness of his eyes, and suddenly, in a movement that was too fast for me to see, Oliver was kissing me.

My head spun. Time seemed to hold still. I had _never_ been kissed like this before. Maybe you had to live for four hundred years to be _able_ to kiss like this. I didn't care.

Too soon, Oliver pulled away, his jaw held tight. I wondered what was wrong, but I was unable to catch my breath to be able to ask. It was almost embarrassing how ragged my breathing was!

I reached my hand towards his cool face, but he pulled back.

"Give me a moment," he said through his gritted teeth, as he closed his eyes and held perfectly still.

I sat there, as he willed himself into composure, my breathing slowing down as he relaxed. When he opened his eyes, I reached out and put my hand on his - it was ice cold, and as hard as stone.

"That's pleasantly warm, you know," he said, mumbling to himself. He looked into my eyes, and I could see myself reflected in them.

"This is wrong, you know that Kaia," he said to me, not looking away. There was no lie in his eyes. "I shouldn't care for you like this. It's too dangerous."

"I don't care." God, I sounded like a petulant child!

"I know you know what I am, Kaia, but you don't know _who_ I am. You have no idea how much danger you're putting yourself in, just by being here. Being the object of my affections is not a good thing."

"Why?"

"Because I'll kill you."

My body didn't even freeze, my heart didn't even skip a beat, even though Oliver had just expressed a desire to end my life. This should have worried me, but it didn't.

He sighed.

"I knew as soon as I saw you that you were different. You weren't like the other humans I surround myself with. But I didn't know how much you would…tempt me…in ways that aren't good for either of us.

"When the wind changed at the night of the bonfire, when I caught your scent…" his voice trailed off, his mind a million miles away (well, 7 weeks ago, at least), "it took everything in my power not to kill you then."

Tally stands at two admissions at wanting to kill me. Why am I not afraid?

"You must have thought me a monster. Which I am, but, I've been alive for a very long time. I managed to escape before I needed to kill you" …three… "but I knew, if it happened again, if it was just us alone, then I might not be able to control myself. So I avoided you at work. You shouldn't be around me, you were just too tempting.

"But something drew me towards you. Like I said, you're different from other people. I don't… hear… you like I do them. This intrigued me, so I started watching. From a distance, but I was always watching."

"What do you mean, you don't hear me like you do other people."

"I can hear thoughts, but I can't hear yours," he said dismissively. "I don't know why that is."

Oh. That explains why he always seemed to know what his patients were thinking.

"We don't all hear thoughts, in fact, I only know of two others that do and they both do it in very different ways to me…but that doesn't matter…"

He sighed again.

"Anyway, the more I found out about you, the more I wanted to be near you, and the more I was near you, the more I felt…and I'm so sorry. I should have been more responsible. And now, here you are, having feelings for me too…"

He looked down where my hand rested on his, "and now I don't know how to stop this."

Once again, silence filled the room. I didn't know what to say. I loved him, and I knew he loved me, but was this love enough to stop him from killing me?

"Has anything else like this happened to you before?"

Please say no, my heart would break otherwise.

He shook his head.

"Never."

"Do you want to… kill… me now?" I asked.

"No! No, I don't _want_ to kill you! I've never _wanted_ to kill you, it's just, sometimes I feel like I have to, or that I could, accidentally."

He grabbed my hands, looking me fervently in the eyes. I could see the pain in there, the pain this knowledge of how easily I could die caused him.

"It's ok, Oliver…"

"Ok? It's ok that I want to kill you? How is that ok?"

He was angry, whether at me or himself, I didn't know.

"No, Oliver, it's ok how you feel about me, how you're confused. The whole…wanting to kill me thing… that's nothing. I know you can do the right thing about that."

How easily could I discuss my own death!

He sighed.

"I don't know what to do…"

"Easy, don't do anything. We don't need to do anything today. I just felt like I should let you know that I know who you are. It's going to make this." - I waved my hand between us - "Whatever this is, a whole lot easier."

I stood up and walked back towards the door.

"Thank-you for saving my life, Oliver. I'll see you at work."

"Wait, how are you going to get home?"

"Oh…" I hadn't thought of that. It was still daytime outside, Oliver couldn't go out. "I'll walk."

"Don't be stupid you'll burn to a crisp. I'll drive you home."

He got up and walked towards the door.

"I don't think I should wait another few hours before leaving, Oliver."

"Why would we need to wait?"

"Because it's daytime…"

For the first time this afternoon, a smile broke across his face, and he started laughing.

"Don't laugh at me!"

"I'm not, it's just…I _can_ go out into sunlight, Kaia. The whole burning to a crisp thing is just a myth."

He kept chuckling.

"Then why do you only work nightshift?"

"Because I don't sleep and it seems nicer to everyone else who needs to…"

"Wait, you don't sleep?"

He shook his head.

"Never."

"So that's the only reason you don't come out during day, cause you're being nice."

"Well, that and I'm a little bit obvious when I come out during the day…at least when it's sunny…"

"And what's that meant to mean?"

"Nothing."

I pouted - I hated not knowing something. He looked at my pouting bottom lip and sighed.

"Look, it's something I'll have to show you rather than tell you. If you don't realise overnight what a horrible monster I am, then maybe I'll show you on your day off or something."

"I'm not going to change my mind…" He put his finger up to my lips.

"Later. Let me drive you home."


	6. Chapter 6

I had to admit, I was fairly poor company for Ruth at dinner that night. My mind was a million miles away. Ruth kept prodding me with questions, desperate for the gossip that she knew must have existed, but I was completely blissed out. It's amazing how being in love made you feel - at least once you knew you were, anyway.

Other people may point out that I had been in love before, with Mark, but now that I _was_ in love again, I wasn't entirely sure. Mark and I had a relationship of mutual convenience. It sounds horrible to distil it down to that, but I'm not sure I could describe it any other way. The more I thought about it, the more I wasn't sure how much of our three years together had been a lie, both him lying to me and me to myself.

I mean, Mark had always been what I held as an ideal partner. He was smart, directed, and he had an unfaltering sense of self. He never did anything unexpected (unless you count cheating on me as unexpected) and he always knew where he was headed, and how I fitted in to that life. I mean, I'm now a little worried that maybe the only reason we had lasted as long as we did had been because he fitted the image I held as "boyfriend material" in my head, that I overlooked his other flaws.

Mark had never been romantic, and he always seemed more interested in himself than he did me, unless what I did reflected badly on him. I wasn't really sure, but maybe the only reason he wanted _me_ was because I was the only one who did better than him. When we were seen as part of a whole rather than two competing individuals, it didn't matter which of us were better, because the success of one was the success of the other.

And Mark always had to win.

How I felt about Oliver, though, I couldn't even describe. I _felt_ him in every strand of my being, it was though we were two parts of the same person, I just hadn't realised it before. Maybe that explained why I was so drawn to him, because I was only complete while he was around.

God, I sound like a love-sick teenager!

I had only worked out how I felt about him this afternoon, and yet that knowledge was already an essential part of my being, I didn't know what I would do without it. And it terrified me, knowing how the fates were working to pull us apart - how could we be together if part of him wanted to kill me? Which part of Oliver would eventually win: the part that was in love with me, or the part that thirsted for me?

An even bigger, though more distant, problem also existed. Even if we could reconcile Oliver's Jekyll and Hyde, what would happen once a significant amount of time had begun to pass? I would get older, Oliver would not. Would my ageing drag us apart? Would he feel less attracted to me as time went by? Would I feel less attracted to him? I couldn't see this love as being a passing fancy on my behalf, but Oliver? Would his love be as immortal as he was? I couldn't say. And if it was, what would happen to him when I did die? I could only imagine how I would feel if he ceased to exist - I would die from the grief.

Ruth finally admitted defeat on our conversation once she had finished eating, and said her goodbyes. I could only feel guilty for being such poor company, but a thousand thoughts occupied my mind. I would be glad for the solitude. I needed time to think.

The week past fairly quickly. I was disappointed that Oliver didn't come to visit me during that time. And I know he didn't - I deliberately fell asleep on the couch on Tuesday night (although that was very bad for my shoulder), to see if I would wake up in my bed. I woke up on the couch, so I spent the day grumpy, not only from my disappointment in my lack of night-time visitors, but also from my aching arm. I didn't make that mistake again.

I was so anxious to get to Friday, officially my first day back at work (Ruth tried to convince me to take Friday off, but I refused), that I spent most of the days sleeping, something that I had never done before. If anything, all the extra sleep just made me more grumpy.

I did pass some of the time researching vampires on the internet - I wanted to have some intelligent questions to ask Oliver when we did reunite. Even though I didn't care in the slightest _what_ Oliver was, I did realise that me reconciling and understanding _what_ he was with _who_ he was would probably be the only way Oliver would let this relationship to survive. I knew he would not allow me to put myself in danger without understanding what that danger was.

Friday afternoon finally rolled around, and I gave up and went to the hospital earlier than when my shift started, remembering what happened the last time I just wandered aimlessly through town to waste time.

I went and sat in the doctor's office in casualty, and prepared to wait for Oliver to arrive. I didn't have to wait long - pretty much as soon as I sat myself down in the swivel chair, he suddenly appeared.

"Hello Kaia, you're early."

I had forgotten what strange things his accent did to me.

"Well, I was a bit bored. I've been stuck at home all week, and there hasn't exactly been a lot to do."

He grinned.

"I guess you're right. I _am_ a little bit surprised to see you back at work so early, though."

"Why? Because of my shoulder, or did you think I had become sensible and decided to avoid you?" I teased.

"I had hoped so."

Evidently _that_ joke failed horribly.

"You know that's not going to happen. I've made up my mind, and it doesn't matter."

He sighed.

"I shouldn't be glad that you're as stubborn as you are, but I am. I'm inherently a selfish creature."

I didn't know what words to say to brighten the mood.

"So, seeming it doesn't matter, I was wondering if you wanted to spend the day with me tomorrow."

"What, like a date?" I was a bit flummoxed, I didn't realise that normal courtship rules applied to vampires.

His smile lit up his face.

"If that's what you want to think of it as, I just thought I could show you what I meant about sunlight, seeming you were so frustrated by my lack of explanation last Saturday."

"Oh," - so not a date then - "Ok."

His smile grew just the slightest bit bigger - he was amused by my awkwardness.

"I'm not sure how much you're going to be able to do tonight with your arm in a plaster. I think maybe I'll triage the patients as they come in and allow you to deal with the patients that do not need to be touched."

So that basically reduced it to drunks that had passed out - other patients with sore throats and the like were sensible and waited till morning. How exciting.

"Maybe I could just watch you work tonight, see if I can pick up any techniques," - like the ability to make patients pass out at will.

"Maybe. Just promise me - if anything comes in with too much blood flowing that you'll leave. I don't know how I'd react with that smell and your smell combined." His eyes seemed concerned.

I hadn't even thought of that.

"How do you manage to be around blood anyway?"

His eyes flicked across the room.

"Do you mind if questions like that could wait till tomorrow? Cassie _is_ around tonight, and I'm not as observant to her thoughts as I should be when you're around."

"Ok." Sounded fair enough. As long as I _did_ get the answers I wanted, I was willing to wait till the morning.

So for the rest of the evening I followed Oliver around as much as I could, dutifully leaving the room for the one patient who was bleeding (he had been glassed in the face). I didn't realise that I had fallen asleep while I was waiting for him to finish sewing him up until I was woken by a knock on my door.

I was at home, in my bed. I could only smile when I realised how I had got there.

I opened my front door and there he was, basked in the glow of the sunrise. As always, he looked better in the morning than anyone had a right to - oh yeah, he didn't sleep.

"What time is it?" I rasped as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"6am. I thought seeming you've been asleep since midnight and because we have a long way to travel to get to where I wanted to take you that an early start would be a good thing. Do you need more sleep? I'm sorry, I'm not very good at human needs…"

"No, no! I'm just not very good in the mornings. Give me a moment, I'll be ready in a second."

I ran to my room and tried desperately to change my clothes as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, this was slower than most people dressed - my cast was a hindrance. I quickly brushed my unruly hair and tied it into a ponytail, that stuck out behind my like a pom pom. I hated my hair.

Oliver held open the door to his Range Rover for me, and gently lifted me into it. I hadn't realised how tinted his windows were. Evidently, I was _not_ going to find out what he was like in the sun whilst in this car.

We drove for over an hour, not talking, as I watched the sun rise outside of the window. I couldn't be sure, but it looked like we were going faster than it felt, but that could just be a trick of the scenery. I was surprised when the flat nothingness that was the area around Keyes started to descend down a rocky slope. We were driving into a canyon? Were there any canyons near Keyes? This looked like the Kimberleys, but those were a six hour drive away. We had only been driving for just over two hours.

The car stopped next to a lagoon at the bottom of the canyon, a waterfall streaming down the sides. We had parked in the shade under a tree.

I hopped out of the car and looked around where we were in awe. This place was beautiful.

I looked back towards the Range Rover, to see that Oliver was standing behind it in the shade.

Of course, the enigma of Oliver and the sun.

"So are you sure you're ready to see this?" he asked. Although his voice was quiet, in the silence that surrounded us, he was perfectly clear.

"Yes," I whispered back, knowing he could hear me.

He breathed in and out deeply once, twice, then stepped out from underneath the protective shade of the tree.

It was beautiful.

The light shattered from his skin as though it was made up of a million tiny facets, rainbows being thrown across the scenery. He appeared to glow in the light, but he wasn't so bright as to be painful.

I couldn't take my eyes away from him.

He walked slowly towards me, as if worried that if he moved too quickly, I would run away.

He stopped when he was inches away from me, and brushed a tear from my cheek.

I hadn't realised I was crying.

"Are you ok?" He sounded anxious.

I looked up into his golden eyes.

"…it's just so beautiful…"

He cupped my face in his hand.

"No, you are beautiful."

And he leant down and kissed me.

It was a long time before I was able to talk again. Words could not express what I was feeling just then, but the silence seemed to be a comfortable one. I spent hours tracing every crease on Oliver's body (I had made him remove his shirt, if he asked, it was because I wanted to see him glitter some more, not because of his chest muscles…), learning every bend, every bump. While we lay beside the lagoon together, he just fondled my curls, which he had released from their ponytail.

Eventually, he asked me, "What are you thinking about?"

"Everything. There's just so much going through my head right now…"

He chuckled, and pulled himself upright.

"You must have a million questions," he said.

He was right, but which to ask first? Which ones would he answer?

"I'm not sure you want to hear my questions."

"But that's where you're wrong. I want to know _everything_ you're thinking. I want _you_ to know everything _I'm _thinking. Just ask and I'll answer." His eyes were pleading.

"Well, I guess I was wondering, about the whole blood thing…" Might as well get the hard questions out of the way first.

"Hmm?"

"I know you don't drink human blood, but I was wondering, how can you stand to be around it if it's so tempting?"

"Ah." He smiled. "Practice. Lots and lots and lots of practice."

I waited. He wasn't getting out of that question so easily.

He sighed.

"You're right, human blood is very tempting to my kind. Most of us would not be able to be in such close proximity to it without giving in to the thirst. Considering my chosen career path, if I delved head first into whatever wound I was managing at that moment, that would be a little less than convenient. I decided a long time ago that I wanted to be a doctor. In fact, it was not really my idea, but the idea of another of my kind that abstains from human blood as I do. When I heard what he wanted to do, I was intrigued and joined him. We learnt medicine by night in the universities across Europe, looking over cadavers which thankfully did not have any blood. It was easier to learn when it was separated from the thirst. Carlisle, my friend, eventually thought we had learnt enough, and that if we ever wished to apply our knowledge, we would have to start developing our resistance to blood. We started by going to those chop shops of those who would call themselves surgeons at night, sifting through their trash to find bloody rags. We thought it would be… safer… to test our control away from live people."

He looked at my face, trying to work out whether I was horrified by these details or not.

"Well, basically from there, we slowly incremented the amount of temptation. From smears of blood, to volumes of blood, to small amounts of blood from living people… it's all about desensitising yourself. Much like what people with phobias do. If you slowly increase your exposure to the things you lack control with, eventually you get used to them.

"I don't even notice blood now. I'm not even attracted by the smell of it anymore."

"And Carlisle? How did he go?"

"Last I had seen his control had far surpassed mine, but then again I have gotten better in his absence. I'm fairly sure that he'd be unrivalled in his control, though."

"So if blood isn't a problem for you anymore, why am I so tempting?"

He sighed.

"Because your blood smells so much better than the rest. You're _exactly_ what my body craves. Before now, I had only dealt with generic blood from generic humans. Neither of those apply to you."

I know it shouldn't feel so, but I felt special that my blood was special to him.

Morbid, I know.

"I don't even want to think about what my control would be like if even a drop of your blood spilled." He shook his head.

I was intrigued. All the information he had given me thus far had only served to give me more questions, questions I _knew_ were not appropriate and should not ask. But I had to know.

"What about… well… I am female, Oliver…" I blushed. I could not believe I was asking what sort of draw _that_ type of blood held for him! And he thought _he_ was the monster!

His eyes widened and looked at me. A few moments passed in silence and I wished I hadn't asked.

"I'm only drawn to living blood. Menstrual blood…" those words made me blush more - for God's sake I'm a doctor, I should grow up, "…does not really count in that category. It's long dead and contaminated by tissue and such like. It smells awful."

"Oh, well that's good then…"

He chuckled - oh God I was embarrassed!

"Were you wondering if you would need to avoid me once a month?"

"It's not a stupid question," I grumbled to myself.

Oliver pulled me towards him and gave me a gentle squeeze.

"No, I guess from your perspective, it isn't. There's no need to be embarrassed. You look like a beetroot, you know."

More chuckles.

This was how he hoped to make me less embarrassed?

Oliver looked at my watch and sighed.

"It's past your lunchtime," he said as he released me and stood up. He offered a hand to me to help me up.

"Are we leaving now?"

"No, I just thought you should be fed, otherwise you'll be too weak to continue asking me your questions." He smiled at me again. "I never expected how enjoyable it would be for you to know these things about me, things I've kept secret for so long."

"I'm enjoying getting to know these things. They're helping me to understand you better…"

"…as long as the information you seek doesn't embarrass you." He smiled.

He reached into the car and pulled out a paper bag and passed it to me. It held an extraordinarily large amount of food. How much did he think I needed?

I smiled. "Thanks."

And with that, we sat down to eat.

As much as he promised that I would have the opportunity to ask more questions, it seemed for the rest of the afternoon, he was questioning me, asking me why I decided to come to Keyes, about my family (which I skipped over - I wanted to avoid more embarrassing topics), about my past (which I also skipped over - not sure how much information on my past boyfriend he needed), about everything.

He continued asking questions the entire way home, and I felt guilty that I was not being as honest with him as he had been with me, especially considering that my issues were so insignificant when compared to his.

The sun had set hours before we made it back to Keyes and I was exhausted. It had been such a long and tiring day, in more ways than one. I was embarrassed when Oliver lifted me from the car and carried me to my bed. He brushed my curls away from my face as he got ready to leave.

"Wait," I said, grabbing his arm. "I don't want you to go."

He smiled.

"We have a life time to spend with each other, trust me, you won't miss me whilst you sleep."

"But I will when I wake up." I pouted.

And with that he shuffled me over and lay with me in my bed, his arm holding me tight.

"Sleep Kaia, there will be nothing to miss when you wake."

As I ate my breakfast that morning, after spending the night in Oliver's arms, he sat there watching me eat. I don't know why it is, but whenever he just _watched_ me, I always felt less at ease. It probably had something to do with him being able to stare at me endlessly without blinking, which is unnatural (for humans anyway). A more likely explanation was that this was one of the occasions where my boyfriend (I liked the way that sounded) felt less than human to me.

Either way, I felt the need to distract him from his meditation.

I stared down at my bowl of cereal.

"So…what would happen if you ate normal food?"

His eyebrows snapped together and he started to grin.

"What do you think would happen?"

"I dunno…"

He reached over and pried my bowl and spoon from my hands, and put a spoonful of cereal in his mouth, and swallowed, the smile getting larger across his face. Suddenly, he dropped what he held and grasped at his throat, gasping for air.

I felt my heart skip a beat. What had I done?

Before I had the chance to rise from my seat, the smile returned to his face, showing me the full complement of his teeth, and he started to laugh.

"Not funny," I said, folding my arms across my chest in a huff.

"Oh it was, just a little bit." More chuckling. Just my luck, to get a vampire with a sense of humour. "What exactly did you think would happen?"

"I don't know. I was just wondering why if you could eat food, why you would go to the whole trouble of drinking animal's blood."

"Oh." He looked thoughtful. "I can _eat_ food, I just can't digest it. I have no problem with the physical act of swallowing, I just don't get any nutritional value out of it. It is sort of like, you could eat sand, but you could not live off it."

That made sense.

"So, if animal blood has nutritional value for you, then why don't other vampires drink animal blood instead of human?"

"Who says they don't?"

I shrugged.

"I guess you just hear more stories of people getting their blood drunk than you do animals…"

"Well, you're right, we do, as a general rule, live off human blood rather than animal blood. I only know of two covens who do." He chuckled, "A friend of mine calls it being "vegetarian"."

"You still haven't answered my question."

He looked at me seriously.

"Does it matter why I don't drink human blood?"

"Yes, to me it does. I figure it'll tell me something about what kind of man you are."

I had him there. Oliver was all about trying to make me more comfortable with himself. Although he always protested that I would be better off without him, he never missed an opportunity to make himself look better in my eyes.

He sighed, rested his chin in his hand, and stared at me. I had already won, he just had to work out the wording.

"There are multiple reasons why an animal-based diet is less appealing to other of my kind than a diet of human blood. I guess the reason that is most pertinent, is that we have evolved to search out human blood. Our whole body is geared to do that. It smells better, our instincts search it out.

"Then there's the whole matter of taste. I guess you would compare the whole human to animal thing would be like the difference between wanting chocolate and brussel sprouts…"

"What, one tastes good the other gives you gas?"

"No, one tastes good, the other tastes really, really bad. The more herbivorous, the worse it tastes. My kind is into the whole self-gratification thing. Much like toddlers in that aspect, we go for what feels good rather than what is good for us.

"And that brings us to the next problem, animals have less nutritional value for us than people do. Our…strength…so to speak, is made stronger through our diets. I would have to consume in volume alone three times as much animal blood as someone else would get through human blood to have the same result. And because of its lower nutritional content, it also means that I have to feed more frequently. This lifestyle choice of mine comes with a lot of sacrifices that very few of my kind are willing to make."

"Then why do it?"

"I wasn't born a monster, Kaia. It would be a pretty poor show on my behalf if I started to be one now, just because I had turned into one. Besides, this…talent…of mine, it allows me to know what my would-be prey would feel, and I couldn't live with that emotional burden. My talent also allows me to give a painless death to my chosen prey - they don't feel a thing."

"How could reading minds stop an animal from feeling pain?"

The look he gave me made it evident he hadn't meant to give as much away.

"Well…what I do is a little more complex than just reading minds…"

"…meaning…?"

"I read synapses, brain waves. I don't just hear a person's thoughts, I here every little biological process their brain is coordinating. Control of their heart beat, of their appetite…being able to interpret their thoughts came a lot later in the process. It was like learning how to read algebra."

"Oh." That did sound complex. "So… with me, is it just my thoughts you can't read, or can't you hear anything?"

"I can't hear anything. Not one single word, and you have no idea how mad that sometimes drives me."

We were getting away from the topic. The last thing I wanted was for this conversation to focus on me.

"So you haven't explained _how_ you stop your food from feeling pain."

"Oh, well…um…I sort of had an… accident… about a hundred years after I was born. I was in France, and well, I came across this poor girl getting assaulted. I got really mad, and next thing I knew, everyone passed out. Turns out, my thoughts, if they're strong enough, can stop other people's thoughts, only for a minute though," he hurriedly added. "It's sort of like an electromagnetic pulse with electronic equipment. Anyway, with practice, I've managed to distil this talent, so before I…feed…I knock the animal out. I feel it's kinder that way."

It suddenly clicked how Oliver's patients always conveniently passed out.

"Oh."

"I haven't scared you, have I?" The panic was real in his eyes.

"No! This whole conversation has been very informative."

"Any other questions you have for me?"

"Only about a million."

He looked out the window and sighed. "Well I'm afraid they're going to have to wait. You've got a visitor."

"I have a visitor? Who?"

"Ruth - who else comes over unannounced."

"And how do you know she's coming?"

He raised one eyebrow and tapped the side of his head when it was obvious I didn't get it.

He could hear her.

"Oh."

He smiled at me, the way I felt that parents smiled at their children. _That_'s not the type of smile I wanted.

"How long till she gets here?"

I jumped up and started clearing the dishes from the table. My eyes swept around the room and I was horrified by what a mess it was.

Just then there was a knock at the door.

Wait - Oliver was here. My eyes flashed to my watch - it was eight am. How would I explain what Oliver was doing over at my house at eight am?

My mouth opened and shut like a fish.

Another knock.

"Kaia, it's Ruth, you awake yet?"

"What do we do?" I mouthed at Oliver.

Another knock.

"Kaia, are you in there?"

Oliver smiled at me.

"They have to know sometime."

And before I could stop him, he walked over and opened my front door.

"Hello Ruth," he greeted warmly.

I froze in horror.

"Oh, Oliver, I didn't expect to see _you_ here…"

Oh God, everyone was going to know. Ruth's mind went _those_ places so much faster than anyone else. But then again, what was she meant to think? Oliver hadn't rung her yesterday like he always did, I hadn't had dinner with her like I always did, it was 8am, and he was answering my door.

I could die with embarrassment.

"Is Kaia in?"

"She's in the kitchen cleaning up from breakfast."

I hastily grabbed another bowel from the cupboard and poured half the left over cereal in it. If we were meant to be having breakfast, he would need a setting.

"Come on in."

Ruth walked in while I was standing by the sink, hyperventilating. It was one thing to know that this man was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, a complete other for the people you work with to know that.

"Hi Ruth." I spun quickly to greet her, my good hand gripping the bench so tight my knuckles went white. "I had no idea you were coming over today."

"Well, I was just bringing some eggs over. I had no idea you had _company_."

Why did the way she said company make it sound so dirty?

Oliver chuckled and walked over to me, slinging an arm around my shoulder and kissing my hair. I could feel the look Ruth was giving us. I glared at him.

"Thank-you for the eggs Ruth," he replied on my behalf, his body quivering with suppressed laughter (why was my embarrassment so amusing to him?). "That was very thoughtful."

"Well, seeming you two are busy, I might leave you to it…"

"Oh no, I was just leaving. You two enjoy yourself." He spun me to face him. "I'll see you at dinner."

And with that, he leaned down and gently kissed me on the lips. I could feel his lips contorted into a grin. He would pay for this later.

And with that, he turned and left, chuckling to himself.

Oh God.

Ruth quickly walked over to me (although quick was a poor definition if you compared it to how Oliver could move), her mouth hanging open.

"Kaia Snow, you must tell me everything!"

Well, that whole conversation was so painful it wasn't worth reliving. Basically I gave her some generic information to explain why Oliver was there, and his behaviour - I could hardly say I found out he was a vampire and I'm in love with him. I tried to convince Ruth that it had only just happened, but when she did manage to say more than "Oh my God!", she kept repeating she _knew_ this was going to happen, and how she _knew _that we'd been trying to cover-up our relationship for a while.

When she did leave an hour later, I knew that by the time Oliver came back for dinner, everyone in town would know.

I was going to kill him.

Even though I tried to avoid leaving my house, I realised that I would need some food to cook if Oliver was going to be insistent on watching me eat again. I wasn't going to allow him to try and feed me again - not unless I wanted to sit through a nine course banquet. My budget wouldn't allow for that kind of food expenditure.

As I made the five minute walk to the grocery shop, I felt like everyone was watching me. Curse Ruth to hell. When I actually made it into the shop, I was greeted by Doug the cop, saying, "You and Dr Monroe eh?", and someone else in the shop whooped at me. When I was paying for my groceries, Margie said, "You cooking for Dr Monroe tonight, huh?"

I felt like I could die from embarrassment.

On the walk home, someone shouted out of a car window, "If you ever get sick of Dr Monroe, you can play doctors with me sweet heart."

Yes, Oliver was going to die tonight.

I opened the door to my house expecting that I was alone, and found Oliver sitting in my arm chair. He rushed over and yanked the bags of groceries from my hand, and rushed them back to the kitchen. This whole movement happened so quickly I wasn't sure it had.

Bloody vampire.

He swept around the kitchen, putting things away, then swept back to me. I had my arms folded across my chest.

"You're in a lot of trouble, you know."

"Why? They were going to find out anyway?"

"Yes, but it could have been a more gradual thing! You know, maybe some harmless flirting while I was at work, and work up from there. It didn't have to be that I went home with you the first Friday night after getting back from hospital!"

"Technically speaking, I went home with you, and it was Saturday night I stayed…"

"But don't you know what this makes me look like? They're going to think we're sleeping together! They're going to think I'm easy…"

His brows furrowed together.

"Why would they think that?"

"Because what else would people think if two people who had never even gotten along together were suddenly spending the night over at each other's house?"

"But can't they tell by the way we look at each other… this is so much more than just a sexual thing!"

"These are humans, Oliver. The whole soul mate excuse doesn't really fly anymore."

He thought about that for a second.

"I'm so sorry. I should have discussed this with you first."

"Yes, you should have."

"But I just thought it was easiest. My car was outside - Ruth was bound to know."

I sighed as he hugged me to himself. It was hard to stay mad at him.

"Next time, you decide what information we disclose."

I liked it when he talked about us as a whole.

"I'm sorry. I forgot you're probably not used to this decade's social norms." I started going around the kitchen collecting what I needed to cook dinner. "I would be even more confused if I was asked to conform to the norms of when you came from. I don't even know how old you are…"

He went down and sat at the table, watching me cook.

"Do you really want to know?"

"I want to know everything about you, Oliver."

"Ok then, here we go…

"I was born in approximately 1590 in London. I cannot be exactly sure of the exact date, because time was not kept at all accurately then, but I was a teenager when the plague struck again in 1603.

"I was the son of a blacksmith, and I had three brothers and four sisters. Only two of my sisters were alive when the plague struck. My mother had died giving birth to my youngest brother, who died shortly afterwards. Life was short back then. And the poorer you were, the shorter it was. We weren't exactly well off, so to have three surviving children was actually a pretty good tally back then.

"Then the plague struck, which it did every generation or so back then. The only way to stop its spread was lockdown, and that was hardly an effective measure. We only realised that the plague had struck again when our neighbourhood was locked in. It was a terrifying thing, knowing that all of us could die.

"My sister Roberta, named for my father, died first, followed by Constance shortly thereafter. I tried to nurse them through their illness, but they did not have the condition to bear it…"

He put his head in his hands.

"Even after all my other human memories have faded away to being barely whispers, the images of my sisters dying and feeling helpless remain."

Oliver lifted his head from his hands to look at the ceiling.

"My father died shortly after Constance, she had always been his favourite. She reminded him the most of my mother. Losing her was like losing my mother all over again.

"My entire neighbourhood perished. Hundreds of people across the city did as well, but my neighbourhood bore the brunt. No one but me survived it. I hadn't even gotten sick.

"But I was locked in my neighbourhood, cursed to walk amongst the dead. I wished _I_ was dead,. The hunger and sorrow… it was too much for me. But I survived. Eventually when the streets were reopened, I was able to escape. No one wanted me around, they thought I was cursed.

"I lived on the streets of London for years, making a penny by singing for my supper. Even while I was human, I had the voice of an angel. It was my only asset.

"Lord Winston heard me singing at a pub he frequented one evening, and thought my voice was too pure to belong in the slums. He took me into his home, making me perform when he held dinners. He treated me well. As I grew older, I learned how to play the lute and pianoforte, so after my voice had broken, I was still able to perform for his guests. My voice was still beautiful, it's just that sopranos and castratis were the fashion back then.

"He decided when I was twenty-one that I should marry his daughter, Fiona. His health was declining and he wanted me to have some security after he had passed on. He considered me to be the son he never had."

My heart tightened - had Oliver loved someone else?

I think he must have noticed my tensing, cause he stopped his story and looked at me comfortingly.

"Marriage back then had a different meaning to what it does now. No one married for love - marriage was seen as a contract to benefit from. I barely knew Lord Winston's daughter. In fact, I only talked to her once during our engagement."

I relaxed just a little bit.

"It was the night before our wedding, and I was walking home from the church. Lord Winston had wanted to make sure that the clergy man had made all the arrangements. I heard this sound in an alleyway…it sounded like an animal was hurt. I walked down to check what it was…

"A pale man with red eyes was holding a woman I could only assume to be a prostitute, his mouth at her neck. He was very handsome, but something about him put me ill at ease. Then the whore's head rolled back listlessly, revealing the blood pouring from his mouth."

"I rushed over to them when I realised the woman was injured, I had not been raised to watch violence against a woman. I pushed him as hard as I could, but it was like hitting a wall.

"He growled at me angrily, dropping the woman and lunging for me…."

Oliver went silent. I could smell my food burning on the stove, but I was consumed by his story.

"A noise from outside the alley distracted him, and for some reason, he left me to die. I crawled away from the dead woman, hiding myself in a sewer and waited for death to come. But it didn't. Three days later, I had changed. I knew what I was and it disgusted me. The life I had known was over. So I fled London. I'm not sure I ever stopped running."

Oliver sighed and looked at me.

"My past is no topic to discuss over dinner. Don't let your meal be ruined on my behalf."

My mind was spinning. I was devastated at what had happened to Oliver. I brought my dinner over to the table and sat next to him, where he rested his head on my shoulder, like he was the one who needed support.

"The only blessing of what I am is that I've managed to live long enough to find you. After you leave the Earth, I will gladly leave it too."

I don't know why this statement didn't comfort me.

I ate dinner in silence.


	7. Chapter 7

In many ways, Oliver was right. Having our relationship outed so abruptly by Ruth was a blessing. Yes, the first couple weeks of _everyone_ knowing and watching were painful to go through, but the scandal died down as quickly as it had popped up. Soon nobody cared that Oliver's car was always parked in front of my house when I left for work in the morning.

The other benefit of everyone knowing that we were in a relationship was that it allowed for leeway with our work schedules. As they had stood, Oliver and I practically never overlapped. It had been Ruth that suggested it was about time I altered my timetable, as I had been here long enough to know what I enjoyed doing. Of course I asked for more night shifts - Oliver was right, it would be mean to let someone else be awake at night when he didn't need to sleep. Besides, there was so much more you could do at the hospital when there was only one other person there, who always conveniently found other places to be…

Our physical relationship, however, was a difficult thing to manage. We were…limited…in the activities we could indulge in, though neither of us wanted to limit them! It always seemed to me that whilst we were entwined in each other's arms, Oliver's lips upon mine, when the ecstasy was too much to bear, Oliver would always become rigid and pull away. We still hadn't managed to uninvite Mr Hyde from the party, and he always made his presence felt at just the wrong moment.

Of course, considering the problems that we had just kissing, Oliver never even entertained other notions of physical involvement, though I was more than willing. My prior need to have a ring on my finger had evaporated after becoming involved with Oliver - what we had seemed much more binding than a piece of paper. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, I would want to go much further than Oliver was willing to go. Considering how I felt in these moments, death seemed like a small price to pay to feel what I surely would. But I knew if I were to die, whether due to Mr Hyde or because I wasn't physically strong enough for the encounter, Oliver would be the one to suffer. And knowing what I did about what he planned to do if I _did_ die…I always shuddered to think about it.

Oliver was what you could say…melodramatic, when it came to the notion of my death. Whenever it came up in conversation (which it frequently did during these physical encounters), he would tell me quite blatantly that he would make sure he ceased to exist as soon after I did as possible. I had been quite confused in the beginning about what could actually kill a vampire. As it turns out, not a lot, for which I had been glad. I hated to think when I died that it would be a simple matter for him to jam a stake through his heart to end his life. When I had asked him if this was what he planned to do, he laughed - what would impaling an organ that had ceased to work nearly four hundred years ago do? Turns out Hollywood gets everything wrong. Oliver was always reluctant to tell me his plans for his own demise - he said we were never going to get into a position which would lead to him implementing said plans, so what was the point in discussing them? But I dreamt of his death, more frequently than I should for an immortal, and it terrified me. One night, I woke up crying, having had another dream like that (having had my advances turned down once again). Oliver was so distraught over my distress that he finally told me what could kill a vampire - only another vampire could do it. He had to be torn to shreds and burned.

Although the scene described to me was a horrific way to end your life, it did actually comfort me. Turns out, Oliver was the only vampire in Australia (the others don't like the sun too much). I figured he would have enough time if he had to traipse all over the world to find another vampire to kill him that he would probably realise that my death wasn't the end of the world. He was sensible enough to work that much out.

Physical aspects aside, Oliver and I got closer by the day. I was no longer embarrassed discussing my past with him, and he was completely accepting of everything I had done. He was bemused when he found out my parents were hippies, although he said it explained a lot (apparently he'd realised that all my uptight behaviour was my version of rebellion). In fact, he had regaled me with stories of what it was like in the era of free love. He had, of course, not indulged in such things, but living vicariously through his memories, I felt like I could understand my parents more. They had just not grown out of it like the rest of the world had.

Oliver had _not_ reacted well when he heard about Mark. He wasn't angry that I had had a prior relationship, he was furious at Mark for treating me so badly. I was shocked when I heard him express a desire to break Mark's neck - which he was more than capable of doing. It took me hours to calm him down after that, and I decided that the topic of ex-boyfriends was a no-no from then on.

Oliver told me a lot about what he had done whilst waiting for me to be born (as he now described his life prior to me). I was amazed at how much he had gotten done. He had painted with Van Gough, performed Shakespeare at the Globe Theatre, he was in France during the Revolution… he had seen so much, it made me feel quite small. But he always told me that all the things he had seen in his very long existence did not hold a candle that was the brilliance of our relationship. That I was his evening star, his one light in all the darkness. It always made me gooey.

Whilst most people get sad when the seasons change and the sunshine begins to fade, this only made things better. When it was cloudy, Oliver and I could go out during the day time. We took trips to the ocean and swam together, and we quite frequently went back to the canyon where I first saw him in the sun.

Truly, the four months since we began this relationship had been the happiest in all of my life. I couldn't see how things could get any better.

Oliver could be a little overprotective when anything that reminded me of how frailly human I was. I remember when I got a cold in April - he was beside himself. Every time I sneezed he was ready to bring me up to the hospital. For a doctor, he was incredibly unaware of the human condition - at least where it applied to me.

I always got worried when I was reminded of my humanity - that sounds pretty bad, but it's not what you think. I realised that one day, I would get old and grey and die. Every day, I got older. I was already 22, a year older than Oliver was when he changed. In a few years, I would look too old to be involved with him. Oliver said he didn't care, that it was who I was on the inside that counted. Besides, he was technically that much older than me anyway, what did it matter? But I felt it. I felt age coming for me, and it made me uncomfortable.

Of course, I had considered opting out of this human life in exchange for an immortal one. I knew that there had to be _some_ way of changing from human to vampire - Oliver was evidence to that. I realised that _if_ I did become a vampire, the restraints that were put on our relationship would cease to exist, and that if I ceased to age and never died, Oliver would not have to put his stupid plans into action. His transformation into a vampire was the one thing Oliver was reluctant to talk to me about. I think he didn't want to scare me, or to relieve the experience. Something about the way his eyes went dark whenever he talked about it told me it wasn't pleasant. I knew it would involve me being bitten, but beyond that I had no idea.

But at this point in my life, I had no plans on becoming immortal. The way Oliver talked about his loathing of such an existence made it that much less appealing - he said he wouldn't mind being dissolved alive in a pool of acid if it meant he could return to his human form. Somehow I thought that if he was willing to go through _that_ to get out of his current form, then maybe I didn't want to be a vampire. Besides, I couldn't even kill a mouse now - how would I be able to kill thousands of much larger animals over millennia to satiate my thirst? Unlike Oliver, I doubted I would be able to fry their brains so they wouldn't feel it.

Asides from worrying about my mortality, my life with Oliver was fairly much perfect. I couldn't see how it could get any better.

Then we got the wedding invitation.

It was a rainy July morning, the sound of rain gently falling on the roof made the day feel sleepy. The pale light coming in through the windows bathed the room with light, making the reflective surfaces glow. It was a lazy morning, and I was taking my time to get ready for work that morning. The kettle was boiling so I could make my morning cup to tea. I kept an ear out for the gentle knock on the door that I knew would announce Oliver's arrival.

It was only a few minutes later that the knock arrived, I walked over to the door and pulled it open, finding Oliver standing in the rain without an umbrella. He kissed me on the cheek and walked into my room to change his shirt. I watched as he changed, the drops of water on his back glistening like diamonds, not that his skin didn't glisten that way without assistance.

He turned and smiled cheekily at me, shaking out his collar. I knew he only dressed as slowly as he did for my benefit. It was too tempting to see him without his shirt on - a master sculptor could not have made a body that looked any better.

His eyes darted to and from the clothes basket next to my closet, which was now overflowing with his shirts. I couldn't remember the last time Oliver had gone home to change.

"You know, I don't see why you just don't shift your entire wardrobe over here. You never go home to change, and you must be getting sick of the same five shirts."

"Are you asking to move in Miss Snow? What sort of man would I be, living with an unmarried woman? I would bring your good name into disrepute."

I snorted. "Everyone knows you spend the night here, so if my name was going to be in disrepute, it already would be. Besides, it's not as though we do anything on your nights over that would bring my name into disrepute."

The way he went on about my virtue some mornings made me feel like I was living in an Austen novel.

Oliver sighed then. He knew how I felt about the physical limitations on our relationship.

"Kaia…"

I walked over to him and helped him button his shirt.

"I know, I know, it's too dangerous." I rolled my eyes.

He lifted my chin up to his face and gently kissed me. I was still embarrassed by the way my heart reacted to this. I thought, that after so many months of exposure, it would have gotten used to it by now. Then again, _I_ hadn't gotten used to how kissing Oliver made me feel, so maybe I shouldn't be surprised my heart was having the same problems.

Oliver followed me back to the kitchen and sat himself in his chair and watched me eat. It was only once I had finished eating that he decided to talk.

"I got a letter you may be interested in."

This intrigued me. In the four months Oliver and I had been a couple, we had never swapped mail. He handed by over an ivory envelope made from thick, and obviously expensive paper.

"A wedding invite?"

"Yes, it's to Carlisle's son's wedding."

I looked at the invitation, trying to think of who Carlisle was again…

"He's the vegetarian who you studied medicine with."

Since our initial discussions on Oliver's condition so many months ago, neither of us ever referred to him being a vampire directly. The term vegetarian was our tongue-in-cheek way of describing those vampires that fed from animals rather than humans.

"Yes. I haven't seen him in over a hundred years and I thought it would be a nice opportunity to catch up. Besides, the man is like a brother to me, and I would love for him to meet you."

I froze. I know it may be silly, considering the depth of our current relationship, but somehow meeting the family seemed serious to me.

"Are you sure they'd like me…I mean, I'm not…"

"Catholic? I don't think they'd mind." He grinned at me. "Besides, the son, Edward's, bride-to-be is human. I'd think they'd be more than accepting of my choice."

I looked at the piece of paper, trying to find where exactly it indicated which species the bride and groom were, and I couldn't find it.

Oliver obviously understood my confusion, sighing and saying, "You can smell it."

"Oh." Another question crossed my mind. "So, how can Edward be Carlisle's son? I didn't know your kind could breed."

"No, you're right, vampires can't breed. Edward is like Carlisle and I, and was turned from a human state. From what I can guess, Carlisle was the one that transformed him. I can only assume Edward must have been dying when he did so - Carlisle would never have taken a healthy man's life away from them."

"So you haven't heard from Carlisle in a long time?"

He sighed. "No, I have not seen my dear brother in a long time. We had… differing views on life at one stage. You know how families disagree."

"What were you disagreeing about?"

"It doesn't matter now; it was such a long time ago. I have forgiven him, and evidently he has forgiven me if he's inviting me to his son's wedding."

"Why do you keep calling him brother?"

He smiled at me.

"It's the best descriptor of the link we share. We were both…created…by the same man. It's something you know later, when you encounter another who has the same venom running through their system. Carlisle is quite a bit younger than me, though."

He continued looking at me.

"So would you like to go?"

"Umm…" I felt a bit nervous, despite his assurances I was scared they wouldn't like me. "What about work?"

"That's easy, I'll ask Ruth."

Oliver had Ruth tied around his little finger. He could get her to do whatever he wished if he put his charm on.

Evidently it wasn't going to be that easy to get out of it. I sighed.

"Ok, I'll go."


	8. Chapter 8

The plane was starting its descent, and Oliver squeezed my hand reassuringly as Seattle came into view below us. The month between when I accepted Oliver's invite to his nephew's wedding and now had been a blur. Oliver had been so excited about it - he spent most nights talking on the phone to his long-lost brother, but I had just been getting more and more nervous.

I had learnt from Oliver that Carlisle actually had quite a large family now. He had his wife, Esme, two daughters, Rosalie and Alice, and two other sons, Emmett and Jasper. Alice and Jasper had been "adopted" into the family, being the only two members of the family that had not been created by Carlisle.

Edward was the first son Carlisle had created, and Oliver had been right - Bella, his bride-to-be was human. It would have been interesting to have been able to talk with Bella about our equally unusual relationships, but Oliver had warned me that we probably would not see her until the day of, and even then, we would probably not have a chance to talk. Fair enough - it was her day and I didn't want to ruin it for her.

After we landed in Seattle, we hired a car and drove to Forks, Washington, where Carlisle and his family called home. It stood in complete contrast to Keyes. Where Keyes was flat with red dirt and barren, Forks was mountainous and all forested. I had never seen so much greenery. The day was overcast, but according to Oliver, that wasn't unusual for this part of the world. I was beginning to realise why the Cullens (Carlisle's surname) had chosen Forks to be their home - they would be able to go outside during the day.

We drove down a secluded driveway, into a large meadow with a big white house in the middle. I could hear activity coming from the inside - evidently last minute arrangements before the wedding tomorrow. A man with golden hair who appeared to be in his early twenties walked outside to greet us. Oliver got out of the car and hugged him. This must be Carlisle.

Oliver looked back towards where I sat in the car, reluctant to get out. I always felt plain when compared to Oliver, but I was just starting to realised how plain I would feel surrounded by vampires. It turned out all vampires were exceedingly beautiful.

Next thing I knew, Oliver was opening my door and helping me out. He leaned down next to my ear and whispered, "No need to be nervous, they don't bite." I knew the gorgeous Carlisle would have heard that, and I blushed.

We walked together back to the golden man, who shook my hand with hands as cold as ice.

"Welcome to Forks, Kaia Snow. It's a pleasure to finally meet you." He smiled at me warmly, then turned to Oliver. "I'm sorry but we won't be able to go inside, Alice is still preparing for the wedding tomorrow, and I don't think you'll want to get roped into helping decorate. How about we go for lunch?"

Oliver laughed. "Sounds good to me. I'm starving." He turned to wink for me.

I was confused.

The entire drive to our destination, Carlisle and Oliver discussed the past hundred and something years of their lives. I felt a little left out of the discussion. We arrived at a little Italian restaurant in Port Angeles for lunch, where upon all three of us ordered food, even though I was the only one able to eat it. Carlisle tried starting a conversation with me, but I was too tired to be much of a conversationalist, and Oliver quickly picked up where I left off, allowing myself to snuggle under his arm and to rest my eyes.

I heard Carlisle chuckle.

"Maybe we should take her home. She appears to a bit jetlagged."

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea."

My eyes were closed before the end of that discussion.

I woke early the next morning to the most beautiful voice in the world, the only voice that meant anything to me, mixed with another man's tenor. At least I thought I was awake - I was too comfortable in Oliver's arms to move, to even open my eyes. For all I knew, this conversation I was listening to was a dream. I didn't care - I was content where I was.

"Thank-you for lending us your bed, Edward."

"It's the least we could do. Thank-you for coming all this way."

"So are you looking forward to the big day tomorrow?"

"I have never looked forward to anything so much in all my existence."

You could tell in the fervour of this other man - Edward's - voice the exultant smile that must have been on his face. This must be Carlisle's son, the one who was marrying the human tomorrow.

"It must be hard for you to be away from Bella, with the big day so close."

He laughed.

"You have no idea. But Alice has told me she has some final preparations to do and I am to be nowhere near her while she does it. It's meant to be a surprise, and surprises don't occur regularly around me."

"I can imagine."

It went silent for a moment.

"She's an interesting creature, you're Kaia."

I felt my heart swell in my chest - I loved it when I was _Oliver's _Kaia.

"Much like your Bella in that way, really. I don't know why I can't hear them. Did you ever work that out?"

"Not really. But I'm glad they are, though, otherwise we couldn't talk like this without her to focus on. It _is_ a little bit uncomfortable when we resonate."

Ah - hence the verbal discussion. Both Oliver and Edward had the ability to read people's thoughts. It must be quite difficult when one hears the thought of the other who hears that thought…I could understand the concept of resonance.

"So Carlisle told me you plan to make Bella immortal. That must have been a hard choice to make."

I'm guessing it was Edward who sighed.

"More difficult than you can imagine. I never wanted to force Bella into this half-life, but she's decided this is what she wants. She took that choice away from me. So do you plan to do the same with Kaia?"

It was Oliver's turn to sigh. I felt him heave with the emotion.

"Kaia does not want to be immortal. So, thankfully, I don't have to think about that just yet. She's too young, has too much going for her and to look forward to, to make such a life-altering decision. She's mature enough to understand now isn't the time for that decision, for which I'm glad. But still, it's hard knowing that every day she ages, and that one day I will lose her. I won't be able to go on."

"I understand what you're going through more than you can imagine. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for what I'm going to do to Bella, but at least I'll have her to help me through it."

Oliver brushed my hair away from my face.

"I better leave you two alone. She'll wake soon."

Even though I didn't hear the footsteps to mark Edward's departure, I knew he had left.

I sighed and pulled myself closer to Oliver, allowing myself to go through the motions of looking like I was waking up. Oliver pulled me up slightly, brushing the curls that fell into my face away and looked into my eyes.

"Hello sleepy-head," he chuckled.

I exaggerated a yawn.

"I hate travelling. Not sure how I'm going to be awake for the wedding tomorrow."

He watched me pout, which made him smile.

"I'm sure you'll cope. If not, you can just sleep through it."

"Like Hell! I came all the way to America for this wedding. I'm not going to sleep through it."

Oliver chuckled again. Evidently he was in a good mood.

"I think it's around about dinner time. What takes your fancy?"

Oliver and I went downstairs where the rest of the Cullens were. This was the first time I got to see the rest of the family. Carlisle was sitting with a brunette on the couch, both of them pouring over a large, old leather book. That must have been Esme, the look on Carlisle's face said that much. Two men were lying by the large glass window at the back of the room, with a confection of chess boards set up between them. One was large and muscular, with brown curls. The other was a lanky blonde, who seemed more severe than the bear-like one. These must have been Carlisle's other sons, Jasper and Emmett, although I couldn't tell which was which. I was intrigued by the set-up of their game, but they seemed too deeply involved in whatever they were playing for me to interrupt. We walked through to the dining room, where two women were pouring over a pile of folders on the table. One was small and pixie like, with dark hair, the other was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, with blonde wavy hair. I felt terribly plain in her presence. As soon as I entered the room, her eyes flashed up to look at me, and she got up and left the room.

"Rosalie! I thought you were going to help me check the seating for tomorrow!" The pixie-like one looked towards me. "Oh! You must be Kaia and Oliver. I'm Alice. I'm sorry about Rose…"

Her eyes flashed towards the door her sister had left through. "I'm sorry, but I really do need her help. I'll see you later. We'll have plenty of time to chat after the wedding."

And with that, she scooped up her folders and dashed out the door after her sister.

"Don't worry about Rosalie. She's just a bit strange around humans," Oliver soothed.

"I'm fine," I grumbled.

Oliver squeezed my hand gently and dragged me towards the kitchen, and set me down on a bench and started to make me dinner. I was surprised by the sheer volume of food in a house full of people who didn't eat. Could all of this be for Bella? Maybe all vampires felt the need to overfeed their human counterparts.

Oliver made me Bolognese for dinner, and it was very good. It sort of annoyed me that Oliver was good at everything, even cooking. It wasn't fair - the man didn't even eat! Anyway, my jetlag hit me again halfway through the portion he had given me (which was probably large enough for a small family), and I yawned. He smiled and walked around the bench to where I sat, scooping me up carefully in his arms.

"Go to sleep, Kaia. I'll be there when you wake in the morning." And he kissed my forehead.

And with that, I did.

The next morning, I was woken up by Alice. Her hair, which had been in beautiful disarray yesterday, was stuck against her head in pincurls, much like a lady from the twenties. She wore a dressing robe of a pale blue that suited her skin beautifully.

"Wake up, Kaia Snow. You're going to have to get ready for the wedding."

I looked around, and Oliver was not there like he had promised to be when I woke up. Where was he?

"Oliver is with Emmett and Jasper getting ready. He just wanted to stay here and watch you sleep, but I was not going to let him bring the tone of the day down because he was running late cause you were sleeping."

"I'm sorry, how long have I been asleep." I tried to stretch the fatigue from my muscles.

"It's 7am. The wedding is only 6 hours away. _And_ we have to work out what you're going to wear. What is it with you humans and refusing to wear anything nice? I think you'll fit into my clothing, but I haven't had the time to pick something for you that will suit the decorations, and we've _got_ to do something about your hair. Don't get me wrong, your curls are gorgeous, but they are just a little unruly…"

The rest of that morning, I was dragged betwixt and between by Alice, who had Esme do my hair so my ringlets fell neatly (I hadn't known that feat to be possible), and I was dressed in about six different cocktail dresses before Alice picked a sapphire blue silk above-knee dress for me to wear, and paired it with a pair of stilettos and a matching silk wrap (to cover my scar from my accident). I then had my face painted by Esme. Something about the entire experience left me feeling like a Barbie doll.

After all this was done, I got to meet Bella's mother, Renee. I had been warned that she was unaware of the "condition" the Cullens suffered from, but I didn't have to worry about letting something slip - she was too excited to be coherent and listen to me.

I found Oliver outside, helping the men of the house finish setting up what would be the reception. He smiled and bounded over to me.

"I would kiss you right now, but Alice would kill me if I disturbed your make-up. You look beautiful." He smiled at me.

If it was possible, I was sure that his cheeks would be glowing. Oliver was so excited about this wedding, it made me wonder if something like this lay in the future for us…

Don't be silly, Kaia. You're reading too much into things.

"Kiss me anyway. Are you afraid of delicate little Alice?"

The bear-like brother laughed. "She obviously doesn't know Alice. Don't kiss her! We don't want to wear her wrath!"

I scowled at him. It was amazing how comfortable I felt surrounded by vampires. Maybe I shouldn't…I had no idea what the control of these particular vampires would be like. Besides, I had no idea of what kind of draw my blood would hold for them, although I hoped I was only special to Oliver.

He bounced over to me. "I'm Emmett, by the way. Best man." His chest swelled with pride. "And that's Jasper." He shoved his thumb in the direction of the blonde one. "Don't get too upset if he stays away. He's still new to this lifestyle, and he doesn't want to upset your boyfriend by killing you."

Oh ok, so that was one to be careful around. Oliver would never forgive me if I got myself killed.

I felt Oliver tighten beside me. "Thanks for the warning, Emmett, but I wasn't going to let Jasper around Kaia anyway." He sounded dangerous.

"Yeah yeah I know, you're a terrifying vampire," Emmett scoffed. "Would like to see how we'd do in a match up…then again, you probably cheat like Edward does. But that rep! What I wouldn't give to take it down a few notches!"

I furrowed my brows, what reputation could Oliver have? He didn't live near any other vampires, and he took pacifism to the extreme.

Anyway, just then, Alice stuck her head out the back door and called in her bell-like voice, "Back inside boys, it's time to get this show on the road!"

The wedding was beautiful. The bride descended the stairs with her father and Alice, her maid-of-honour. This was the first time I saw Bella, and she was beautiful. She was all cream and roses, her brown hair and brown eyes wide with excitement at the day coming. The service was brief but beautiful, and her husband, with his copper hair, sounded joyous as he pronounced "I do". The kissed they shared was so passionate it felt like we were invading their privacy by watching. Oliver squeezed my hand tightly, and looked into my eyes with a passion that was hard to hide. I felt butterflies in my stomach.

I watched as we moved to the reception, as the bride and groom cut their cake, feeding each other pieces of it, and watched as Edward removed Bella's garter. She turned bright red as he did this, and I felt empathy - I think I would die if anyone ever had to watch me going through the same thing.

Oliver was right, I didn't get a chance to talk to Bella that evening. Her perfect evening was not worth ruining so I could satisfy my curiosity of this woman who lived a life as different as mine felt about our shared experiences. Oliver and I twirled around the dance floor most of the evening - to be honest, he just held me in his arms as he danced around, I was a little too jetlagged for waltzing, not that I knew how to. Every now and then, he would whisper into my ear how beautiful I was, and he would lean down and kiss me. Evidently Alice no longer cared how I looked now the actual wedding was over. Oliver could mess my make-up as much as he liked, although he never smudged it once. At one point during the evening, Oliver went tense, and stopped dancing. I looked at him questioningly as he looked towards Edward's brothers, who looked towards the forest surrounding the meadow. I looked around and couldn't see Edward or Bella anywhere. What was going on?

Before I had the chance to ask, my question was answered, with Edward and Bella twirling back into the crowd. Evidently they had just been sharing a private moment. I was a little embarrassed that Oliver felt the need to eavesdrop on such a thing. And with that, we started dancing again. We watched as Edward and Bella left shortly later, in a very expensive looking car with very expensive shoes tied behind it. I was fairly sure most of the women in the audience were having apoplexy watching the waste. Personally I didn't care - I didn't get the whole shoe-fetish some women held.

After that, Oliver and I sat on the outskirts of the crowd as the party wound down and they said their goodbyes. I was too tired to watch the ebbing of the human sea, and I fell asleep there in Oliver's arms.

I knew Alice would be buzzing around tonight - she had a lot to be proud about, the day had been perfect.


	9. Chapter 9

I woke around lunch time the next day in Oliver's arms. He still wore the suit he wore the day before, his tie now absent, his top button undone. His hair was messy - I loved it when he had bed-head. He looked incredibly sexy with it. I looked down and I saw that I was still wearing my blue cocktail dress. I blushed a little - it was a little more revealing than I was used to. Oliver smiled down at me, and looked to my chest, where my eyes had been fixed.

"You know, I think you should get dressed up more often. It looks good on you."

He smiled at me, and I blushed.

"I don't know - it's not exactly appropriate for the weather."

Even though it was late summer here in Forks, I found it to be cold. Even during winter, Keyes was hotter than it got here. And if we were in Keyes wearing clothes like this - at best, it would look out of place, at worst, I would get burnt to a cinder.

"Hmm, I guess you're right. I guess we'll have to think of more appropriate occasions so it will be necessary…"

He leant in and kissed my neck. I shuddered with delight. He rolled me from his arms and on to my back, continuing to kiss me as he did so, tracing down my neck, to my chest, and back. Our lips met, and mine melded into his. The iciness of his skin just made my lips feel that much hotter - I could feel them burning. He rolled himself onto me, I could feel his shape pressing into mine, but the way he held himself made him feather-light. I wanted him to hold me closer, and I pulled on his collar, dragging him towards me. His fingers dug into my hair, and mine into his. I tried to enjoy the moment while it lasted, knowing full well that at some point he would pull away from me. But today, Mr Hyde was late with his appearance. We were getting carried away, as we rolled together on our borrowed bed, wrapping my legs around him, pulling myself ever closer to him. My fingers fumbled as I undid his shirt buttons, revealing his chest that sparkled in the late morning sunlight. He fumbled with my dress, undoing the tie that held it up behind my neck. He didn't do any more to reveal me, it was more for my comfort (the knot behind my neck was not comfortable), but he hitched my skirt up around my waist. Our breathing became more and more ragged, as we frantically grabbed at each other more and more. I didn't know how much further we could go, but I didn't want this to stop.

Suddenly, Oliver chucked, his body going still. I looked at him, panting. My disappointment was profound, but I wasn't surprised that it happened. I _was_ surprised it hadn't happened earlier.

"I think we better behave ourselves a little bit better. We _are_ house guests, after all."

Ah, we had been heard.

"They did say to make ourselves at home," I gasped.

Oliver chuckled again, and kissed my forehead before pulling himself off me.

"Still, if we don't want you to die from embarrassment when we leave this room, we better stop now."

I sighed and pulled myself upright, folding my arms across my chest to stop my dress from falling away. Oliver stood by the window, staring out of it, as I walked over to my bag to collect some more appropriate clothing to wear. Although Alice had enjoyed playing dress-ups, I was not going to repeat the experience today. I shuffled myself with my armful of clothing to the bathroom, and was horrified by what I saw in the mirror. My hair was a mess of golden curls, sticking out in all directions. I sighed - my hair was a nice colour, but it was uncontrollable. I guess I should have been happy that it had stayed behaved during the wedding. I would have to ask Esme what she had done to make it do that.

My face was also covered with old make-up, not a flattering look. I couldn't imagine what had gotten into Oliver this morning - I was not looking my best. I sighed and climbed into the shower, letting the hot water wash away the leftovers from yesterday, and also to calm me down. I would need to be in full control when I went down and saw the others later - I had a feeling that Emmett would have found this morning's so-called private display more than slightly amusing.

When I arrived back into the bedroom, Oliver was dressed in jeans and a cream sweater. As always, he looked like an angel, my own personal angel. He looked at me from where he sat on the lounge and smiled.

"I liked the dress better, but you still look good." He smiled. "Ready for breakfast…well," he looked at his watch, "…lunch?"

When we went downstairs, we were greeted by a collection of Cullens. I was surprised, but there was no sign of the wedding that had taken place yesterday - everything was perfectly clean and back to normal. Emmett was watching us, failing miserably as suppressing his giggles. Jasper and Rosalie left the room as I came in, and Carlisle and Esme were standing by the bookshelf. Alice bounced over to me, looking furious. On her small frame, it looked vaguely comical.

"After all the effort I put into making you beautiful yesterday, you aren't in the _least_ bit inspired today?"

I looked at myself, wondering what was wrong. I thought my jumper and jeans combo looked perfectly reasonable.

Oliver chuckled.

"You know what they say about leading a horse to water."

She hmphed.

"So, I see you two have been having a good morning." And with that, Emmett descended into bellowing laughter.

For once, I did not blush at this. I felt grumpy - Emmett sort of reminded me of how an older brother would tease you.

"You're just jealous I'm getting more action than you have this morning," I sniped.

I was surprised at myself - I was never this blatant.

"Hah!" Emmett said. "You have _no idea_ what action I've had today…"

"Emmett," Carlisle interrupted. "Rosalie will not be happy with this conversation."

Emmett sighed. "You're safe for now, Aunty K. Next time, you won't be so lucky." And with that he stalked off.

Oliver could hardly contain his laughter as he lead me into the kitchen.

"You're definitely having an effect on vampires this morning, little one," he laughed as he started pulling out pots and pans from the cupboard.

"Oliver, what are you doing? Cereal is more than adequate!"

"Don't be ridiculous, a cooked breakfast is much nicer than that stuff you call food."

"As if you would know," I snapped. "I like cereal."

I _really _did not want to be force fed this morning.

He sighed as he relented, and pulled a box of cornflakes from the cupboard and dumped it in front of me, and went and grabbed milk from the fridge and placed it and a bowl and spoon in front of me.

"Bon appetite."

I sighed as I watched him pout at my choice of food.

"Fine!" I said, throwing my arms in the air. "You win. _But_ I'll just have scrambled eggs on toast. I cannot stomach a banquet this morning."

He smiled as he put my first attempt at breakfast away and flew around the kitchen to prepare his version of breakfast.

After breakfast, we re-entered the lounge, to find that it had been deserted by everyone but Emmett, who was flicking through TV channels.

"They're out hunting," he said despondently.

Oliver smiled, as he watched me yawn. I looked up and saw his eyes were dark once more - I couldn't remember the last time he hunted.

"Go," I said. "You've fed me, it's only fair you feed yourself."

He looked at me, and looked ambivalent.

"It's right, Uncle Oliver." Emmett chuckled at his own joke. "I'll take care of Aunty Kaia. I won't let anything happen to her."

"Go Oliver, I'll be ok, I'll probably just sleep some more."

Oliver looked from Emmett, and then to me, and back to Emmett again.

"If even a hair on her head is out of place when I get back…"

"Oh come on!" Emmett declared. "There isn't a hair on her head that _is_ in place! How is that fair?"

Oliver ignored Emmett as he continued, "If she is not in the exact same condition that I leave her in, you will pay and you will not even get to enjoy it."

"Like to see you try," he muttered competitively, flexing his muscles.

The stare Oliver gave him could have frozen fire.

"Fine! I promise, oh great and terrifying one. She will be fine."

Oliver turned to me and kissed me on the cheek, and then dashed out the door faster than I could see. Emmett grumbled then went back to searching through television channels.

"So," I said as I walked over to the couch where he was sitting. "What was it you were playing with Jasper that other time?"

He looked at me and a cheeky smile crossed her face.

"Chess."

"Didn't look like chess to me," I replied.

He turned to face me.

"It's our version of chess. Your human version is just a bit too easy for us."

I frowned. I didn't like how the way he said it suggested that he thought I wouldn't be able to play.

"Can I have a go?'

"What?" he looked at me incredulously. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. I'm sure I'll cope. I'm quite good at games."

He scoffed at me. "You can try, but be prepared to lose."

I smiled at him. "I'm looking forward to it."

Three games later, and Emmett was in a foul mood. I had just beaten him for the third time, and he did not appreciate loosing.

"You're a human!" he exclaimed as I declared check mate once more.

I grinned evilly at him.

"Did I forget to tell you I'm a genius?"

"You only told me about a hundred times," he grumbled. "But human genius vs. vampire…it's not fair!"

I laughed. Emmett was a lot of fun when he was grumpy. I didn't mind this kind of competition.

Just then, Emmett's head swung to face the large back window, as he suddenly grabbed me and pushed me towards the wall, crouching before me defensively, his muscles wound like spun steel.

"Emmett…what…"

Before I could finish my sentence, Oliver had rushed through the open door, and Emmett had righted himself.

"Oliver?"

"We have to go."

He ran up to me, his eyes flashing to Emmett then back again.

With that, Emmett tensed himself as the rest of the Cullen clan followed him back into the lounge.

"Oliver, what is going on?"

It was Alice that answered, "We're going to have a visitor."

"What?" This didn't make sense - Oliver had just left me in a house with a vampire, what was so worrying about this new one?

"He's not vegetarian," Alice supplied.

"Oh."

Just then, Oliver scooped me up into his arms and ran with me upstairs to the room we were staying in. I smacked his rock hard shoulders with my fists.

"Oliver, put me down!"

I did _not _like being handled like a toy.

He threw me on to the bed, and I gasped as the shock went through my bad arm. For once, my pain did not distract Oliver as he threw my belongings back into my bag. Just then, he came back towards me, and I held my arms away from me to halt him in his tracks.

"Oliver, calm down. You're acting like a maniac…"

"I'm what…" He silenced as I put my finger to my lips.

"You must realise you're overreacting just slightly. For God sakes, we're in a house full of vampires! I don't think anything is going to happen to me _here_ of all places! Besides, if push comes to shove, you can do your fainting trick thing and he won't be able to continue."

"Staying here is _not _an option. We are leaving, _now._ You have to stay safe."

"I _am_ safe. Oliver, calm down!"

"I'll be calm when you're safe," and with that, he threw me back over his shoulder and carried me downstairs with my bag.

Alice was waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

"Oliver, Scott is not going to hurt her."

"You can't tell that," he spat. "I'm not going to risk her life on a psychic's fuzzy vision!"

"Of course I can't see anything," she spat back. "You keep changing your mind! Everything's all mixed up now!"

"Get out of my way before I make you." Oliver's voice was so dark, it scared me.

Suddenly Jasper was by Alice's side. This was the closest together we had been. But she stood aside and sighed, as Oliver brushed past her and walked up to Carlisle.

"Carlisle, my brother, it's been lovely visiting you. I just wish we could stay longer."

"It's fine, Oliver, I understand," Carlisle said, clasping Oliver by his free shoulder. "I do wish you would trust Alice though, she _is_ a rather good predictor of these things. Scott may well be very cordial and not be in the least bit tempted by your Kaia."

"I can't take that risk, I'm sorry. And we really have to go now - he approaches too quickly."

"Take my car," Alice piped up. "It's a lot quicker than your hire car, and that way you can come back after Scott's left."

I looked at the little vampire, and I was grateful to her. If this was my exit from the Cullen's place permanently, I would be terribly embarrassed. I felt like a small child with an overprotective mother (not that I ever had one of those).

Oliver nodded, as Alice threw him the keys. And with that we rushed out the front door and to the garage, where Oliver finally put me on my feet before pushing me into a little yellow Porsche. It took him less than a moment to put my bag in the tiny boot under the bonnet, and join me in the car, where the car roared to life and pulled out of the garage, speeding down the winding driveway so fast it was terrifying. I held on to my seatbelt and closed my eyes, hoping it would be over soon.

About 20 minutes later, Oliver's phone rang and he answered it. He only muttered a word - "Thankyou" - before suddenly we were decelerating to a more acceptable speed. I found now that I was not frozen with fear, I was able to speak.

"Oliver - don't you _ever_ pull a stunt like that again!" I screeched at him. "I have never been so frightened in all my life!"

"I'm so sorry." He looked at me, taking his eyes off the road, which did nothing for my sense of safety. "But you weren't anywhere near Scott - you were safe the entire time."

"Do you think I'm frightened cause of a _vampire?_ Oliver! You were acting like a maniac! First that scene at the Cullens, then the way you've been driving - Look at the road!" He turned back to face the road. "I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life!"

"Wait - you're mad because I tried to _protect_ you?" he sounded in disbelief.

"I didn't need protecting! I was perfectly safe!"

"You have no idea what kind of danger you could have been in…" he growled.

"Nor do you," I muttered.

"Scott is a nomad, he's not like us. He would think _nothing_ of killing you and drinking your blood. And don't think being surrounded by a hoard of vampires would have protected you…the way some vampires react to me…" That wasn't the first time someone mentioned other vampires not reacting well to Oliver, but I decided not to question it right now. "I couldn't risk losing you, Kaia. I couldn't take it."

Oliver had stopped the car, and was looking into my eyes. I could see the fear in them was real, and I felt a little bad for him. He was just trying to protect me. It wasn't his fault he was overprotective.

"It's ok, Oliver," I said, and put my hand against his cheek.

"You're not mad?" he asked.

"No, I'm not mad. Just, try not to be so melodramatic next time, ok?"

He smiled. "Ok," and started to lean in towards me.

Just then, his phone rang, and I sighed, exasperated.

Oliver answered it. "Hello…"

"Oliver! You need to get out of there! Scott's got your scent, he's…" Alice's voice shouted down the phone.

Suddenly, the car was hit from the side, and I could hear the sound of crushing metal as the car was flipped sideways, coming crashing down in the forest next to the road.

I looked around, but Oliver was nowhere to be seen, and I could feel blood running down my forehead. Just as suddenly, a pale skinned man was perched on the edge of the car above me, with black hair flowing in the wind. His red eyes appeared to glow in the dark.

He held still there for just a moment, before lunging at me, dragging me from the wreckage as I heard my leg snap.

Oh God, I was going to die.

Scott had dragged me into the tree and brushed the hair away from my neck, readying himself. I could do nothing as I lay limply in his arms. All I could think about was Oliver, and what my death would do to him. I just wished I could tell him it was ok…

Suddenly my killer was thrown from away from me, as I fell from the tree. I heard a ferocious, guttural snarl and the sound of metal being shredded. I tried to find the source of the sound, but I was in too much pain to move much. My entire world was made of pain.

I rolled onto my back as I gasped from my broken ribs, and looked towards the source of the sound. Oliver was standing there, next to the pile of flames that was the yellow Porsche (Alice would kill us), and there was a faint smell of incense in the air.

He was at my side in an instant, his face contorted with worry.

"It's ok, Kaia. It's over, just hold on…"

I tried to tell him I was ok, but I felt myself slipping away. I could no longer feel his cool hands on my arms, and the sound of his voice was becoming muffled.

And with that, I slipped into darkness.


	10. Chapter 10

When I woke up, I was in hospital. I could hear the beeping of the monitor, telling me my heart was beating. I could smell the scent of disinfectant, of crisp white sheets. And I could feel the pain. All these things told me I was alive, and I couldn't help but sigh in relief.

I felt something cold squeeze my hands.

"Kaia?"

I opened my eyes and he was there, his face contorted with concern and something else that my head was too groggy to pick up on. I smiled at him and squeezed his hand back, but he didn't smile at me. I felt guilty - I had him worried. Me and my stupid human mortality. Me and my stupid enticing scent. He had lived for nearly four hundred years in peace and safety, and then I come along and his own kind turn against him for my blood. My face contorted.

"Kaia? Are you ok? Are you in pain?"

I tried to smile again but it turned into a wince as I tried to pull myself more upright. Oliver's hands fluttered uselessly around me, obviously distressed by my pain but unsure of what he could do about it.

"I'm fine. It hurts, but I'll get over it."

The look of distress on his face was hard for me to deal with, but I couldn't lie to him. He wouldn't buy it for one thing - I probably looked like death warmed up. I knew at least that I had a broken leg - the plaster gave that away - and from the ache in my abdomen I was fairly sure that I'd had at least one operation there…

"What day is it?"

"Wednesday."

Ok, three days. So evidently I was hurt fairly bad if I had been out - probably sedated - for that long. I should have guessed that much considering I was weaker than jelly when compared to the vampire that had attacked me.

"You have a compound fracture of your left femur which has been pinned, and you had a ruptured spleen among other internal injuries. They removed your spleen and stopped the bleeding, but you've needed a blood transfusion."

You can always trust Oliver to tell you everything. The clinician in me sifted through these facts and I felt a little relieved. Remembering the pain of that night, I could have sworn I would have had more serious injuries than that. People got worse injuries in car accidents then I did from a vampire attack.

"Your heart stopped while you were on the table…"Oliver's voice cracked.

I waited for him to start again, but he was looking at the floor, his face pained. Maybe I wasn't as lucky as I thought. I squeezed his hand again, and he looked at me.

"Oliver, I'm fine. Really. It's ok."

He looked down again.

"It's not ok," he said darkly, and didn't say anything else.

"It is, in a few days…" he shot me a glare, "…weeks… we'll be able to go home and put this behind us. I'll probably only need a cast for six weeks, and then it will be all behind us. It will be like this never happened."

"But it did happen, Kaia. You almost died. You did die."

"My heart stopped, Oliver. I didn't die. It's not your fault."

He laughed. "Not my fault? I bring you to meet my vampire extended family and a wandering vampire decides that you smell like a pretty good meal and gets fairly close to killing you and it's not my fault?"

I couldn't believe he was talking about what he was so blatantly. Even when we were on our own, we never _said_ what he was like that. I never knew if it was because he was as uncomfortable with the word as I was, but considering the nonchalance he used the word with now, it probably was for my benefit.

"How can you think it was your fault? You didn't want me anywhere near Scott when he visited but I refused to leave. If anyone was to blame, it's me."

"You're just a human, Kaia. You aren't responsible enough to make that decision," he whispered.

I just stared at him like he'd slapped me in the face, but he wouldn't meet my eyes. I wasn't insulted, just stunned. I always felt inferior due to my mortality when compared to him, but he never made an issue out of it. He always told me how mature I was, how responsible. Was this how he saw me? Like I was a demanding child? I wouldn't be surprised - he had over four hundred years of experience and what did I have? Barely two decades.

I saw something sift across his face. Guilt? Remorse? Pain? The play of emotions in his down-set eyes was too rapid for me to be sure of any, but they quickly solidified. Whatever he was thinking about, he had made his decision.

"I'm so sorry, Kaia. I let this go a lot farther than I intended it to."

I suddenly had a feeling we weren't talking about my accident anymore.

I couldn't say anything, it was like I was disconnected from time, from where I was. I needed something more to tell me what was happening. Oliver didn't disappoint, as the words that shattered my existence came pouring out like water.

"You must understand, I haven't been human in nearly four hundred years, then you came along and suddenly I was feeling things I hadn't felt since my transformation. For once, I felt like I was connected to the world, not just watching it. I knew it was dangerous for you to be with me, not just because of my…thirst…but also because of what I am and what I attract. When I was with you I could pretend I was human again, and that was so much more important than anything else I ignored the danger I was putting you in.

"I just got so caught up with the fantasy. I got to be someone who I never had been before, got to feel things I'd never felt. I got to pretend I was someone I wasn't. And because of that, I sacrificed your safety. For my own twisted enjoyment, I put you in danger. And I'm so sorry."

His eyes, his beautiful eyes bore into me, but they were cold, as if frozen. And I froze too, every inch of my being felt cold as the meaning to his apology sifted through to my heart.

"You're leaving me?" Now it was my turn for my voice to break.

He looked straight at me, his face emotionless. I'm glad I didn't see pity, I couldn't have taken it.

"Kaia, you're a human and I'm a vampire. Our kind is not meant to mix like this. As it is, I am an aberration. It was never going to be possible for us to interact for long. I'm not human, and I can't pretend to be any longer."

"But… Edward and Bella. Their love made it. They're married! We could…"

But he shook his head. "Bella will not be returning from their honeymoon human, Kaia."

"If my mortality is the only problem…then…well…change me, Oliver. Please." I could hear the tenor of my begging. I felt desperate, pathetic.

He looked at me, and finally the pity was there, in his eyes. "But you don't want to be a vampire. You know that. I won't have you changed into some monster just because you're that desperate to keep following me around."

"But I can't…I don't want…it's not worth it without you. I can sacrifice that much if it means you'll stay."

The tears started running down my cheeks, burning with embarrassment. I had never, _never_ in my life shown any weakness, any dependence on anyone else, and suddenly, here I was, being…dumped…and I was begging. I felt pathetic but I couldn't _not_ beg. I was begging for my love. For my life.

He was looking at me, and he looked distressed again. Oliver had never seen me so weak, so vulnerable, so expose, so… human. The distress only lasted for a second, as his eyes froze again. I braced myself for the worst.

"No. _I_ don't want you Kaia. You and I, it was never meant to be forever. Us vampires, we always need a new distraction. You were just a distraction. Now I need to move on. As do you."

I glared at him. I felt the anger well up inside of me as I felt the pain consume me. I had never made myself so vulnerable, I was willing to give up _everything_ I was for this man, but all I was was a distraction? I loved him! Loved him with all my heart and soul, and he had told me he felt the same, but it turns out I was merely a brief distraction?

I should have known. I was never good enough for him. I was just a mere mortal, what could I have ever thought I had to offer a God like Oliver? I felt my anger turn inwards on myself, I couldn't bring myself to bring it to bear on the object of my worship. How could I have been so stupid? And here I was, making the whole separation process more difficult. He never intended for me to get so attached. I was making this difficult for him.

"I know this is hard for you." His voice was soft. "But it's for the best. I will stay with you until I can bring you back to Keyes, but then I'll leave. I won't hurt you anymore."

"No."

"I have to leave. It's for the best."

I looked up at him through my tears.

"No, Oliver. I meant, you don't have to wait till I'm better to leave. It's best if you go now."

"But…you're all alone… in a foreign country… in hospital.."

"Just go, Oliver, I don't need your pity," I spat at him. I couldn't look at him, but I had to give him this one last parting gift. I had to let him go.

He stood. I had almost forgotten how tall he was, how graceful. He floated towards the door without looking at me. At the door jam, he gave me one last glimpse of his face. I tried to memorise each angle, each colour. Without a word, he turned and exited.

And with that, I felt my heart perish.


	11. Chapter 11

"Kaia…"

I felt his breath against my neck. I could hear our ragged breathing, feel my heart, beating with lust and anticipation. I ran my fingers down his perfectly cool, smooth chest, even as my singlet was drenched in sweat. I pulled his face back to mine, trying to prolong this moment, even as I knew it had to end. For a moment, just a brief moment, it felt as though his passion was equal to mine.

The sun was shining through our window, gently breaking into rainbows on his pale skin. I felt him pull away and look me in the eyes, a glint of rebellion in his golden eyes, before he sighed and rolled away from me.

"You have to go Kaia. It's time for work."

And with that, I opened my eyes.

Light shone dimly through the same window from my dream, obscured by the curtains that were always drawn to protect me from the sun, from the memory it brought. Tears poured silently down my cheeks, as they always did in the mornings. Though I managed somehow to avoid him in my thoughts during the day, I never escaped Oliver in my dreams. A million memories, some painful, some bitter sweet, my subconscious felt the need to replay every time my guard was down. It was amazing that I let myself sleep at all.

I looked at the clock. 6am. Okay, evidently three hours sleep was too long to protect me from my dreams. I shall try again tomorrow. I sighed.

I wandered around the house, going about my morning chores like a zombie. I didn't even need to think about these tasks, which was dangerous, because it gave my mind space to think about other things. I couldn't believe it had been three months since I returned from Forks. Ninety-two days. It felt to me that time had somehow been suspended, that the clock should cease to tick, that the world should cease to turn. At the same time, it felt like I'd spent forever in my own personal purgatory.

I remember the day I arrived back in Keyes. I had spent barely three weeks in hospital, and most of those I had spent sedated, and not by choice. Okay, so I had overreacted just a teeny bit when _Dr_ Carlisle Cullen had come to check on me minutes after Oliver's exit. So I had screamed, cried and wailed a bit, did they really think me spending the next two weeks in an induced coma was _healthier_ for me?

I didn't see Carlisle after that last encounter. I didn't see any of the Cullens. Evidently, they must have thought it was better for me if they too ceased to exist in my world. When my doctors finally felt able to stop sedating me - which translates into when I was able to prevent myself crying every time the numbness subsided - I started asking to go home. I didn't feel the need to stay in hospital. My leg would heal just as well in Australia, my abdominal trauma had healed. If I hadn't been a foreigner, (and if I hadn't had such a fragile mental state), I probably would have only been in for a week. I felt like I was taking up space. Besides, I wanted to escape the sympathy that emanated from them.

I finally managed to convince them to let me leave five days after I "woke up". While I hobbled out of the room that had been my own personal hell for nearly a month, I expected to be led to the finance desk to pay for my stay, but instead they were leading me straight towards the exit.

"Wait, I haven't paid for my bills yet," I told the orderly that was helping bring my possessions to the cab that was waiting to take me to the airport.

He turned to stare at me, sympathy in his eyes (did _everyone_ here know?) "You're account has already been paid for."

I didn't need for him to continue his sentence. I knew the rest _…by your ex-boyfriend._ I sighed. Even though he wasn't the man I thought he was (well, to be honest, he was finally the man I thought he should be - I had never been good enough for him), I still knew him well enough to know he would have felt the need to pay for my medical expenses, seeming he felt responsible for them in the first place.

Bloody generous vampire.

My trip home was tiring but uneventful. _Someone_ had paid for my return trip…in first class, of all things. I was glad that on the small RFDS plane I hopped to Keyes that there was no such option as first class. When I arrived, Ruth was waiting for me with Dr Young at the airstrip. She walked over and hugged me, and I felt the desperate need to cry but didn't. Dr Young picked up my bags and put them in his Range Rover, and helped me hobble over to the car. No-one spoke on the way home, for which I was glad. Thinking was too painful for me then. It's still too painful for me now.

Since arriving home, I _think_ I've been fairly good at dealing with how I'm feeling around others. I may not go out as much as I used to, but a near-death experience seems to be a good enough excuse for the others to swallow. I do however spend much more time at work. Much more time than I get paid for. It only seems like I'm able to _not_ think about the past four months when my mind is otherwise occupied, which is what I've been trying to do ever since arriving home. My day starts at four pm, when I get ready for the night shift I now take every day of the week, including weekends. On busy nights (and there are a lot of busy nights), I manage to keep my mind occupied. It's harder on quiet nights, but I've taken to Sudoku puzzles. Numbers take up a lot of room in my head, and nothing about them would lead me to think of other things. I don't know how many puzzle books I've gone through, but I'm starting to think I should invest in one of those computer programs that generate them. I'll have to look into that next time I go to Broome. Night shift ends at 3am (funny time, I know, but law states that we're not allowed to work for more than 12 hours), where I go home and go to sleep. I then go to work at 9am at the clinic, which takes up my morning, and finish at 1pm where upon I go home and "sleep" (usually I clean my house - it's unnaturally spotless) until 4pm, when I start my day all over again.

I'm not sure if the others find my busy timetable disturbing. As an intern, I was meant to be limited to seventy-six hours a fortnight, and I'm meant to be supervised at all times, neither of which was actually happening. No-one's ever brought it up, though, which I can only be thankful for, although it is probably due to the fact they've got someone to fill in the gap, seeming we're one doctor down…

Oliver never returned to Keyes. Ruth told me that she received a phone call from him after my accident, saying he had been offered a job on the Gold Coast and he was taking it. She couldn't tell him no, seeming he was working in Keyes without a contract. He never even came back to collect his belongings - he didn't need to: he owned his house, and he had enough money that he didn't need to sell his house and he could always buy more possessions. One of the perks of being able to save for four hundred years. I asked which hospital had offered him a job, knowing full well he wouldn't be there (sunlight and Oliver were hardly friends, and the yuppie clientele he was bound to encounter in such a location he would not be able to stomach), and she gave me the name of a hospital known for it's secrecy, because mostly it dealt with plastic surgery for "celebrities", so even if he was there, I would never be able to find out.

The phone rang, and I was glad. My mind had managed to slip away from me, which was always a dangerous thing. It was Ruth.

"Kaia, I'm sorry for waking you, but it's an emergency…"

"It's ok, Ruth, I was already awake…"

"Oh…but it's six am, you only got home three hours ago…"

"I know…I mean, I _was_ asleep, but I'd just gotten up to go to the toilet…you said something about an emergency?" I had to distract her, I didn't want our motherly matron knowing how pathetic my life had become.

"Burke Walker has shot his brother and wife. We haven't been able to get near them, but when we do, we'll need more help than Greg can provide."

My mind spun. Burke was one of the few permanent residents of Keyes and the surrounding area apart from the Warrengibie. His family were pastoralists, had been for over a century. He was a bit rough, but he was always so happy, I couldn't believe he'd shot Shirley. He loved her more than life itself. And his brother, Hooper?

"What happened?"

"Burke finally found out that Shirley and Hooper have been doing the dirty on him, and he snapped."

Trust Ruth to know. She was the heart of knowledge for this small town. If someone sneezed in Keyes, you could be sure Ruth knew about it.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

I rushed over to the Walker homestead, to find most of Keyes there. Miners with their yellow hard hats and orange vests created a perimeter. I was looking for Dr Young. I couldn't see him through the throng of people, but I could hear him.

"Burke, please, put the gun down. Shirley is hurt. Please let me have a look at her."

"Step back, Doc. I'm serious - take a step fucking back!"

I pushed my way through the crowd, towards the voices. Suddenly I stumbled between the front row of people, and I was shocked by the scene. Hooper Walker lay face down in the red dirt, the back of his head blown out. I knew my help wouldn't be needed for him. Shirley was wailing in the background, obscured behind her mountain of a husband who stood with a pistol pointed at Greg Young. She was holding a blood red tea towel to her leg, but blood was welling up through her fingers as she pressed on it. She looked pale. Dr Young stood there, a medical bag between his legs, his hands up, begging Burke to put the gun down.

When I had fallen through the crowd, Burke turned to look at me.

"Dr Snow…"

I stood up and brushed myself off.

"Hello Burke."

He then pointed the gun at me. "Take a step back, Doc, I don't want to hurt you."

I took a step forward. "I know you don't want to hurt me, Burke. Please, put the gun down."

He looked frozen as he watched me take one step forward, then another, picking up Dr Young's forgotten medical bag on the way past. I don't know what propelled me, but I knew I couldn't stop myself from slowly moving forwards.

"Kaia, what do you think you're doing?" Dr Young hissed at me, but I ignored him.

Burke's hand was shaking as he pointed the gun at me.

"Burke, put the gun down."

"Stop where you fucking are or God help me, Doc, I'll shoot you fucking dead."

"No you won't, Burke, I know you're better than this."

He looked at me helplessly, his mouth moving like a fish.

"Shirley is hurt, Burke. I know you didn't mean to hurt her, but she needs help. Let me help her."

He glanced at his wife, then back at me, tears in his eyes.

"She's going to leave me Doc. I couldn't let her leave me."

"I know, Burke, I know what it's like. When someone you love more than life itself leaves you. It hurts, more than anyone can imagine. I can't blame you for doing what you did, but isn't her safety more important, Burke? More so than your own life? Even if you ceased to exist, wouldn't you want her to be happy?"

I had crossed the space between us so quickly, and yet that time had seemed like an eternity. Burke was shaking his head, his whole body trembling. He pressed the gun to my head.

"With my own _brother_," he whispered.

I shut my eyes and stopped moving, feeling the warm barrel against my forehead. I could hear my breathing, but it didn't sound ragged or anxious - it sounded peaceful.

"It hurts, Burke. I know. Every day is painful, and all you wish is…for the pain to end. You would do anything for that, for the pain to stop," I whispered, whether more to him or myself, I couldn't tell. "Please."

I heard the gun cock, and heard the gasps of our audience, but that didn't matter.

"Please," I whispered again.

Suddenly I felt the gun removed from my forehead. I opened my eyes and saw Burke crying in a heap in front of me. He had thrown his gun away. Miners rushed forward to restrain the already defeated man.

"Please help her, Doc," he moaned.

I couldn't even remember what I was there for. I just stood there, stunned at what went passed. I couldn't think of what I was asking Burke for. Put the gun down, or to end my pain?

I must have been having a worse day than I thought.

Dr Young grabbed me then and pulled me towards our quarry. Shirley was just lying there, even paler than before, her hands pressed limply against her thigh. Her eyes were fixed on my face, fear in them. As was Greg's, even as he worked to apply a tourniquet to Shirley's leg to prevent any more blood loss.

We rushed Shirley back to the hospital and gave her fluids. I don't remember how long we worked to make sure her leg was stable so she could be flown to Broome to get her femoral artery repaired. My mind was elsewhere, swirling through the evening, playing my conversation with Burke over and over in my head. I think Greg knew my mind wasn't with him. Even as I worked., he said nothing to me, only glancing at me nervously every now and then.

I wiped my bloody gloved hand across my head when we were finished. I knew it probably had left a smear, but I didn't care. I collapsed into a chair and closed my eyes. I'm not sure how long I sat there for, but Ruth was there when I opened my eyes.

"Dr Snow, we need to talk," she told me, her face nervous, her arms folded across her ample chest, "Clean up, then meet me in my office."

I made my way slowly to the DON office, where Ruth waited for me. I felt anxious, an emotion I was now realising was the very least I should have been feeling earlier. Why did she want to talk to me? Did she want to comfort me after such a traumatic event like having a gun held to my head, or was she as worried as I was that I didn't have the appropriate reaction to the event. Once more, Oliver strayed into my thought. _He_ would have had more than an appropriate emotional response for us both to Burke holding a gun against my head. To be perfectly honest, I would have been surprised if he had let Burke get that close to me. If he had felt the way he had promised.

I felt the pain wash over me again, as it always did when I thought of Oliver. And I thought of him much too frequently. I had thought that given time, he would escape my thoughts, but if anything, time had lowered my barriers so thoughts of him managed to sneak through more frequently.

I thought often about our relationship, trying to pinpoint exactly where my expectations of it had deviated from reality and moved into fantasy. I guess that's why I dreamt of him so frequently. I remember the way it felt when I was in his arms, how safe I felt. I remember all the promises he made me when it was just him and me. How he told me he loved me, that he would never leave me…and it was a lie.

No. I couldn't accept that. I would truly die if I did. Oliver _had_ loved me. At the time. I knew in my heart that I knew him, that I knew how his mind worked and how he felt. Before, when it was just him and me separate from the whole supernatural world, he had loved me. He had wanted to be with me forever. I had made him happy, as he had made me happy. While we lived in our own little bubble, we had been happy. But the problem was that I was nothing compared to the rest of the world. Once we ventured from the haven that was Keyes, his eyes were opened. He realised that I was just another mortal, that there was so much more to see and do than I had to offer. It wasn't his fault I was so ordinary. He had done his best, I am sure, to try and keep thinking he cared for me the way he thought he had. He wasn't lying when he said he loved me, just as he wasn't lying when he said he didn't anymore. He had just had his perspective changed.

I sighed. I realised I had stopped in the corridor, tears running down my face. I would have to control myself better for the conversation that was coming. Somehow I sensed that no matter what topic it was on, it wouldn't be pleasant for me.

I felt sorry for Ruth. Ruth, pretty much the mother for everyone here at this hospital, even though she wasn't very old. I think she is only in her late thirties, but somehow she always felt older, more mature than that to me. Ruth had moved to Keyes sixteen years ago when she was pregnant with her son, Darcy. No-one in town knew exactly why Ruth, at that stage a very young remote area nurse, had decided to move to such an out of the way place, but everyone had their suspicion it had something to do with the parentage of Darcy. His dark skin and curls hinted at a local connection, but no-one ever had the guts to ask outright whether his father could be found closer to home. As it was, Darcy never interacted with the Warrengibie, he enjoyed spending his time hanging out with the miner's kids instead. Besides, Ruth was such an asset to this community that even the desire held for petty gossip wasn't enough to risk her relationship with the community.

Thinking about Ruth distracted me enough to stem the flow of tears. I still couldn't believe how emotional I've become since Oliver left. Before him, I had never worn my heart on my sleeve. I had never made my emotions available to anyone. Turns out, once you start letting your emotions out, you can't put them away out of sight again. I'd become emotionally incontinent.

Now that I felt more composed, I was able to enter Ruth's office. I would have knocked, but the door was already open. Besides, I knew she was waiting for me. When I entered the room, she was seated behind her desk, her head in her hands. She looked tired. The fatigue made her appear younger, scared. For once I saw the young woman that she should be, who had been buried beneath all the responsibility that comes from being a medico in a remote location. She obviously didn't want to have this conversation as much as I did.

"Kaia, please sit," she said as she lifted her head and waved at a chair.

I closed the door silently behind me - it seemed appropriate - and slid into the waiting chair. I didn't say anything - I waited for her to make the first move.

"Kaia. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to send you back to Broome with the next RFDS flight."

I sat there, stunned. She was getting rid of me? Why? I had assumed that the difficulty of recruitment to remote locations would have protected me from this. For God's sake, we hadn't even filled Oliver's position yet!

"What? Why?"

"I'm sorry Kaia but I've let this go on a lot longer than I should have." Did she realise how much her words echoed Oliver's? "It was selfish for me to do so. But after today, I see that it was the wrong choice."

"If you're talking about today, that was nothing! I was fine!"

"Kaia, you walked up to an armed man and he held a gun in your face and you didn't flinch! How is that ok?"

"It was _Burke_! I was in no danger!"

She looked flabbergasted. "He had just killed his brother and shot his wife."

"He was in pain."

"That makes it ok? Kaia, you had no idea whether or not Burke Walker was dangerous or not. I don't think you cared."

That silenced me. I waited for the onslaught.

"I'm sorry Kaia, I don't know why, if it was because of your accident," …my incident with a vampire had been put down to a car accident. Something about faulty break lines. Not sure who had invented that story, but I could guess… "or if it's because Dr Monroe left, but you haven't been the same since you got back. You haven't been you in a very long time, and we've tried to be patient," …I wondered who was included in the we… "we thought _maybe_ if we gave you time, you'd be able to heal on your own. But you haven't gotten any better, Kaia. And now you're putting yourself in danger! We can't sit aside and wait for something worse to happen. You need help."

Ruth's eyes were only filled with concern, and I felt bad for her. But I didn't agree with what she was saying. How could she possibly believe that leaving would be good for me? And what did she know of my pain?

"What, may I ask, have I done _wrong_ since I got back. I only took a week off work after getting home. In fact, I have worked more than enough extra hours to cover for Dr Monroe's absence to make up for my time off. I have _never_ been anything less than professional, _never _put any of my patients at risk. I am a good doctor. Sure, I haven't been happy, what a surprise seeming I was in a car accident and then my boyfriend left me for a cushy job on the east coast. I'm sorry if I haven't been bouncing around with the joys of spring, but even if I had been, you'd probably just think I was high on something!" I could hear the anger in my voice, and I was sorry. I just hoped Ruth knew it wasn't directed at her, but at myself. I had thought my behaviour since my return was above reproach.

"Of course I could understand that you've had a rough couple months Kaia. I know better than anyone else how that can be. But you haven't been behaving like people do when they've been dumped, Kaia. You've been here but you haven't. You're a shell. You're capable of making conversation and doing your job, but your heart hasn't been here. It's been like you died."

I shuddered. I had felt like I had died. I hadn't thought other people had noticed. How horribly had I failed at my charade…

"Greg and I have been talking, and we think you need professional help. You could have post traumatic stress disorder. Or you could be depressed. It's beyond us here to help you Kaia. We just want you to be safe…" Ah, the other part of "we" had been revealed.

"I would like to think that you and Dr Young have better things to do with your time than talk about my life behind my back."

"It's not like that, Kaia. You know it's not."

"So you're going to send me away…"

I couldn't believe it, but tears started streaming down my face. Now it was my turn to put my head in my hands, the only way I could even attempt to hide this sudden silent flood.

We sat in silence for a while, I could feel her eyes upon me but I didn't look up. I knew she knew I was crying, but still I didn't want her to see me. I heard a chair scrape against the floor, and the sound of her shoes as she walked to me and wrapped her arms around me. But still I sat there, not moving. Neither of us made a sound.

"I can't leave, Ruth. I wouldn't cope. I don't have a home to go to, I don't have any friends, and my family are less than helpful," I whispered into my hands.

She squeezed me around my shoulders. "It's going to be ok Kaia."

"No it's not," I snapped. "I don't want to go."

She sighed and released me. I looked up. Her warm brown eyes looked into mine, she looked so motherly. I just looked at her, waiting for her to speak.

"I.." she stammered. "I don't know what to do, Kaia. This is probably weak of me, but I'm not going to send you away. _But_ I am going to get a psych registrar to come and have a talk to you. If he thinks you need to go, you will go. But you can stay in Keyes till then."

I felt triumphant. I was staying! And, if she was waiting for a psych registrar to come to _Keyes_ before she evicted me, then I was pretty much assured to stay forever. We _never_ got specialist visits, even the ones not completely trained yet.

"Thank-you," I said fervently.

I stood up and she hugged me once more.

"Please keep yourself safe, Kaia," she said into my shoulder.

I hugged her back and nodded. I couldn't give her more than that. I didn't think I could promise anyone anything at the moment.


	12. Chapter 12

A week later, Ruth called me to her office to tell me that the psych registrar was visiting tomorrow. She had taken me off work for the day, but I was to be there for his arrival at midday. I was floored. I had no idea what strings she had to pull to organise this. This had to be the first time anything close to a specialist had ever come to Keyes.

I felt an overwhelming dread over the coming consultation. I knew Ruth had said I could stay, but that promise had a caveat - the psych registrar had to agree with it. I had never got the whole psych thing. I understood it was important, I mean, most of the time, it's the discussion that helps the patient more than the medicine, but I just couldn't come to grips with why talking about your unfortunate childhood would make you feel better. Why telling some stranger all your embarrassing secrets would be a relief. Besides, that point was fairly moot with me. I was fairly sure if I told the coming quack that I was in a bad mood cause my vampire boyfriend left me because I wasn't immortal or interesting enough for him, I wouldn't be able to stay in Keyes.

I stumbled around the house aimlessly. I couldn't think of the last time I had taken the afternoon off. The sun was still up in the sky, and my perpetually drawn curtains were not enough to keep all the light from sneaking in. My house was already clean - I had done it after I did my morning shift at the clinic - and I had no more Sudoku puzzles to do. There was nothing interesting on TV, in fact, it was so uninteresting that it would probably only let my mind drift more. It was too early for sleep, even though I was dead tired. I don't think my dreams were congruent with keeping my mental health good enough to fool Dr Freud tomorrow.

So I decided to read a book. Only problem was that the only book I hadn't read a hundred times before was a cookbook. Oh well, it would have to do. So I sat down, and I read it. I read through breads and sauces, cakes and biscuits, mains, desserts…had to admit, it made me hungry.

So I went for a wander down to the shop to pick up ingredients for creamy peppercorn pappardelle (at least, whatever ingredients I could get and substitutes for others - remote groceries are _really_ lacking in variety), came home and started cooking.

I was feeling proud of myself. I had kept myself occupied, and I was even cooking myself a meal. Why anyone would feel the need to be worried about me, I didn't know. My dinner was actually starting to smell pretty good. Well, at least _humans_ would think so.

I remember when I cooked with Oliver around. Meal times were one of the many times I was aware of how much more than human he was. He would sit at the table, watching me, and when the aroma finally drifted around him, he would screw up his nose. I always told him that he didn't have to be around as I ate, but he always said that while he could put up with small things like bad odours, he couldn't put up with not being around me…

Oh dear. Not as occupied as I thought.

I felt my heart squeeze as my legs involuntarily folded beneath me. I wrapped my arms around my legs and rocked myself backwards and forwards until the pain of the memory subsided. By then, I could smell burning. I jumped up and took the pasta off the stove, but most of it had already burnt. I sighed as I turned the hot plates off and started plating up my food. I brought it over to the table and started to eat.

I managed to keep myself occupied for the rest of the evening, but I did eventually run out of things to do and decided that sleep was the best option. Even if I did dream, I hoped my early night would allow me to wake early enough to get my emotions in check before my appointment with the shrink.

I was surprised when I woke at nearly ten the next morning. I couldn't remember what I dreamed about, but still my pillow was soaked with the tears I shed. The sleep-in was almost a relief. It meant that I had no time to think about what was coming. In fact, I was in such a rush, I didn't have time to think about anything, which could only be a good thing.

It was nearing midday as I arrived at the airstrip in my Land Cruiser. I sat in the car with the music on loud, waiting for the small plane to appear in the sky. I finally saw the small RFDS plane coming in to land, so I got out to stand next to my car. I wanted to look as professional as possible.

I waited as the plane landed, and was washed in the shower of red dust that accompanies a landing, and I waited as the door swung down and a dark figure in a loose white shirt and jeans climbed out. I smiled as I recognised the passenger.

"Hey, Dale!" I called over. My medico that looked after me on my flight to Broome all that time ago, the man who had revealed that Oliver Monroe was the Warrengibie's Liiver Man, a soul drinker. How could I ever forget him?

He smiled at me and loped over, the most graceful man I had ever seen, with only one exception.

"Hi Kaia! How's it going?"

"Oh, you know. Is someone else on the plane? I was told a psych registrar was coming in on it." No need to mention the psych was intended for me.

"Nope, just me"

"Oh, so is there another flight coming today?"

"Kaia, I _am _the psych registrar. Well, I used to be one anyway, and I was told that would be adequate for your needs." He flashed me a brilliant smile.

"You're the psych reg? I thought you were an emergency doc?"

"I _was _a psych reg, I'm now an emergency doc. Things change, you know. So, where do you want to chat with me? I'm all happy for this airfield but I think it's a bit dusty."

"Oh, well, I guess my consulting room at the hospital is vacant."

"Do you think people would get the wrong idea if you invited me home?"

I glared at him, but his eyes were joking. I forced a smile to my face. He seemed slightly taken aback by my expression.

"Consulting room is good. Come on, lead the way good doctor."

Dale got settled pretty quickly after we arrived at my office. He sat in the chair intended for the patient, and I managed to retain the doctor's position in the room. I wondered - had it been someone else's room, would we have had the same arrangement? Dale fooled around with items in his backpack, pulling out a small notepad and pen, before leaning back and putting on glasses. I had to stifle a laugh.

He smiled at me, wagging his eyebrows at me in encouragement.

"So, who wants to start?"

_Neither_ a rebellious part of me said, but instead I told him, "I think it's traditional you start."

"That's true enough. It's just that most of my questions are going to be really unimaginative. So, can you start by telling me what's happened to bring you to me today?"

I looked at him. For a man I had only ever met once before today, he looked awfully familiar. Admittedly, he was a greater part of my life than he knew, a fulcrum of fate, but still, I felt comfortable with him here. Like you would with an older brother. It was a shame that we had to reunite under such circumstances. All that being said, I was still worried about how much I should disclose to him. Wanting to keep my job warred with me wanting to be truthful. I sighed but began my story.

"I confronted an armed man who had killed his brother and shot his wife last week. My DON thought it wasn't normal for me to do this and called you."

He just sat there, waiting for me to continue.

"She's worried I'm depressed or have PTSD because three months ago I went through…a traumatic event…"

"I'm sorry to hear that. What sort of traumatic event?"

"I was in a car accident while I was in the US. The breaks were faulty. I ended up in hospital with a broken leg and I lost my spleen, but otherwise I was unharmed."

"That must have been difficult for you."

"Not really."

He watched me, knowing I was omitting something from my story. I sighed once more, figuring if I didn't tell him, he would talk to Ruth and then I'd be in trouble.

"No, what was difficult was that Oliver broke up with me while I was recuperating in hospital. I don't know if you knew, but I dated Dr Monroe for almost five months…"

I wondered how he would take this, I mean, he knew the tales of Liiver Man, but did he have any belief in them?

"I hadn't heard. I'm sorry it didn't work out. I'm sorry to ask, but why did Oliver decide to end your relationship?"

It was difficult to hear someone say Oliver's name. It felt like the only thing I had left of him that belonged to me.

"We wanted different things from it. He didn't want to lead me on. Besides, he got offered a new job and I couldn't follow him. He just wanted to end it before it got even more difficult for me if he left." The words were true enough, and they hurt. I desperately tried to hold back my tears.

"That sounds fairly harsh. Him leaving you right after your accident."

"No." I looked him in the eye - I did not want Oliver judged; he was right to leave. "I told him to leave. He wanted to stay with me until I got home. It wasn't fair on him. He's always so self-sacrificing."

"So why are you having difficulty adjusting to his absence?"

"Because…" I shook my head, where to start? "I miss him. He used to be the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing I saw at night. He made the long work days bearable. He was an amazing teacher. With him, I learnt more about myself than I ever had on my own. I felt for once in my life that I was complete, that I had a family. For the first time in my life I allowed myself to be dependent on someone other than myself. I'm only doing so badly because of how selfish I am. I should be happy for him in his new life, but I can't. I feel like I only have half of who I was before…"

He just looked at me, unjudging, as the words poured out of me uncontrollably. I'd forgotten how emotionally incontinent I was at the moment. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes, threatening me. I pulled myself up before they had a chance to escape.

"I've just been down cause I'm trying to rewrite who I am on my own. I'm waiting to find my feet. It's just taken a little longer than anticipated. But I'm truly fine. I love my job and I love being in Keyes. I'm not sure what I'd do if I had to leave."

He was looking at me, as an aura of professionalism started to surround him. I braced myself for his questions.

"In the past four weeks, how often did you feel tired for no good reason?"

"Please, Dale, don't do a K10 on me."

"Kaia, in the past four weeks, how often did you feel tired for no good reason?"

"I don't want to do this, Dale. Besides, what's the point if I already know which answers to give?"

"Because I'm hoping that you'll be truthful with me. I want to help you." The look of pleading in his eyes, if anything, made me even more frustrated. Did he really think I was depressed?

"Fine! In the past 4 weeks, I have felt tired some of the time. I have felt nervous some of the time, but I haven't felt so nervous that nothing could calm me down. I feel hopeless most of the time, I also feel restless and fidgety most of the time. And for some of the time I was so restless I couldn't sit still. I feel depressed some of the time, and all the time everything feels like an effort. I am always so sad that nothing could cheer me up, and I always feel worthless, except when I'm doing my job, which by answering these questions, I am probably going to lose too. So do you think I'm depressed, Dale?"

He sat in silence for a second, looking reasonably depressed himself.

"_Are_ you depressed, Kaia?"

I sighed with frustration.

"I don't know, what does my K10 answers tell you?" I answered sardonically.

"Have you ever wished that you didn't exist?"

He wasn't going to answer my question. Evidently he felt I already knew.

"Have you ever had thoughts about dying?"

I wasn't going to dignify his question with an answer.

"Have you ever made any plans in regard to killing yourself?"

"Have you tried to get your affairs in order?"

"Have you ever attempted to kill yourself?"

"No!" I couldn't stand the barrage of questions any longer. "Dale, I don't want to kill myself. I have never even _thought_ of killing myself. The first I found out that people thought I was depressed was when Ruth pulled me into her office and told me I had to talk to you. I am fine. Honestly!"

"Then why are you being so defensive?"

"Because I've got someone asking me if I have plans to top myself! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel when people think of me that way?"

"We just want to help, Kaia."

"But this isn't help! If I wanted your help, I would ask for it! This just makes me feel even worse about the entire situation. I never meant for anyone else to get involved with this."

Dale just looked at me, evaluating me.

I sighed and put my head in my hands.

"Please tell me this is over."

"It's over, Kaia. I'm not going to suggest you leave Keyes. I do think that you are probably depressed, but as long as you think you're managing with it and working towards resolving it, I'm happy with you to stay here. Just promise me that if you do ever think about hurting yourself, you let someone know, whether that's me, or Ruth, or Dr Young."

"I can promise you that much, Dale." I smiled at him.

He smiled back at me, as I continued to grin like an idiot. I was safe. I could stay. Sure, he thought I was depressed, but he didn't think I was suicidal, which was good. And he'd be gone on the next flight so then I could go back to the way things were.

"So, seeming I'm sort of marooned here for a while, how about we go out to dinner?"

I looked at my clock, surprised at how late it already was. It was already 5:30. How long did our conversation really go for?

"I haven't got anything to cook."

"How bout we go out for a meal. I wouldn't want to inconvenience you."

"Only place to eat out is the pub and you can guess how good food there is."

"Think I can manage with pub food."

He smiled at me again, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Ok, off to the pub we go."


	13. Chapter 13

"So, what's your poison? Beer? Wine?"

I looked at him incredulously, "You've just flown three hours and talked to me all afternoon cause you think I'm depressed and you want to get me a depressant?"

A grin crossed his face. "Oh, so soft drink ok?"

"Coke would be great."

I watched as Dale went and navigated the bar to get us some drinks, and I sighed. I _should_ be worried about having dinner with my would-be shrink, but it was just so hard to feel anything less than comfortable with Dale Wannapingu. I looked at him with his understated grace, weaving between the miner patrons of this establishment and I felt guilty. This man wanted to be my friend and all I had done was use him for my own benefit thus far. I didn't really know anything about him.

Dale rejoined me at the table just then, setting the drinks down at the table. I pulled my coke over to me and took a sip.

"Do you have any idea how hard it was convincing the barkeep that I didn't mean rum and coke? He didn't make that mistake, did he?"

I took another sip and tried to look contemplative.

"No, tastes normal to me."

I forced a smile to my face. Must have been convincing because Dale smiled back.

"I hope you don't mind, but I ordered dinner while I was there. I figured with a choice between roast and roast, you'd pick roast."

Time to force another smile to my face.

Dale sighed. "You have no idea how strange it feels to be back here. The last time I spent any significant amount of time in Keyes was when I was 18 and still in med school. And yet it hasn't changed. Like the Bermuda Triangle or something."

"I think I can understand that. I haven't been back to visit my parents since I started medical school. That was what, seven years ago now? I very much doubt Nimbin would have changed any either."

"Nimbin, wow," he guffawed. "I thought the only people that lived there were ageing hippy pot smokers who were fighting the establishment."

"You've just given the perfect description of my parents."

"_Really?_" Dale sounded as surprised as most people did when they heard what my parents were like.

"And you're exactly like your parents?"

"…I guess you're right."

"So…how does a boy from Keyes end up a doctor in Broome anyway?" I'm sorry, but the question was killing me. Keyes State School was hardly known for it's academic prowess.

"Same way you did. Studied hard, went to uni, graduated…you know, the usual."

I grimaced. I was hoping for a more detailed answer.

"You don't like it when you don't know things, do you?" He leaned forwards towards me.

"I don't like things I don't understand. There's a difference."

"You don't understand how an Aboriginal boy growing up in the middle of nowhere becomes a doctor? So much for closing the gap…"

I sighed, exasperated. "It's not like that. There's nothing strange about what you did, I just wanted to know how it happened. I _like_ back stories. It had nothing to do with you being Indigenous!"

"You don't have to get huffy, I know you're not like that." He smiled at me. "I guess I don't understand how a girl raised by hippies becomes a doctor and then runs away to the country either."

"That story's easy. I became a doctor to rebel against my parents; I came to Keyes to get as far away from them as possible."

He laughed. "I'm sure there's more to you than that."

"Of course there is. I've just had enough of reliving my life for one day. Tell me a bit about yours."

He sighed dramatically and leaned back into his chair, folding his arms behind his head.

"I'm sure your story would be far more interesting."

"To you anyway."

"Fine." He leaned forwards once again towards me. "I was able to become a doctor because of a teacher I had, Mr Martin. He came out here to teach when I was young and he felt sorry for me. My mother was an alcoholic and my father was never a part of my life. I didn't exactly have the best upbringing, but then how many of us kids from the community did? Mr Martin came to Keyes to teach us Warrengibie kids out in the communities, he was a bit of an idealist. Believed that everyone had a right to an education, so he was trying to lead others by doing. Two weeks a month he would come down to Keyes and teach us. Anyway, he sort of became a father figure to me. I liked the whole structure of school, I guess it was my way of rebelling against my mother." He winked at me. "When I was twelve, he got me a scholarship at a private school in Perth. So I went to boarding school, studied hard and got into medical school. When I was 18 and was no longer forced to come back to Keyes, I stopped coming. Mr Martin was more family to me then my mother was. She died the same year. Liver failure. I wasn't even told she died until after the funeral."

Dinner had just been placed in front of us. I had to say, it looked less than appetising.

"I'm sorry to hear that. It must have been tough." I reached forward and put my hand on his.

He smiled at me.

"Not really. It was sort of a relief that I wouldn't have to drag myself back up here for a funeral. You have no idea how long our funerals take. And with all the drinking, there's normally other funerals that follow as a result." The smile he had on his face was cynical. "Besides, my mother had been dead for a long time, longer than I had been alive. She died the day she took up the drink, her body was just too drunk to notice before then."

He pulled his hand away. "I'm sorry, this isn't the type of topic I normally bring up when taking a beautiful woman out to dinner."

I couldn't believe it, but I blushed. Our eyes met for just a moment too long.

"…Dale…"

He leaned back and picked up his cutlery. "So, are we going to eat?"

He was obviously trying to break the awkwardness of the situation. I wasn't going to prevent him from doing so.

We sat in silence while we ate our poorly cooked dinner, my mind, at least, deep in thought.

What was that a minute ago? I had blushed, and then…I didn't want to think about it. Whatever was going through Dale's head at that moment was none of my business at worst, irrelevant at best. He would be leaving tomorrow on an RFDS flight. I had no idea when I would see him again. There was no need for me to deal with whatever that was.

So why wasn't I glad?

I was surprised when I saw Dale in Ruth's office the next day when I came in for my morning shift. I had assumed he had left on the plane that came in that morning for a retrieval. When he saw me, he smiled and waved me over. But I didn't go over to him - our dinner had never recovered from that awkward moment last night, and I had no idea how much of that awkwardness would have carried over to today.

When I went home at lunchtime, Dale was still there, this time waiting outside my office.

"Hi Kaia, looking forward to night shift?"

"Dale, I'm surprised to see you here. I didn't know plane rides back to Broome were that hard to come by. You must be bored stiff."

He looked guilty for a second. "Oh…I thought you knew. I'm not going back to Broome, I've been offered Dr Monroe's spot…"

He stopped as soon as he saw the look of grief cross my face. I knew Oliver had been gone for such a long time, but somehow filling his position made it feel so… final. He really wasn't coming back.

Dale walked over, grasped my shoulders and looked me in the eye.

"Kaia, are you ok?"

Composure was hard to come by, but I felt like I managed it.

"Yeah." I forced a smile to my face. "That's great. It'll be good to have you around. I guess I won't be needed here as much."

He smiled back at me, looking relieved. "I'm glad you don't think you'll get sick of me."

"Well, if I do, at least I'll have the flexibility to change me timetable." I winked at him.

Some days human interaction always felt so forced.

"So, are you doing the nightshift?" I squeaked.

"Yes," he smiled. "Dr Young is just getting a little bit old to be kept up all night. And I'll be doing the outreach clinics. Something about me being black…" He winked.

I couldn't help but smile. He just oozed happiness.

"So when do you start?"

"Tonight. Might as well not prolong the inevitable."

"I guess. I hope you're not stuck getting dinner from the pub again."

"Is that an invitation for dinner, Dr Snow?" A cheeky grin crossed his face.

"What…No…I mean…it could be…" I stuttered

"Sounds good to me, 5:30 ok?" His grin just got wider, like he got some sick pleasure from my awkwardness.

"Fine, 7 it is. Lasagne ok?"

Dale leaved through the well-worn books on the shelf in my lounge as I pulled the lasagne from the oven. He pulled out a heavy book, and I heard it thud as he put it on the table. I looked over.

"The complete works of William Shakespeare?"

"What, you think I can't appreciate the works of the bard?" He looked up at me and grinned, flicking the pages between his fingers. "Looks like you do."

"Actually, I don't like Shakespeare."

I heard him flip the pages between his fingers, as if to illustrate the opposite.

"Really?"

I sighed and walked over to him, removing my oven mitts, and sat down next to him as I waited for the lasagne to stand.

"No, I really don't. I read him because I don't understand him. There's not a lot of things in this world I don't understand, and when there is, I like to work them out. I can't work Shakespeare out, at least not why everyone is so in love with him."

Dale looked at me questioningly. "What don't you understand?"

"I don't know, lots of things. For example, Romeo and Juliet." The way his eyebrows instinctively raised made me wish I picked another option, but I continued. "It's meant to be one of the greatest love stories ever, but all I see is stupidity and recklessness. The characters are relatively one dimensional and this love that is meant to cross all bounds is a little overrated. I mean, if they had just done things a bit more sensibly, all the tragedy could be have avoided.

"For example, when Romeo and Juliet meet, it's love at first sight. It's a nice thought, but still, they only have one conversation which pretty much goes you're-beautiful-I-love-you-will-you-marry-me and then they get married the next day! And they do it in secret and don't tell either family, which just means that everything gets all confused and Tybalt ends up dead and Juliet ends up engaged to Paris. Everyone thinks the reason it was all a secret was because of this family feud going on between the Capulets and Montagues, but if you think about it, they have this edict from the Prince that they're not allowed to fight, and Old Capulet sees Romeo at the party where he meets Juliet, and tells Tybalt not to fight him. It sounds to me like Old Capulet, the head of the house and who must be obeyed, seemed reasonable enough. Maybe he wouldn't have had a problem with their relationship. And then, because of Romeo and Juliet getting married, he's all soft when Tybalt comes to challenge him, which leads to Mercutio dying which then leads to Romeo getting exiled.

"This is the turning point of the book, where Juliet makes her choice that changes everything else. She basically had two options - continue to love Romeo or to marry Paris. Personally, I think if she couldn't tell her family she loved Romeo and go into exile with him, then she should have married Paris. He wasn't a bad man and she could have done with a lot worse. But instead of taking either sensible decision, she decides to fake her own death which leads to a lot of other problems. So many mistakes that didn't have to be made - it's not a story about love, it's a story about idiocy.

"You know Shakespeare didn't even come up with the idea of Romeo and Juliet? He ripped the idea of Arthur Brooke. The tale was never intended as a romance, it was meant to be cautionary - don't allow love to make you make stupid choices. But Shakespeare distorted this original message and through time…I don't know."

Dale looked at me for a moment, and smiled.

"These violent delights have violent ends,

And in their triumph die, like fire and powder

Which as they kiss consume._"_

I smiled back and rose to go serve the lasagne.

"Don't get me wrong, he did write beautiful verse."

"And he inspired beautiful thought. I think you understand the man better than you think. It's just your opinions differ from his."

"Maybe."

We were both silent for a moment as I went and served the lasagne.

"You know," Dale said, appearing to be deep in thought. "Supposedly if you take the first letters from a page in Hamlet, they spell out I AM GAY."

And with that, we both descended into laughter, as we sat down to eat dinner.

Even though I was vaguely apprehensive initially about Dale coming to work in Keyes, I had to admit, it had been a good change. Since Oliver had left, Dr Young had been stuck being on night shift with me. He had been a bit overwhelmed with the whole thing - he really was too old to be expected to work effectively 24 hours a day. Although this had given me a certain level of autonomy, on quiet nights, I was left alone with my thoughts, which hadn't been doing me much good at all.

But Dale, Dale was a perpetually happy soul. You couldn't stop the man from talking to you, and his happiness was infectious. On the quiet nights (which most nights apart from weekends were), we would just sit and talk into the wee hours of the morning. He was also very bright and intelligent, and had a way of explaining things that made the lessons stick.

As the weeks passed, Dale and I became good friends. He always ate dinner over at my house (as it turned out, Dale couldn't even manage to boil water), and when we weren't at work, we were over at his house watching his large collection of DVDs, or playing board games. It was almost like being a child again. Life was much simpler with Dale around.

Things with Dale were not always sweetness and light, though. Occasionally, increasing in frequency as we got more comfortable with each other, there would be… moments between Dale and I.

Like one day after night shift when Dale had decided that we should watch a movie at my house that morning. Like always, I wasn't very much interested in the movie. I couldn't even remember if it had been a comedy or a romance (fairly sure it wasn't…I probably would have cried if it was). After it had finished, Dale and I just lay on the floor in front of the couch, too tired to do anything. It was kind of funny - we spent our evenings working, so the morning was our night, and it was way past our bedtime. I wouldn't have been surprised if people joked about us being vampires. Ironic, really.

Anyway, the movie had been a bad idea. Sleep probably would have been better for both of us. People get too frank when they're sleep deprived.

Just then, Dale pulled himself up onto his elbows, and looked at me thoughtfully.

"So, what was so special about Oliver anyway?"

I glared at Dale.

"I'm sorry, I know you don't want to talk about it, but I can't see how anyone can be worth putting yourself through the pain you have."

I sighed. "You don't understand. It's just…he was one of those people, you know? Who are so special, the moment you see them, you just know. You just know that from that moment onwards, they're the only one who will ever matter to you." I laughed. "I must sound like a love-sick teenager, but it's true. Oliver…he was special. More special than you could ever know. And without him… I sort of lost myself for a while."

Dale's brown eyes stared into mine, and he looked sympathetic.

"I may know what you mean better than you think."

"Really? Is there a past lady-love you haven't told me about?" I smiled.

"No…" There was an awkward silence. "…it's just you make for a compelling argument. I may disagree about the good Doctor Monroe being special, but I understand how people are, for reasons you can't explain."

"There was plenty of reasons why Oliver was special," I muttered.

"And I bet those reasons are only special to you."

I wasn't going to correct him.

I sighed, and pulled myself upright.

"It's getting late, I think you better go."

He smiled. "It's a strange world we live in where midday is late. I better go home to bed, otherwise I'll sleep through our night shift."

Dale pulled himself upright and let himself out. At the door, he turned to me briefly.

"You know, maybe other people in this world are special too. You just have to open your eyes long enough to see it."

And then he left.

That wasn't the only moment Dale and I had. In fact, the more time we spent around each other, the more frequent those moments became. I didn't know what to do about them, so I did nothing. I tried to convince myself that I was reading too much into these moments, and that Dale was just being teasing in his manner. But, the more it happened, and the more blatant those conversations became, it became harder and harder to ignore it.

But I had no idea what to do about them. I felt guilty - I did not want a relationship, not just with Dale, but with anyone (well, almost anyone). Oliver and I, our relationship had not been healthy for me. I was not emotionally ready for any relationship at the moment. It wasn't a good time for me.

But I wasn't willing to tell Dale this. I was afraid that if I rebuffed him, that he would leave me. Dale was the only person I felt alive around. When I was on my own, I returned to my zombie state. I wanted to live, and I was willing to lead Dale on, albeit unintentionally, to keep feeling what I did when he was around.

I was thankful that Dale never drew attention to this tension that was growing between us, because if he had, we would have had to talk. Quite often, after we let on that we were aware of this strain between us, he would try to turn the entire thing into a joke. I was more than glad to do so. I didn't know if he did so out of pride, or if he knew I didn't want anything to happen, but the reason didn't matter to me. All that mattered was that our friendship continued to go on unabated.

A month after Dale arrived in Keyes, we were sitting in my office playing Scrabble (we never spent time in Dale's office, for obvious reasons). It was always funny playing games with Dale, especially when he was losing. He had gotten quite animated after I put down QUAGMIRE, which was also a triple word score. He jumped up from his seat, waving his arms around his head, saying that I had cheated and I was going to beat him out of house and home and I just sat there laughing my head off.

Just then, Ruth walked through the door, and looked at us incredulously. Ruth was very supportive of our friendship, a little too supportive if you know what I mean. I guess it was a relief for her that I was happy with Dale around, but I'm guessing that it also had something to do with Ruth thinking herself as some kind of matchmaker.

"It's my 40th Birthday, and you're both invited," she greeted us warmly, handing over an invitation to Dale, who passed it to me.

I grimaced - Dale and I were listed on the same invite, almost as though we were partners. Ruth's attempts to shove this relationship on us were getting more and more blunt.

"Forty? I refuse to believe that any woman as beautiful as you to be of such advanced age!" Dale declared, gesticulating wildly.

I expected Ruth to be belligerent about using the term "advanced age" to describe forty, but she just laughed.

"Oh Dale, stop. You'll make an old woman blush!" and she flapped her hand in front of her face, as if to cool herself down.

Dale chuckled with her. "So is it black tie?"

"Dr Wannapingu, if you turn up to my party in jeans and a shirt, I will skin you! It's a special occasion, you only turn forty once!" She wagged her finger at him, as if to tell him off.

I chuckled - knowing Dale, that was exactly what he planned on wearing. Don't get me wrong, if he thought he would get a laugh, he probably would turn up in a tuxedo, but I don't think he owned one.

"It's ok, Ruth, I'll make sure he's dressed in something appropriate." I smiled. "So it's seven on Sunday?"

"I trust you'll do so, dear. At least one of the pair of you is responsible." She glared humerously at Dale, who was wearing a mock-shocked impression.

"Who, me? _Never_."

And with that Ruth descended into giggles again.

"Sunday, 7pm sharp. If you're not there, you're fired," Ruth chuckled again, and left.


	14. Chapter 14

That Sunday evening, I opened my door to find Dale leaning against the door frame. He was dressed down in a blue shirt and jeans, his mop of curls brushed casually away from his eyes. He looked me up and down appreciatively - I was wearing an ivory blouse and black pants. Ruth had insisted we dress for the occasion. A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"Looking good, Dr Snow."

I laughed.

"Enjoy it while you can. I wouldn't be dressed up if Ruth hadn't threatened us with bodily harm."

"I'll have to ask Ruth to threaten you bodily more often."

I sighed. Dale was getting more and more blatant with his flirting, but I figured as long as he didn't expect me to respond, it wasn't a problem. Besides, flirting _was_ fun.

The lines in Dale's and my relationship were getting more and more blurred the longer we were together. He was becoming a very good friend to me, in fact, for the first time in a long time, I was feeling human. He was definitely a healing force in my life. When Oliver had left, I had been pulled apart from the inside out. Dale was beginning to weave those remaining threads together. I would never be whole again, but hopefully I could be human.

I was however worried about what Dale hoped to get from this relationship. He had never told me that he wanted more from this than friendship, but the increasing frequency of harmless flirting did suggest at otherwise.

"I see you didn't listen to the warning - didn't she say no jeans?"

Dale looked down at himself comically. "Oh no! I forgot the tux!"

I just shook my head at him. I'm sure if Ruth was going to be upset, he was going to be the one to cop it, not me.

"So." Dale offered his arm to me. "Can I escort you to this par-tay?"

And he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

I cacked it.

"Alright, good sir, you may escort me to this soiree. But do not be fooled, this does not mean that my virtue will be easily swayed tonight." I could be obtuse if he was going to be.

He laughed as I placed hand upon his arm, and he led me to Ruth's party.

Christmas lights were tied to the veranda, music coming from the lounge. By the time we had arrived, half of Keyes was already there. Darcy, Ruth's now 16 year old son, was seated on the veranda, head in his hands, iPod plugged in. He looked less than excited to be here.

Ruth came bounding out through the French doors that connected the lounge to the veranda, and ruffled her son's hair lovingly on the way past. She glided over to greet us, her eyes spying my hand on Dale's arm. She smirked. And here I was hoping she wouldn't read too much into physical contact.

"Dale, Kaia, thanks for coming."

"Happy fortieth Ruth." Dale leaned in and kissed Ruth on the cheek.

"Shhh! You make me feel like an old woman." She smacked him playfully on his shoulder.

"You're the one that wrote it in the invite! Hardly a secret old woman."

She smacked him again. "The date makes it an event. You're not meant to acknowledge it, what sort of gentleman are you?"

"He's not," I supplied, and he elbowed me gently in the ribs.

"Oh Dale! You're wearing jeans!"

A look of mock horror washed across his face. "I thought you said jeans and a shirt!"

"No! I said no jeans and a shirt." A smile crossed her face.

Just then, Dale dropped to his knees, and the sound of sobbing came from him.

"Oh, what a stupid man I am! I have ruined your birthday! I am so sorry!"

Ruth started to laugh. "It's ok! Honestly, I think I'll get over it."

"You're sure?" He looked up at her. "I guess it does give you an excuse to have a repeat fortieth next year," and he winked at her.

"Oh be away with you, you're bad for an old woman's heart! Drinks are inside, there's a barbeque out back. Enjoy!" and with that, Ruth swept away from us.

I turned to Dale and crossed my arms across my chest.

"You are nuts, you know that," I told him seriously.

"Ah, but it's part of my charm Miss Snow. Truth be told, you wouldn't love me like you do if I didn't," he said, brushing the dirt from his knees.

I smacked him in the shoulder and shook my head. He could be so silly sometimes.

"So am I to take it that you do love me? Oh, I'm flattered!"

I looked at him agog, and shoved him hard and stormed off. Dale followed me, chuckling to himself, "Should I book the church and the caterers?"

"If I didn't know better I'd think you were bipolar."

He dashed to catch up to me. "I'm the psych reg here, I think I would know if I was crazy."

"_Ex_-psych reg. Besides, crazy people don't think they're crazy."

He chuckled. "And people in love don't know they are either. When you think about it, love and madness are so close together, it's hard to tell them apart."

"Explains a lot." I muttered, and we went inside to grab a drink.

A few hours later, and Dale and I were lying outside, looking up at the stars. I had to admit, I was a bit drunk. I couldn't tell you if Dale was - he always acted drunk, even if sober. It had been a good party, I had a chance to talk to a lot of people I hadn't spoken to in a long time. I think the word must have gone around that I wasn't nuts anymore, because it seemed I couldn't turn around without someone wanting to talk to me. The evening was finally winding down, and I could only be glad. It was cool for a November n0ight, and Dale had his arm around my shoulders to keep me warm.

"I can see Capricorn," he said pointing at the sky.

I scoffed at him. "Isn't Capricorn a northern hemisphere constellation?"

"Really?" He looked at me. "I could swear that bunch of stars look like a ram."

"Capricorn's a goat, Aries is the ram."

"Then Aries then."

"That's a northern hemisphere constellation too."

"Know-it-all."

I looked at him, and found his eyes were still on me. As soon as our eyes caught, I found I couldn't look away. Slowly, tentatively, Dale pulled me closer, and kissed me. And I didn't pull away.

His lips were soft and gentle, as if he were as unsure as I was. I shut my eyes, and could feel his warmth as he pulled me closer, wrapping his arm tightly around me. His fingers traced my face, brushing against my eyelashes, pulling hair away from my face. I didn't know what to do, but I knew it shouldn't feel right. We were crossing the boundary I had carefully kept in place, and I didn't know how to get back across it, I didn't know if I wanted to.

Sensing my approval - well, at least not my disapproval - he pulled me ever closer to him, I could feel every inch of his body against mine, and our kiss became more and more passionate. I ran my fingers through his hair, grabbing onto handfuls of curls, and pulled his face towards mine. We rolled onto my back, and I could feel his weight above me, and it felt nice. I didn't know how long it could keep going, how far this would go, but I didn't want to stop. Tonight, all I wanted in my life was Dale Wannapingu. Was that a bad thing?

Dale's hand strayed up my top, and I could hear our breathing become ragged. But feeling his hot hand on my chest brought me back to the world. What was I doing?

"Wait," I gasped, and instantly he pulled away.

Out of his grasp, I could feel my thoughts start filtering through the haze that surrounded me. This was wrong, this had gone too far. We were ruining everything. I knew in that moment that I cared for Dale Wannapingu, and I shouldn't. That love was not fair on either of us. It was not fair for me to do this to him. And then, Oliver strayed into my thoughts, and even though I shouldn't have, a wave of guilt washed over me.

"I'm sorry," I said, covering my face with my hands. "I can't, I'm so sorry."

Dale was such a gentleman - he didn't ask any questions, he just moved himself further away from me, giving me some space.

"It's ok," he said soothingly. "I'll walk you home."

I just nodded at him, and he pulled me upright. Even though it was cool, he did not put his arm around me to keep me warm, he stayed a safe distance away from me as we walked silently back to my house.

We whispered goodbyes to each other at my doorway, and I entered my house alone. I walked numbly to my bed, where I finally let the tears take me.

I didn't come back for a very long time.

As the morning light started to filter through my curtains, the tears didn't stop but my head started to clear, and I could not believe what a train wreck I had allowed my life to turn into. I had always thought of myself as an independent woman, that I had never relied on anyone but myself. But that had been a lie, I had just ignored the evidence up till now.

I had thrown myself into relationship after relationship to shape my sense of self. You just had to look at my dating history to see that.

Mark, the alpha male of my year level. Although he was undeniably a self-obsessed, philandering arse hole, which I think I knew at the time we got together, I had allowed myself to be with him to make myself fit in with the rest of my class. Before Mark had made me his other half, I was an outlier. I was younger than everyone else, brighter than everyone else. People felt threatened by me - they didn't understand me and I didn't understand them. And I was shunned. I always sat by myself, no one ever talked to me. Then one day, Mark had come and sat by me in a lecture on the cardiovascular system, and told me I was cute. Next thing I know, I'm at the centre of everything. Although I never fit in completely, the other students made sure I was involved. Mark was their king and now I was their queen. The fact that Mark had never thought of me as more than an arm dressing hadn't bothered me, because he was my link to the world. I had allowed myself to overlook much more of his behaviour than I should have because the need I felt to belong was more powerful. I had allowed Mark to take part of myself, something that I would never get back, for that need. I had made myself reliant on Mark, and gave up some of my independence in the trade. I had never acknowledged that before now.

And Oliver, my dear, perfect Oliver. I didn't have a choice but to give up my heart to that magical, mysterious man. I realised when I met him that it had never belonged to me, but I had just been waiting for him to collect it. He was my soul mate, of that much I was certain. There was no person who would ever exist that I could love as much as I had him. And while he had loved me in return, I didn't care that each moment I spent with him I had bound myself tighter and tighter to him. So when he finally tired of me and my mortality, he had ripped most of me apart and had taken it with him. I was empty without him. I hadn't found anything that could fill the gap left behind, and I had allowed myself to wallow in the pain of his absence. And yet I had still tried to convince myself that I could cope on my own, that I was still independent enough to manage.

How foolish had that been?

But what now? I had given Mark my dignity, I had given Oliver my soul. What was there left over for Dale to have?

And that just brought more tears, because I knew in that instant, that whatever shreds were left of me, Dale would take them and be glad of it. But should I let him do that? Tie himself to my half-life, allowing my desperate remnants of a person feed off his goodness, allow him to tie myself to him so that someday I could be the one to tear him to shreds? I was weak enough to do that. I needed what he had to offer, the chance of a life, to be more than the ghost I had been for so long now. He could never make me whole again, but he could make me more solid, less ephemeral.

But could I do that? My mind drifted again to Oliver, to my absent other half. What did you do when your soul mate left, taking your heart with him? Shakespeare had never written about people being able to continue after their soul mate had departed, in fact, Juliet had killed herself after the death of her poor Romeo.

Could I love Dale, not like I had Oliver - no-one would ever come close to that - but could I love him enough for him to be happy? I didn't know.

I curled into a ball and let the grief take me again.

The next morning I forced myself out of bed and dragged myself to work, wishing for that for just one day I could pull a sicky. I was truly shocked at how _normal_ everything seemed. Why hadn't the rest of the world acknowledged what happened yesterday? Or wasn't a massive shift in my own personal reality important enough to be reflected elsewhere?

I was thankful that I was consulting. I could bury myself with the problems of my patients and not think about myself. The added benefit was that by staying in my room all day, I could avoid Dale. I wasn't quite ready to deal with that can of worms just yet.

At lunchtime, I tried desperately to sneak out the hospital without anyone noticing, but Dale was waiting for me by the back entrance.

"Kaia, I…"

I shoved myself past him, not saying a word.

"Kaia, I'm sorry…but don't you think we should talk about this?" He hurried to stay at pace with me.

"Maybe I don't want to talk about _this_ Dale," I grumbled, still not meeting his eyes.

Dale grabbed my arm and pulled me to face him.

"Did you ever think maybe I needed to talk about this?"

I looked him in the eye, and waited for him to continue.

"Kaia…" He ran his fingers through his hair, exasperated. "I would love to say that I was sorry about kissing you yesterday, but I'm not. I can't feel guilty about what happened."

I shook my head. I _really_ did not want to talk about that. I just wanted to pretend it didn't happen.

"Kaia, you _know_ that there's something between us, something that's more than just being friends. If you weren't still so…emotionally attached…to Oliver, then what happened yesterday wouldn't have been a problem. I'm sorry, but is it really worth hurting yourself over him when he's not coming back? You could be happy with me."

Yes, I could be happy with him. That was the problem. He was right, I knew there was something there, but just because it was there didn't make that something right. I knew deep down if I let this develop between Dale and I, then one of us would eventually get hurt. I wasn't ready to inflict that upon him.

"Dale, it's not that…"

"Then what? I know this is coming on strong, but I think I lo…"

"Don't say that," I interrupted. My resolve would waver if he managed to get those words out. I craved love too much to resist.

"But it's true. Honestly, we don't have to rush things, I just don't want you to close me out. Please just think things through, Kaia."

His eyes were pleading.

I sighed. I was so close to giving in.

"Look, can we at least wait to talk about it until after I've had some time to think things through?"

"Fine! Time I can give you. Take all the time you want."

His enthusiasm made me smile _just_ a little.

I would love to say that things between Dale and I went back to normal after that, but I can't. Once you realise you have feelings for a person - it's one of those moments that change everything. There is no going back. Dale acted like a gentleman throughout, and I felt guilty. He was much better to me than I deserved. Truly, he should have just ditched me. I was like a cancer, threatening to consume him. But Dale continued to persevere. He was overtly polite to me, never dragging the conversation to where I knew he wanted it. He never acknowledged the yearning he had for me, although occasionally during quiet moments on night shift, I would look over at Dale to find him looking at me in a way that was more than friendly. It made me sigh - things weren't simple between us anymore.

Dale was sticking to his side of the bargain, and I stuck to mine. I desperately spent that first week after our ill-fated kiss trying to think things through, to work out where we belonged in each other's lives. I thought long and hard about Oliver as well, something I had been trying to avoid for months now. Although it hurt, it was necessary. I knew that the only boundary Oliver posed to Dale and my relationship was one I had created myself. I wasn't willing to let Oliver go, but Oliver had already let me go. He wouldn't be hurt if I moved on, at least I hoped that he retained enough good will towards me to wish that for me. But I had to be willing to let him go, and not punish myself for my feelings towards Dale. I shouldn't feel guilty - Oliver was my soul mate, and I had loved him more than it was possible to love anyone. He would be a part of my life forever, if only an invisible part. Dale understood that. It was alright for me to love someone else, even if I couldn't love them as much as I had loved Oliver. I thought I could manage that.

And I did love Dale. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that. It wasn't the same type of love as I had for Oliver, but it was a healthier type of love. When I was around Dale, I felt happy, I felt special, I felt like me. The love I had for him did not consume me, nor did it consume him. This type of love did not have the fatal endings that the love Oliver and I shared had.

By Friday, I had made my decision, and I invited Dale over for dinner. I spent the afternoon flitting about the kitchen, making ravioli for dinner (quite an involved process if you make the ravioli from scratch). After I had put the ravioli in to boil, I heard a knock on my door. I glared at my watch - he was early. I rushed over and opened the front door, to find Dale standing there.

"Hey," he said, flashing me one of his brilliant smiles.

"Hi, come on in, ravioli's almost done." I stood aside as he entered the house.

Dale walked into the kitchen, and started to fiddle with some of the ingredients I left out, and I had to rush over to protect them - Dale couldn't cook to save his soul.

"If you actually want a nice dinner, I suggest you leave well enough alone," I said, smiling at him as he withdrew his hands from the herbs sitting on my bench. "If you want, you can grate some cheese."

"I think I can manage that," Dale said, retrieving the grater from the cupboard.

I added herbs to the sauce I was making for the ravioli, as I heard Dale go ouch. My head swung around, and Dale was sucking on two of his fingers, and there was blood on the bench.

"Dale!" I said, rushing over to inspect the damage.

He retrieved his fingers from his mouth, and I saw that he had somehow managed to slice the tips off his index and middle fingers of his left hand.

"You're going to need stitches," I sighed, grabbing a tea towel and wrapping it around his hand. I flitted around the kitchen, turning all the cooking implements off - dinner would have to wait.

Dale and I walked over to the hospital, where I cleaned his hand and prepared it for suturing.

"What on earth compelled you to try and assist me with cooking anyway? Some days, I swear you could burn water!" I sighed, as I injected local anaesthetic around the base of his index finger.

"I was just trying to be helpful." He winced as I put the needle into his skin again.

"Helpful would have been not chopping the tops of your fingers off. How on earth did you manage this anyway?"

He forced a smile for me. "I have a talent."

I sutured the tip of his finger back on deftly - it only needed three sutures, and then moved onto his middle finger.

"Next time you want to impress me, try using a different talent to wow me," and I smiled at him.

"You know what, I think you're enjoying inflicting pain on me a little bit too much," he accused.

"Oh yes, there's nothing I prefer than suturing fingertips back into place. Damn, you know my sick little fetish."

Oddly enough, I was enjoying this. Somehow, our banter was able to return to what it was pre-kiss. It was a nice feeling.

"You never did say why you were inviting me over for dinner tonight," he said as I was setting the stitches in his middle finger.

"Because you're physically incapable of feeding yourself. I was fairly sure you'd be suffering from malnutrition by now from having to fend for yourself all week."

"No, I'm ok. Ruth's been having me over." I glared at him, and he smiled at me. "Bit like a mother hen, really. So what was the real reason you invited me over?"

"I wanted to have a talk to you about…us. I promised you I would think about it, and I did."

I didn't look him in the eyes when I said this, instead I worried about dressing his fingers.

"Oh," was all he said.

I looked up at him and sighed. "You do realise I care for you, Dale. I never meant for any of this to happen, but you just make yourself too damn lovable. And even though I don't think it's good for you, I'd like to give this relationship a go. Personally, I think you'd be better off without me, but I think it's up to you to make that decision."

"Oh," he said a little more enthusiastically this time.

I waited for his reply. I was starting to get a little bit impatient.

"It's ok if you've changed your mind and decided you don't want me," I added when he continued not to talk. "It's better for you that way…"

And with that, he leaned across the distance between us and kissed me gently. He pulled away after a while and chuckled to himself.

"You can be so absurd, you know." His eyes danced. "Of course I want you. I wouldn't have risked life and limb trying to impress you if I didn't," and a smile lit up his face again.

I was gob smacked. "You were trying to impress me?"

"I admit, I failed miserably, but I did try."

I don't think anything could have wiped the smile off his face.

I shook my head at him, as he leant across the distance and kissed me again. This time I pulled away.

"I forgot to say, there is a little caveat to this relationship." I put my finger up to illustrate the point. "We're going to do this slowly. Very, very slowly, Dale. And it's going to be casual, at least for a while yet"

"Ok." He smiled at me. "Whatever you wish."

And with that, he leaned across and kissed me again.

I sighed - evidently going slow had a different meaning for Dale, but I didn't have the heart to stop him - he had sacrificed his fingertips for me.

At least, that was the excuse I was going with.

Apart from the fact that kissing had been added to the relationship, things with Dale pretty much went back to what they had been prior to Ruth's fortieth, and I couldn't say I wasn't happy about it. Dale had always been a great person to be around, and now that we were a couple, I could only say that things got better.

I did force things to go more slowly than they had with Oliver - I was not going to make that mistake again. I was going to make sure before anything went too far that both Dale and I would manage to remain as separate entities. I was preparing myself for the worse - I was not going to allow myself to rip Dale to shreds if we ever parted.

Dale was more than accepting of my go-slow condition, he never pushed to spend the night, he never pushed for more involved physical contact than kissing (although he did insist on kissing quite frequently). This time, there was no massive outing of my relationship in town - Ruth had learnt her lesson after last time. Everyone just let Dale and I meander on with our relationship at the pace we wanted.

And more than anything else, I realised I was happy. Even when Dale was not around, I still managed to feel happy. Although I still missed Oliver terribly, and I would never heal from that separation, I think I'd begun to be able to live with it.

That first month of Dale and my relationship was the happiest period I had had in my life in a long time. I hoped it would go on forever, but like always, things had to change. And I knew they were going to have to change, because at a point really soon, I was going to have to leave Keyes. Internship only goes for a year and that year had just expired. The only reason why I was still around was to make up for my absences from various accidents. In five weeks, my time would be up and I would have to leave. I just hoped all my preparation had worked, and that Dale and I could part ways without hurting each other.


	15. Chapter 15

Dale and I headed over to the cliffs one morning, to unofficially celebrate our one month anniversary of being a couple (we were still trying to be casual about the entire affair). I hadn't really been to the cliffs in a long time, but I still found the scenery extremely beautiful. It was amazing how close the ocean was, and yet completely inaccessible (at least to mere mortals, anyway). It was as though the world ended there. The foggy haze that blanketed the morning sky just added to that sense of ending. And for once, the thought of that did not upset me.

Things with Dale were going extremely well. I couldn't believe it was a month ago that our first tragic kiss had occurred. At that time, all the complications that one small moment had created had seemed insurmountable. But now, it was getting to the point where I could almost look back on the memory fondly.

Almost.

Dale looked out over the ocean, the sea breeze sweeping his curls wildly around his head. He shut his eyes and held his arms out from himself, looking for all the world like he was about to fly away. It was a bit theatrical, but then again, that word described Dale so fully it was entirely fitting to the situation. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face into the musculature of his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around my arms, and we just stood there for a while.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" I mumbled into his shoulder.

"Yes, it is."

"I can't believe you ever could leave here. It's like nothing on earth."

He chuckled. "A view you can leave. A life you can't. I'm glad I came back, though."

"I'm going to miss it when I go."

He unwrapped myself from him, and turned to face me.

"Maybe you'll never leave."

I sighed. "I won't have a choice. I can't remain an intern forever."

His brows furrowed together. "You're leaving?"

I had never spoken to him about this, and I didn't think I had to. It was pretty obvious to me - being an intern only lasted a year, then you went on to do other training. I had been in Keyes for 11 months (if you only counted the time I was in Keyes), although it had felt like a lifetime. I only had 5 weeks left. I had applied for registrar and RMO training spots elsewhere, I had come to the conclusion that it was time to move on. It was just that telling people about it made it so…final. I had enough of finality.

"In five weeks. I'm sorry, I thought you had worked it out."

"Then where are you going?" He looked concerned.

"I don't know, I've applied to be an emergency registrar in Queensland - I figure it's about time I reconnect with my parents. And I've also applied to be an obstetrics registrar in Adelaide, and a GP reg in Broome. I would have applied here, but there's no position available."

He sighed and looked straight up.

"Five weeks…and I'm still contracted on here for a year yet…"

"Wait…why would me leaving affect your contract?"

I had never thought that Dale would follow me wherever I ended up. This…I guess you would call it relationship…that we were having, whilst it was important to me, I expected it to end. Where did he see this ending up?

"I thought…I thought that you'd want me to come with you." He looked hurt.

I felt guilty. I knew after he kissed me that this would be complicated. I knew that I would end up hurting him. I had thought, when I asked that this relationship be casual, that I had sort of hinted that this wasn't a permanent thing. I mean, I did love Dale, but I could never allow myself to be around long enough to hurt him. This love for me wasn't the all-conquering force that my love for Oliver was. He knew that. I was very deliberate when we got into this to have full disclosure. I guess disclosure doesn't help.

"Of course I don't want to leave you, but Dale, you have a life here. You're rebuilding your relationship with your community, you've got an excellent learning experience here in Keyes. I could never ask you to sacrifice that for me. Besides, maybe someday I could come back. I thought I could visit and that would be enough."

Oh God I felt awful. Now I was qualifying my leaving with plans to keep in contact. I was giving him the option to keep him dragging along behind me. I hoped that he would tell me he wouldn't want that.

"Kaia Snow I love you. How could I think of leaving you? I know we promised to take things slow, to keep things casual, but…you're my best friend. The best part about being in Keyes is that you're here. It was why I asked you out here today."

Just then, Dale got down on one knee.

Oh my God, help me!

"Kaia Snow, you are the most amazing person I have ever met. I would follow you to the other side of the world if that was where you needed to be. I would do anything to make you smile. You are the most important person in my life, and though I know that I will never be that for you, I hope that I am enough.

"Kaia Snow, will you marry me?"

My world froze in that moment. I had never expected those words to ever come out of Dale's mouth. How could he want me, being that I was just the shadow of what a human was? I was not even a hundredth of the person that Dale Wannapingu deserved.

And although I was ashamed to admit it, Oliver came into my thoughts then. My beautiful, fickle, perfect Oliver, who I continued to love passionately even though he ceased to care for me.

After that first kiss, I had asked myself if I would be able to give whatever Oliver had left behind to Dale. I had convinced myself previously that I could, which was the only reason why I had allowed things to progress as they had. But now that he asked me to give those remaining shreds of my soul over to him completely, could I do that?

Dale was a wonderful man. He was always happy, he was the most caring human I had ever met. He cared about me deeply, he would leave his home, his people for me. He would sacrifice his heart for what he knew was only a millionth of the love I was capable of. He loved me in spite of me loving someone else.

Oliver was my soul mate, my true other half. Could Dale be my remaining-soul mate?

All these thoughts went through my head in a moment, but that moment seemed to stretch for an eternity. Dale was just looking up into my eyes, holding my hands as he watched my thoughts processing. His brown eyes were wide, obviously nervous.

Suddenly we were interrupted by the sound of clapping. My head spun around towards the sound, I could feel Dale standing up behind me.

"Beautiful, beautiful."

I looked over into the hazy distance. A form out there was solidifying. I could see his pale skin, his dark hair and his black eyes.

My heart froze. Oliver?

As the form approached us, it became clear it wasn't him. This man's hair was more black than brown, and his eyes were less than kind. His face was beautiful, but not in the way that Oliver had been to me. But he was eerily similar to Oliver. I had seen enough of people like this man to know that he would sparkle if the sun were to come out from behind the fog.

My blood felt like ice. Suddenly my thoughts regarding my future seemed pointless. We were both already dead.

Dale grabbed me by the waist and pulled me behind him protectively. Why? What did Dale know of this man?

"Dale…"

"Kaia, please trust me, be quiet," he whispered, but I knew our guest could still here him.

"I can't believe it." The man in the distance had closed the distance between us so quickly. He raised his arms, almost as if in disbelief. "Kaia? Could this be the human love of the mighty Liiver Man?"

The panic that overwhelmed me for Dale's safety surpassed the smaller wave that asked how this stranger knew who I was.

"Stay away from her." Dale's voice was a growl. I had never heard him like that before. Dale was so easy going. Could he somehow sense the danger we both were in?

"Dale, please don't."

A smile, one of the most beautiful smiles that existed, crossed the vampire's face.

"My name is Thomas, Kaia. I have to say thank-you. Your little lover's tiff with Oliver has allowed my kind access to this hunting ground for the first time in two hundred years. And you have no idea how happy I am that I was the one to find you."

"What do you want from us?" I tried to sound brave, but my voice trembled. My last encounter with a vampire had not ended very well, and I had Oliver there to protect me. I knew we would have no hope now that I was on my own. And Dale would die with me.

"What do I want? You must know. Oliver has prevented us from our natural right to hunt as we wish for a very long time now. I just wish to make him suffer as he has made many of our kind, his own kin, suffer. You must know you and your dark friend here are going to die."

"If you take one more step towards her…" Dale rippled with fury. He pushed me further back behind him. I grabbed at him, trying to get him further away from our doom, but he pushed me to the ground. I never knew he was that strong.

Thomas laughed. "Dear boy, I admire your bravery, although it is foolish. You have no idea what I am and you have no hope of winning this fight. Do make it easier on yourself and the girl and accept your fate. It will hurt a whole lot less that way."

"I'm warning you, one more step."

A smirk was plastered across Thomas' face. He was obviously amused by Dale's idiocy. I stared up at them from the dirt, already resigned in my fate. I just hoped he wouldn't make Dale suffer for his insolence.

Thomas took one more step forward.

Suddenly, Dale rippled, shifting in front of me. Although I heard the ripping and saw the clothes fall away in pieces, I couldn't believe it as I saw Dale, my humanly fragile Dale, turn into a giant eagle the size of a man, and fly towards Thomas. I heard a keening screech resonate from the eagle's lungs, and a growl rip out of Thomas' throat, before I heard a sound of metal being shredded. Dale and Thomas rolled together in a ball, but I couldn't raise an emotional response to what I was seeing. I was numb, it felt like a dream.

It seemed only a moment later when everything went silent. Dale was there, human again, panting, surrounded by small pale pieces of marble. Occasionally, one of the pieces of marble would twitch. Although he was naked, Dale ignored me and raced over to his car, digging around inside for something before running back.

"Kaia, help me pile these up, quick."

I didn't even think about the fact that I was handling dismembered vampire, nor did I think about what Dale had just done. As long as I thought this was a dream, I didn't have to think. I helped him pile up the pieces that was Thomas, and watched as Dale set them alight with the lighter he had retrieved from his car. Smoke issued from the pile, mixing in with the haze that filled the sky. I could smell incense.

I sat down hard on the ground, watching as the light from the fire played against Dale's brown skin. He had retrieved his SES uniform and was putting it on to cover his naked frame. Bits and pieces of the truth started to sift through to my consciousness. I started to shake violently. I could hear sobs tearing from my throat.

I wasn't crying because of what happened. The fact that a vampire had come to kill me no longer bothered me now that fire was lashing at his corpse. The fact that Dale had turned into a giant eagle didn't bother me (although we would have to talk about that later). What had bothered me was thinking of Oliver. I knew in that moment that I would not be able to marry Dale. I had nothing left to give him.

"Kaia?" Dale looked frightened, and approached me slowly, arms outstretched.

I couldn't stop crying.

He knelt down beside me and wrapped his arms around me, and rocked me backwards and forwards, going "Shhh", trying to calm me.

I don't know how long I continued crying, but the pyre that had been Thomas had petered out, and the haze had lifted from the morning, the sun shining brightly against us. I could feel my skin burning, but I didn't care. Dale just held me, waiting for the tears to stop. Anything else was beyond him.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…" I don't know when I had started repeating that over and over, but I realised now that I was.

"It's ok," Dale was repeating those words over and over to me.

I managed to pull myself away from him and look him in the eyes.

"You turned into an eagle."

After all the sobbing, suddenly my voice had turned flat and emotionless.

He let me go then and pushed himself away from me, giving me my space now that I was somewhat under control.

"Yes." was all the reply he gave me.

"You turned into an _eagle_." A little more emotion from me this time.

I was surprised when I laughed. "An eagle!"

Ok, maybe I was hysterical.

Dale looked worried but didn't say anything. I was caught up in paroxysms of laughter, well and truly hysterical.

Today had been too long - a marriage proposal, a vampire ambush, my…boyfriend…turning into an eagle… all that was too much for one fragily human mind to cope with.

What did this say about me? My first true love is a vampire, my second love turns into an eagle. Was there something wrong with me?

Somehow a person turning into an eagle did not surprise me. I mean, once you have lived with a vampire, how does anything else supernatural surprise you? Mind you, I could never say that I expected something like this with Dale - I wasn't that imaginative.

Eventually I managed to control myself. Dale still looked worried.

"You're burning to a crisp. Can we at least move to the car?"

"Sure, sure.." I mumbled, pulling myself up. I stumbled over to the car and shut the door. Dale pulled himself into the driver's seat, looking uncomfortable with our closeness.

"So you're an eagle."

He glared at me, waiting for the hysteria to take me again, but I controlled myself.

"Yes."

I wish he would say more!

"I thought we had agreed to full disclosure in this relationship."

He raised his eyebrow as he started the car. "You never disclosed the good doctor Monroe being a vampire."

Oh, so he had worked out that story was true. I guess after Thomas' little speech…

"You're the one who told me what Oliver was, remember. I didn't think I needed to repeat the issue."

I had him there.

"Were you ever going to tell me? I mean, you just asked me to marry you," not that I wanted to deal with that topic just yet…

"I don't know."

It was so unusual for Dale to be this quiet. Most days it was impossible to get him to shut up, and now that I needed him so talk I could hardly get a word out!

"How long have you…you know…done…this?" I tried to broach the subject as gently as possible.

"I first made the change when I was 18, after my mother died. Something I got from her side of the family."

"So can all Warrengibie do this…"

"No," he cut me off. "Just me. A long time ago, our ancestors could make the change, but I'm the only one now."

He sighed. "I didn't know that it would happen to me. I was raised off the Dreaming stories, of our fathers who were eagle men. They were meant to guard our people and our lands from above, but their spirits were crushed when the white men came and they were put into the missions. I had always assumed that they were stories. Especially as I got older and I disowned my heritage. It was easier not to think of those stories. I could pretend I wasn't Warrengibie. When I was living in Perth, it was easy for me to forget about Keyes and my people. I so desperately wanted to belong in white society. I deserved to, I mean, technically I'm more white than Aboriginal. It's not like my mother was pure-blood either, and whoever my father was, he was white too. But some things you can't escape from…"

He pulled over on the side of the road just outside Keyes, and put his head on the steering wheel, breathing in and our slowly.

"I was visiting Mr Martin at his house. He and his wife Joy were good to me, they always had me over for dinner on the weekend. Joy was out visiting her sister that weekend, and Franklin - that's Mr Martin's first name - was very quiet that evening. I was wondering if everything was ok. He was never that quiet. Eventually, he said, "I got a call from Keyes today". I completely ignored the topic. I never spoke about Keyes. I loathed the fact that I had to go back there on holidays. I just wanted to forget it. But Franklin continued, "Dale, it's your mother." Still I didn't talk. I just shovelled food in my mouth, waiting for him to tire from this conversation. "She's dead. I'm so sorry.""

Dale lifted his head from the steering wheel, and looked at the ceiling, his eyes welling with unshed tears.

"I started to shake violently, and next thing I knew I wasn't Dale anymore." I didn't need him to tell me explicitly that he had turned into an eagle. "It was terrifying. I was too large for the space and I knocked the table over onto Franklin's leg. I heard it snap… I can't even imagine what he must have thought. But hearing his leg break brought me back. I was human again, and I had to help him. He didn't say anything when the ambulance arrived. I sat with him in emergency, and then in his room after his leg was plastered and he was admitted. Eventually, it must have been the middle of the night, he said, "You're going to have to go to Keyes, Dale. There are answers there I can't give you." So I went, and as soon as I arrived and drove back to the community where I was raised, the elders knew. I don't know what it was about me that gave it away. I had hoped that on the outside I at least looked normal.

"They told me the stories about the Dreaming, about your Liiver Man, and I knew now that at least some of them were true. They told me that I had to protect our people, they told me the secret to destroying the soul-suckers they feared, something Liiver Man had told them.

"It made me mad, and I changed again and flew away. You have no idea how freeing flying is…"

He stopped short and looked at me for a moment.

"Anyway, I couldn't stay in Keyes. I needed to escape, and I blamed being Warrengibie for what I was. I hid out in Perth, thinking if I didn't think about it, it would be like it never existed. Occasionally I would get mad though, and the change would happen. I got into the whole psych thing cause I found it calming. Even though it was the less exciting part of medicine, I needed to keep calm. I'm more in control of it now."

He continued to look at me, but I just sat in silence.

"You must think I'm a monster. I'm so sorry Kaia."

"No! I don't think you're a monster. You of all people know what I used to share my bed with…"

Suddenly we were interrupted by the satellite phone ringing. We both sat there, hoping it would stop ringing. But it kept ringing, so I answered.

"Hello?"

"Kaia thank God. There's been a car accident, Darcy's hurt. Please, we need you and Dr Wannapingu."


	16. Chapter 16

Dale didn't even blink before the car revved to life and we went roaring towards town. I shouted out directions that Cassie was giving me over the phone to Dale, and we soon arrived at the crash site the other side of town. A crappy old Holden had wrapped itself around a power pole, another old car parked further down the road. Dr Young was already in the vehicle, holding a dark haired boy's head as the SES were using the jaws of life to free the three young victims from the wreckage.

I jumped out of the car and raced towards it, Dale following me closely behind.

"Greg, status," Dale called, halting just steps away from the car as the groan of metal giving way resonated through the street.

"Three boys…" He sounded so stressed. "I don't know. Darcy is in the back. This one has head injuries. I don't know."

I had never heard Dr Young sound so…out of control. We all cared about Darcy - it was evidently affecting him.

"I'm fine." Relief blew through me as Darcy's voice crackled from the back seat.

Just then the door came off. The SES helped Dr Young move the younger boy who I realised was Cash, Darcy's best friend, from the front seat of the car. He was pale, his head covered in blood. He didn't look good. I came over to the car and looked in at Darcy as the other boy, Josh, was helped out by Dale.

"I'm ok Dr Snow, go help Cash."

He didn't look fine to me. He looked pale, but he was in one piece. I still didn't feel comfortable leaving him. Three doctors, three casualties. Besides, if anything happened to Darcy, Ruth would never forgive me.

"I think your mother would feel better if I made sure you're ok. Dr Young is with Cash. He'll get the help he needs."

Darcy moaned and wrapped his arm around my neck and I helped him out of the car. We only made it three steps from the car when a gurgle rose from his throat and he vomited blood. I didn't have the strength to hold him when he collapsed.

Next thing I knew, my doctor's training kicked in. Airways, Breathing, Circulation. I made sure his throat was clear of blood, but that initial spurt was all that came out. He wasn't breathing. I checked his carotid for a pulse, but there was nothing. Somewhere in the distance, someone was shrieking, "Dale! Help! Darcy!"

It was me.

I had given him two rescue breaths and had started compressions when Dale got to my side.

"What happened?"

"He had haematemesis and then arrested," I grunted as I was compressing his chest.

Damn it Darcy, live!

Dale ripped his shirt open, revealing deep purple bruises across his stomach. He was bleeding internally.

Dale grabbed the medical bag and set about putting a drip in Darcy as I continued trying to beat his heart back into rhythm. I could taste the blood as I forced air into his lungs. Dale squeezed the bag of saline, trying to get as much fluid in as possible. I was desperate, we needed more help.

"Paddles," I shrieked, and an SES guy brought over the defibrillator.

I attached the pads to Darcy's chest, and looked at Dale. He let go of the bag of saline and stepped away as I shocked Darcy. His body convulsed like a fish, but went still again. I checked his pulse, still nothing. I grabbed an ampoule of adrenaline and injected it into Darcy, then started compressions again. After 2 minutes, I shocked him again, repeating this pattern again and again. Dale continued to shove more and more saline into Darcy, and more and more adrenaline and other resus drugs. But except when he convulsed from the defibrillation, we didn't get any response from me. Tears rolled down my face.

I don't know how long we were there for, but eventually Dale stopped. I just kept going, watching as tears fell onto Darcy's chest as I continued desperately pounding against it. I was panting, I was exhausted, but I couldn't stop. He was just a boy.

"Kaia."

Dale placed his hands on mine, and I finally stopped and looked at him.

"Kaia, he's gone."

I collapsed in tears against the dead boy's chest. I didn't have it in me to call time of death.

"Time of death, 1450." Dale muttered, and lay against me, held me as I sobbed weakly against the corpse that was my friend's son.

The atmosphere in the hospital that afternoon was suffocating. The whole medical community was affected by the events of that afternoon. Ruth was inconsolable following the death of her son - her wailing was the only sound that echoed around the empty corridors of Keyes Hospital as the rest of us sat in stunned silence.

Cash had died from his injuries shortly before Dale pronounced Darcy's time of death. Josh was the only boy that escaped from the accident unscathed. He didn't even need to stay in hospital - his weeping parents had come and taken him home an hour ago.

Dale and I just sat across the table from each other in the tea room, staring at each other. Dr Young was out comforting Ruth. All three of the nurses had come in, in fact, most of the town had. When something like this happened in Keyes, everyone was affected. For this to happen to Ruth's son, who was the heart and soul of Keyes, just made it affect us even more.

I couldn't even think about what had happened between Dale and I earlier today. God, was that only this morning? It felt like a lifetime ago.

Eventually the sun went down, and I went home without saying a word. Dale didn't even ask to come with me - the day was too long for him too. I went home and slept without dreaming. The nothingness was all I could hope for. When I did think, all I could think about was the blood, and Darcy's lifeless heart beneath my hands. The guilt was overwhelming. I had let him die. Because of me, Ruth no longer had a son, the only family she had. How had it happened? Had I moved him too soon? Was there something else I could have done? There had to be something - Darcy was only 16. How was it fair for him to die? What would have happened had I not answered the phone? I was so tempted not to - that moment with Dale was too important for me.

The guilt washed over me again.

The following two days passed in a haze. I didn't get to see Dale much, he was too busy trying to support Ruth. I wanted to help Ruth out, but every time I saw her, I was swept under by guilt again. I had effectively killed her son. The day of the funeral, I went over to Ruth's house, and Dale was there waiting for me. He was wearing a black suit. It looked like it hadn't slept since the accident. He walked over to me and hugged me. I couldn't take the affection, I hated myself. Not only because of Darcy, but because of how I had treated Dale. He had proposed to me (which hadn't come up in the past couple days) and I couldn't say yes. He leaned away from me and looked me in the eyes.

"How are you holding up?"

I grimaced. "I'm not."

He hugged me to himself again, and then the tears finally came.

We were interrupted from our reverie by the phone ringing. Dale let me go and picked it up.

"Cox residence," he answered formally. "No, I'm sorry she's not here. She's getting ready for the funeral…"

He held the phone away from his head, he looked confused. "They hung up."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

I walked over to the door and opened it, Dale following shortly behind me.

I opened the door and was greeted to two pale figures sheltered by an umbrella and long clothing.

I spun and put my hands against Dale's chest, feeling him start to quiver.

"No," I said. "They're friends!"

I turned around, surprised, and looked at Alice and Jasper as they tried desperately to shield themselves from the sun that would reveal to the world who they were. She looked irritated, and Jasper looked like he would laugh.

"What are _you_ doing here?" I asked. I hadn't seen this pair since my ill-fated trip to America.

"Never mind us, what are _you_ doing here?" Alice accused.

"We're waiting for Ruth to come back from the homelands so we can go to a funeral."

"Not _your_ funeral."

"Alice, what is this about?"

"I saw you die. You were attacked by a vampire. You should be dead." Her eyes flicked to Dale, then back to me again.

"Don't sound so happy about it," Dale snapped. "We took care of it."

Her eyebrows snapped together, as she folded her tiny arms in fury.

Jasper leaned in towards her, and whispered something into her ear. She looked even more annoyed then before.

Her eyes focussed on Dale. "You don't happen to turn into a werewolf, do you?"

Dale blanched.

I answered for him. "No, he turns into an eagle. What's this about?"

Dale looked at me incredulously.

"What? Who're they going to tell?"

He sighed.

"What is with you people and the supernatural? Don't you know what you could have done?"

"It's ok, Alice," Jasper, the blonde, lanky vampire soothed. "No harm done."

"Yes, but could you imagine what could have happened if…"

"You learnt your lesson last time."

"Ok, so no harm done, now if you'll excuse us, we have a funeral to attend." I was getting irritated. I was just getting used to the lack of vampires in my life then suddenly three rock up in the period of a week. It was too much for me when combined with everyone else.

Alice was suddenly still., her eyes looking at something I couldn't see. Jasper looked at Alice, anxious, and held her by the shoulders.

"What do you see, Alice?"

Oh, I remembered. Alice was Carlisle's daughter that could see the future. Evidently she was seeing something now.

A look of horror crossed her face, and she whispered, "How?"

Her eyes refocused and looked at me.

"Alice, what's wrong?" Jasper's voice was firmer now.

"Déjà vu."

Jasper looked at me suddenly, then spun and walked further into the house, pulling out a mobile and calling someone. His speech was so rapid I couldn't understand what he was saying.

"Kaia, what's going on?" This was the first time Dale had spoken in a while.

"Alice and Jasper are Oliver's niece and nephew. She sees the future. She thought she saw me die, now she's seen something else…"

Jasper turned to Alice and nodded. He seemed exhausted by his conversation.

"Alice, what's going on?"

She sighed. "History's repeating itself."

"What on earth is that meant to mean?" I was getting slightly frustrated.

"Oliver thinks you're dead, Kaia. He hasn't taken that well and he's going to do something stupid."

I went cold. Suddenly I wasn't in Ruth's living room anymore, I was miles away, months ago, to a happier time in my life.

_I woke up in tears, another bad dream had forced me in to wakefulness. Oliver had been dead, all the light drained from his eyes, the perfection of his face ceasing to be. Even though I felt his cold frame behind me, I couldn't control the irrational fear that he was gone forever. The man was immortal, and yet I feared for his death more than my own. I guess it was because I knew the perfection that was the life we had together couldn't last. I couldn't see me leaving him, so that left the only option of him leaving me, and he had promised he would never do that voluntarily._

_How wrong that would turn out to be._

_"Kaia? Kaia, what's wrong?" I could hear the anxiety in his perfect tenor._

_"It's nothing…it's just…a bad dream. Such a very, very bad dream."_

_He spun me around and hugged me to his marble chest, as I waited for the tears to peter out._

_"It's ok, it's ok, it's not real. What did you dream about?"_

_I sniffed. "You - dead."_

_And the tears overtook me again._

_He pulled me away from him and looked me in the eyes._

_"Kaia Snow, I'm not going to die."_

_"How do you know? You're the one that says you're going to…_kill_…yourself as soon as I grow old and cark it!"_

_"That won't be for a very, very long time. It's not something you need to worry about!"_

_"But it means that you _can_ die! What happens if you have an accident, or are attacked, and you die…"_

_He sighed and pulled me to his chest again._

_"Kaia, only another of my kind can kill me, and that's very unlikely to happen seeming I'm the only one in Australia."_

_That made me feel better. "Why are you the only one here?"_

_"Haven't you noticed, my kind doesn't like the sun that much," and he chuckled._

"Kaia, Kaia? What have you done?" Dale was shaking me by the shoulders, his accusation directed at Alice and Jasper.

"No no no no no no…" I whispered to myself. "He can't! What is he thinking?!"

"Kaia," Alice said gently. "What do you want to do? If we're going to stop him, we're going to have to leave now."

"Go? Go where? What's going on?" Dale was panicking.

"Dale, Oliver is going to kill himself because he thinks I'm dead."

"Good," he huffed.

"How can you say that? I can't let him die! Alice, Jasper, we have to go, now."

"Kaia, wait." He grabbed my arm. "You can't go. Not after all that he's done to you."

"I can't not go, Dale. Think about what his death would do to me. I would die too."

"Then I'll come too."

"I don't think that would be a good idea." The rebuff came from Jasper. "I don't think Oliver would take too kindly to a shape-shifter interfering with things. He may just try to end things that way."

"Stay, Dale. I'll be as fast as I can. Tell Ruth I'm sorry."

I leant in and kissed him on the cheek, then ran out with Alice and Jasper before he had a chance to recover.

We jumped into the Range Rover that Alice and Jasper had obviously came in, and Jasper put his foot to the floor and we sped off faster than I thought this car was capable of, a plume of red dust being left behind us.

"Alice, what is Oliver going to do?"

Even though I knew of his plans, I had no idea how he planned to execute them. I had no idea of even which country he was in. I was dumbstruck - Oliver had left me. He no longer loved me. I couldn't believe he planned to keep to some outdated plan of dying when I did.

"He's going to Italy. It's going to take him a while - thank God - I don't even know how he found out…"

"Carlisle rang him," Jasper interrupted.

"Carlisle? But why did he call him? He knows how badly that went with Edward! He should have guessed…"

"Don't be tough on Carlisle. Oliver is his friend, he had a right to know if it was true. Who could have guessed that something like this would happen _twice_. I'm surprised enough it happened once."

"Why is Oliver going to Italy?" I interrupted, sick of the exchange that added nothing to my knowledge of how Oliver was going to end his life. "Is he in Italy?"

"He's in Russia. He's just sort of being roaming around for a while. Italy has the Volturi, he figures they're the safest bet to end his life seeming they hate him so much. He won't need to do much convincing."

"What's a Volturi and why would they hate Oliver?"

"The Volturi are sort of the ruling class of our kind. They act to uphold the one law every vampire must follow - keeping our existence a secret," Jasper replied.

"They're awful, power hungry vampires who are threatened by the power of others. Oliver is too powerful, one of the very few vampires that would be able to challenge them. They fear him," Alice said.

A sect of powerful vampires were threatened by Oliver? I couldn't understand how.

"Why are they scared of Oliver?"

Alice and Jasper exchanged a look, but kept quiet.

"What aren't you telling me?" I was starting to feel frustrated.

"I'm not sure Oliver wants you to know if he hasn't told you…" Jasper started.

"Well that's just tough. If I'm going to have to drag myself overseas to save him after he gets sick of me and discards me then I have a right to know."

Jasper chuckled. "Oliver Munroe was the only vampire in Australia because he prevented the migration. Before the English settled Australia, only the occasional vampire would come down through Indonesia to feed, and to be honest, it wasn't really worth the effort. After the First Fleet landed, though, and Australia became more populace, it became easier for vampires to blend in with the crowd. Plus the fresh hunting ground was considered a perk, so they started to head south and try their luck here."

"What they didn't know," Alice continued, "was that Oliver got here first, on the actual First Fleet. You know how much he loves your country - it's one of the few places on this planet he feels happy. Anyway, Oliver didn't want the people here to be hurt by our kind, so he… took care of any of us that came here."

"And how did he do that?"

"He killed them. Oliver is a very capable man in that department. No vampire has ever been able to lay a finger on him. He has killed hundreds of our kind, which is saying something, because there aren't that many of us in existence, and no-one knows how. After a while, other vampires got the message and decided to leave Australia alone. It's a no-go zone."

They may have had no idea about how Oliver could defeat so many, but I did. Evidently the passing-out trick worked on vampires too.

I was a little horrified to know that Oliver had killed, but could I blame him, considering it was to keep our country safe? I would have to think about it later.

Alice spent the next three hours zoning in and out of the future. Jasper and I sat in relative silence, watching the blur that was the landscape fly by the windows. I had no idea where we were going. It was a 5 hour drive to Broome, a 3 day drive to Perth. I had a horrible feeling we were going to arrive too late, even if we did manage to catch a plane as soon as we arrived where we were going, it was going to take close to a day to fly to Italy. Oliver was already in Europe. Even if he decided to run the entire way, he would get there much sooner than we would.

I was surprised when a few minutes later we pulled into the outskirts of Broome. How fast had we been driving? It was the evening, and we drove straight to the small airport. Suddenly Alice swung around and said, "We forgot your passport!"

I shuffled around inside my bag, and pulled it out. I carried it everywhere with me, I don't know why. I guess I'm just a little bit pedantic.

She sighed in relief and pulled me from the car and we followed Jasper into the airport. As soon as we had parked, he had run in. He greeted us at the entrance with plane tickets to Darwin.

"Departure in 15 minutes, come on!"

We rushed through security, ran to the gate and got on the plane. I should have felt placated that we were taking off so quickly, to be kept busy, but I just had this feeling that all this effort was going to waste. We were not going to get to Italy before Oliver did, and if these Volturi feared him as much as Alice and Jasper said, I couldn't see anyway that they wouldn't grant him his wish on the spot.

Ashamedly, I started to cry.

Jasper leaned away from me awkwardly, staring desperately out the window. Alice shh'd at me gently, rocking me backwards and forwards. I just wished for once that thinking of Oliver didn't hurt. Since Dale had arrived, I had managed to think of Oliver less frequently, although he still featured in my dreams. I had been managing myself, but my carefully cultivated façade had crumbled as soon as he was brought to centre stage in my mind. I couldn't imagine a world without him in it. I would surely die if he ceased to be. Being on my own was fine, I could take that, but the world would seem a whole lot less magical without Oliver in it.

I was glad the flight to Darwin was only a few hours long. The entire flight after my brief tears had been completely silent. The small plane had been practically empty, and those few passengers who were there had been as quiet as a grave. Alice had continued to future-gaze, and Jasper had ignored me completely, so I had been caught up in my own thoughts, except those made less and less sense the further through the day we got. I didn't blame Jasper for not talking to me - from what Oliver had told me, he had a harder time with the vegetarian lifestyle than the others had, as he had come to it later on in life. Occasionally he would stiffen slightly, and Alice would squeeze his hand gently before he would relax. It was almost painful watching that pair, the love that they shared evident in every movement, in every breath. They lived for each other, and I knew that they would sacrifice the whole world for each other. I was angry at myself - the man that I had that level of devotion for, the man I was travelling to the other side of the world for and sacrificing my relationship with Dale for (and I knew that was over), wouldn't do that for me. I knew that I had someone who was worthy of that devotion, and I couldn't give it to him. I just continued to hurt him, over and over again. Maybe not by choice, but it was bad enough. I just wondered when I would hurt him so badly he couldn't recover from it.

When we landed, Jasper disappeared off into the ether again, passports in hand. By the time we found him, he once again had tickets, this time to Singapore. From there, we would catch a plane to Rome. We had a lot of luck timetabling wise, we barely had any stop over time. By the time we had landed in Singapore, Alice was certain that we would make it to Volterra (where the Volturi lived) around the same time Oliver did. There was a good chance that we would not be late. This made me happier, but also raised more fears for me. I had no idea how I would react to seeing him again, and the ensuing rebuffment that was bound to follow. Although Oliver had decided to get all nostalgic and kill himself because he thought I was dead, I was in no doubt that his feelings towards me had not changed, and that I would be going home alone.

This thought made my stomach drop through to my feet. But this was good. I should not want him back, it was not healthy for me. This whole trip illustrated that more than adequately. Our relationship was pathological. It was not good for either of us. But still…I could only remember the time that we spent together, how that had made my life so complete. To be so close to that again, I would not be strong enough to sacrifice it if offered. And yet, Oliver would. That was a good thing. A very, very good thing.

Finally, during our flight to Rome, I had enough of my internal musings, and Alice was still living in a time that hadn't occurred yet, I decided to talk to Jasper.

"Jasper, how do you become a vampire?"

He looked at me, confused.

"I don't really think this is the time or the place…"

"Don't worry, I don't want to be one."

"Then why do you want to know?"

"Because, Oliver never told me. I don't like not knowing things. And this may be my last chance to find out."

He sighed. "You get bitten."

"I know the Hollywood version, I want details. How do you transform from human to vampire?"

He glanced around the cabin, but no one was listening. I wasn't talking loud enough for my voice to carry anyway. He shouldn't be so paranoid.

"We're venomous. When you get bitten, venom passes into the victim. This venom transforms human cells to…well, you know. Transformation is very painful, the most painful thing you could ever imagine. _More_ painful than what you could ever imagine. And it takes three days. Three days you will never forget for the entirety of your existence."

I could tell from the shadow in his eyes that even remembering the experience was painful. I swallowed.

"So, what were you and Alice doing in Australia anyway?"

Wow, nice segway.

He smirked at me - he had noticed my desperate attempt to change topics too.

"Alice and I were…cleaning up some mess down here, I guess you could say. There was a bit of a problem in Tasmania and we were asked to take care of it. It didn't involve any…you know. I wouldn't have brought Alice if it did. We just had to suggest they go hunting elsewhere, which they were more than amenable to. Oliver doesn't like leaving Australia unguarded."

Oh, Oliver. Not a topic I wanted either.

"So do you like Australia?"

"It's very pretty, but a bit sunny for our tastes." Another smirk.

"Well, I better try and get some sleep…I have been awake for God knows how long."

"Don't let me prevent the human from getting some sleep. It would do us no good to have you grumpy once we reach Italy." And as he chuckled to himself, he pulled down the blind from the sunny morning outside.

I sighed and rolled myself to face the isle, and covered my head with a blanket.

This flight was too long.

When we landed in Florence after connecting from Rome, Alice was grumpy. Thankfully, not because we were running late, which according to her schedule we weren't, but because the hire car company did not have a Porsche (as it turns out, Oliver had replaced her Porsche after the accident). Instead, we were installed in some generic saloon on the drive to Volterra.

Irrespective of what Alice said about us being on time, the way Jasper drove did nothing to allay my fears of running late. I didn't know it was possible to drive as fast as he did, and as I clung to my seatbelt, I was surprised there was no police to pull us over.

The day was cloudy when we arrived in Volterra that afternoon. The city was medieval and walled. During the drive, Jasper had told me about the Volturi, and Volterra, so entering the city they had held for over three thousand years made me a bit anxious. Either that, or it was the knowledge of how close Oliver was. We walked up to what appeared to be a normal business front and entered the building. The interior was nice, nothing special or different, except for the window frescos painted on the walls. I couldn't imagine that this was the international headquarters of the ruling class of vampires. It didn't at all look like it belonged in a horror movie. The only thing I noted was there was no natural light, but lots of office spaces didn't have that. There was even a benign Italian girl behind the desk. Surely this must be the wrong place.

Jasper walked up to the girl, and she didn't look surprised to see such a beautiful human as Jasper was. Most of the people we had come across, particularly women, seemed to catch their breath when he was around.

"Gianna, I believe that an Oliver Monroe has asked to see Aro," he said to her/ "We need to see him before he sees Aro."

"I cannot disclose any persons that may or may not be in the building, sir. If you would like to make an appointment, then maybe at a later date you could see Mr Aro to discuss…"

"Gianna, you know it would take me but a second to snap your neck and get into the tower myself. I am being nice and asking."

I shuddered.

Gianna, however, didn't even blink. She just pressed a button that made the door at the end of the hall swing open.

"Thank-you," He gave her one of those blinding smiles that made me think of Oliver.

We walked down the hall, the further we went, the more the building revealed it's medieval roots, the wall turning to stone, the air turning cold and musty. Alice held my hand, pulling me close to her. I knew if she hadn't kept a grip on me, Jasper would be holding her. She did not seem at all happy to be here.

We finally entered a large antechamber, what I could only assume was the tower Jasper had referred to. In it, men cloaked in grey and black stood in a semicircle, staring at a beautiful but dishevelled man in the centre of the tower.

"…so Aro, that is why I have come to ask you and your brothers to end my life. I would hope you would discuss my plea unbiasly."

Oliver.

"Ah dear brother, you have given us much to consider, although the tragedy that we would have to think it at all brings sorrow to my long silent heart. But my brothers and I will try to consider your request evenly," a pale man with long black hair in a black cloak said.

Alice hissed beside me.

"Oliver!" I called out compulsively.

He spun and turned to face me, and in that moment, nothing else existed.

His eyes were as black as night, his face paler than I had ever seen it. His hair was dishevelled but still beautiful, his chestnut hair in disarray around his face. His clothes had seen better days, but it was still the most beautiful I had ever seen him. Just the fact that he existed made him beautiful.

"Kaia?" a croak escaped from his mouth.

In less than a second, I was in his arms, his mouth pressed against mine as hot tears started to roll down my cheeks. The pain was intense as my body rememorised the way it felt in his arms, his cold curves wrapped around my comparatively hot body. He kissed me fervently, as though he had never kissed me before, and in that moment, the months of absence seemed like nothing. It seemed impossible that so much pain and so much pleasure could exist at the same time. Although this moment was fleeting, I would remember it for the rest of my life, long after he had once again left my side. And that would make the separation all the more painful.

He pulled away from me to look at me and then pulled my face back to his, over and over again. Eventually, he just pressed me to his chest as he hugged me, rocking me from side to side.

"I thought…" His voice sounded strangled.

"I know." Mine did too.

We just stood there for a moment, as it finally dawned on us that other people were watching our reunion. I couldn't care, but I felt Oliver stiffen as his composure returned to him. He released my body, but retained my hand in his, holding me to his side. I could feel my heart break, knowing that would be the last time that Oliver would hold me that way.

"Aro, forget what I said brother. We shall take our leave now." He sounded overly formal, overly tense.

A smirk crossed Aro's face. "Ah but brother, you had already finished your argument and we must deliberate on it, irrespective of the fallacy of the reason behind it. Your lady love may be alive, but your argument as to why we should assist you still remains. You are a danger to us, brother, and that matter needs to be attended to."

"So you choose to kill me, Aro?"

"No, no brother! We have yet to deliberate, we make no such judgement yet!" He raised his hands, almost defensively. "Besides, we also have to think of the small matter of your girl there. She knows our secret. You know that is not allowed."

Oliver pulled me behind him, and I felt Alice and Jasper join him at his flanks.

"You wouldn't dare." It had been a long time since I had heard Oliver sound so dark.

"Alas, my brother, the law is the law. Even if we were to allow you to live, Miss Snow would not be given the same consideration."

"That is not your decision to make, Aro."

Suddenly, a small woman in a grey cloak dropped to the floor.

Aro looked towards the fallen woman, shocked.

"You should not encourage Jane to hurt Kaia, Aro."

Aro looked at Oliver in awe. He evidently hadn't seen his trick before.

"Oh, how I wish to have but a moment in your head, Oliver! The wonders that must be within!"

"It's not going to happen, Aro. Now, my friends and I will take our leave, and you are to stay here. I am more than capable of taking care of you and your lackeys, as you well know."

Aro sighed, resigned. Although he wished nothing more to kill me and Oliver, he was afraid of Oliver. Even though Jasper and Alice had told me he would be, this surprised me.

"You and the Cullens may leave. I don't see how we have much of a choice."

Two more of Aro's grey coats dropped.

"And I need your word that Kaia Snow will not be harmed - not now, not ever. If ever she is a risk of revealing our secret, I will deal with it."

Another grey coat dropped.

"Fine!" He held up his hands in defeat. "I grant you and your human ward safety. But trust us in this, if you do not take care of this breech, eventually we will have to step in, even if many of us have to be sacrificed in the process. Take your leave, brother. I am sure we will meet again."

Oliver scooped me up into his arms, and we ran from the tower. I felt oddly safe there, even though I was in a building filled with more vampires than I could imagine.

We didn't stop running until we reached the car that Jasper had hired in Florence. The engine came roaring to life before I had managed to extricate myself from Oliver's arms. Then again, I was safer in those arms than in any seatbelt. During that long drive, he did not release me. He kept kissing my hair, stroking my face, as if still unsure I was real. Although I had dreamed of this closeness during our months of absence, I knew that I should not want it now. I knew an ending was coming, and these memories, brand new, would hurt the most when he did leave me again. But I didn't have the strength to ask him to stop. I just snuggled into his statuesque chest, closing my eyes and trying to live through these brief moments.


	17. Chapter 17

I was surprised when I looked out the window to see the sun begin to rise. Outside, there was snow-covered mountainside. A house that looked like a ginger bread house waited outside. I honestly did not know where I was. For all I knew, I had died and gone to heaven. Oliver was here, and that made it heaven enough for me.

"Thank-you Alice, Jasper. I will owe you for the rest of my existence," Oliver whispered, and next thing I knew, he had opened the door and lifted me out into the cold wilderness outside. As soon as he shut the door, the saloon turned around and sped away. We were alone.

I gulped. Evidently we were to have a conversation here that the others were not to be privy to.

He carried me into the gingerbread house, and deposited me on a couch as he went to start a fire. I looked around. The décor was oddly familiar to me, and I could have sworn that I had seen the antique clock on the mantel before…

Oliver turned away from the now roaring fire to look at me, and smirked. "I see you recognise the clock. The only one I ever owned."

"Is this where you've been, since you've been gone?" my tone sounded accusatory. The best defence was a good offence.

"No. I haven't lived in this house in over a hundred and fifty years. I had planned to stay here during my absence, but staying in one place was…hard for me."

He sighed and looked at me, not moving from his place in front of the fire. I couldn't understand why, it's not like he got cold.

We looked at each other for a while, and my impatience was starting to get the better of me.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"When are we going to have this talk?"

"What talk?" He sounded honestly confused.

"The one where you tell me that I am to go back to Australia and that you're staying here, or wherever you've been."

"What?"

"I know it's coming, Oliver. And I would rather we get it over and done with so it doesn't hurt so much when you do go again…"

"Why would I leave you, Kaia?" He sounded genuinely hurt.

I was exasperated. It wasn't like Oliver to be so obtuse.

"You left me before. You said you didn't love me anymore." The repeated memory still hurt.

He shook his head. "Kaia Snow, you are the silliest woman I have ever met. How could I have stopped loving you?"

"But you said…"

He raised a finger. "I lied."

"But why…"

"Because…you weren't safe with me. I knew after your…accident, that at some point far too soon, your life would end because of me. Be it at the hand of myself or another vampire. So I thought, if I left, I could protect you from my kind. I thought by leaving, you would be kept safe. So I lied and said I didn't love you anymore - you wouldn't have let me go otherwise. And knowing your temper, I thought if you hated me, the separation would be easier on you."

I was gob smacked.

"As if I could hate you Oliver, you are a part of me! I could no more hate you then I could kill myself! What a stupid thing to think! How terribly condescending…"

He smirked. "I see you still have your temper."

"Don't laugh at me Oliver Monroe!"

And to that he did chuckle. "I'm not! It's just, I'm so relieved. I _had_ hoped that you wouldn't want to be in the same room as me."

I sighed. "You know your plan backfired, don't you? Do you have any idea how much like the living dead I have been these past months? And then I get ambushed by a vampire, so that's all aspects of your plan that's failed."

"I know. I heard from Carlisle. He rang me to say that you…and I…" He put his head in his hands, as if it were too heavy to carry.

I crawled from the couch and hesitantly put my arms around him. This close to the fire, he wasn't as cold as usual. He pulled me into his arms, and kissed me again. I don't know if it was the stress of the past few days, or if it was the emotion running through our veins from our reunion, or if the physical need for him was just as strong as it was for me, but neither of us pulled away from our embrace. He lay me down gently on the fur rug in front of the fire, gently tracing my shape with his lips. I had no concern for his shirt as I pulled at it, buttons popping to reveal his perfect chest, which sparkled gently in the firelight. He pulled my pullover over my head, pointless as it was this close to the fire, and his lips met mine again. I rolled over, Oliver allowing me to push him to the floor, as his hands fumbled with my bra clasp. We were going too far, but I could not stop myself. Self-control was entirely absent that evening.

We didn't manage to regain control again for a very long time.

We lay there, naked in each other's arms, as the last embers from the fire ebbed. Bright, white light shone through the window from the snowy morning outside. As I lay there, I wanted to pretend that the night still had a few hours to go, so I could delay what I knew was coming for as long as possible. Impossible as I thought it would be, I had been thinking through the passing quiet hours since our encounter. Thinking about Romeo and Juliet.

The greatest love story - a story about idiocy and irresponsibility. How many times had I read that play, and not understood the main characters? In my months of solitude, I had become almost obsessed with that play, struggling to find a different meaning, a different reasoning, but I always had come back to the same idea. Juliet and Romeo did it wrong. Even though they loved each other, they each had responsibilities that they had to keep. Their love was poison, it destroyed whatever it touched, even though it was powerful. Romeo and Juliet should have left it alone. If they had, they all would have had happy endings. Not as passionate as the ones they courted, but happy enough to see them through a long life.

Passion was like how I had described my bad temper - like a fire cracker. One big explosion, then it was gone, leaving destruction in it's wake.

But Dale had been right - I had understood the play better than I had thought. I had fought so hard to try to change my mind on Romeo and Juliet, telling myself I didn't understand the story, because I knew that Oliver and I were the same. I wanted to think that Romeo and Juliet had done the wrong thing, that somehow, if they had approached things slightly differently, they could have been happy together.

But I was right all along, and nothing could change my perfect reasoning. It was not possible for two people to love each other so much and come out of it unharmed. Such love was never intended to last a long period of time. Oliver and I, our love was pathological. In the end, we would both be consumed by it. My knowledge did not make the realisation any less painful.

I knew that when Oliver decided I was awake, we were going to have to talk. I just wished I would never wake.

Too soon, I felt Oliver fondling my hair. He brushed it away from my neck, and placed his ice cold lips against the nape of my neck. I shivered. I folded my arms around my chest, trying to feel less exposed physically, if not emotionally, as I sat up and faced him.

The expression on his face was glorious, as if it belonged to an angel. He smiled at me and brushed my unruly curls away from my face. I couldn't give him the response he wanted.

He propped himself up on one arm, his face turning to one of concern.

"What's the matter? Did I hurt you?"

I hadn't even thought of the physical repercussions of our encounter. I probably should of - he always had been convinced that he would kill me if we ever were involved that way.

I forced a smile to my face and said, "No, I'm fine. I'm just cold."

In that moment, in one of those blindingly fast movements of his, Oliver had left and returned with a blanket, which he draped around my shoulders. I stiffly pulled myself upright, intent on finding some clothes. I found my jeans and pullover - they were pitifully inadequate for this weather, but I hadn't even packed a bag when I had left Keyes so abruptly. I must have been wearing the same clothes for the past three days. When I finished dressing, I found Oliver putting more wood on the diminished fire. He had somehow gotten himself dressed - evidently he at least had a wardrobe in this cottage somewhere.

I sat myself down on the couch and watched him. Even knowing what I would have to say in the conversation that was going to follow, it didn't make it any easier. Even the knowledge that I was doing this for Oliver, that I was sacrificing my happiness for a life for him and myself, didn't make it any easier. The pain was coming, and I was unable to brace myself for it. I was emotionally spent.

Oliver turned to look at me, still concerned.

"Are you hungry?"

I couldn't even remember the last time I had eaten, and as soon as he mentioned it, my stomach gurgled.

"Do you have any food here?"

"No, but it's only a short run to town. I could go out and grab you something and come back…"

"Where are we, anyway?"

"France, Champes D'Louviere, in the Pyrenees."

"Oh."

My stomach gurgled again.

"I'll go get you some food, and maybe a jacket," he said as I shivered again. "I'll be right back."

And with that he was gone.

In his absence, I walked around his cottage. All his furniture here was much older than that in Keyes. It looked as though this little chalet had remained untouched in over a century, which when you think about it, was accurate. There were old leather-bound books in a large oak bookshelf, which I ran my fingers across. I sighed. Everything here screamed Oliver, it reminded me of what I was going to give up. I walked over to his small writing desk and sat down, every muscle in my body aching, my joints feeling like jelly. It was a nice feeling, if only because of being the aftermath of such a fantastic evening.

I wrapped my arms around myself as my mind went back to the evening that had just passed. I shut my eyes and I could almost see it, Oliver's golden eyes looking down on me, his chestnut hair sweeping backwards and forwards across his face as he moved. Every time I had gasped, he had frozen and asked if I was okay, and when I said I was, he would lean down and kiss my neck, almost as though to give me a chance to recover had I been lying. For one of the most powerful creatures on the planet, he had been the most gentle. It was worthwhile waiting all those years for my first time. Yes, it had started out uncomfortable and slightly painful, but it had evolved into so much more than that. It was our bodies expressing how much we loved each other, something that our words never had completely conveyed. I felt myself grimace as I realised it would be the last time we ever would.

Oliver returned to the cottage quickly, his chestnut hair dusted lightly with snow. He held in his arms a large bag of food - as always, he had over-catered - and a bag which contained a snow jacket, which he passed to me. I didn't need the jacket now that the fire had warmed the house again, so I hung it over the back of the chair I was sitting on. Oliver spread the food he had collected in front of me (there was no dining area or kitchen - the desk would have to do), and I browsed through the selection of breads, cheeses, meats and fruit he had placed in front of me. I picked up some cheese and absentmindedly broke of a corner of it and put it in my mouth.

Oliver sat himself on the floor next to me and watched me eat. I felt vaguely self-conscious.

When I had eaten my fill, I looked at him, and he grabbed my hand and pulled me from the chair into his lap. I rested my head against his shoulder and sighed.

"Oliver, how do you think this is going to end?"

His brows furrowed and he craned his head to look at me.

"What is that meant to mean?" He sounded confused.

"I mean, how are we going to end, Oliver? You know it can't go on like this."

If I didn't know better, I could swear I could feel his heart breaking.

"Is this because of that boy you left behind? I heard from Alice…"

"No, this has nothing to do with Dale. It has to do with you and me, Oliver." I pulled myself away so I could look him in the face. "You know I love you, more than life itself, and I would do anything to remain here in your arms forever. But you know this is a turning point for us, we can't go back to how we were before. We have to decide where this is going, before something else makes the decision for us."

I sighed, and held his hands in mine.

"I can only see this going one of two ways, either we remain together, which would mean that you would have to turn me into a vampire, or we go our separate ways. And even though I love you, Oliver, this love isn't healthy for either of us. You know we're going to have to take the second path."

He lifted one hand and used it to cup my face, which I leant in to and shut my eyes.

I just wished this was easier.

"I love you," he whispered. "More than my own life. Please."

"Oliver, you know we can't. If I stayed, it would lead to the destruction of us both. And I can't stand to see you hurt, I wouldn't be able to bear it. At least if I leave, you'll be safe," I kissed the palm of his hand, "and I need you to be safe."

He pulled me into a hug, and held me tightly, as the tears started to pour down my cheeks.

"You are a much better person than I am, Kaia Snow. I don't know how I can do this."

"I don't know how I can either, but we have to," I mumbled into his shoulder.

We just sat there for a while, holding on to each other, knowing that this would be our last embrace. It was a bittersweet moment - Oliver knew I loved him, and I knew he loved me, but that wasn't going to change our circumstances. We both had to leave each other, and that knowledge was more than either of us could bear. There were a lot of tears that needed to be shed before I could move through this, but eventually I would be better off for it. I was not going to be Juliet any longer.

Eventually it was decided that we better organise me going home. I rang Ruth, apologetically for abandoning her on the day of her son's funeral. Dale had told her that I had got a phone call from Oliver's family saying he had been in an accident and I had left to be by his side (I owed that man more than he would ever know). I elaborated a little, and said that Oliver had been in a skiing accident, but that he was fine now and I was able to come home. And no, Oliver would not be coming with me.

Oliver had called the airlines and booked my flights home. I had demanded economy class, and he had agreed. For once, he was willing to do things my way. We then drove to Rome, to the airport, where we exchanged our last goodbyes.

"If you ever change your mind, if you ever need anything, I will only be a phone call away," Oliver said, pressing a piece of paper with a number on it into my hands.

"Thank-you. For everything."

I leant up and kissed him on the cheek. Then I turned, and walked away, leaving Oliver Monroe behind forever.


	18. Chapter 18

I never went back to Keyes. I went instead to my parent's home in Nimbin. It was more than time to repair that relationship. My mother and father welcomed me back with open arms, not even mentioning that I hadn't warned them of my imminent arrival. I guess they were too happy that I had finally embraced spontaneity to ask why I had.

I had rung up Ruth from my parents after I had arrived. I explained that seeming there was only four weeks of my internship left, and in my time there I had done more than enough unclaimed overtime to cover that gap, that I didn't plan to come back. She was surprisingly understanding - perhaps there was something in my tone of voice that gave me away. She agreed to pack up my things and post them out to me, and wished me the best for whichever path my life would take after that.

Dale however, was not as understanding. He rang my parents multiple times every day, after Ruth had given him their number (I was keeping my mobile off). I wasn't ready to speak to him yet, and I had hoped he would give me the space I needed as I came to grips with life on my own. Just because I had rejected Oliver did not mean there was room for Dale in my life - I just needed to be on my own for a while.

A week after I arrived home, while I was gardening in the "legal" plot with my mother, Dale arrived on our doorstep. Dad brought him out to where Skysong and I were up to our elbows in dirt, and I was surprised to see him.

"Dale? What are you doing here?"

"I needed to see you."

I stood up and brushed myself off, before storming over to Dale and dragging him off by the elbow. If my parents found out that I had been in a relationship with Dale, well, I wouldn't be surprised if their heads exploded from excitement. Something about me dating an Indigenous man would make them feel so proud.

I dragged him in to the large tepee-style tent I was living in, wishing desperately that it had a door that I could slam.

"What do you want, Dale?"

"I wanted to see if you were alright. Last I saw, you were being dragged off by two vampires to see a vampire council to save the life of your vampire ex-boyfriend. Then next thing I know, I'm told you're not coming back to Keyes and you've moved in with your hippy parents! I can't decide which is more unusual!"

"I'm fine, Dale. I just needed…space…to think about things. In case you haven't noticed, the past couple weeks have been hard for me. What with you, and Darcy, and Oliver…" Tears started rolling down my cheeks. "I just needed time to let my head empty out, to adjust. I just need space."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Kaia." He walked up and hugged me. "I've just been so worried. I'm sorry I've come."

"No, it's not your fault." I pushed myself away and sat on the floor, Dale sat down beside me. "I understand why you came."

"So what happened, anyway?" His chocolate eyes were filled with concern.

"Alice, Jasper and I went to Italy. We managed to stop things before it was too late. Oliver and I…it's complicated. Turned out he left me cause he loved me and wanted me to be safe. And then I left him. He was right - our relationship was not good for either of us…" I put my head in my hands. "And then I came here. I just needed to think things through before inflicting myself on others. I'm a bit of a mess right now."

"But you love Oliver…"

"Which was why I had to let him go." I looked up into Dale's eyes. "It was cause I loved him I left."

"And us…"

Why did he have to bring that up? I had broken enough hearts to last a lifetime.

"…I guess I already know the answer to that."

"It's not what you think, Dale. I do love you. Not in the way I love Oliver, but I _do_ love you. You are the most amazing human I know, and I wouldn't be alive today without you. It's just that I can't be with anyone at the moment. I have to learn to live with myself first."

He reached over and ruffled my hair. "I guess I understand that. That might take a while."

He laughed, and I laughed back.

"Don't say you're going to wait for me, Dale Wannapingu. You deserve a much better woman than I am. If she comes along, you grab onto her with both hands!"

"Yes, so then she can put out a restraining order on me."

I sighed.

"Don't joke like that. She's out there, you know."

"Whatever you say. Far be it from me to tell the good doctor she's wrong."

I smiled at him, and sighed again.

"Well, I guess we better go explain to my parents what you're doing here. Otherwise they may just come in here and force it out of us."

Dale stood up and reached his hand out to me, which I grabbed as he pulled me up. My head spun and I stumbled, Dale catching me.

"Kaia?"

"I'm just… a bit dizzy. Can I sit back down for a minute?"

He returned me to the floor where I put my head between my knees, waiting for my head to stop swimming.

"I think you yanked me up a bit fast. Us ordinary humans can't take movements that fast." I smiled at him.

Dale still looked concerned. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm fine! Honestly, it probably wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been spending so much time in the sun recently. I'm probably just a bit dehydrated."

"If you're sure…"

"Dale, you can be such an old woman when you put your mind to it. Now, are you just going to stand there or are you going to help me up at a more reasonable pace?"

Dale rolled his eyes, and sighed at me before helping me to my feet.

Dale stayed for lunch, braving the whirlwind that was my parents with more than human elegance. I was embarrassed as Skysong asked Dale a million questions, many of which were too personal to ask someone the first time you met them. Heartbeat was far more sedate (probably due to his time in the "illegal" garden that day), and kept getting on to topics he felt would help with manly bonding between the pair.

I almost died of embarrassment when Skysong invited Dale to spend the night in my tent. To prevent their mind from going there, I forced them to pull out the spare tepee for Dale to spend the night in. Dale chuckled to himself as he watched as I tried to single-handedly assemble said tepee.

"I'm surprised you're able to move after dinner," he chuckled.

I scowled at him as I dropped yet another stick. I was never coordinated at the best of times.

"It was all vegetables, that's hardly very filling."

"I don't know, I thought that pilaf your mother made was quite filling."

"You're just coming onto it off a normal diet. You try living on that for over a week, then you can comment on my food intake."

Dale pulled himself from the grass, finally doing the gentlemanly thing and assisting me assemble his tent.

"No need to get defensive, Kaia. I'm impressed."

I huffed, and then yawned.

"Been a long day, huh?" he said, expertly assembling the tent in a shorter time than I had been fooling around with the damned thing.

"If you know how to make these things, then why did you allow me to make a fool out of myself and try?"

He turned and looked at me. "Cause it's funny."

Things had been easier since I had officially ended things with Dale. It was back to like it was before our first kiss, back when we were just friends. I was disappointed - if I had known it would be this easy, I might have broken up with him sooner. But maybe the only reason it was easier now was because I had left Oliver. Anything after that would seem easy. And Dale didn't have to worry that he was being dumped for his competitor.

I helped him bring in the bedding I had assembled for him, and then yawned again.

"Thankyou Kaia, now go to bed. I feel like I could pass out just looking at you."

"Goodnight Dale. I'm glad you came."

"I knew you would - you just had to calm down enough to realise it. I'll see you tomorrow," and he kissed me on the head and headed into his tent for the evening.

I barely made it back to my tent before collapsing asleep on my pile of bedding. It had been a long day.

Dale stayed for another day before flying back to Keyes. He had only been given the weekend off. Personally, it would have been nice if he could have stayed for longer - our friendship had more than recovered from the months of our ill-advised romance. It was nice to have a sane person around, a category neither of my parents would ever fall into.

That Monday, my belongings arrived from Keyes, which meant that I was finally able to stop wearing my mother's clothing I had been forced to wear since arriving home. My wardrobe was the nicest addition to my tent - somehow having normal clothes made me feel slightly more sheltered from the hippiness of my current existence.

I took my parent's van out to Brisbane that Thursday, now that I felt that my clothing was appropriate to be around other people in. As I wandered around the busy city streets, I found myself a little bit disoriented by the human traffic. Everyone was constantly moving around me, almost as though it was a river. It made my head spin. I only just made it to the bin before my breakfast came back up. No-one who walked past me even stopped to stare. I had forgotten what a big city was like- if I had pulled that stunt in Keyes, the whole town would have known by now and would be bringing over their secret recipe chicken soup.

I was still feeling queasy as I stumbled into the nearest shop to find a public toilet to wash my mouth out. I was slightly concerned that I might be coming down with something - I don't think I had actually been sick since I had gastro at eighteen. I put my hand on my forehead - it didn't feel hot. But I knew better than anyone that no temperature didn't necessary mean no illness. I pulled some panadol out of my bag and swallowed it, hoping that would make me feel better. I needed to get some shopping done before I had an interview next week.

I then went into Myers to get some shopping done. I wandered around, trying to find an outfit that said "professional". I tried on a pencil skirt and a light blue blouse, and was a little bit disappointed when the skirt felt a little tight. Maybe Dale had been right and I had been eating too much at home. I did, however, find an outfit that would look good for my interview, bought it, and headed home.

My mother was cooking dinner when I got home, the whole kitchen smelt like onions. I found it repulsive, turned and walked out straight away.

She followed me. "Kaia, are you ok sweetie? Your aura looks less than sparkly today."

"I'm fine, mum…"

"Sweetie, you know I want you to call me Skysong. The whole "mother" thing is created by the man to indoctrinate children into a hierarchical structure at an early age."

I shook my head. "Anyway, I'm fine. I'm just coming down with a bug. I'll be fine in the morning. Think I'll skip dinner tonight, though."

She brushed her hand against my forehead. "You know I have some tea that will settle your stomach and realign your chakras."

"Mum, my chakras are fine. I just need some sleep."

"Ok sweetie, take care."

The next morning, I woke up and I did feel better. I was glad that bug was only a 24 hour thing. When I climbed out of my tent that morning, my parents were doing yoga on the lawn. I shuddered as I walked past them, my bathing gear under my arm as I headed for the shower.

The warm water was a relief on my tired body. Mornings seemed so much harder now I didn't have anything to wake up and do. I couldn't wait till I got a new job - at least then my life would have some purpose again. As I dried myself off, I noticed something in the mirror. My stomach was slightly rotund. Evidently my ample diet was catching up with me. I sighed. I better try to watch my diet - at the rate I was gaining weight, I would have grown out of my new outfit by my interview next week.

I went into the kitchen to have some breakfast - I was hungry after skipping dinner last night. I made myself a bowl of muesli, but I only managed a mouthful before I felt like I was going to be sick again. I rushed over to the sink and heaved, even though my stomach was empty. My mother walked in, and pulled my hair back.

"I see you're still afflicted by your bug. You would have more strength to fight against it if you allowed me to help improve your aura…"

"I'm fine, mum."

"Kaia…it's Skysong. I do wish you would allow your mind to grow, sweetie."

Just then I felt myself heave again.

Mum chuckled. "You know, if I didn't know you better, I would swear you were pregnant."

My world spun, then I passed out.

"Kaia, Kaia? Heartbeat, come quick!"

"I'm ok, mum, I'm ok." Whether or not that was true or not, I wasn't sure, but she needed to hear it.

"Kaia, oh sweetie, are you ok?"

"I'm ok, mum. I think…I think I want to go back to my tent."

"Oh, ok. Ok." And she helped me up, wrapped her arm around my waist and helped me to my tent. I collapsed onto my bedding, too caught up to think of doing anything other than lie there.

"I'll go get you some tea. I'll be back later."

"Thanks mum."

My mind was a million miles away. I was tired - all the time. I was eating a lot more than normal. I was throwing up. I was gaining weight…but it's not possible! For Gods sake, even if it _was_ possible to fall pregnant to a vampire (which I was sure it wasn't), it had only been a fortnight! I couldn't be pregnant enough to be showing. And when was the last time that I had my period? Three, four weeks ago? It wasn't exactly late yet. It should be around any time now. Then I would realise how stupid I was being.

I couldn't be pregnant…

Just then, someone knocked on the side of my tent.

"Come in, mum," I said, sitting myself up, trying to compose myself.

"It's not your mum, is that ok?"

I would know that tenor anywhere. Oh God, why was he here? Why now?

"Oliver?"

The flap of my tent lifted, and Oliver, in all his glory, entered my tent. The site of him here in my private little hippy colony would have been comical, but my mind was too preoccupied to react normally.

"Hello, Kaia. Your mother said you were sick. Are you ok?"

"What…what are you doing here?" I gulped. My composure was slipping.

"To be honest, I don't know. I got a phone call from Alice two days ago saying that you would need me, so I took the first flights I could to get here. I'm sorry, I know you didn't want to see me…"

"No, it's fine. Honestly, I'm glad you're here." I fired the words so quickly, I sounded vaguely hysterical.

"Kaia, are you ok?" He knelt down next to me, and put his cool hand against my forehead.

"I'm not sure…I mean…I _think_ I'm fine…"

"Kaia, what's going on?" His eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"I'm not sure…I don't know…I can't think…"

"Kaia." Oliver grabbed my shoulders. "Breathe."

I breathed in and out slowly. All composure slipped away from me.

"I think…I think I'm pregnant."

As soon as the words were out my mouth, it felt true. I _knew_ it was true.

Oliver froze, as still as a statue. All the colour drained from his face, a feat I had not thought possible. I waited, shaking to myself as Oliver still held me by my shoulders, but he did not move. His eyes seemed a million miles away.

"Oliver…"

"Why do you think you're pregnant?" he whispered.

"Well, I'm tired all the time, I'm eating a lot more than normal, I've been throwing up for the past two days, I've gained weight, and to top everything else off, you've just turned up on my doorstep."

"When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?" Ah, Dr Monroe had made an appearance.

"Thirteen days before we went to Italy."

"Have you done a pregnancy test?"

"I only just thought that I might be pregnant five minutes ago!"

He stood up and held the flap of my tent open, waiting for me. I sighed and followed him out. We walked through the yard, past my mother who was carrying a pot of tea for me.

"Where're you going?"

"Out."

"But you're sick!"

I sighed and raced to keep up with Oliver. "We're doctors, mum. We'll cope."

I hopped into the rented sedan, as Oliver revved the engine and drove us to the chemist. When we arrived, he grabbed a basket, shoving two of each brand of pregnancy test into it. I couldn't even imagine being able to produce enough urine to use them all. After he paid for them, much to the amusement of the chemist, he dragged me to the disabled toilet in the shopping centre. He locked the door and faced the wall.

"Oliver, I'm not going to pee while you're in here."

"Now is not the time to be embarrassed. I'm a doctor, anyway."

"I'm _allowed_ to be embarrassed, Oliver."

"Well, I'm not leaving, and we're not going anywhere till we figure this out."

And I thought I could be tetchy.

I sighed and performed as he wished, peeing into the cup provided. My face was glowing red - this was unbelievably embarrassing. As soon as I finished, his hand shot out for the cup. I relinquished it dutifully, watching as he used the dropper to drop urine into all sixteen of the pregnancy tests he had bought. I watched as each of them came up positive, strongly positive. I had never seen a pregnancy test go positive so quickly before.

Well, that answered that question.

Somehow, the panic I had felt earlier didn't reappear now that my fear had been proven correct. Instead, I felt vaguely…good. I felt _happy_. I couldn't remember the last time I felt happy. I was confused.

Oliver, however, had turned back into a statue, staring at the sixteen little sticks that were littered across the floor. I sat on the floor, next to him, and waited for him to speak. It didn't happen.

"Oliver, what do we do now?"

Another moment's silence.

"We call for help."

We cleaned up our mess, and Oliver went to ring Carlisle. I went and sat in the food court, sucking on a lemonade he had bought me. Oliver paced backwards and forwards, his speech too rapid for me to understand. I sat there, rubbing my tummy gently. It felt quite hard, but it was comforting. I had always considered motherhood as some far away concept. I mean, I had assumed that one day I would be, but I always thought it would be much closer to thirty, after I had specialised and been married for a few years. But then again, when had anything in my life gone the way I thought? I had to admit, I already felt quite protective over my little bump, although I knew I had bigger things to worry about right now. Like how fast a vampire pregnancy would be, considering I was this large at two weeks, and what I was to do about Oliver. I mean, we had broken up. Did this pregnancy change anything? Were we better for each other now that we were about to have a family? I didn't know.

Oliver arrived back then, looking more flustered than previously.

"We're going to Forks. We leave today."

I didn't even bother to argue with him. He looked stressed enough.

"Can Carlisle help?"

"He has…experience in this field."

"Did you know?"

He sighed. "No. It happened during my…absence. He hadn't thought to warn us, considering…"

"Bella and Edward," I guessed.

"Yes."

"And how did that go?"

"She lived…sort of…just."

I didn't even push him for more. I knew what he meant. She had survived, but she had to be changed to do so.

I knew that someday, something would happen that would take that choice away from me. I just hadn't guessed it was this.

We drove back to my parents place in silence, and when we arrived, Oliver raced over to my tent to collect my clothing. I went in to talk to my parents. They were sitting in the lounge, and they looked concerned.

"Hi mum, dad."

"You look better," my mum said.

"I feel much better. Told you - doctors have healing hands."

"So who was your friend today?"

"Um…"

I didn't know how much to tell them of what was going on. I mean, they are going to be grandparents - to a vampire. But they didn't know I had been involved with anyone. And how would I explain how soon I was sure this baby was going to be born…

"He's my ex-boyfriend. His name is Oliver."

Both my parents looked shocked. Something I had never actually seen before.

"I rang him yesterday and told him to come. I'm pregnant."

My mother raised her hands to cover her mouth. My dad was slowly turning red. For the first time, my parents were having a response appropriate for parents to have.

"You're what?!" By now, dad was beetroot red.

"Oh my, Kaia!" My mother flapped her hands pointlessly.

"I'm leaving with Oliver. We need to talk."

"Wait! But…how far through are you? I mean, we're going to be grandparents!"

"Mum, calm down. I don't know how long I'll be gone. Aren't you happy I'm finally being spontaneous?"

"But, you're so young! And…we never guessed that you would…"

I hugged her tightly. "Mum, I'm fine. I'll see you later, ok?"

She nodded against my shoulder.

I smiled. "Bye mum, bye dad!"

I turned and ran out of the house, to where Oliver was already waiting by the car. He walked up and hugged me, smiling too, but his body was tense.

"I see you went for truth with your parents."

I sighed. "I sort of hoped that by now you were past eavesdropping on my conversations."

"Never. I'm sorry, but we have to go."

It was amazing, but even after the revelation of impending motherhood, on the flight from Brisbane to Los Angeles, all I could think of was me and Oliver, who had once again turned into a statue. It seemed that in periods of stress, he forgot to mimic all those little movements that we humans do involuntarily. Even though I was uncomfortable with my decision to leave Oliver after Italy, I had consoled myself with it being the right decision. I had known that we would lead to each other's destruction, even though we loved each other more than most people were capable of.

But now, Oliver and I had inexorably been thrown back into each other's lives, more bindingly than ever before. Irrespective of how logic dictated that we were better off apart, we were no longer able to be so. The question was, would we be able to go back to the way we were before? Was it smart to go back to the way it was before? I mean, apart from the friendly hug Oliver had given me, he hadn't shown any affection to me at all. Was that because he didn't know that I wanted it, or because he no longer felt that way about me anymore?

The first time Oliver talked to me during our twenty hour flight was after dinner was served. Beef stroganoff and vegetables. It really didn't look appetising.

"Are you going to eat anything?"

I grimaced. "Would you eat that?"

He smiled at me. "I don't have to. But you really should eat something."

I sighed. "I know, but if I ate _that_, I probably would just throw it up again."

"How about the pudding? Could you eat that?"

"Oliver, stop babying me. I'll eat the damn pudding," and with that, I pulled the lid off, shoved the spoon in and put some pudding in my mouth. After he watched me eat the pudding, he passed me his. I grimaced at him. "It's still not any good."

"I'm sorry but you'll just have to make do until we land in LA. Then we'll get you whatever you wish to eat."

"Thank-you."

"So…you went home to your parents…"

Ah, evidently it was time for conversation.

"Yes, I did. I just needed to get away from it all. You know, get my thoughts together."

"Did it help?"

"I was only away for two weeks. Trust me, what's going on up there will take a lot more than that to sort out. So what have you been doing?"

He frowned. "I went back to my house and rocked myself backwards and forwards until Alice rang me." A wry smile crossed his face. "I never did develop good coping strategies."

"I hadn't exactly been doing a lot either. I mean, I've been gardening with my mum." I snorted. "I knew that leaving you again wouldn't be easy, but…it was tough. And now, well, it looks like fate won't let us be apart."

Oliver reached over and took my hand, and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I'm glad fate intervened. Rational decision making sucks." I smiled up at him, and Oliver lent down and kissed me gently on the lips. Just then, I felt something and gasped.

"It moved!"

"What?"

"It - the baby - moved! Here." I grabbed his hand and placed it on my small belly, whereupon I felt another fluttering.

A look of awe crossed Oliver's face, and he stared into my eyes with a look of wonder. I smiled back. We just sat there for a while, until our baby had settled itself down and we couldn't feel it anymore.

"It's developing fast," I muttered. "I wonder how long until it's born."

"About a month. At least, that was how long Bella's pregnancy went for."

I had forgotten he had had a chat with Carlisle. He knew more than me about what to expect, but then again, how was that any different from anything else?

"Can you tell me what I'm meant to expect, I mean, I have no experience with this sort of thing…"

He smiled at me. "It's not going to be pleasant. It's going to be dangerous and you could very well die."

"That's ok, one bite from you and that won't matter." I smiled.

Oliver didn't appear to be in such a good humour at the prospect.

"You never wanted this life, Kaia, and now you have no choice. Unless you choose to get rid of the baby, which I don't see you doing."

"Oliver, I am choosing this life now. I never had a problem with staying with you forever, in fact, it was what I wanted more than anything else in the world. I was just scared that you wouldn't want me forever, that you wouldn't love me if I was different."

He sighed. "How could you be so silly? I'm always going to love you. That will never change. But I thought that you thought we would be better off apart, and I was going to honour your decision. Your happiness is the most important thing to me."

"Being without you was never about my happiness, Oliver. I was just trying to keep us both safe. It was really silly to think that was the case. I'm just glad you came back. I couldn't cope with this on my own."

He wrapped his arms around me, and kissed my hair. I just sighed and leant into him, hearing my stomach gurgle again. Evidently two small puddings weren't enough when you were eating for two.

"I'm so sorry you're stuck with airline food. We really should have thought to bring something on with us…"

"It's ok. I just think it's amusing that whenever I catch flights with your kind they're always so close together."

"Something about knowing a psychic helps with timetabling issues."

"It's just these silly human frailties of mine like needing to eat that make it less convenient. At least we won't have to worry about that much longer."

Oliver sighed, as my stomach growled again.

"I think I'll ask the stewardess if we could get you something else to eat."

I have to admit, it really was useful when Oliver used his charms. I swear, that man could pretty much get anything if he smiled in the right way. A quiet conversation with the stewardess, and suddenly I was greeted with more pudding, chocolate chip cookies and bread rolls, which suited me perfectly. I didn't know if it was a craving or not, but carbs really suited me at the moment. I spent the next couple hours nibbling away on my sugary snacks, and Oliver and I spoke about fairly pointless topics like what the weather would be like in Washington and things we had seen on the news recently. We didn't talk any more about the baby. It seemed to me that Oliver would prefer for Carlisle to be around to field the barrage of questions he knew was imminent.

I was surprised that I was able to sleep so well, considering that I had always had problems sleeping on planes before. The only reason why I woke up was cause I was desperate to go to the toilet. I guess that was another thing I was going to have to get used to, at least for the next month.

A month. The thought made me shudder. It seemed too quick to try and get everything in order. Hell, some of the patients I had thought that nine months was too brief a period to prepare yourself for motherhood. And they didn't have to worry about all the additional factors that a vampire pregnancy posed. I couldn't wait to get to Washington - I had a lot of questions, I just wasn't going to bother Oliver with them seeming he probably had no better an idea than I did.

It was a good thing Oliver had talked to the stewardess earlier. When breakfast arrived, she sneaked me in pancakes from first class, to go along with the measly bowl of cereal that was provided to economy class passengers (I'm sure Oliver would have bought first class tickets, but the plane was overbooked. It was amazing we got a seat at all). However, Oliver did try to cajole me into eating every morsel put in front of me, but I was still battling with morning sickness so I didn't even try to attempt to eat my cereal.

I was glad when we landed in LA. Apart from feeling dizzy when I stood up, it felt better to be able to move. It seemed Oliver was getting more and more protective over me by the minute. The look of horror that came to his face after my dizzy spell would have looked more appropriate had I suddenly dropped dead. As soon as we got off the plane, Oliver wanted to hunt out more appetising food for me to eat, but I was more interested in going to the loo. He asked me what I wanted to eat, and I said eggs (first thing that popped to my head), so he went off hunting for a place that served something eggy in the middle of the day as I went to the bathroom.

While I was on the toilet, I suddenly got a sharp, stabbing pain in my side that made me gasp. For a moment, horror overwhelmed me, but the pain subsided as quickly as it came. I lifted my shirt up, and found a purple bruise blossoming just above my pelvic bone. I gasped. Even though I knew my baby was safe, knowing that it could inflict this sort of injury on me at two weeks gestation made me worried. Once again, I was glad that Oliver couldn't read my mind - I was _not_ going to tell him our little monster was already starting to hurt me. He was coping rather well with the concept of impending fatherhood, if not being a little overprotective. The last thing I wanted was for him to start trying to protect me from my bump.

Oliver was waiting for me outside the bathroom, with a tray filled with every sort of egg product imaginable - scrambled eggs, eggs benedict, poached eggs, omelette… How much did he really think I could eat? We walked over to a small table and sat down, as I picked up a slice of French toast and took a bite. I was starving.

"So when's our next flight?" I garbled through a mouthful of egg.

"Our flight to Seattle leaves in an hour. But we can switch flights to a later one if you so prefer."

My brows furrowed. "Why would we want to do that?"

"In case you needed more time to eat."

I sighed, exasperated. "Honestly, Oliver, I'm not going to finish this tray of eggs. I'm eating for two, not a whole football team!"

He smirked. "I forgot how cute you are when you're angry."

I sighed. "It's not fair to get amusement from your pregnant girlfriend's embarrassment, Oliver."

He looked thoughtful. "That's something else we're going to have to resolve, you know."

"You enjoying my embarrassment? It's about time you worked that one out…"

"No, I meant you being my girlfriend. I feel dreadful about this," he waved his hand at me, "occurring without making you an honest woman first. We'll have to fix that."

I choked. "Was that just a proposal?"

"Is that so surprising?"

"It's just…I never thought…"

"Why would it be strange for me to marry the woman I want to spend the rest of my existence with? The woman that's carrying my child?"

"It's not that, it's just…unexpected."

"So is that a yes?"

I sighed, exasperated again. "I don't know! I still haven't come to grips about being a mother yet, let alone a wife. Please, I just need time to think about it."

"You know I have been thinking about this for a long time. If things had gone well at Edward and Bella's wedding, I would have asked you to marry me then."

I couldn't help but smile - I had known when he had invited me to a relative's wedding he had been thinking along those lines. Of course, after he had dumped me, I had decided I had been reading the signs wrong. I was glad to of been proven right.

"I will think about it, Oliver, just don't rush me. You know I never want to be without you, but I still need to sort everything through in my head." I looked at my watch. "I think it's about time we head over to our gate."

"And you're sure you don't want anything else to eat?" He was looking at my half-finished tray.

"Honestly? I'm not sure I ever want to eat eggs again, but thank-you for the thought."

And he smiled at me, and helped me to my feet.

It was night when we touched down in Seattle, and I was completely spent. I barely remember Oliver helping me from the plane to the rental car, or the drive to Forks. In fact, the first thing I remember was Oliver lifting me in his arms and carrying me to a bed. I could hear people talking quietly around me, some voices sounding quite anxious. I fell asleep as soon as I hit the bed. I figured everything else could wait till morning. I had a month to worry about things, there was no need to inflict that upon myself tonight.

The next morning, I woke up in Oliver's arms. I was glad to realise that it was still the most wonderful feeling in the world. And I was glad that he still liked to watch me sleep. The only thing that ruined that moment was the inevitable morning sickness, but Oliver had a bucket ready. I sighed, Oliver always felt the need to be prepared, but I was glad that he had this time.

Following my morning vomit and subsequent washing out of the mouth, Oliver led me down stairs into the large kitchen of the Cullen's house. It still seemed a weird thing for vampires to have a kitchen when they don't eat food, but I was glad for it this morning. For some reason, all I wanted to eat was cheese, which Oliver obligingly fetched for me and watched me eat. I felt a bit queasy, but then again, queasy pretty much described how I felt most of the time now.

I was surprised when I realised that Dr Carlisle Cullen was watching me from the corner of the kitchen, evaluating me. I felt a little exposed - I had never liked being the patient. I guess my blushing indicated that I had spotted him, because as soon as I had noticed him, he walked over and sat down on the other side of the bench.

"It's lovely to see you again, Kaia. How are you feeling?"

I blushed some more at this golden-haired man, feeling a bit sheepish. The last time I had seen him, I was screaming at him to go away and calling him a monster. It was a bit of an overreaction.

"Oh, you know, nauseous, tired, hungry and a bit bloated. How're you?"

He smiled warmly at me. "I'm fine. Actually, I'm pleasantly surprised. You seem to be having a better run with this pregnancy than Bella had. At this stage, at least."

I looked to Oliver, hoping to see some excitement on his face at this thought, but in fact, he looked more concerned than he had on our trip over. Had his light heartedness been a charade?

"What do you mean? How was Bella going at this point?"

He sighed. "She was unable to keep anything down at all. Her body was rejecting all human forms of nutrition, which just got worse as time went along. But this is positive, maybe you'll be able to continue with human forms of nutrition for longer in your pregnancy."

"What do you mean by forms of nutrition other than human?" I hadn't missed that implication.

Carlisle ran his fingers through his hair. "Well, Bella's diet needed to be catered more towards her daughter's needs, which is closer to our needs."

He didn't come out and say "drink blood" directly, but he didn't need to. I felt Oliver go tense beside me. Perhaps that particular topic had gone on far enough for one day.

"I hadn't heard that they had a daughter." I thought that was a fairly good Segway. "Oliver and I haven't really had a chance to talk about that yet."

"Yes, Renesmee." The glowing look upon his face almost looked worshipful. "You wouldn't believe how she's grown. She's six months old, but looks closer to a three year old."

Ah, another thing to worry about. My baby would grow up fast.

"So where is she? I haven't seen Bella or Edward either…"

"They're down in Florida visiting Bella's mother. She hasn't had a chance to meet her granddaughter yet. For a while there, it was a bit…difficult. They'll be home in a week or so."

My mind spun around the implications of that. Bella and Edward had only been married slightly more than six months. How they would explain an apparently three year old daughter, I had no idea.

"Oh, ok."

Carlisle smiled. "They're going to say that they've adopted Edward's niece. Bella's father, Charlie, knows the truth, but they decided that Renee was a bit fragile for that sort of knowledge."

"Ah." Evidently the confusion had shown on my face.

"So, you must have a million questions about what you're going through. I do not confess to be an expert on the subject, but I will answer as many questions as you want to ask." Carlisle reached over and took my hands in his.

I smiled at him, and looked over at Oliver. "Thank-you. I know you'll do your best."

We spent the remainder of the morning talking about what was coming for me. Carlisle appeared to be very open about the topic, but I suspected he was glossing things over to some degree by the way that the corner of Oliver's lips would tighten every now and then.

Bloody mind reader.

Anyway, at least I had a slightly better idea about what was going to happen. I knew that my pregnancy would last at least six weeks - that was how far Bella got through before needing to be delivered - and that I would need to at some point start supplementing my diet with extra blood. Bella had been forced to drink donated human blood, but Carlisle was hoping if we started supplementing early enough, maybe I could be spared consuming it via the oral route. I was also warned that this baby would be strong and would injure me - I wasn't going to tell Carlisle I didn't need this warning (my bruise on my stomach was more than enough evidence for that) - but I didn't think Oliver needed the extra worry.

After our conversation, I had another meal inflicted upon me. This time, I was back to the eggs. I honestly hadn't thought that I would ever touch an egg again after yesterday, but somehow they hit the spot. A little too well actually - most of it came back up a few minutes later.

After washing my mouth out, I was ambushed by Oliver and Carlisle, who wanted to examine me. I sighed. I hated being a patient, but I guess I really had no choice at this point. This was the best way to keep my little bump healthy, and that was something I needed to do, more so than retaining my dignity.

I was weighed, had my blood pressure measured, and had my bump measured. The way Carlisle's brow furrowed when he measured my little bump was not comforting, and Oliver's corresponding grimace was no help either.

"What? What's the matter?"

Carlisle's face suddenly looked serene. He was a better actor than I was.

"Nothing. Everything's fine. Bub is growing well, that's all."

"Oliver…" I turned to him, pleading. "What's going on?"

"It's not bad, honestly. It's just…you're bigger than Bella was this far along." He squeezed my hand comfortingly.

"And why is that a bad thing?"

"It's not." this time it was Carlisle that interjected. "It's just we don't know why. It could be because you're better nourished than Bella was, so it can grow better, or it could be growing at a faster rate, which means we might have to amend the due date."

I was anxious. "So I may not even have a month?"

Oliver kissed my forehead. "No, sweetie, it's probably just you're better fed. You're keeping more down than Bella was able to."

I sighed. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but I had hoped that seeming they had gone through it before, I might know what to expect.

My days after that first one developed a pattern. I would wake in the morning, whereupon I would be sick, then I would be force-fed breakfast. After breakfast I would have my fundus height (my bump), blood pressure and weight measured, and after that I would have a nap. I would wake around lunch time, when I would be fed more, then normally be sick again, and would spend the afternoon with Oliver. I would eat again at dinner - the only meal of the day that wasn't associated with vomiting - have my fundus measured again and then I would go to bed early.

My stomach was growing extremely fast. Too fast. I was already finding that my clothes were getting too tight, and my bump was entirely visible even in loose clothing. Oliver and Carlisle got more and more concerned with each measurement. In fact, on my fifth day in Forks, they added a lunchtime measurement to our schedule. They were also concerned that irrespective of how fast my bump was growing, I wasn't gaining that much weight. My nausea was getting worse and worse, and soon I wasn't even managing to keep all of dinner down. Carlisle and Oliver were still debating when I should start on my "nutritional supplements", but Oliver didn't want to rush anything. My bump was also getting more and more active, and I was collecting an impressive amount of bruises. It was only a matter of time before Oliver found out, even though I had tried to keep quiet about my suffering.

He found out on our seventh day in Forks. I woke up, and smiled at Oliver, only to find him looking at me with a pained expression on his face. I was confused, until I looked down at my belly to see that my too tight shirt had rolled up, revealing my purple and brown splotched stomach.

Oh.

It had taken me an hour to calm him down after that. Oliver was very big on the self-torturing thing. He blamed himself that I was going through so much pain. I told him it was nothing, but he wouldn't believe me.

After that, it seemed like Oliver was perpetually torturing himself. In fact, the only time he ceased doing so was when he force-fed me, or try to convince me to marry him.

Oliver was very set on this point. He wanted me to marry him before this baby was born, irrespective of the outcome. I didn't see how that was going to happen, seeming I was house-bound, so I kept up with my excuse of needing more time to think. Unfortunately, Oliver had an ally on his side. Alice was fairly forceful on the fact that I should marry Oliver - and allow her to organise the wedding.

It was interesting living in a house full of vampires, to say the least. I barely saw Jasper or Alice, except when she felt the need to make her opinion known on what she thought should be impending nuptials. Oliver explained to me it was because the child I was carrying was a half-breed, and as such, Alice couldn't use her vision to see it. Supposedly it gave her a headache. Rosalie and Emmet were a different kettle of fish. Rosalie kept watching me from a distance, but didn't actually come near me. Then again, last time I was in Forks, she didn't come near me either. In fact, this level was contact was almost as though she was touching me. It was a bit creepy.

Emmett was as happy a soul as ever, and was more than eager to get back to our chess games. Unfortunately, I had baby brain, and lost every game I played against him. This only made him want to play more - I was the only mortal who had ever beaten him at chess, he revelled in his ability to beat me. Quite often, Oliver would have to intercede to get me out of his competitive clutches, often with the excuse that I had to eat more.

God, I was sick of eating.

Esme was as lovely as always, and mothered me as much as Oliver did. She quite often was the one who prepared my meals, and at least she wasn't as forceful as Oliver was. It was nice to finally have someone in my life treat me like a mother was supposed to. My mother had never been adequate in that department.

I had rung my parents two days after we arrived in Forks. My mother had answered, and it was very hard to distract her from her babbling. She was so confused as to how I could keep something so big from her. We were meant to have a special link or something about Chi…I don't know. I always zoned out when she talked like that. Oliver and I had discussed tactics for this conversation, and so I had a story to tell her to explain everything: Oliver and I had broken up, which was why I came to visit her. I had realised I was pregnant, so I called him. He came to talk things through, and I decided that we should give it another shot. Currently, I was staying with him and his family, and probably would be till after the baby was born. All true, which made telling her easy. The only bit we had to invent was the timeline - as far as my mother was concerned, I was six weeks pregnant (fit in with my symptoms at last visit). Mother bought everything hook line and sinker, and seemed desperate for Oliver and I to work things out. She may have thought herself a freethinking woman, but deep down my mother thought babies should have a mum and dad. She was yet another person to jump on to the get-married bandwagon.

Edward, Bella, Renesmee and what turned out to be her guardian werewolf, Jacob, arrived home the same day I was finally started on blood transfusions. My weight had actually started dropping, even though I felt like a beached whale. Renesmee was the most beautiful child I had ever met. She was differently proportioned than most toddlers - more streamlined, with coppery ringlets that fell to her waist. She bounced around the room like a dancer, and everyone else seemed to light up in her presence, I was enchanted.

I leant down to greet her.

"Hello Renesmee," I crooned.

She smiled at me, then reached out and stroked my face.

_Bella's face was twisted, ravaged, covered in sweat and blood. Despite this, her expression became an adoring smile; her brown eyes glowed over their deep circles. The image enlarged, her face coming closer to the unseen vantage point, and then abruptly vanished._

I gasped and pulled back, as strong hands pulled Renesmee away from me. Tears started to roll down my face, as Renesmee was gently scolded by her father. Oliver hugged me comfortingly, having seen the whole display.

"That's not going to happen to you, Kaia. Carlisle has experience now. It will go differently to that. I promise."

"What was that?"

"Nessie's little talent." It was Edward who answered my question. "I'm sorry, I should have warned her not to show you certain things."

Renesmee was burying her face into her father's shoulder. She looked at me from under her ringlets.

"I'm sorry."

"Oh it's ok, little one, you weren't to know," I crooned back.

But still, after that little show, no one let Renesmee near me again.

I finally had the chance to talk with Bella, which I did now most of my waking hours. She was the only one on the planet who understood what I was going through - not only with regards to vampire motherhood, but with the trials loving a vampire posed, and what it felt like to be anticipating immortality.

I desperately wanted to discuss the finer points of the transformation with her, and what I was to expect, but it wasn't something I was able to discuss with Oliver present. And he was ever present - he seemed almost frightened to let me out of his sight for even just a second. And whilst I did enjoy his company, I needed to be able to talk to Bella alone.

My chance came a few days later. By now, I was fairly much limited in my movements, spending most of my day on the couch, being shepherded between either there, the bathroom or bed. My stomach was now much larger than Bella's had been at the end of her pregnancy, and I still had a week to go to get to the gestation she did. Even my improved nutritional status did not explain the size I was so fast. But no-one commented on how large I had gotten - I think Oliver had banned that topic in my presence. He was overly protective of me, and tried to shield me from as much stress as possible. My ever-expanding bump had also got ever-increasingly stronger. It seemed now that my baby was constantly moving, and had already broken my ribs four times. I was taped up so tightly it was uncomfortable breathing. By now, I was on constant blood transfusions. My body craved blood, and it seemed no matter how much they poured into my veins I still wanted more. I had gotten reasonably pale over the past three weeks I had been in Forks, in fact, apart from the fact my skin didn't sparkle, it's colour was starting to more resemble vampire than human. Oliver had also noticed a change in my scent. My blood - once so overwhelmingly potent to him, was so washed out that he couldn't smell it anymore. I found it funny he was just that little bit morose about the end of his torture.

Anyway, it was blood that gave me the opportunity to talk to Bella in relative privacy (she would not be the only vampire in the house, alas). By now, my supply of blood was starting to dwindle, and Carlisle did not feel comfortable letting it get so low, in case something happened that would make me need it. But because of the volume they needed to purchase, someone else with a medical licence would have to go with Carlisle to get enough, and that meant Oliver had to. I gave him my goodbyes, even though he was loathe to leave my side, and told him I would see him when he got back.

As soon as I could no longer hear the car in the distance, I called Bella over.

She looked bemused. "You know, I think the only time Edward left me while I was pregnant with Nessie was to go tell Jacob off while I was sleeping."

I sighed. "I'm glad he's gone. I know he means well, but sometimes I feel smothered."

It wasn't true. In fact, the only reason I didn't want him around was because I didn't like to see him suffer.

"I get that," she giggled, and it sounded like a peal of bells.

"Bella…I want to talk to you about…turning into a vampire."

She looked at me with serious eyes. Unlike the rest of the family, her eyes were sort of a reddish-brown rather than golden. She still had to wash out a bit before her eyes matched the rest of her family.

She sighed then. "So this is why you didn't want Oliver around?"

"Yes."

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

Even after the brief conversation I had with Alice and Jasper a month ago on our way to Italy, my knowledge on the transformation and how it would affect me was still limited. I planned to rectify that today.

The voice Bella used was so low as to be barely audible. "It's going to hurt. It will be the most painful thing you could ever imagine, and you will be wishing for death the entire way through. When I changed, I was given morphine, and Carlisle thinks that stopped me from feeling pain, but it didn't. It just paralysed me enough that I couldn't scream during it. I couldn't tell them afterwards - I don't want Edward to suffer with that memory. He thinks I have memory loss on the entire experience."

She looked at me seriously. "I don't know what you plan to do, whether you will scream or not, but I'm glad I didn't."

I nodded. I could understand that. Oliver felt so guilty over what was happening to me as it was, the last thing I wanted was for him to suffer with me while I was going through unspeakable agony. That would be worse than the pain itself.

"Has anyone warned you what it will be like being a newborn?"

I shook my head.

She sighed. "You really should know. But then again…I skipped the whole phase, maybe you will too. When you become a vampire, all you are is thirsty. This thirst is painful and will consume all your thoughts, it will be too much to keep control over yourself. Most vampires for the first couple years have no control at all. All they do is search out human blood. You'll also be unstoppable. Because we have human blood running through our veins, our strength exceeds that of a normal vampire until we have consumed it all. That takes about a year.

"I was lucky. When I was reborn, I retained my self-control. I was still me. But I can't promise that you will have the same luck."

I felt a cold shiver run through my body. Why had no-one told me this before? Were they too scared? I had heard about the pain before, but being a newborn…that sounded worse to me than pain. I could not stand to think of lacking control, potentially hurting someone. I hadn't even managed to reconcile my new diet with myself just yet - I just hoped Oliver would assist me with his fainting trick so they wouldn't have to suffer.

Just then, Carlisle and Oliver re-entered the house, Carlisle going up stairs with his supplies. Oliver came over and kissed me on the cheek. His brows furrowed as he noted my lack of response.

"Kaia, what's the matter?"

"How come you never told me about being a newborn?"

He didn't skip a beat. "You've been talking to Bella."

"I think I had a right to know."

He sighed. "Kaia, no-one is going to allow you to turn into a monster. We just thought it would be better for you not to stress about it before hand."

"Oliver, that wasn't your decision to make."

He didn't reply.

"So what are we going to do, after this baby is born? If I'm going to be crazy for at least a year, what am I going to do about my parents?"

"I was thinking that we'd go to Alaska. There are some very remote parts there where you would be no danger to humans. As for your parents, I'm not sure. I'm going to leave that to you to make that decision."

"I'm not going to be able to see them again." It wasn't a question, I knew it in my heart to be true. Even if I wasn't a monster, I would be too different to see them again. "I think we're going to have to tell them I died. They know they're going to be grandparents, they wouldn't be able to stay away forever."

He rubbed my shoulder, trying to soothe me. I didn't need it.

"If that's what you want."

I sighed. "It's going to have to wait until after the wedding. I have to give them one last happy ending."

Oliver looked bemused. "Did you just accept my proposal?"

"Oliver," I chided. "It was never about _if_ I was going to marry you, it was only a matter of when. I want to look pretty on my wedding day, so it's going to have to wait until after I'm a vampire."

The smile that crossed his face was glorious.

He reached over and kissed me passionately, washing away the remainder of the cold that came from the knowledge of being a newborn.

Suddenly he pulled away, and as I pouted, he put his hands on my stomach.

"Did you feel that?"

"Feel what?" To be honest, that was the first time that day I hadn't felt _something_ moving in my stomach.

"There it is again." He looked confused.

"Oliver, what are you going on about?" I was getting frustrated. I wanted him to kiss me again, not talk about what I may or not be feeling.

He put his ear to my stomach, and his eyes widened in awe.

"I can hear the babies."

My heart started to race. "You can hear our baby?"

"They're happy."

My brows, furrowed. Why was Oliver talking in plurals?

"Oliver, you can tell the baby is happy?"

He sat up, keeping his hands on my swollen stomach, his face shocked.

"Kaia, there's _two_ babies. We're having _twins_."

My world spun. Twins? Well, at least that explained why I was so large so soon…

Oliver guffawed. "We're having twins," he mumbled.

Suddenly, he scooped me up to kiss me again. I just lay there in his arms, unable to reciprocate. Finally, something that happened to me shocked me.

Twins.

I was going to have twins.


	19. Chapter 19

A lot of things happened very quickly after that. After Oliver had calmed down enough to relinquish me (which took quite a while), he went and told Carlisle the news. This lead to me being examined from head to foot, as though adding one extra child meant everything that they had done up till now had been deficient. Carlisle and Oliver started to talk about the endgame of this pregnancy, something that was much closer now that Oliver could hear our children. Turned out that they had planned to deliver our baby as soon as it was cognisant, and they brought Edward over to see if he too could hear our children, as his gift was slightly more specialised but duller than Oliver's. Edward could not yet hear the thoughts of our children, so it was decided that he would be the yard stick to work out D-Day. It was better that they arrive too late than too early.

After that, Oliver never left my side. Well, to be more accurate, he never left my belly. Many a time I would wake up to find him gently crooning to my bump, rubbing it gently. It made me sigh - it was moments like this, it felt like we were a normal family, expecting our first child.

The days seemed to move too quickly, and all too soon I knew that this relatively happy - if exhausting - part of our lives would be over. In fact, my life would be over entirely. I had thought over what Bella had said - when the time came, I would not scream. Oliver would not know my pain. And Bella had skipped the whole newborn phase - I was determined that I would too, no matter how hard that was.

I was being weighed, measured and now listened to three times a day. Edward would come and put his ear on my stomach, as if somehow the proximity would increase his chance of hearing our babies. Oliver was always agitated during this time - he heard our children perfectly adequately now, he didn't understand why Edward couldn't. He was getting rather eager that we deliver the pair of them - just that morning, they had broken yet another rib. But Carlisle thankfully stuck to his guns - until Edward could hear them, they weren't coming out. I was thankful - I had spent time in the neonatal intensive care unit at the Royal Adelaide Hospital during my final year of medicine - I did not want my babies to experience prematurity.

Unfortunately, fate felt the need to take that out of our hands, much like every other major decision I ever had to make.

It was Monday, one day past my "due date", and Oliver was agitated. Another measuring session had come and went and Edward still could not hear my bump.

"I still think we should deliver them already. You're past the gestation Bella was when she delivered, and you've seen how healthy Nessie is," Oliver said as he paced.

"Oliver, I am not risking the lives of our children just because they're not running to schedule. Besides, who knows what the schedule for a vampire pregnancy is? One measurement does not make for a generalisation."

He looked at me, then knelt down by my side. "I don't want to put them at risk either, you know. It's just…I don't want you getting as close as Bella did. I couldn't stand it if…"

I patted him on the shoulder.

"I'll be fine, Oliver. Soon, this will all be over, I'll be indestructible so you won't have to worry about me anymore, and we'll have two beautiful children who we can hate each other because of." I smiled.

He returned my grin.

"Hey, Oliver. I think I'd like to go to the bathroom again."

His smile grew wider. "That makes, what, number six for the morning?"

I grimaced. "It's not exactly like there's much room for my bladder to expand in there."

He chuckled.

"Ok, did you want me to get Bella to help, or are you ok with me?"

I felt a mild cramp.

"I think you'll do. I _really_ would like to go now."

Oliver scooped me into his arms as though I weighed nothing at all, and carried me to the toilet. I waved him away - I did _not_ want him to watch - and he shut the door behind himself.

Going to the toilet did not give me the relief it normally did. My stomach sort of contracted uncomfortably. I gasped as one of the twins moved, bumping one of my broken ribs.

Suddenly Oliver entered the room.

"Kaia, are you ok?"

"Yeah," I gasped. "It's just getting a wee bit tight for them in there."

Oliver went pale, then leant out the door and shouted, "Carlisle, Edward! We need some help! NOW!"

I was confused. "Oliver, what are you doing?"

He just looked at me, and I looked down. I red patch was blossoming across my lap.

"Oliver, I…"

And I passed out.

"Kaia, Kaia can you hear me?"

"Carlisle, we have to get the babies out _now!_" Oliver sounded panicked.

"Edward, have you got the morphine?"

"Carlisle, _now. _She's going to bleed to death!"

"Oliver, we _will_ get your babies out. Kaia will be fine. Edward! The morphine."

I was starting to fade back into awareness, feeling groggy. What had happened? What was the fuss?

"Kaia, oh Kaia can you hear me?"

"…Oliver?…"

"It's going to be ok Kaia. It will all be over in a minute…"

"…what's going on?…"

Something was flowing in my veins that made me feel sleepy.

"It's going to be fine Kaia. Just hold on."

Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and I screamed.

My babies. Something was wrong with my babies.

I felt cold hands pin my arms down.

What were they doing? They had to get them out!

"My babies! Help my babies!" I shrieked.

The panic for my unborn held back the numbness. They had to get them out. I could not sleep till they were safe.

I heard more than felt the sound of metal tearing. Only my consciousness held back the tide of darkness. I heard a baby's cry.

"A girl," Oliver sounded choked up.

"A girl," I breathed.

"Two girls," Carlisle's voice chimed, as another small screech filled the room.

Two.

I didn't need to hold on anymore. My children were fine.

The darkness overtook me.

The darkness was overwhelming. All I knew was that my heart was not ready to succumb to the dark. I felt a burning in my chest. A warmth there. My heart glowed. It reminded me that I was now a mother - I had to hold on, for my daughters. Daughters whose faces I had never seen. My heart was a beacon in the dark, trying to light my path back to them. I would have to follow that path back.

The more I held onto that candle, the more it burned. And the further I tried to pull away from the darkness, the more my body rebelled against me. My muscles felt like they were on fire, that I had been running too long. They wanted to give up.

But the burning in my chest led me back. It was leading me to where I belonged. By Oliver's side, with our children.

The burning in my chest grew and grew, my body ached with a fire so intense I should be turned to ashes, but it kept on burning. There would have to be a pain threshold. When I was through it, it would all be ok.

But the burning just kept coming and coming. I was being consumed! I had been tricked - the beacon did not light the way back to my family, it was leading me to hell. Where I belonged, for courting such disaster. Hellfire burned at my soul, but it did not scorch me clean. It just kept burning, and burning. How could I have deserved such torture, when my only crime was to love? To covet what I did not deserve? How long would the fire hold me, to make me pay for such sins?

I did not scream out, did not move a muscle. I deserved this. I would take this punishment, for I knew that if I was given a chance to go back, to do things over, I would do it again. This pain was not worth living for, but it was not worth giving up the life I had to be rid of it. I would burn, and be glad of it.

But the pain! Surely I should pass out from this much pain! I could _feel_ every cell in my body - every cell was burning. How long could I burn for?

An eternity passed, and I was still in the flames. They did not subside, they did not abate. I was going to burn forever. But I was adjusting to the burn. I welcomed it - I had earned this pain, and I would exist with it. I just wished that the fire in my heart would stop increasing in intensity. Every other cell in my body I could deal with, but the ever increasing pain in my heart, I could not get used to. It didn't stay the same long enough to get used to.

I don't know how long I had been burning for. It felt like I had been burning for ever, that there had never been anything else apart from the fire. That there never would be anything else other than the flames.

I felt something cool squeeze my hand, and I remembered. Oliver. I was burning for Oliver. How strange that my memory could pull the sensation of his hand in mine during this time. How amazing it was that I could even feel it through the flames. I had needed the reminder. I was burning for him. Our love, a love that was cursed from the start, but so exquisitely beautiful that it could not be abandoned. That was why I burned. And I would burn again, if it meant I could spend one more moment with him.

If I could spend an eternity with him.

Eternity - that was what I was gaining. I remembered now. The sacrifice - I forfeit my humanity and endure the flames, and in exchange, I would be able to be with Oliver forever. With our family, forever. I had almost forgotten. This torture was not the end for me, it was the beginning. I had to endure the pain, to earn the life I had worked so hard for. It would not go on forever, I just had to hang on.

I could do that. I would survive, for Oliver, for our daughters.

My realisation made the pain more bearable. I focused on it, looking for any minute changes in the tenor of it. I could not burn forever.

Eventually I started to be aware that I may again be part of this earth. I could hear rapid breathing, and I was shocked that the rhythm matched the waves of pain that beat through my chest. I was breathing. I could also hear mumbled voices in the background. I recognised the voice - the most beautiful voice in the world. Somehow, going through the pain for him increased my awareness. I had never really appreciated the subtle notes to it before now. It was no longer a single instrument, but an orchestra. I could listen to it always.

The more I listened to his voice, the less I was aware of the flames. It was though his voice was the antidote to them, like soft water, he washed them away. Soon all I felt was the burning in my heart, that ebbed and flowed with each heartbeat. And my heart beat faster and faster.

Suddenly the voice stopped.

No! I needed to hear him, to distract me from the pain.

"I'll go get the others."

Not the right voice, not the right voice!

I needed _his_ voice! No poor substitute was going to distract me from the pain.

My heart! My heart was going to explode! Where was he? Why wasn't he here?

Just as I thought the pain was too much to bear, it ended. Everything ended. The pain, my heart, my life.

And then, I opened my eyes.


	20. Chapter 20

I don't think I had ever truly seen before. The light - it was blinding and multifaceted, much like Oliver's skin, but I could see it perfectly. I had never thought of air before, but it wasn't the nothingness I had known. It ebbed and swirled like water. It was liquid. I could see the many tiny things that had gotten caught up in the flow. Pollens, dust, and other things I did not yet recognise, it was magical.

I watched as I breathed in and out, my breath disturbing the quiet flow of the air, swirling, creating eddies in it. Everything I did changed the balance. Everything was connected. I was part of the world again.

I could hear the muted voices surrounding me, which I had thought had become familiar in the past month, but I had known nothing. There was so much I had missed, and it all seemed so obvious now. I listened desperately for the one voice that meant anything to me, but it remained absent.

Where was my Oliver?

"Kaia?"

Ah my beautiful symphony! My eyes searched out the source. And there he was, perfection that I had held so close but had never really known. I had never realised the layers of his eyelashes, the swirls of his iris, the soft texture of his lips. I had never noted the way each thread pulled across his shirt, each slight change in the direction of the weave outlining the perfection that lay beneath. I had never noticed the pattern that his hair fell into - haphazard but perfect. I had never known anything before. I may as well have been blind.

Suddenly I threw myself at him, crossing the distance in an imperceptible moment. He was in my arms and he was mine. My lips found his, and each cell in my body was aware of where we touched. It took me a moment to memorise every molecule of his being. I would never forget it.

He felt warm in my arms. Perfect. He grasped me tightly, tighter than he had ever held me, but it was not tight enough. I grabbed his hair and pulled him closer to me, moulding my body to his shape. And for once, he was able to mould to mine. We were like two pieces of a puzzle. We belonged together.

I heard someone cough.

I released Oliver, and fell to the floor in a defensive crouch, searching out what disturbed our privacy. My eyes fell on Emmett, who chuckled to himself. Jasper was standing beside him, but the way he held himself looked to be more on edge than he wanted to let on.

Emmett. Everything had to be a big joke to him!

I righted myself in another blindingly fast movement (I would have to learn how to slow down at some point), and folded my arms across my chest.

"Do you mind?" a tinkling soprano snapped.

My hands flew to my mouth - that was my voice?

Emmett laughed, "Relax, Aunty K."

I looked at Oliver, then back at Emmett.

"Oliver." I shuddered as I heard my voice again. "Do they need to be here?"

He grinned the first truly relaxed smile I had seen since before the wedding.

"They're just here to protect you from yourself, Kaia. We didn't know how you'd react to this." He waved his hand at me.

"I'm fine!" I snapped. My hands flew back to my mouth. Evidently I hadn't left my temper behind with my previous life.

"I know. You're doing surprisingly well. We're all very impressed." He chuckled.

"Do not laugh at me, Oliver Monroe! I am more than able to crush you now."

He chuckled again. "Yes, yes you are. And I'd be more than willing to let you do so. But tell me, how do you feel?"

I sighed. "I feel amazing. I can't believe how…everything, everything is!"

"I remember the feeling. It will take a while to adjust. But tell me, are you thirsty?"

I thought about that for a second. There was a burning in my throat, as though I had not drunk in a very long time. My throat felt so dry. But it was bearable - I had burned worse than this.

I shrugged, "Yes, but it's ok?"

I heard Jasper guffaw.

"It's ok?"

"Yes." Of that I was certain. "It's not important. Where's our daughters?"

Oliver smiled. "They're with Rosalie and Nessie."

My eyebrows furrowed. What was Rosalie doing with my daughters?

"They're fine, they're so…perfect. You have no idea."

"Can I see them?"

It didn't seem fair, I had never even seen my children, and some woman who never even spoke to me in my previous life had her dirty hands on them. They were mine.

Oliver looked at me. "Not just yet. I know you're feeling in control at the moment, but I'd still prefer if you hunted before you went near them."

I frowned. I was not going to hurt my children - I was sure of my self-control. But the way Oliver looked, I knew he wasn't going to budge on this issue.

"So what are we waiting for? Let's go hunt so I can see my babies."

He smiled.

"Ok, let's go."

Oliver and I left the white house by leaping through a window. I was surprised how easy it was to fall from such a height - if I was still human, at the very least I would have broken my legs, if not died in the attempt. Oliver and I ran through the forest, and I could finally understand how he could drive like a mad thing - everything must seem sedate when compared to these speeds. It felt so exhilarating to let loose!

It was amazing how familiar this new body felt, even though I had no idea yet of what I was capable of. It did not tire, and I was attune with every fibre of my being. I had learnt each and every cell in by body during my burning. For once, my mind and body were one.

Oh God, I sound like my parents.

I don't know how far we ran, but Oliver came to a halt in a clearing in the forest. He turned to face me.

"There's a herd of deer on the other side of these trees. How do you want to play this?"

I thought about this for a second. He was offering me assistance, which I should have been glad of, but I knew I wouldn't take it. It didn't seem fair - whatever I did take the life of should at least have the chance to escape if it could. It felt like cheating to let Oliver pick which ones were to die without them getting a say in it.

"I think I should do it myself. It seems fairer that way."

He smiled at me. "Fine."

"…I don't know what to do…"

His grin grew. "Just listen, smell, and follow your instincts. You're built for this."

"But what happens if I smell something I shouldn't?"

Emmett had been regaling me with newborn stories after I had made that discovery. I didn't want to risk stumbling across someone.

"I've already checked the area for human scent, and there is none. Besides, if you do, I will stop you." He hugged me comfortingly. "I won't let you do anything you would regret. Now, hunt."

And he released me.

I closed my eyes, and listened, and smelled. I had never before realised what a rich aroma the forest held. There were a multitude of flavours, and I knew that I would remember each individual scent for the rest of my existence.

I smelt the deer, I could hear their thudding hearts. I knew exactly where they were, I knew that one would be mine. I let myself go, allowing my muscles to carry me forward as they saw fit. I did not make a noise. And so soon, I had captured my prey. The stag didn't even see it coming.

I felt the hot fluid gush down my throat, and in that moment, I understood my burn had been worse than I thought it was. The relief was instantaneous, if not complete. I needed more and more fluid to cool the burning, and I drew hard to get as much as I could.

When I finished, I saw Oliver leaning on a tree. I was worried that I had disgusted him - he was such a pacifist, he didn't hunt. His prey never felt pain, but I had hoped that mine didn't. I couldn't tell.

I looked up at him, and he smiled. He looked…proud.

"Had your fill, or should we hunt some more?"

I thought about that for the briefest moment.

"I want to see our children."

And his face lit up.

"Ok, let's go meet them."

We talked the entire way home, our pace a bit slower on the return trip. We had a lot to catch up on. I had been unconscious for just under two days - it turned out, the rate of transformation was proportional to the amount of venom that was injected, and Oliver had used a lot of venom. Edward had developed a technique for Bella of injecting venom directly into the heart. Oliver had elaborated on this slightly, also injecting venom into my liver. It had sped up the process considerably.

Our daughters he had named for our mothers - it didn't seem right for them to go around nameless seeming they were already aware, so he had used one of the ideas that we had discussed while we were in bed during my pregnancy.

Evelyn and Adele. (My mother's real name was Adele.)

He had left the middle names for me to pick. It seemed only fair.

Our girls were identical twins, with blonde ringlets like me, but blue eyes from Oliver - I had never known that Oliver had had blue eyes during his human incarnation. But I could only imagine that they would be beautiful.

Even though physically our daughters looked alike, mentally they were completely different. They were both gifted, but their talents were on opposite ends of the spectrum. Evelyn was…I guess you could say compelling. She had the ability to project her emotions and desires into another person, meaning that if she was hungry, you would feel compelled to bring her a bottle, or your tummy would start grumbling. It was an interesting talent, but it meant that she made her feelings easily known. Adele, on the other hand, was telekinetic. She was able to move objects just by thought alone, so when _she_ was hungry, you would have to duck from the flying bottles. She was fairly independent, and could look after herself.

I did bring up the matter of their diet with Oliver - I didn't want them to live off solely blood as Renesmee did. According to Carlisle, she was able to survive on both food and blood, so I thought that they were spoiling her a bit by allowing her to drink only blood. I wanted my children to be as normal as possible. Just because they were half vampires did not make them monsters. Oliver agreed with me, in fact, thus far they were living off mostly a diet of formula. Occasionally, there was lapses in this, mainly due to their little talents, but now that they were more aware of them, they were taking precautions to stop it from happening too frequently.

My head was giddy when we reached the Cullen's house once more. I was finally getting to meet these two strangers who were meant to be mine.

Edward and Bella were waiting at the back door, his arm wrapped casually around her shoulders. Bella had a wide smile on her face.

"Welcome home!" she called. "Hunting's good, I see."

I looked down at myself, and was a bit ashamed to see that my clothes were a mess. I was covered in mud and grass stains, and had a fine speckling of blood. I must have looked hideous.

Oliver laughed. "Give her a break, Bella. It's her first time hunting. Remember what your first time was like?"

Edward and Oliver laughed together. I could only imagine what he was seeing in Edward's mind. (Oliver and Edward had gotten a lot better at coexisting with their talents in the past month). I was sure that Bella would have blushed if she could have.

It was Edward's turn to speak. "So Kaia, do you want to see your babies?"

"Yes!" The word was out of my mouth before he had sounded his last syllable.

He smiled. "You have to understand we have to take precautions. You're doing very well, but still, we don't want to take any risks. They're too special for that."

I frowned, jealousy welling up in me. It wasn't fair - they were my children, but everyone else already had a special relationship with them and felt protective over them. I didn't like the idea of sharing. I was instantly ashamed of my feelings - how could I hate anyone who cared for them? I nodded my head, trying to appear as if I was answering Edward, but in fact trying to set my thoughts straight. I was a little bit emotionally labile at the moment. I had to be in control when I saw them.

I was surprised that I heard footsteps inside the house, coming towards us. When I was a human, I had never heard the Cullens move. They were too delicate for that. And I also heard a fluttering - three flutterings. I felt my breath catch - they were heartbeats.

Oliver slid his arms around my waist, and gently pinned my arms to my side. He kissed my neck and whispered into my ear, "Just in case."

Edward and Bella parted, looking on alert. Renesmee bounced out first and into her mother's arms. I pined to have that same moment.

Control, Kaia, control.

Emmett and Jasper came out of the door then, acting as body guard to Esme and Rosalie, who each carried a small bundle in their arms. While Emmett had been joking before, he was entirely serious now. He understood I could be dangerous, and he wasn't taking risks. Rosalie looked grumpy that she had to be there, but she held onto her bundle protectively. She looked at me with scorn, and I felt Oliver tighten slightly. Whatever she was thinking, Oliver wasn't impressed with it.

The party walked slowly towards us, and I stopped breathing. I hadn't yet smelled a human scent, and I did not want my babies to be the first I smelt. Even though I felt I could trust my control, I didn't trust my judgement entirely. I was not going to take the risk.

Esme walked up to me first. I could see Carlisle had come to stand near Edward, but he looked relaxed. Evidently he expected me to be as successful as Bella. I had no idea where Alice was.

Esme smiled at me, and pulled the swaddling away from her bundle. Inside it lay the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. She had short golden ringlets, maybe three centimetres long. Her eyes were shut, and she breathed in and out rhythmically. Her cheeks were cherubic, and she had plump red little lips. There was so much of Oliver and myself mixed in that little face. She looked like an angel. She also looked large for her age - about the size of a six week old - but I expected this. She was perfect, and she was mine.

"Evelyn," Oliver said, and there was a reverence in his voice that told me he felt the same way about this little girl that I did.

"Evelyn Marie Monroe," I whispered, trying to not waste by breath.

Although it was hard to tear my eyes away from that tiny face, I forced myself to do so and looked towards Rosalie. She was standing beside Emmett, and was not moving. She looked like she was going to be stubborn.

"I don't want to risk it," she hissed at Emmett.

"Rose," he chuckled. "You knew you were going to have to give her back at some point. Kaia's going to be fine. She's her mother, she has a right to see her daughter."

"She already has one," she grumbled.

I hissed with fury, and suddenly Oliver's arms clamped down on me, and Esme was whisked away with Evelyn behind Jasper.

I gasped. "I wasn't going to do anything!"

I had taken a breath, and a swirling aroma filled my lungs. It was the sweetest, most beautiful scent I had ever smelled, and it made my throat burn slightly.

I shut my mouth abruptly and tried to maintain control, but was happily surprised when I realised that I didn't need to. The scent, belonging to Evelyn, wasn't tempting in a food way. I knew I was not going to kill her. I did not desire her blood.

I smiled, and took another deep breath in.

Oliver squeezed my arms to my side even more tightly as I sampled the aromas of the others in the air.

I looked back at him and smiled.

"I'm fine. See? Not food-y. Let me go."

I heard Emmett chuckle as Oliver released me from his grasp. I walked over to Rosalie, seeming she was so against coming to me. I didn't even look at her face as I reached for her bundle and pulled it into my arms.

I was surprised by the heat of it. It was like holding a little flame, and I smiled. I brushed the cloth away from her face, to reveal Adele. She was identical, and just as beautiful as her sister, except the way she held her face in sleep looked frustrated. I laughed. I could see my human face in her, and my human emotions. My temper didn't need to be passed on, but it seemed as though it had.

"Hello Adele Louise Monroe. I'm mummy."

I felt Oliver wrap his arms around my waist again. "And she's the most special mummy in the whole world."

I smiled as I sat there, rocking my child. I was completely content in my existence.

Rosalie stormed away back inside the house, and I couldn't help but growl a little at her passing. Emmett shot me an apologetic glare, then followed her inside. Esme walked back over with Evelyn, and handed her to Oliver, who had extricated himself from me. I smiled as I looked into his eyes, and he smiled back at me. Our little family was complete.

I heard something moving through the meadow the house was situated in, but I couldn't look away from my family to see who it was. I breathed in again, and I could tell from the scent that Alice had rejoined us. I could hear her muttering something sympathetically to Jasper.

"It's ready," Alice chirped at us.

My brows furrowed. What was ready?

Oliver sighed. "It's lovely you went to the trouble Alice, but it's not necessary. I don't think Kaia's going to want to hand over our children for a while yet."

While he was right about that, I hated being left out of the loop.

"Oliver, what's going on?"

He sighed again. "Alice thought that we would need some…privacy. So she's set up a tent for us in a nearby meadow."

Oh.

"Oh come on, Oliver. It's not like you're waiting till you're married - it's a bit late for that!" She giggled. "By the way, I still call dibs on the wedding."

Oliver grumbled, but I smiled at him. Alice's plan didn't sound like a bad idea (not the wedding bit), and besides, it looked like the girls would be sleeping for a while longer yet. We could be there as soon as they woke up in the morning - privacy sounded good.

"Esme, Bella?" I called, and they were at my side instantly. I passed Adele to Esme, as Bella gently extricated Evelyn from Oliver's arms. I grabbed hold of Oliver's now free hand, and tugged on it gently.

"It will be rude, Oliver. Alice has gone to so much trouble." I grinned cheekily at him.

I heard Emmett laugh from inside the house and I scowled. I had hoped he wouldn't hear that.

Oliver sighed, but relented to my request, and followed me as Alice bounced her way through the underbrush. We had to cross the river again, and soon we were in a smaller meadow. I could no longer hear my daughters' hearts beating, and I knew she had chosen this location because we were out of earshot of the house. I could only be thankful for that.

What I had thought of as a tent and what Alice did seemed to be on completely different ends of the spectrum. It more resembled a pavilion than a tent. Alice kissed me on the cheek and bounded away as quickly as we arrived, and I looked at Oliver, surprised.

He was grinning. "You know Alice never does anything by halves."

I shuddered. "Just think what she'll do with our wedding."

His smile grew bigger. "So you still want to marry me? It wasn't just baby brain?"

I frowned. "Don't be stupid, of course I want to marry you! I want _all _of you, Oliver."

I smirked at him, and pulled back the door to our "tent". I twitched my finger at him, inviting him over.

He smirked back, and scooped me into his arms and threw us into the tent.

We didn't come out for a very long time.

We lay there in each other's arms, Oliver gently playing with my curls. I just smiled and pulled myself closer to him, snuggling into his warm chest, and sighed.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"Just about how perfect everything is."

He chuckled. "Perfect's a fairly big word for you, are you sure?"

I shrugged. "There are some things I'm going to miss, but they were well worth the sacrifice."

Oliver rearranged himself to get a better view of my face. "What are you going to miss?"

I smiled. "It's nothing important, and it's more it feels funny than anything I'm actually going to miss…"

Oliver sighed. "You know how desperately I wish I could hear your thoughts sometimes - you can be so obtuse when you put your mind to it."

I smiled. "It's one of my charms."

"Kaia, please?" He looked at me with smouldering eyes, and I could feel the passion well up in me.

I leant forward and kissed him, pulling him closer to me, but Oliver pulled away. I pouted.

"Later, first you can tell me what you're going to miss."

I sighed. "That's not fair, you know."

"It wasn't meant to be." He grinned evilly at me.

"Fine! I just think it's funny that today's been the longest day of my life and I'm not exhausted. It feels like I could keep going forever."

His smile grew wider. "Kaia, you _are_ going to keep going forever."

"I know that," I sighed. "It's just one thing hearing that you're never going to sleep again, another thing entirely for it to be your reality."

"And that's it?" he prodded.

I smiled at him. "That, and diet. I'm going to miss chocolate. I'm sorry, but deer really doesn't cut it."

"I'm sure we could rustle you up some human if you want something tastier," Oliver teased.

I shuddered. "Now who's being silly. So, is there anything you're going to miss?"

He looked thoughtful. "The sleeping thing. You always looked your happiest when you slept."

I smiled. "That's because I dreamt of you. That's it, not my scent or anything?"

He shuddered. "I'm sorry, the scent wasn't a perk - it was torture. You smell much nicer now. Still like you, just less edible."

"Less edible is good."

"Plus, you're a lot more sturdy now. I don't have to worry about hurting you if I did something like this…" And with that, he leaned in to me, and kissed me passionately. We weren't able to talk for a while after that.

Although it was hard to pull myself away from Oliver, when the sun rose, we did. Our daughters should be waking up soon, and I had yet to see them when they were conscious yet.

We walked back to the big white house slowly, enjoying the scenery. Even though I had changed clothes since yesterday (there was a large chest in the corner filled with expensive confections, but there was a sports bag filled with more reasonable jeans and shirts behind it - thankyou Bella), I had decided to go barefoot. The sensation of the underbrush beneath my feet was interesting - I could tell exactly what touched my feet, and it wasn't like I was worried about hurting myself anymore.

When we entered the lounge, I found the Cullens surrounding two small forms on a thick rug. I smiled and crossed over to meet my children, who were playing with a mobile that was set up above them. Well, Evelyn was playing, Adele appeared to be having fun destroying her half - most of the decorations had been removed from the strings attaching them and floated around in the air, frequently bashing into each other as she giggled.

Renesmee sat in Bella's lap, her hand resting against her mother's cheek. I smiled at the small child - she hadn't been allowed near me since showing me her vision of her birth. She looked towards me, then to her mother.

"Yes, Nessie, you can go near Kaia now," Bella chuckled, and with that, she hopped lithely off her mother's lap and danced over to me.

I leant down towards her. "Hello Nessie."

She smiled, and said, "I have a present for you."

"Really?" I was touched. "Ok little one, where's the present?"

And with that, Nessie reached up and touched my face.

_Grandma and Rosie were exiting Granddad's study, their arms filled with small bundles of fabric. Rosie cooed at her bundle, completely ignoring the muffled noises that came from within the study. Suddenly I was bouncing towards Rosie, who looked down at me worshipfully._

_"Look Nessie, it's a baby," she said, leaning down towards me and showing me the tiny baby in her arms, which looked around the room with piercing blue eyes, taking everything in._

_"Don't get too attached, surrogate-mum Barbie. In a few days, mum's going to come to take baby back." my head spun around towards my Jacob, who was sitting where I was previously, cleaning up the collection of forks I had been playing with. No fair, I hadn't finished with them yet._

_Rosie hissed at my Jacob, and I frowned. They never played nice, except with me._

_Rosie and Grandma were in the kitchen with Granddad._

_"Rosalie, Oliver says they want to try them on formula before a blood diet, it's their decision what they get fed."_

_"But Carlisle, they're half vampire! Nessie gets blood…"_

_"And that's Bella and Edward's choice. If you can't behave, you're going to have to hand over the baby, Rose."_

_Rosie grumbled, and grabbed the bottle that Granddad held towards her._

_Grandma sat cooing to the baby in her arm, trying to negotiate with her to feed from the bottle which held the icky white stuff. Suddenly, Grandma went stiff, turned and walked towards the fridge where the yummy stuff was kept._

_"Esme?" Granddad looked worried._

_Grandma held a packet of the yummy stuff in her hands, but then blinked and turned to Granddad._

_"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." she said, sounding vaguely dazed._

_Suddenly, the bag flew from her hand and smacked into the back of Rosie's head._

_Granddad looked from Grandma to Rosie and back._

_"…Oh dear."_

_I snuck a look through the door into Granddad's study. Uncle Ollie was sitting cross-legged on the floor, singing gently to the babies who lay on the comfy rug. In the back ground, Aunty Kaia - who I am not allowed near - lay on a metal bed, not moving. She looked different, more like Uncle Ollie. Prettier._

Suddenly I was back in the lounge, and Nessie was standing in front of me, a wide grin upon her face.

"Thank-you," I whispered to the small child.

Oliver walked up beside me, holding two bottles filled with formula.

"Nessie didn't want you to miss anything," he said, looking at the small child, evidently having seen what she had shown me.

"It was wonderful," I said, and looked towards my little girls, already so much bigger than the newborns shown to me in Renesmee's vision.

Oliver passed me a bottle, and then reached down and picked up Adele. Instantly, the toys from the mobile fell to the floor. He then passed her the bottle that she held for herself as she sucked deeply.

I bent down to pick up Evelyn, and had the uncontrollable urge to hold her closer to me. I didn't know if this was instinctive or her little gift, but I didn't care. I passed Evelyn her bottle, and crooned gently to her as I watched her feed. It was magical.

Oliver smiled at me. "They're getting used to formula. We keep the blood locked away now."

"Not fair," I heard Nessie grumble, and I couldn't help giggling.

My chuckle sounded like music. That was still going to take some getting used to. I just thought of something, and turned to Oliver in one of those blindingly fast movements I hadn't gotten control over yet.

"Oliver, what do I look like?"

I knew that the transformation into a vampire heightened and perfected your existing looks - the example was perfectly illustrated with Bella. Even though she was beautiful as a human, in her vampire incarnation, she oozed perfection, just like all her other kin. I hadn't even thought about what I looked like now that I, too, was part of their family.

Oliver chuckled. "You look beautiful, but then again, you always did."

I pouted. That was hardly a detailed answer.

"Oh!" Alice bounced up from the couch where she sat in Jasper's lap, "Let me! I'll be right back."

And with that, she bounded towards the door, stopping abruptly by my side, "Don't you dare go looking at anything reflective till I'm back," she said accusingly, then dashed away.

I laughed - that was very Alice.

She was back in the blink of an eye, holding a very large mirror.

"Ta da!" she announced.

I looked into the mirror, and gasped.

My curls, always unruly in my human life, now fell like spun gold in ringlets down to my shoulders. My nose, whilst retaining the little bulb on the end that ran in my family, now seemed more sculpted and less unusual. My lips pouted with deep pink perfection, and glittered slightly in the reflected light. My eyes had retained their openness, but at the moment my irises were a blinding red rather than the chocolate brown they had been (I hope that faded soon). My curves seemed to be smoother, and fell away in a perfect hourglass. My chest, whilst always ample, was definitely perkier. Everything that had made me me was still there, but they had just been perfected. I was amazed by the Goddess that stared at me from the mirror. Although I would never hold a candle to Rosalie, I was beautiful. I had never been beautiful before.

I looked down at Evelyn, who lay in my arms, and saw many of those features that had belonged to me replicated in her small and perfect face. She had finished her bottle, and smiled at me, showing me two rows of small white teeth. I couldn't help but smile back. She was beautiful, so much of me and Oliver rolled into one. Maybe I had been beautiful before, because Evelyn and Adele were the most beautiful children on the face of the planet.

"Well," Alice asked impatiently, "You like?"

I looked at her then, then at Oliver, "I love."

"Good," she said, "So now we can talk about wedding details."

Thank God I had the excuse of being a newborn! It seemed that was the only way I could convince Alice to postpone her wedding plans. Although I knew I wanted to marry Oliver, and I knew it had to be soon (I was meant to be ten weeks pregnant - I needed to get wedding pictures before I was meant to be "showing"), I wasn't quite ready for the whirlwind of enthusiasm that was Alice. I could tell Oliver was a bit disappointed, but when he heard my reasoning, he understood. Alice could just be a little overwhelming. I told him, I was more than happy to marry him as long as he dealt with Alice. He had agreed, and had descended into the lion's den to discuss our impending nuptials with the wedding planner from hell.

Evelyn and Adele were asleep on the fluffy rug in the lounge. Babies - even vampire babies - needed a lot of sleep. It was a relief that my children at least could retain some level of normality. That morning with the pair of them had been one of the happiest in my life - I mean, in my existence. I had spent the morning getting to know my two little bundles of perfection, and it amazed me how well developed their personalities were already. Adele reminded me a lot of me - she had a temper, she was stubborn, and she hated to be left out of the loop. In fact, you could not leave Adele out of the loop - while Alice was trying to convince me of marriage, I had gotten a glass paper weight thrown into the back of my head. I knew at some point Adele and I would have to talk about her temper, it's just, how do you discuss things like emotional control with a four-day-old? Evelyn was much more like her father, she was sweet, and quiet, and loved physical contact. A smile from her cherubic face would light up your entire day. She was just sweetness and light, and she adored her bossy sister dearly (you could tell - whenever you held her you felt compelled to hold Adele too. Evelyn couldn't stand to be away from her). It was only when they slept, holding onto each other, that they had the same temperament. They both looked so peaceful when they slept.

Everyone had enough common sense to leave my children and I to it when they were conscious, but soon after they fell asleep, Emmett joined me on the couch, definitely looking like he had an agenda.

"So, Aunty K, feel like a rematch?" He grinned at me evilly. During my pregnancy, I had lost five games of chess to him, which I had a feeling I would never live down. But now - whilst I was bright before, my head had so much extra space in it, I knew that beating Emmett would be easy. It didn't seem fair. He really was asking for it - Emmett brought out my competitive side, and I must admit, I wasn't a good winner.

"Are you that desperate to lose?" I baited him, an equally evil smile across my face.

"Loose? Bah!" he declared. "We shall see who will be the loser!"

And with that, he rose from the chair and walked to where he had set the chess boards up against the window. I sighed as I rose, the need to stay with my babies competing with my need to beat Emmett. I tried to console myself - I was only going to be a few meters away - and went and joined Emmett, where the competition began.

Nine games and nine victories later, I heard my children start to stir into wakefulness. As I started to rise so I could rejoin them, Emmett grabbed at my arm.

"One more match."

I sighed at him. "I think nine is pretty definitive, Emmett. Go get some practice, then you can rechallenge me. Evelyn and Adele are awake, and they come first."

As I walked towards my children, I heard the back window smash. I spun around so fast, I saw the glass shards fall to the floor as a chess board fell from view.

"Emmett! What are you doing!" I yelled at him, hearing my girls start to cry. I rushed over to them, and started trying to console them and feeling terribly inadequate.

Oliver joined me in a moment, a number of different coloured ties draped around his neck, as he collected Evelyn from my arms to help console.

"What happened?" His eyes flashed from our daughter to the window and back as they started to settle.

"Emmett threw a chess board out the window," I grumbled. That was the last time I was playing chess against him.

"I didn't!" he defended. "I threw it at _her_," and he pointed his finger at me.

Oliver's eyes caught Emmett's and just stared at him for a moment, his eyes going wide.

"Oliver, what happened?"

"You didn't get hit by the chess board?" he asked, his eyes still holding Emmett's gaze.

"I think I would have noticed. Why?"

"It didn't touch her," Emmett said. "It just bounced away when it got about a foot from her."

"Interesting," Oliver mumbled. "I think we know what your gift is," he said, turning to look at me and smiled.

I was confused. "Aren't I meant to be a shield like Bella?"

Although we hadn't tested that hypothesis in my new form, we had assumed that seeming Bella and I both suffered from having private heads that we would have the same gift.

"A shield, yes. Like Bella, no." Oliver was grinning. "No two gifts ever manifest themselves in the exact same way. After Emmett's little experiment, it would appear that you have a physical shield - like a force field."

I looked at Oliver, slightly agog. "So you mean I had a force field that deflected the chess board?"

"Yes," Oliver continued to grin, as I heard Emmett grumble in the background.

"Oh, ok."

Just then, Esme came into the lounge, "Emmett! What have you done to my window! Go and fix it now."

"Yes mom," he said guiltily, walking off towards the garage to get what he would need to fix the window.

My days after that were busy, but they were happy. Evelyn and Adele - who now had the nicknames Evy and Addie thanks to Nessie, were growing well and becoming more and more advanced by the day. They were, however, growing more slowly than Nessie did, maybe at two thirds of the rate. It's thought that maybe the human diet may have had an influence. Personally, I didn't see them staying younger for longer as a bad thing, so I was more than happy to keep up the formula diet as long as they remained healthy.

In a house as full as the Cullens, you realise that you have no choice but to share your children around. Esme doted upon the girls as though they were her grandchildren, as did Carlisle. Bella and I spent a lot of time together, especially seeming Nessie loved playing with Addie and Evy. In fact, Nessie was a good influence on Addie - whenever she did something inappropriate with her gift, like breaking windows (it was amazing how fast Emmett was at replacing them), Nessie would tell her off. It was quite funny to watch, but Addie did get the message after the third time, and it hasn't happened since.

I hardly get to see Alice most days - she's busy organising my wedding, so I have been avoiding her like the plague. I'd hate to think of what she's turning it into, but it would break her heart for me to tell her to stop. Personally, I don't see the point of such a large wedding, seeming only the Cullens will be attending - it's not like we know anyone over here and we're not planning on inviting anyone from Australia. Oliver, however, has been roped in to helping, and he tells me he's trying not to let it grow into a monster, and that we'll be getting married here in the Cullen's house. I just hope he can keep Alice under control. If not, he'll just have to do the fainting trick on her.

I have made a few new friends in the week since I've woken up. Jacob, Nessie's pet werewolf, started coming over again a few days after I woke up, when it was obvious I was not a crazy newborn. Although, on his first visit, Oliver did restrain me until I told him I didn't find Jacob foody. Jacob's a funny soul and he teases Rosalie mercilessly (something I can only encourage) - he's a Quileute Indian from a reservation near Forks called La Push. Jacob is the alpha of one of the two La Push packs, and as such, occasionally other pack members come over, like Seth and Leah Clearwater. Seth is the cutest little boy (I have become so maternal since becoming a mother), but his sister, Leah, is a little bit severe. She doesn't like vampires and doesn't pretend not to. Turns out they're not really werewolves, but ashape-shifters like Dale. I wonder what it is about natives and turning into animals…Well, anyway, it doesn't matter.

I sighed when I thought about Dale. I had to admit, I felt pretty guilty about him. Although my human memories were dull and faded for the most part, there was still a part of my heart that cared for Dale Wannapingu. Not in a romantic way, more in a nostalgic way. I felt guilty because when I last saw him - what seemed like a life time ago but was less than two months ago - I had told him that Oliver and I were no longer a couple, which had made it ok that Dale and I were no longer involved either. I worried sometimes that if he were to ever contact my parents again and find out from them what happened… well, that would be bad. The problem was I couldn't figure out what to do about it. Do I ring him up and tell him about my new vampire life and family, or do I spin him the same lie about my death that I was going to give my parents? Even though I knew that Dale and my lives were separated, I knew he deserved better than the lie. But could I give him that, and not hurt him more than I had previously?

I had tried talking to Oliver about Dale, but I hadn't gotten very far with him. He was uncomfortable with any conversation involving the time that we had spent apart, especially if it involved my shape-shifting ex-boyfriend.

My parents, however, had gotten air time. Oliver knew it was important to settle matters with them personally, and he was entirely enthusiastic about getting married to give them one final happy ending before I left their lives forever. The wedding date had been tentatively set as Saturday next week, but I was under no illusion that the closeness of the date would prevent Alice from doing anything too outrageous. My funeral, however, I was not so sure about. Whilst I was still sure this was the path I wanted to pursue, I was in no rush to fulfil this end of the arrangement. I had met Bella's father, Charlie, and I knew that he knew something was going on with Bella, but I knew my parents and they would never be able to agree to the don't-ask-don't-tell relationship they shared. Me dying was the easiest way for them. I just hoped they understood I was happy when I left them.

The more I thought about Skysong and Heartbeat, the more nostalgic about my upbringing I became. They hadn't been bad parents, just a little ditsy. They had never treated me badly, and had never prevented me from following my dreams, even when they didn't agree with them. And I did love them, maybe not as most daughters think of their parents, but there was love for them there. And I would miss them when they finally exited my life.

Although I was reluctant to talk about my "death", Oliver had thought it important to be prepared with the details. We had negotiated through a lot of options - would I die in a car accident? Would it be just me that died or both of us? Who would we tell that I died? Who would come to my funeral? Turns out, there's a lot of details that need to be ironed out beforehand. We had decided that the easiest death I could be given would be that I died of a brain aneurysm - painless, and in my sleep. Also, it meant that I would be able to be viewed during the funeral - good thing about being a vampire, no heart beat and you don't need to breathe, so we're very effective at playing dead. Oliver thought this would give me a chance to say my goodbyes too (well, not verbally anyway). This death also had the added benefit of Oliver being able to be around with his mind reading abilities to field the barrage of questions that would come with my death. I wasn't sure how many people would attend my funeral, seeming it was so far away, but I hoped at least a few people did. Oliver had agreed to fund the expedition. The only thing that had to be decided was the timing, and I wasn't entirely sure of how soon I wanted it.

I did, however, get more and more anxious the closer to the wedding we got. Alice kept doing things like trialling hairstyles on me while I was blindfolded, and lots and lots of dress fittings. I had no idea what my wedding dress would look like, and Oliver didn't either - Alice wanted it to be a surprise for both of us. A few days before the wedding, Alice forced us out of the Cullen's house so she could prepare. She didn't want either of us peeking. Because I refused to relinquish Addie and Evy for those days, we were moved into Bella and Edward's cottage. At some point, Oliver and I would need to get a house. I wasn't sure if we were staying with the Cullens in perpetuity, but we needed some personal space. The cottage was as if it came from a story book - it was a magical little place. Oliver spent hours reading to the girls, who listened with wide blue eyes, completely taken in by the story. They also started walking that week - something that was vaguely disconcerting seeming they only looked about three months old. This, however, did give me some much needed practice with my force field - having two small children capable of walking around meant that it was important to establish boundaries, and my force fields filled that need quite amply. Unfortunately, sometimes one of them would run into it a little too forcefully (normally Addie), which was followed with a round of tears. It always broke my heart to hear my childen cry, and Oliver and I would pretty much just flap around whoever was in tears until they stopped crying. Addie came to quite like the attention, and eventually just started falling to the ground and bawling regardless. It was sort of cute.

It was Friday, the day before the wedding, and I was nervous. Really, I couldn't understood why - Oliver and I were already bound more intrinsically and permanently than a piece of paper ever could - but still, I had butterflies. I hoped tomorrow would go off as perfectly as Alice promised. I also hoped desperately that my dress wouldn't be too garish. Oliver appeared to be as nervous as I was - whenever I caught his eye, he gave me a nervous grin. Evy and Addie had no idea what was going on, but they had noticed we were distracted. Evy was just a little bit more forceful with her suggestions today - once, when she wanted me to bend over so she could show me something, I actually face-planted into the ground. I had always thought that Addie had the more powerful gift, but the more I saw of Evy's talent, the more I started to think that maybe she was just more polite about the entire thing.

I had been pacing around the lounge for the past hour, and I was a little worried that I may be starting to wear a path in Bella and Edward's flooring. I made myself stop and take a deep breath. I needed to calm down.

Just then, Dale popped into my head. I was surprised - why was I thinking about Dale on the eve of my wedding? Was it because he had proposed to me and I turned him down? I didn't think so. I think it was because I felt guilty for keeping him out of the loop. There was no need to keep this a secret from him - he would find out after I was "dead", anyway. I didn't need to double the pain of that day for him. Suddenly I knew I had to ring him - he deserved to know. I wouldn't have survived long enough to reunite with Oliver without him, I needed to show him some thanks somehow.

I picked up Oliver's mobile off the bench and slipped it into my pocket, and went in to the bedroom where he sat reading to Evy and Addie as they prepared for their afternoon nap.

"Hey Oliver, I think I'm going to go for a walk for a little bit. I'm suffering from just a bit from cabin fever."

He smiled at me. "Sure, we'll be here when you get back, won't we?"

Evy and Addie nodded at me, and waved.

I smiled back at them. "Mummy will be home soon. Then you'll have to tell me all about the story daddy's telling you."

They nodded at me again, and I turned and left the room.

I listened to their heartbeats as I walked further and further into the forest, knowing that when I stopped hearing them, I would be able to make my phone call. Eventually, when I could no longer hear their fluttering, I ran a few more kilometres before I stopped - just to make sure. I sighed and pulled the mobile from my pocket, and typed the numbers that I had rung so frequently only a few months ago and listened to the phone ring. Just then, I realised I had no idea what time it would be in Australia - was I going to wake him up? Maybe I should hang up…

Just then, a voice down the line said, "Hello?"

"Dale," I breathed, trying to make my voice as human-like as possible.

"Who's this?" He sounded confused. Evidently I hadn't done a very good job.

"It's Kaia."

There was silence.

"What's happened to your voice?"

I laughed, which didn't help very much with trying to make my voice sound normal. "It changed. That's why I rang."

"You rang because your voice changed?"

I sighed. "No, I've rung because _I've_ changed. A lot of things have happened in my life since you left, and I thought you had a right to know. I was just too chicken to call before now."

"Oh. So, what's up?" He still sounded casual. Maybe he would take this better than I thought.

"Where to start?" Really, I had no idea.

"How about from where we left off…" he supplied.

"Oh, there's a good a spot as any. Well, you know how when you visited, I was, well, eating a lot? As it turns out, I was pregnant. To Oliver. I'm so sorry, I truly didn't know while you were there, otherwise I would have told you…"

Why wasn't he interrupting me?

"Dale?"

"You were pregnant to a vampire." His voice had no emotion in it.

"Yes."

"And then?" He still sounded deadpan.

"Well, Oliver arrived on my doorstep, and, well, we went to America to visit his relatives for help. And it turns out vampire pregnancies are very brief - I gave birth a little more than two weeks ago. Vampire pregnancies aren't easy, and well, to live I had to sort of…change."

More silence.

Eventually, he grumbled, "I guess that explains the voice."

I sighed with relief - I didn't have to come out and tell him directly.

"Why are you telling me this now, Kaia?" he sighed. He sounded tired.

"I thought you needed to know. It wasn't fair keeping this secret from you…"

"There must have been more to it than that, Kaia." he interrupted.

"Well, I'm getting married tomorrow," I admitted. I felt like I could drown from the guilt.

"Congratulations. I'm glad to see he's making an honest vampire out of you." he sniped sarcastically.

"Don't be like that, Dale!"

"What am I meant to be like, Kaia?" He sounded angry. "Am I meant to be happy for you? Happy that the woman I loved is effectively dead?"

"I'm not dead," I protested.

"No, you're worse than dead - you're a monster."

That hurt. Truly, if I still had a functioning heart, I think it would have broken.

"You're the monster," I hissed down the phone. "I've just been through the most horrible and terrifying part of my existence, and you can't even try to understand? I didn't have a choice, Dale Wannapingu. I had a choice of death or life, and I chose my family. You're meant to love me, don't you understand why I would choose that?"

More silence. I wished I could cry - it would be easier.

"Yes, Kaia. When you put it like that, I can see. I still can't be happy for you. I'm sorry. Goodbye." and with that, he hung up.

I collapsed in the underbrush, and just held onto my knees and rocked backwards and forwards until the pain started to ebb. I looked up into the sky, bracing for the tears that I knew would never come. And that just made me hurt more - Dale was right. I was a monster.

The sky was starting to darken, and I realised I needed to go home - Oliver would be wondering where I was. I stood myself up, and brushed the bracken from my jeans, turned and ran home.

When I got back to the cottage, Oliver was standing at the front door, waiting for me. He looked worried, and the pain that had been eating at me all afternoon was overwhelming. I don't know what it was that alerted him, but he came over and wrapped me up in his arms, stroking my head and whispering, "It's okay, Kaia."

Dry sobs ripped from my throat. I just felt so guilty - this man didn't know why I was upset, but he would still comfort me. And Dale, Dale couldn't. He wished I was dead. Well, he would get his wish - in a way - soon enough…

Eventually I managed to get control of myself, and pulled myself away from Oliver.

"Evy and Addie?"

"They're asleep. Should be for a while yet."

"Ok."

"Kaia, what's going on?" Oliver's eyes were filled with concern.

I couldn't keep anything from Oliver. "I rang Dale. It didn't go well."

"Oh."

"I didn't expect him to be happy about it, but he took it really hard. I never wanted to hurt him. But I thought he deserved the truth…"

Oliver pulled me back into his arms and held me tight.

"You did the right thing, Kaia. He did deserve to know. He'll recover, and then he'll call back and be all apologies. It's just a shock."

"You don't know Dale," I muttered.

"No, I don't. But he loves you, Kaia, and I do know what that's like. He will recover from this."

"You know I don't deserve you, right?" I looked into his eyes.

He smiled. "It's me who doesn't deserve you. You gave me a family; you gave up your humanity for me. If all I have to do is comfort you after phone calls with the ex, then I'm definitely getting the better side of the bargain."

Oliver leaned in and kissed me then, and his tenderness washed away my pain. For the first time, I was glad I was getting married tomorrow. Even though I already owned Oliver Monroe, it would be nice having a piece of paper saying it. I had already given up my humanity for this man, my last name seemed a small price to pay.

Just then, we were interrupted.

"Easy up there or you won't have anything left for tomorrow!"

I growled - I knew that voice, and I didn't want him around the night before my wedding.

I pulled away from Oliver and saw Emmett, Jasper and Edward standing in the clearing.

"Sorry, Oliver. I couldn't convince them not too," Edward sounded apologetic.

I looked towards Oliver and back to the boys, slowly taking in the scene. They were all wearing garish Hawaiian shirts, and Edward appeared to be holding an extra one. Emmett seemed overly excited - always a bad sign, and even Jasper looked happy to be there.

It was a bachelor party.

"No," I heard Oliver say, as I was slowly descending into giggles.

"Come on man, you _have_ to have a bachelor party! What sort of nephews would we be if we let you spend the night with the family? Live a little!" Emmett took the shirt from Edward and walked towards Oliver.

"What's with the Hawaiian shirts?" I asked Oliver, as Oliver sighed as Emmett slid his red Hawaiian shirt over his clothes.

"It's the closest thing they have to what they think Australian's look like," he sighed again. "You're an idiot, you know that?" he directed at Emmett.

"What, they're surfy - Australians surf. It was either this or Crocodile Hunter khakis," Emmett was defensive.

I smiled widely at them, and I felt sorry for my future husband. I could only imagine what they had planned for him tonight.

"What are you getting up to, anyway?"

"We'll never tell!" Oh Emmett…

"Not sure yet, we took Edward hunting, but considering Oliver doesn't hunt…whatever it is, it'll be fun," Jasper supplied, looking excited about the evening ahead.

"Traitor!" Emmett declared, and tackled Jasper to the ground.

I just shook my head at them, and turned to Edward, as he appeared to be the only one sensible enough to talk to right now.

"You guys better get going, I want him back in time for the wedding."

"I promise, he'll be back with time to spare and he'll be in one piece, even if I have to restrain Emmett to manage it." Edward leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. "We'll see you at the wedding."

Oliver gave me one last pleading look before Jasper and Emmett picked him up by the arms and they ran into the forest surrounding Edward and Bella's cottage.

I heard noises as my daughters began to stir, turned, and entered the house to welcome them both back to wakefulness.


	21. Chapter 21

It wasn't even sunrise when Bella and Alice came to collect me the next morning. I had butterflies in my stomach, every inch of muscle was wound tighter than a spring. I couldn't believe the day was already here, and I wasn't sure I was ready.

"Alice, can we do this maybe a bit later? Evy and Addie are sleeping and I don't want to wake them…"

Alice smiled at me. "What do you think I brought Bella for? Come on, Kaia. It's going to take a lot of work to turn you into a bride, it's time we got started."

I sighed, knowing it was better not to delay the inevitable, and rose from the bed where my daughter's slept. I tried to follow Alice out of the cottage, but she blocked my way.

"You don't think I've sequestered you away from the house so you don't see the wedding decorations just for you to go breezing past them now, do you? Here," she held out a blindfold in front of me.

"Seriously?"

"Very."

I shook my head as I took the blindfold from Alice and wrapped it around my eyes. It was sort of pointless - since becoming a vampire, my nose had become so sensitive that I could smell what type of wax Esme used on the furniture. I didn't think I needed my eyes to know exactly what the decorations would be like.

But I was surprised - on the walk to the house and up the stairs to Alice's bathroom, I didn't smell anything out of the ordinary. It just smelt like the usual Cullen's house. If anything, it smelt a bit dustier than normal. I was confused - what exactly had Alice done?

Alice spent hours working on my hair, the entire time I was facing away from the mirrors that lined the walls of her bathroom. Seemed I wasn't going to see what I looked like before the ceremony. Not that I was worried - it seemed that irrespective of what I wore these days, I always looked stunning. One of the perks of being a vampire, I guess.

It was still dark outside when she finished with my hair, and rushed me into her bedroom, where an ominous dress bag was draped across her bed.

Alice danced over to it, and smiled at me as she gently lifted it from the bed.

"Ready?"

I swallowed against my suddenly dry throat as she undid the zip and let the dress bag fall to the floor. I was stunned. The dress - my wedding dress - was beautiful. It was made from antique lace (you could tell from the smell), which was an ivory colour. The corset was covered in it, as was the skirt, which was sort of like a cloak, as the lace separated at the front to show the layers of ivory silk underneath. I had never seen such a beautiful dress, and it was completely understated in it's beauty.

"It's perfect," I breathed.

A smug smile crossed Alice's face. "And you expected anything less?"

I crossed the room to her, where she helped me into my dress, stringing up my corset. I wished desperately to see what I looked in it. At least I didn't have to worry about detracting from the dress. I spun slowly in it, listening to the silk and lace rustle. Even the noise this dress made was beautiful. It was just as well I couldn't cry, because right then, I knew if I could I would ruin the dress.

Alice grabbed my hand gently and led me towards a mirror in the corner she had covered with a sheet.

"Ready to see what the bride looks like?"

I nodded again, too overwhelmed to talk.

She swept the sheet away from the floor-length mirror, and I gasped. Although I was inhumanly beautiful since my transformation, now I was so beautiful it was beyond belief. My golden curls were piled atop my head, cascading downwards in perfect ringlets. My perfect white skin contrasted beautifully with the ivory tone of my dress. Everything was perfect. For once, I thought I could challenge Rosalie in the looks department.

"Alice, you're a miracle-worker," I told her as I spun around and hugged the small woman tightly.

"I knew you'd love it," she boasted, as she pushed herself away from me. "If you'll excuse me, I've got to go get ready myself. Don't get your dress dirty!"

Alice was back within a few minutes, wearing a golden ivory silk dress, her hair in little pin curls like you would see in the 1920s.

"Ready?"

I listened, but apart from her, I couldn't actually hear anyone in the Cullen's house. Where were they? It wasn't long before the wedding if the fact Alice and I were both fully dressed was anything to go by.

"Come on!" Alice beckoned, and I followed her from her room and down the stairs. I gasped - the lounge, where I had assumed the reception would be held, was completely normal, except Edward's grand piano was missing. I furrowed my brows as Alice walked straight through the lounge and out the front door, where her little yellow Porsche mach 2 was waiting. She hopped into the driver's side, and waved for me to join her. I lifted my beautiful rustling skirts as I desperately tried to prevent them from touching the ground as I joined her in the Porsche.

Alice smiled as she turned the ignition and the car roared to life.

"Your soon-to-be-husband is a miracle worker. It's exactly the same as the first." Her smiled widened as we went flying off down the road and drove away from Forks. We drove for about twenty minutes before Alice turned off onto a small winding dirt road that wove through the forest. I had no idea where we were. But then, I saw it. We rounded the final bend and entered a small meadow where a ruined stone church stood. Ivy grew up it's walls, and the grass waved in the wind like the tide. There was a light dusting of snow on the stonework and trees, which were lit from behind by the rising sun. The entire scene was as if from a dream. Alice pulled up next to the carpet that rolled from the entrance to where we had stopped, and raced around to open my door. I gently stepped from the car onto the carpet, and inhaled deeply. A rich bouquet of the aromas of roses and edelweiss greeted me. I could hear the piano from the inside - it was not a song I knew, it was more like free-flowing thought. I smiled. Edward was evidently the musician for the day. Carlisle walked slowly and deliberately from the church to where I was, and offered me his arm.

"May I stand in for your father for the day?" he asked me politely, and I smiled and nodded.

Just then, Bella joined Alice behind us, dressed the same as Alice, her chestnut hair pulled back in a loose bun, with bits of her hair falling away haphazardly, but still perfectly.

Just then, the music morphed into the Wedding March, and I gasped. It was time.

We entered the church, and it was more beautiful than it was on the outside. Behind where the pulpit should be, there was some retained old stained glass, which the light from the sunrise shone through, casting a rainbow of rich colours across the floor. White roses cascaded from marble urns on either side of the alter. Strings of edelweiss lines the walls. Candles lined the aisle. Edward and his piano were located right next to the entrance, with a bowl filled with floating candles sitting upon the lid. There were a few benches made from ancient wood on either side, where Esme and Rosalie sat on one side holding my daughters, who wore flowing white gowns, and Jacob sat on the other with Renesmee, flanked by Seth and Leah Clearwater. In front the altar stood avampire with dark brown hair, his skin vaguely olive beneath his pallor, wearing black robes, who was obviously going to officiate the ceremony. And there, to the left of the man, was Oliver. He wore a black tuxedo, which was perfect in it's elegance. The look on his face as I came into view made the whole day worth it - I felt my silent heart swell. I didn't know how I it was possible that I could love Oliver as much as I did without it failing. Next to Oliver stood Emmett and Jasper, obviously his groomsmen for the day. Jasper's eyes were only for Alice, but Emmett smiled at me warmly and winked.

I wished I could cry. It was so perfect. I would never be able to thank Alice enough.

When we got to the altar, Carlisle kissed me on my cheek and passed my hands to Oliver, and went and joined Esme on the bench. I smiled at Oliver, unable to breathe. In that moment, my life was perfect.

"We have come here today to celebrate the union of Kaia Aurelius Snow and Oliver Lyle Monroe. Two spirits who have chosen to be joined in matrimony. Although trialled by fate, they are joined here today by their friends and family to celebrate the triumph of their love."

He turned to Emmett. "Do you have the rings?"

Emmett patted at his jacket pockets desperately, before a huge smile crossed his face and he winked as he pulled the rings from his breast pocket and handed them to the minister, who distributed one each to Oliver and I.

The man in the back robe turned to me. "Kaia Aurelius Snow, do you take Oliver Lyle Monroe to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for as long as you both shall exist?"

"I do," I whispered, and Oliver slid a golden wedding band onto my ring finger.

"And do you, Oliver Lyle Monroe, take Kaia Aurelius Snow to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for as long as you both shall exist?"

"I do," he whispered back, his eyes seeing only me as I slid his wedding band onto his finger.

"And with the exchange of rings, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Oliver leaned in towards me and kissed me gently. I could feel the snow as it began to fall from the open sky, landing in my hair and on my cheeks. It was the most perfect moment in my entire existence.

When Oliver pulled away, we turned and faced our audience, who clapped loudly. We ran down the aisle as we were pelted with rice, my cherubic laugh filling the air surrounding us. Oliver just looked at me, his eyes filled with an unspoken worship. It was hard to believe that it was only seven months ago I had thought I had lost this man forever. And now he was mine. Forever.

We returned to the Cullen's place for the reception after Edward took photos at the church for my parents (which I had dutifully put contacts on for). Out behind the glass wall, there was a canopy decorated with garlands of the same flowers from the church, covering a dance floor. In the corner, there was a table that held a wedding cake. I laughed as Oliver and I fed each other wedding cake as more photographs were taken. Truly, I could not believe how disgusting cake was. Even though Oliver managed to swallow his, I ended up spitting mine back up, which was followed with Emmett's uproarious laughter. Addie and Evy, however, seemed more than happy to eat the cake for us (seemed the human diet was finally starting to stick), and even Nessie joined them after a bit. More photos were taken of them demolishing the cake and making their clothes a mess, much to the horror of Alice.

For the remainder of the morning, we danced to the music that filled the atmosphere. For once, the sun was shining in Forks, and the light that snuck into the canopy sparkled in rainbows off our skin.

Eventually, as we twirled around the dance floor, we were interrupted by Alice.

"I think it's time for you two to leave on your honeymoon." She smiled at me.

My brows furrowed. Honeymoon?

"Don't worry - we'll take care of the girls. I'm sure you two agree you'll need some alone time. Some things aren't appropriate when there are small children around."

I sighed. Even though I didn't want to leave my daughters, there were certain activities I would like to do with Oliver whilst they weren't around. I looked at my husband. He smiled back at me.

"My wife and I," he announced proudly, "will be ready to go in a minute. Just let us have this last dance, Alice."

She spun and left us.

"Where are we going?" I asked. I wasn't exactly aware of any vampire holiday destinations.

"Alaska. I thought we might like some privacy." He leaned down and kissed my neck. "Don't you?"

"Privacy is good." I smiled, and our lips met.

Too soon, the song ended, and my husband and I went to farewell our daughters. Addie pouted at us when she realised she was to be left behind. Evy however, was more polite as always. Even though she could have forced us to stay, she just hugged us tightly from her position in Rosalie's arms. It still irked me the attachment Rosalie had for my daughters, but still, she could be useful. Oliver and I hugged each of the Cullens individually before departing in Carlisle's Mercedes.

The road ahead of us was bright in the midday sun, but the tinted windows kept all the light out. I looked at Oliver and I, still in our finery. I hoped there was some other clothes packed, and I smelt something that made me turn around. Two suitcases - one much larger than the other - sat on the backseat.

"You didn't let Alice pack for me, did you?" I asked.

He laughed.

"Did I have a choice? Don't worry - Bella also packed you a bag, but it's in the boot."

I sighed and turned back towards the windscreen, and watched as the scenery flew past us. While I was a human, I would have found the movement to be a blur, but with these eyes, I saw everything that passed us by. It made the entire experience far less frightening. Besides, even if Oliver did crash (which was just as unlikely as Alice suddenly having a sense of less-being-more), it's not like either of us would be hurt. Anyway, I was beginning to get a sense of exhilaration with speed - I loved to run, and driving was about as close to that experience as I could get.

I hugged Oliver's arm and leaned into his shoulder as we drove. I couldn't believe how perfect the day had been. Every now and then, our lips would meet for the briefest moment, and yet our car never swerved an inch. The day got darker outside the window as we got further and further north, and before long, I could see the northern lights play in the sky. They were beautiful. When we stopped, I stepped from the car into an icy wilderness - the only thing you could see apart from the snow-covered earth and the play of lights in the sky was a small stone cabin - our honeymoon destination.

I walked towards the cabin, leaving Oliver to bring the bags in, but was surprised when I suddenly found myself scooped from my feet.

"I think there's something in the job description about doorways." Oliver chuckled, looking at my irate face and kissing my cheek, as he swung the door open and walked inside.

The cabin was small. Apart from a stone fireplace, the only item of furniture was a large bed that lay close to the floor. I smiled - like everything else today, it was perfect. It wasn't like Oliver and I couldn't find something to occupy ourselves with without a TV.

"You like, Mrs Monroe?" he asked as he lay me gently on the bed, as if I could break.

"Oh yes, Mr Monroe, I like very much."

I'm not sure how long it was before I was not preoccupied, but eventually Oliver and I just lay in each other's arms, listening to the roar of the fire as I sat tracing shapes on his chest. Amazing though it was, there was a lot on my mind. And I figured it was time we discussed it.

"Oliver?"

"Yes?" He sounded completely blissed out.

"When are we going to let my parents know we got married?"

He chuckled. "When do you want to let your parents know we got married?"

"Well, soon, I guess. I mean, I'm going to have to die soon…"

He propped himself up on his elbow, and looked me up and down. I was far less embarrassed than the last time Oliver and I were alone in a cabin in the middle of nowhere - my transformation had wiped away all the embarrassing imperfections of my human form. Oliver could look at me as much as he wished, as long as he granted me the same thing.

"We could do it now, if you wished…"

"No," I interrupted. "I don't want to leave just yet - we only just got here!"

More chuckles from my husband.

"I thought we could email them. I have a laptop in the car. Don't worry, we don't have to go anywhere."

I sighed - turns out you couldn't escape from technology anywhere, not even in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness.

"In that case, ok."

He smiled at me, leant forward and kissed me gently, but pulled away before I got too carried away.

"I'll be right back."

And he was - the front door had barely shut when he arrived back inside, his hair lightly dusted with snow and his arms filled with a multitude of bags. He put most of the bags on the floor, but carried the one with the laptop in it over to me, and pressed a memory card from a camera into my hand. Oliver then walked over to the fireplace and set a fire, evidently trying to give me some privacy as I wrote to my parents.

After I had uploaded the photos to the computer, I sat and stared at them for a while, trying to select which ones to send to my parents. Alice was a greater wonder than I appreciated - my wedding dress had a subtle shape, meaning that even if I was pregnant, you wouldn't expect to notice it. I looked through the photos, lingering on the ones of Evy, Addie and Nessie and the wedding cake. I sighed - I would not be able to send those to my parents. They would never get to see their grandchildren, never get to meet the little bundles of perfection that they were.

And I would never get to see them again either.

I wished I had photos of them. My human memories were dull and imperfect, and the less I thought about them, the more vague they became. I knew that eventually I would forget them, that my parents would eventually become ephemera in my head. I would not remember my mother - who's hair changed from one exotic colour to another weekly. My father - who thought himself a carpenter but was hopeless at wood work. His multiple injuries when I was young was how I realised I enjoyed healing people. I would not remember what it felt like when they woke me up in the middle of the night to look at the night sky, just cause it was particularly pretty that evening. I would not remember the smells of my mother's kitchen during her latest experiments. These memories - happy but fleeting - would eventually evade me as time progressed but I remained the same.

Oliver's arms wrapped around my shoulders, and he held me close as I buried my face into his shoulder. I could smell the linen of his shirt, if I had my eyes open, I would be able to see the weave.

"It's not easy, is it?"

Even though Oliver could not read my mind, he always knew what was on it.

"It's just - letting go. It's hard. I love them, you know. I don't know how to let them go, but I know I have to. I don't want to forget them."

He kissed my hair and squeezed me tighter, "You're not going to forget your parents, Kaia."

"But I already am! My memories are fuzzy. It won't be long before they're gone for good. I will have forgotten them, but they'll remember me forever. And they will suffer for it…"

He pulled me away and looked into my eyes.

"All human memories are dull and imperfect - they haven't changed just because you're a vampire. It's just that only now you can tell how imperfect they were. We retain our memories, we just forget where they are. The trick is to remember them while you can, so you don't forget where you've put them."

"How can you be so sure?"

He smiled at me nostalgically, "Constance had blue eyes, the same shade of blue as mine. She loved to dance. She used to dance around my father's forge as she watched him work. She wanted to be a lady of the court." He shut his eyes for a moment. "Not that that would have ever been possible, even if she didn't die. Only nobles became ladies of the court." His eyes opened again, seeing something a million miles away, "Roberta was so much like my father. As Constance pretended to be a lady, she would help father out, collecting coals for the forge, dragging large buckets around that weighed more than her. I don't think I ever saw her clean…" he turned his eyes back to me, "You won't forget them, Kaia. They will live in your heart for an eternity."

I looked at him, completely taken in by his memories, and I placed my hand against his face. And Oliver leant in and kissed me. He pulled away from me gently and stood from the bed, walking towards the front door.

"I'll leave you alone. You need time to say your goodbyes," and with that, he opened the door and exited through it.

I turned my face back to the computer screen, and opened an email, staring at the blank screen. My hands started to dance across the keys, words appearing on the screen even though I did not know what I was going to write.

_Dear Mum and Dad,_

_I'm sorry I left so abruptly in February, but I'm sure you understand why I did. And I'm sorry that I have taken so long to get back in contact with you, but I have had a lot of things to sort out before I could talk to you. You know I've never been good at sharing._

_I just want to let you know that everything is ok. I just want to let you know that I'm happy, in fact, I'm better than happy, I'm ecstatic. I have never been as happy as I am right now, and the only thing that would improve that would be for you to know that too._

_We're over in America at the moment, staying with Oliver's brother's family. They have been a lot of help. Oliver and I have had the chance to work through our problems, and things between us are better than they ever have been._

_I'm sorry but I owe you an explanation on the whole Oliver thing. Oliver was a doctor I worked with in Keyes, and we were in a relationship for a long while. And we were happy. But Oliver got offered a job on the east coast he couldn't refuse, and he left. And I couldn't follow him. We never stopped loving each other, but you know me, I'm sensible to a fault. I thought we would be better off apart. Oliver had a skiing accident in January, and I went and visited him. As a result, I ended up pregnant, and that's pretty much where we're up to now._

_I'm looking forward to being a mother. I just hope that they are at least some of the free-spirits that you pair are. I know I have never told you before, but I admire you and you inspire me. It was your strength of character, that constant striving after your dreams that encouraged me to be a doctor. I was never rebelling against you, I was emulating you. It was just what I wanted from life and what you wanted differed slightly._

_The more I think about it, the more I see you in myself. I see you in my smile, in my enthusiasm, and I see you when I'm irresponsible - which, while it is rare, when I am, I am in the extreme. I may not have been the easiest child to raise, but I've always loved you. I will always love you. And I just hope that you are proud of me._

_Oliver and I got married. I'm sorry for not inviting you, but I know you can't afford the airfares. It was a small affair - only his family attended, but the service was beautiful. I have attached photos. I hope you enjoy them._

_I love you Skysong, I love you Heartbeat. I don't know if I'll ever come home again, but I only wish all the happiness in the world for both of you. Have a good life, you deserve it. And irrespective of whatever happens after this, please remember that I love you and I am happy. All I want is for you to be happy. I hope you try to be for me._

_Goodbye,_

_Kaia._

_PS. Could you send some photos of us from when I was little? I want something to keep of you while I'm here._

My fingers shook as I added the photo attachments and sent the email. I was only glad that my parents had the internet - they had an online business selling organic vegetables and soaps. I knew this would be the last thing I would write my parents. And I knew that I had to die soon.

Oliver arrived back a few minutes later - like always, he had impeccable timing. He came and joined me on the bed, and he smelled mildly of deer. He kissed me gently, but the time for gentle kissing was over. I wanted so much more than that before we returned to Forks, which would be all too soon. Sooner than he knew.

It didn't take a lot of encouragement for me to get my wish.

A week later, Oliver and I returned to Forks, where I was to die. Actually, as far as everyone would be concerned outside the Cullen household, I was already dead. After Oliver and I had our moment, I told him it was time for me to say goodbye to my past life forever, so we had faked my death. Brain aneurysm while on my honeymoon - very tragic. The positive thing about it happening out of town was Oliver was able to provide a fake coroner's report and death certificate to the funeral home. As far as they knew, an Alaskan funeral home had dealt with the embalming. All I had to do was lay perfectly still in the freezer till my funeral, which was tomorrow.

Oliver had rung Keyes on speaker phone and had told them of my death. Ruth was devastated - I was so young. Why was it the young that died so young? I felt guilty - it had only been a little more than two months since Ruth's own son had died. I hated to dredge the memories up for her. Ruth agreed that she would be the one to tell Dale, and I had no idea how he would take it. I knew he would know it was fake, but I doubted he would share that with Ruth. Oliver said he was paying for airfares for Ruth, Greg and Dale to come to my funeral. Whether or not Dale would come was yet to be seen, but I doubted it.

Oliver had also rung my parents. I will never for the rest of my existence forget the sound of my mother's wailing down the telephone. I felt her heart break from where I sat, on the other side of the world. I could hear my father sobbing in the background - I had never heard him cry before.

Oliver also told them he was paying for airfares over.

Then Oliver rang Mark. I'm not sure why I wanted him to do so, maybe I just felt that it tied up the part of my life I had spent in South Australia. That I was ending a chapter. Oliver told him that he was my husband, and that I was expecting our child when I died. He sounded shocked that I was capable of something as irresponsible as getting pregnant out of wedlock, but he did sound genuinely sad that I was dead. I hadn't expected that - maybe Mark had cared for me after all. Oliver didn't even have to offer to pay for the airfare, Mark said he was coming to my funeral. That was one visitor I wasn't expecting.

It was the day of my funeral, and it was time for my final viewing. I lay as still as a statue in my coffin, not breathing. Oliver came in first - it was only fair that as my husband he had the chance to say goodbye in private. He shut the door behind him, and I opened my eyes and sat up. He was wearing his wedding tuxedo, and I was wearing my wedding dress (ironic, really). He smiled at me.

"Everyone's here, are you ready for this?"

I smiled at him. "When is anyone ready for their funeral?" I whispered. "But I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

He nodded at me. "You look beautiful, by the way."

"Thank-you."

And with that, he walked back to the door and watched me settle back into stillness in my coffin before he opened the door.

My service was orated by Carlisle - supposedly Oliver was too distressed to give the eulogy. It was a beautiful speech. In the background, I could hear the suppressed sobs of those who had loved me in my life. It was touching. People always say you didn't know who loved you in life, only in death. In a way, I was lucky I had the chance to know, if not while living, but existing.

After the service, everyone came over to give their last respects.

My parents were first.

I could hear my mother sobbing into my father's shoulder, as his rough hand touched the side of my face.

"Goodbye Kaia. This world was never good enough for an angel like you. I hope you and your child are happy, wherever you are."

It took all my strength not to reach out and console them.

I was surprised when my mother leant in and kissed my forehead, her hot tears dripping onto me. She pressed something into my arms - a photo album.

"This way you'll have a bit of us forever," she whispered.

Mark came over next, and I could feel his discomfort from where I was. Australians did not do open casket, and I knew he felt uncomfortable being near the body of someone he knew in life. It meant a lot that he was in such close proximity. Mark did not touch me, nor did he say anything. He just stood there for a few moments before leaving. The way he carried himself was weighted. I heard him cross to Oliver and give his condolences, and his voice was rough.

Ruth and Greg came over next, and I was surprised when I heard their physical closeness. It seemed to me a bit more than friendly comfort, and I was happy. They both deserved someone in their lives.

"I just can't believe it," Ruth whispered. "She was so…alive. It doesn't seem fair."

"I know," Greg comforted. "It's never fair when a young life is taken so abruptly. I just wonder how Oliver will cope…"

And with that, they left me and went to talk to Oliver.

I would have listened to that conversation, but suddenly I heard the next person approach. I couldn't believe my ears, so I slipped a small breathe, and the scent confirmed what I had heard. There was a dry, earthy smell. Cheap soap, but expensive shampoo (there was a reason his curls were so glossy). Dale Wannapingu had made an appearance. He leant down and kissed my forehead, then whispered into my ears, "I'm sorry Kaia. We will talk later. Enjoy your funeral." He left without saying another word.

Although I was still before, I felt my body freeze. Oliver could have warned me that Dale was here!

Just then, Emmett came up to my coffin, and whispered under his breath, "Gees Kaia, you can do better than that! I've seen better acting from corpses!" He chuckled.

Rosalie elbowed him, and I heard him grunt.

They were followed by the rest of the Cullen clan.

After the funeral, I was snuck out of the coffin and replaced by sandbags. I snuck off through the forest, having changed into something more suitable, and ran over to the cemetery to watch my internment. I sat in a high tree, looking over the small plot. It may have only been a few people, but these people had truly loved me in life, as I had loved them. Parting was such sweet sorrow - I was happy to have my goodbye, but I was sad that I needed one at all. But I still felt blessed. I couldn't have wished for better people to have spent my life with, and now I had the best people to spend the rest of my existence with.

I spent the evening in Bella and Edward's cottage with Evy and Addie, waiting for those guests who had returned to the Cullen's house to leave. Evy and Addie had spent the day with Jacob and Renesmee, but they were excited when I had returned home. I was a little bit shocked when I first saw them - they had grown a lot during my nine-day absence - but that feeling was overwhelmed by the excitement I felt at our reunion. It washed away all the sorrow I had that day saying goodbye to my human life, and it reminded me why I had to do so. My life was Evy and Addie now, and they couldn't interact with the human world just yet. I was willing to sacrifice that much to be with them.

When I had arrived at the cottage after my internment, after Addie and Evy had calmed down enough to let me go, I had looked at the photo album my mother had given me. It contained photos of me from my childhood, and photos of them. I couldn't help but smile as I looked back on these fond memories - even though they were dull in my head, they were crystal-clear on the page. I would not forget them.

The sun had set hours ago and I had put my daughter's to bed. I could hear their gentle breathing and fluttering hearts as they slept, hitching occasionally at dreams that I was not privy to. For once, I wished I could share Oliver's gift. How I wished I could see my daughters' dreams.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. I froze for a moment as I inhaled - earth, soap and shampoo, and added to that bouquet, the scent of canapés (evidently my guests were fed). I walked over to the door, overly slowly, and opened it, revealing Dale in the doorframe.

"Kaia," he said, before entering the room.

I was surprised - I hadn't expected our actual reunion to be as calm as his suggestion at my funeral today. I had thought that the actuality of seeing me with my red eyes and unreal beauty would remind my former friend of the monster I was, but he breezed past me and settled himself down in a chair as casually as he would when we were home in Keyes.

I spun to face him, and eyed him suspiciously, looking for any signs of tension that would give him away, but I could find none. I continued to breathe, something I had not done at my funeral for obvious reasons, and I was surprised to find that his smell was vaguely repulsive to me. This would a good thing - whilst I was very well controlled for my age, I had never been left alone around a human alone before. I didn't want to test my control on Dale. His scent sort of reminded me of Jacob and his pack, except his smell was more earthy than woodsy. Evidently these shape-shifters had a lot in common despite their diverse genetic heritage.

All these thoughts took me less than a second to process before I told Dale, "Hello Dale."

He smiled at me warmly from his seat.

"You know what Kaia, all I got to say is, wow. You look…" He waved his hands at me. "Unbelievable. I mean, the red eyes are a bit freaky, but I mean, wow."

I shook my head at him. "There's no need to suck up, Dale."

"I'm serious. Honestly, for the living dead, you look pretty good."

That stopped me in my tracks. Did Dale still think of me as dead?

"What are you doing here, Dale?"

"Well." He rose and walked towards me. "I was invited, you know. I figured this would give me a chance to apologise and say goodbye. Wasn't that the whole point to this charade, for you to tell people goodbye?"

I sighed. "Yes, but I didn't think you would. Not after our last conversation. You didn't exactly take all this well."

"You must admit," he said, his warm brown eyes staring into mine, "I had a bit of a shock. I'm sorry I overreacted, but can you blame me?"

I sighed again. "No, Dale, I can't blame you. I wouldn't blame you if you had chosen to never to speak to me again…"

"Kaia," he interrupted. "I am sorry for what I said. It was uncalled for. Of course I understand why you did what you did. You didn't do it because you wanted to, it was cause you had to. How could I blame you for something you had no choice over? Besides, I do want you to be happy, even if that is with another man."

I smiled at him. "You're such a good person, Dale. I don't deserve it."

"Of course you do. Don't you realise the effect you have on people? I don't know why, but everyone always seems to want to protect you - not that you need it now. So, why the red eyes? Cause of the change of diet or what?"

I glared at him. "Do you really think I'd feed off people, Dale? The eyes are cause I'm still full of my own blood. It'll wash out over the next year and then I'll have brown eyes like Oliver. I'll look a lot more like me then."

"If you haven't turned into a blood thirsty monster, then why have you faked your own death?"

Maybe he wasn't as accepting as he was trying to pretend to be.

"Because, in case you haven't noticed, I look a lot different to what I did. And I'm not going to age - ever. That's asides from the fact that I've gone from being single to being a mother of twins in under three months. That's bound to be a bit suspicious. My life just got too complicated to go on as it had without someone noticing something was up. It was better for us all this way."

"Better for you, anyway," Dale mumbled. "I really can't see my life without you in it…"

A wave of guilt washed over me. Although I no longer held those type of feelings for Dale, he still held them for me. He was not willing to let go yet.

"Dale…"

"So, where are the little blood sucking monsters anyway?" he interrupted, sounding falsely enthusiastic.

"They're asleep. They are babies, you know. Besides, they don't drink blood."

"Then what do they drink?" he sounded confused.

"Formula. I can't exactly breastfeed them, can I?" I was being just a wee bit defensive. "How did you know I was here, anyway. Did Oliver invite you?"

Dale snorted. "He could hardly do that - he can't get rid of your parents. Think they're planning on staying forever the way they're settling in. Even with all the other bad smells, I can still tell which scent is yours, you know."

"Oh."

"So…do you have any pictures? Seeming your kids are asleep?"

I smiled - he was making an effort. "You can go see them, as long as you're quiet. They do get a bit grumpy if they're woken up."

"Guess they get that from you." He winked at me, and with that, I led him in to see my daughters.

Dale gasped when he saw them - a fairly natural reaction that people had when seeing my daughters for the first time. They had their golden curls strewn around their heads, Addie had her little brow furrowed and her bottom lip stuck out, and I was struck again by an urge to know what she was dreaming about. Evy looked serene in her sleep. It was always amazing the calm she exuded, especially when compared to her sister. It was amazing how they could look so alike yet so different at the same time.

Dale knelt down beside their bed, and stared at them with awe. He brushed a curl away from Addie's face, and she calmed under his hand. He looked up at me with wondering eyes.

"They look so much like you," he whispered.

I smiled. "I see a lot of Oliver in them. Especially their eyes."

"I guess it's about perspective," he replied, gently standing up, careful not to make a noise as I led him out.

"They're so big already," he said, once I had shut the door.

"You should see them when they're awake. They're so bright - it's more like they're tiny mute adults than children. They're already walking, and I'm sure they're going to start talking soon. They seem a bit frustrated by their lack of communication, although they gesticulate quite clearly with their hands if they want you to know something." I beamed proudly.

"You're really lucky, Kaia. They're absolutely gorgeous." He looked me in the eyes, and his motives were sincere. "You didn't tell me they were identical."

I laughed. "Only in looks. Personality wise they're miles apart. But you're right - I am lucky. They were the best mistake I've ever made. Even though I had to give up my life for them, it was worth it."

Dale looked a bit saddened by this statement - I hadn't meant to imply it was worth losing him for…

"So," I tried to distract him. "What has everything been like in Keyes since I left? And what's up between Ruth and Doctor Young…"

That was all I needed to say to start Dale off on one of his long rambling conversations. He regaled me with tales of Keyes and of Ruth and Greg's blossoming romance, along with any interesting patients that had come through in my absence. I didn't tire as we talked long into the night, but as it was nearing dawn, Dale's pace started to slow down, his eyelids started to droop and he fell asleep on the couch. I went into the bedroom to retrieve a blanket, which I covered him with, then went to sit with my daughters. I had been away for so long, I wanted to be there when they woke.

Shortly after sunrise, Oliver slid into the room and found me watching our daughters. He smiled at me as he walked up behind me and slid his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder.

"How are my parents?" I asked.

He sighed and snuggled in closer to my neck. "Bundled in a car and on their way to Seattle. Edward's driving them to catch their plane."

"That's not what I meant."

I felt him smile wryly. "They're not that good, but they'll get better. You know, that pair doesn't believe half the things they try and tell people. They spent half the night going on about reincarnation, but neither of them believe in it. They're trying to find something to comfort them, but they haven't found it yet. They will though - that's brewing in there, it's just going to take some time."

"You couldn't have just said they were going to be ok." I sighed internally at the guilt that was setting there.

He shook his head. "And risk your wrath for lying to you? So how's everything with Dale. I see you didn't kill him, so I'm expecting it went ok."

I turned to face my husband - he was trying to be funny and I didn't appreciate it. "It went fine. I mean, he's trying so hard to be ok about all this, and he still hasn't really let go…I'm not sure what we're going to do about him…"

Just then, Evy yawned and started to open her eyes. She looked groggy, but started reaching out with grasping hands when she saw us there. As I reached out to lift my daughter from the bed, Addie woke up and started to grumble - she was not a morning person. Oliver chuckled and went to soothe his grumbling child. The time for conversation had passed, but we would deal with it later.

Dale only remained in Forks for until lunchtime before leaving us. Although he did make an effort, he really was not comfortable surrounded by a bunch of vampires. I appreciated the effort, but I was relieved when he left. Dale told me we should come and visit him at some point, but it was something we both knew wouldn't happen. I could not return to Keyes as I was meant to be dead, and Dale did not want to be around us. It was sad, but I was sure this would be the last time we would meet. I hugged Dale gently before he left, his body feeling as hot as a flame in my arms, mine feeling as cold as ice in his. We both pulled away after a brief moment - our proximity was not comforting to either of us - and we gave each other bemused smiles as he hopped into his rental car and left my life for good.


	22. Chapter 22

It seemed unfair that after all the change that had happened in my life over the past couple months that more was coming. It had been decided that the Cullens would be moving to Dartmouth so Edward and Bella could attend college there, and seeming Oliver and I had no intentions as of yet to leave them, we would be going too. It was lucky on our behalf that they owned a row of townhouses in Dartmouth – it appeared that all vampires who had lived for long periods of time accumulated large amounts of disposable wealth – meaning that Oliver and I would be able to live at least semi on our own for once. To be honest, the little townhouse we were to call home I loved dearly. It was part of a brownstone terrace on the outskirts of town, and our end-terrace townhouse had three reasonably sized bedrooms, along with a large downstairs living space. Our backyard was connected with the others for the terrace, meaning that Addie and Evy would have plenty of space to play with Nessie, without any outsiders being able to see them. I still found it sad that my children were not able to interact with human kids just yet, but it just wasn't feasible at this point. Addie was a bit conspicuous with her gift, and others were bound to notice inanimate objects starting to whorl around. I hoped that at some point she would learn that there was a time and place for her particular gift, but she hadn't yet. Even though Evy's gift was much less conspicuous, it wouldn't have been fair to allow her to interact with other kids without her sister.

That point was fairly moot, though, as there was no one who could take Evy out, even if we wanted to. I was effectively under house arrest. Even though thus far, my behaviour around humans was above reproach, my new extended family didn't feel confident with my control to release me on the unsuspecting populace. They tried to convince me this was just them trying to play it safe, but I had to admit, I took it personally. It was only made worse when Oliver joined Carlisle in getting a job at a hospital after our move, meaning I now had a lot of time to myself at night in my large and empty house. Admittedly, I probably could have gone over and visited the Cullens, but I was trying to establish our independence just a little bit. I saw them enough during the daytime with Evy and Addie that the night seemed a little superfluous. It was times like this I wished I could sleep. Although I did not regret my decision to transform into a vampire, I still pined for the human life on occasions. Life was much simpler when you could switch off every evening, starting the day afresh. My never ending day was a bit monotonous, and my lonely nights while my daughters slept and my husband worked were almost too boring to bear. I spent a lot of time watching television, which didn't help at all. It just served to remind me of the life I had left behind.

I tried to talk to Oliver about when I would be allowed out and about, but he just kept telling me to give it time, that I needed to build up my resistances first. It drove me nuts. I used to live a life that was filled with helping others. Not being able to do my job left me feeling like I lacked a purpose.

A month after our arrival in Dartmouth, during the one night a week Oliver did not do nightshift at the hospital, we had our first argument. It was about me being stuck in the house all the time. Honestly, I was suffering a little bit from cabin fever, he shouldn't have been so surprised that I was getting grumpy. I sort of yelled at him that I was feeling like a prisoner in my own home, and I was surprised when he relented and agreed that maybe I should start reintegrating with the rest of the world. So after that, Oliver and I started going on outings into town, where I would dutifully wear sunglasses the entire time, even though we normally went out early in the morning. We would wander around town slowly, and I would just breathe in and out, desensitising myself to the smell of a human populace. To be honest, it was more painful than I could imagine. Whilst I had been in contact with maybe a human or two occasionally since my transformation, normally they were half-breeds like Jacob or Dale. It was only very occasionally I had encountered Bella's father, Charlie, and normally while he was around, Oliver made the excuse that we should go on a hunting trip. But during our trips in to town, even when we did not encounter any humans, the smell of them permeated everything in our path. The burn of my thirst, that I always had considered just a minor nuisance, flared up beyond imagining. It was almost as though the burn of my transformation was being reinitiated in these moments. Though it hurt me to admit it, I was not ready to play human just yet. I think Oliver knew that these walks would convince me of that – stupid manipulative vampire. But I never conceded defeat. Instead, every morning we went on our morning constitutional, and I would suffer the burn. I would get control over this. I was going to at least pretend to be human again.

Oliver also started to give me more leeway with my hunting trips. When we had first moved, I had always had at least two other vampires with me (normally Oliver and Emmett), seeming they were never quite sure what we would encounter on our way to our hunting patch. But, after he started to see my control during our daily walks, he decided that I could go on my own. This was a minor victory for me. I felt somehow liberated by the knowledge that I could be trusted to go and hunt on my own without killing someone. In fact, after this was allowed, I never hunted with anyone else.

I was returning from another successful hunting trip - 3 large elk - and was heading back towards the townhouse I kept with Oliver and our daughters. The trip home I always found liberating - on my way in, I would need to be stealth so as not to scare away potential prey. On the way home, though, I was able to completely let loose, to run as I was made to run. The rush, the exhilaration, this was as close to flying as I was capable of. In those moments, during the rush, I was free. The speed was one of the perks of being a vampire.

As I was nearing town, I heard a noise, and I pulled up immediately. I listened intently - there was a man's screaming. It was the most painful thing I had ever heard, the guttural representation of pain beyond imagining. It was as though he was being burned alive. But the voice that portrayed this pain was beautiful, even his screams sounded like music. It was so beautiful as to be inhuman.

Up till this point, I had maintained a lenient non-contact policy with the humans of my new home. I was, after all, still a newborn vampire. Even though I hope I had retained tenements of my humanity and control after my transformation, on the few occasions where I had come in contact with humans, the thirst was still overwhelming. Although I was in no risk of loosing control and hurting them, I was not ready yet to put myself through the burn, so reminiscent of my transformation, to want to put myself through that too frequently. Oliver and our extended family could only encourage me with that - they did not want me to push myself too hard too soon and potentially risk exposing us all.

But this voice - he was in pain. He was pain. And the beauty of it was too much to ignore. It was not possible that the owner of this voice was human - they did not have the capacity to experience this type of pain. But was it safe, then, to go off on my own and search down this victim? I couldn't see how I could leave him to bear his suffering alone. He needed help, and at this moment, I was the only one who could give it.

I allowed myself to follow the voice, which at this stage was quieter than human ears would be able to hear, but clear as a bell to me. I slowed my pace, careful not to become distracted. I did not want to be surprised during my hunt, nor did I want to surprise whoever I was hunting. I was amazed when I realised I had followed this voice into a dark alleyway behind a row of derelict townhouses, in the lower socioeconomic end of town. The voice still screamed silently, as though trying to hide his cries from human ears, but he could not hide them from me. I finally saw some movement, writhing under a pile of old newspapers and detritus. In the moonlight, I caught brief reflections from something that was buried underneath it. I breathed in deeply, and was greeted by the sweet scent of one of my own. My lonely sufferer was a vampire.

I maintained a safe distance before I called quietly, "Hello?"

In a flash, the newspapers were flung from the mound, and standing, naked and sparkling in the moonlight, was a young boy, probably only about thirteen or fourteen. His hair was a flaming orange, his cheeks speckled with a multitude of freckles. His eyes were wide with fear, but glowed a vicious bright red. The look of fear was mirrored in his face, and his body quivered, as if unsure what to do.

He watched me for the briefest moment before he turned and tried to run away.

"Wait," I called, bringing up a force field which halted him in his tracts. He hit it with a resounding crack - sounding almost like what you would expect rocks smashing into each other to sound like, and he fell backwards to the ground. The boy stared, wide-eyed, to where he was, before looking back at me.

"It's ok, that's me." I tried to use a calming voice, "I just want to talk to you. I mean you no harm."

I approached the boy slowly, keeping my shield raised. He was like a scared rabbit - I had no idea when he would spook and try to run again. Besides, I didn't want to risk him coming at me. I had never fought before, and I would be helpless if he attacked. Defence was my best offence.

I knelt down on the other side of my shield, and looked him in the eyes, "My name is Kaia. What's your name?"

He stared at me for a moment before replying, "Jeremy." His voice was musical and childlike. When he wasn't screaming, he did not sound like the man I had heard.

"Hello Jeremy. Are you alright? I heard you crying."

He shook his head at me.

"What happened? Are you in pain?"

He looked at me for a moment, his ginger curls quivering, "I don't know," and he looked downwards. I was sure that if he was able, he would cry.

"What was the last thing you remembered?"

"I…"he replied faster this time, as though he was beginning to trust me, "I was coming home from school, and then…and then I was grabbed from behind. Someone bit me," his hand flew up to grab his neck, "and I screamed…and then…" his eyes glazed over with remembered pain, "I burned."

I felt an ache in my absent heart for this boy. No wonder he screamed as he did - he had been transformed, and he had no idea what he was. He had experienced pain beyond imagining. He was lost, and he was frightened.

"It's ok, Jeremy. It's all ok now. I'm here to help." I tried to reassure him.

"You can't help me," he hissed, "I'm a monster."

I looked at him more closely then. Studied him. Although he was naked, he was not clean. His skin was covered in minute ink particles, almost as though he had tried to scrub himself clean with newspaper. This was particularly focused around his face and hands. I looked back to the pile of rubbish he had sprung from, and I saw the shredded pieces of fabric that had been his clothing. I breathed in deeply, and I could find a faint trace of human blood.

The pain I had heard was not physical in origin, it was emotional.

"Oh, Jeremy…"

This poor, lost boy. So confused and alone in this world. He had seen himself become a monster, something he was not able to control. I at least anticipated the thirst, had some warning about the draw it held for me. He had had no one to help, and had done something he regretted. Who could have done this to this poor boy? What purpose did it serve? I understood that vampires needed to feed, but to bite someone and then leave them alone for the transformation, leaving them to discover the horror of their new reality on their own? _That_ was truly evil.

"It's ok, Jeremy. You did not mean to hurt them. I can help." I looked into his eyes, and the maternal feelings welled up in me. I wanted to protect this boy. "You don't have to be a monster. Come with me."

He stared at me with wide, trusting eyes, and nodded slowly, his ginger hair bouncing with the movement, and I smiled at him and lowered my shield. I removed my trench coat, and passed it to him so he could cover himself up. He wrapped it around his shoulders and stood up, and I stood with him. I reached my hand out to him.

"Ready?"

He grasped my hand, and together we ran home.

When I arrived home, I had company. I could tell from just smelling that my daughters were not here - evidently my family was expecting my visitor. I found them in the lounge, Oliver up front, his arms folded across his chest, looking concerned. Rosalie was pacing by the back window, mumbling to herself.

"Stupid woman, picks up any stray she comes across, doesn't even think to ask…"

As soon as I entered the room, Carlisle walked over to me and my ward and patted me on the shoulder. I released Jeremy's hand, and turned him to face me.

"Jeremy, this is Carlisle. He can help you."

Once again, Jeremy just nodded silently at me. He hadn't said a word since he accepted my hand in the alleyway. During our run home, he had felt terrified. I felt guilty - it would not have killed us to go at a more human pace, but I figure that he's going to have to get to grips he was not the boy he was before at some point. He is going to have to start learning what he is and accepting it, if he is ever going to survive in our world.

`Carlisle started to talk to Jeremy, and I at least found his voice soothing. I wasn't sure what this boy thought - he just stared at Carlisle with his red wondering eyes, wordless like always. Carlisle led him away to find him some more appropriate clothing.

Oliver walked over to me, "Interesting…"

I looked at him, "I could hardly leave him there, Oliver. He was all on his own, and he doesn't know what's happened to him. The poor boy…"

"That's not what I was talking about," he interrupted, "I understand that what's happened to that boy is very wrong. It's very irresponsible to create and then leave a vampire - they can get into all sorts of trouble. I just meant, that it's interesting that the boy…"

"Jeremy," I interrupted.

"…Jeremy…is like you and Bella. Completely silent. Well, at least thought wise." Oliver's eyebrows were furrowed as he looked down the hall where Carlisle and Jeremy had exited.

I looked between my husband and the door, "Silent…so he's a shield too?"

Oliver shrugged, "I have no idea what form his gift has taken. I couldn't even hazard a guess to say if he was more like you, or Bella, or something completely different."

"Does it matter?" Rosalie snapped, "We can't just go around collecting stray vampires!"

"Alice and Jasper were stray vampires," Emmett pointed out, "Besides, look at the kid - he's kind of cute. Little carrot top. And freckles! What sort of vampire has freckles?"

"Emmett," Esme scolded, "Be easy on the kid. I'm not sure he's going to be able to take your joking around just yet."

"Just yet! You think he'll stay? He will have no more control than any newborn. Once he gets over the shock, he's going to go on his murderous little ways," Rosalie snapped.

"Rosalie," Edward warned, "Don't judge the child just yet. He may surprise you."

"Can we just," I interrupted the argument brewing between my extended family, "Worry about these issues when we come to them? He's only just got here. Let him have a chance to let it all sink in before we start terrifying him but acting like a bunch of nut jobs."

Rosalie stopped, but continued to grumble under hear breath, as she turned and ducked out the back door to return to her neighbouring townhouse. Emmett shook his head, then followed his other half out.

"I think I'll go check on Bella and the kids," Esme said, before she too left. Only Edward stayed, settling himself down on our couch.

"So Evelyn and Adele are with Bella and Nessie," I directed at him.

"And Jacob. He's come down for the weekend. We thought it was for the best, considering the company."

I looked at Oliver, "Alice?"

He nodded at me, "She only saw it once you heard him. She gave us a phone call."

Alice and Jasper were off on an extended hunting trip in South America, sort of an umpteenth honeymoon for them.

I sighed, and looked back towards the empty hall, "I wonder if he's going to be ok."

Oliver hugged me around my shoulders, "Carlisle will take care of it."

"I hope so. He's just so scared, Oliver," and I lent into my husband's chest.

He squeezed me a little tighter before releasing me, "I better go help Carlisle out. I may not be able to hear his thoughts, but sometimes a different perspective can help with these things."

I sighed, and went next door to reunite with my children.

Evelyn and Adele were helping Nessie and Jacob make a house of cards when I entered the lounge. Unfortunately, my entrance startled them, and the house of cards came tumbling down. Addie looked at me crossly, before looking at the pile of cards, furrowing her brows, as they started to drift from the floor, rebuilding their tower. Nessie didn't look pleased.

"That's cheating," she scolded her younger friend.

"Is not," Addie retorted, "I was just putting it back the way it was."

"It is," Nessie said, "It's no fun when you cheat."

Addie crossed her arms and hmphed, as the card tower exploded, sending cards flying around the room. I couldn't help but chuckle, as I walked over and scooped up my moody daughter into my arms. Although she was only five months old, she was approximately the size of a one year old. Her golden ringlets hung to her shoulders, and covered her eyes when I had ungraciously lifted her from the floor. Evy started to pull on my pants, and I felt drawn to lean down and pick her up too. When I did, she kissed me on my cheek.

"Hi babies. How have my girls been?" I cooed at them.

"Fine," Evy responded, "We're playing with Nessie and Uncle Jacob. It's fun."

"It _was_ fun," Addie grumbled.

"Aw, Addie. You have to learn not to take things so seriously."

Jacob chuckled from where he sat on the floor, Nessie having joined him in his lap.

"Hi Aunty Kaia," Nessie greeted me, looking too angelic to possibly be so.

"Hello Renesmee. Have you had fun today?"

She nodded at me, her copper curls bouncing like springs. I sighed as I watched her - she was growing so fast. She was almost a year old, but she already looked like a three year old, if not older. I wished her parents would switch her to a non-blood diet - whilst my girls were growing fast, they were not growing as fast as Nessie. But Nessie was the first and terribly spoiled. No one would agree with me.

Evy yawned and buried her head in my shoulder. I sighed as I spied the clock on the wall - it was past their bed time.

"We've got spare cots set up in Nessie's room," Jacob supplied, "They're having a sleepover."

Nessie bounced up and down and clapped, like this was something exciting. In reality, they spent most of their time together anyway, considering they were neighbours, and the only children either could interact with. But I was grateful for their enthusiasm, as Nessie bounded up the stairs and towards her room, and I followed behind with my two small wards.

Jacob and I sat in the lounge talking after putting the kids to bed. I always found this man to be incredible. Effectively in a previous life, he had loved Bella. Had thought her to be his true love, but she was always preoccupied with Edward, her then absent lover. It surprised me sometimes how similar our lives had run, but then again, maybe this was the way all vampire/human romances played out. Jacob had sort of played Dale's role in their relationship, except he received a happy ending where Dale had none - he had imprinted on Renesmee at birth, and now his life belonged to her. Turns out, imprinting is something the wolves of Jacob's pack do when they meet their soul mate. But luckily enough, the relationship is what the person imprinted on needs at their stage of life. Currently, Jacob was playing the role of Nessie's nanny, and when she grows up, he will be something more. Mind you, I could only be happy that Dale had not imprinted on either of my daughters, but I wished he could have had some sort of happy ending.

Just then, my husband entered the room, and smiled at me, before beckoning with his finger. I stood up and went over to him.

"How's it going, Oliver?" I asked.

"Fine. I mean, it's not easy, but Jeremy seems to be taking it well. He'd like to see you."

I nodded, "Where is he?"

"In the lounge at home."

"Ok," and with that, I followed him out and back to our house. We found Carlisle and Edward waiting for us at the back door, and Oliver joined them, leaving me to talk to Jeremy alone. I found Jeremy sitting on the lounge, wearing a blue button-down shirt that was much too large for him, along with a pair of tan pants. He spun around to face me when I entered, evidently startled. I sighed - he was still getting used to how silent our kind could be, even to each other. I couldn't blame him for being jumpy - he'd had a bad week.

"It's just me, Jeremy," I said soothingly as I came and joined him on the lounge.

He just nodded at me, looking at his feet.

"I was told you wanted to see me?" I prodded.

His eyes flashed up to me, the brilliance of their redness startling me. His eyes bore into me, as if looking for some answer.

"You're a vampire." he stated.

"Yes."

"As am I."

"Yes."

"And you chose to be one?" it sounded almost like an accusation.

"Sort of," I was trying not to be defensive, "Oliver and I were in love, and I fell pregnant. It almost killed me and the only way I could of survived was to be changed. So I chose life, for my daughters."

"This isn't a life," he hissed, "It's a prison sentence."

"I know, Jeremy. There are a lot of sacrifices that come with this life. I at least had a choice."

He pouted, "Why did this have to happen to me?"

I shook my head, "I don't know."

"I was happy. I didn't think so at the time, but I was. Just because I was unpopular and my parents had divorced, at least I still had them. I just wish I appreciated it at the time."

I nodded, feeling a yearning for my own parents.

"And now I'll never get to see them again. I can never go home. They'll think I'm dead - and that's going to hurt them…"

I wrapped my arm around the boy's shoulders and pulled him to my chest, comforting him as he started to sob.

"It's ok, Jeremy. It's ok."

He shook his head, "Nothing's ever going to be ok again."

"It will be, you'll see. Time heals all wounds, and we've got a lot of time on our hands." I looked down at him, "Did Carlisle and Oliver have a chat to you about diet?"

He nodded, "I don't want to hurt anyone else."

"That's all I needed to hear," and I kissed his hair.

Jeremy…I guess you could say, had some difficulties settling into his new life. He was a sweet kid and all, but he still retained his adolescent temper, which flared up from time to time. Don't get me wrong, most of the time he was an angel, but occasionally, when something happened that reminded him that he was no longer Jeremy Denham of 142 Greenville Ave, he tended to have a tantrum. Honestly, his behaviour was understandable - it was a big change for a thirteen year old to handle. He was too young to have this forced upon him, and if it was possible, we would have gladly turned him back. To be honest, if _any_ of us had the choice, we would gladly turn back.

There was some worry initially that was raised from Jeremy's young age. It turned out that a long time ago, vampires would change human children, leading to the creation of immortal children. Unimaginable power in the hands of infants…it did not go well. They were too immature to follow the one golden rule to being a vampire: keeping the secret; and as such, they were declared by the Volturi to be illegal, and were destroyed. The immortal children have left a scar on the collective vampire psyche, and as such, when Renesmee was born, the Cullens were sentenced to death until it was revealed that she was no immortal child - at least not in the conventional sense.

But it was decided that seeming Jeremy was technically a teenager, and seemed responsible enough to keep the secret, that he would not pose a threat to our safety. I'm not sure I would have allowed him to be ejected from our clan anyway. I definitely had a protective instinct for him, which as everyone got more familiar with him, they began to share. Emmett had definitely taken to Jeremy, and already thought of him as a little brother. Of course, he ribbed the poor boy mercilessly, but that's just Emmett's personality. Even Rosalie warmed up to him eventually, if anything, developing a motherly air about her in his presence. It's my hope maybe, if she gets attached enough, she'll leave my daughter's alone.

Jeremy always had a lot of questions. I guess it was one of his charms. We would have these long discussions about humanity and vampirism, which would often take up the whole night. We would talk about the sacrifices we have both made for our new life.

"What's the thing you miss most, about your last life," he asked me one night, as we sat on the roof staring at the stars.

"My parents. My friends. My job." I replied.

He rolled his head over to look at me, "What did you do?"

I returned his gaze, "I was a doctor."

Jeremy snorted and returned his gaze to the stars, "Yeah, I guess _that _would sort of be out."

"Just temporarily. Oliver and Carlisle are both doctors. I just have to acclimatise before going back."

"Yeah right," he said and smiled, "Everyone keeps saying you have as much control as if you've been practicing for a hundred years. If you can't go back now, you're not going back."

I furrowed my brows, feeling vaguely frustrated. For a vampire that was only a few weeks old, he thought he new everything.

"Of course I am. I'm just not rushing it."

Jeremy turned to face me once more, "Come on, you aren't going back. Let's face it, you're a vampire. You need to retain a certain level of humanity to be a doctor, and you don't have it. It's ok, but don't kid yourself. You're going to be stuck in this little house forever."

I stood up and left him then, not willing to go on with this conversation.

That was not the only discussion Jeremy and I had, but none of them ever left me particularly alarmed. I mean, the boy was a teenager, he was bound to have difficult moments. I had thought that he had settled into his new life with the Cullens well, in fact, we all did. Which was why we were so surprised that shortly after his second month living with us, he abruptly left.

It was nearing Christmas, and Jeremy was sitting moodily on the steps as my family decorated our very first Christmas tree. Oliver held Evy on his shoulders, passing decorations to her for her to place on the tree. It was quite funny to watch – Evy was very definite about which decorations she wanted, and Oliver moved spastically in response to her forced requests about which ones she wanted when. Addie for once was being the more sedate of the two, with the decorations she selected gently gliding from their boxes to find their locations on the tree. Although their methods were hardly normal, it was turning into a pleasant evening for our family. The walls were illuminated by the fire, our skins sparkling gently. There was dinner on the table, left-overs from Evy and Addie's evening meal. It was snowing outside. It was, at least for us, a perfect, vampiric, Hallmark moment.

Just then, Jeremy stood up, disrupting the calm of the evening, and stormed out into the snow-covered yard outside. Oliver's brows furrowed together, as he placed Evy on the floor and went to follow him. I turned to my daughters, and told them, "Stay," putting up a force field around the lounge to prevent their escape, and followed my husband into the night.

"Jeremy, wait!" Oliver called, as we struggled to keep up with the bobbing red blur in the distance. He was running.

"Jeremy, what are you doing?" I called, hastening my pace to keep up with the boy.

When he heard my voice, he stopped and spun around to face us. His face was a mask of pain.

We both caught up to him quickly.

"Jeremy, what's wrong?" I asked, reaching towards his shoulder to comfort him.

He flinched back, and I withdrew my hand, feeling hurt.

"What's wrong?" I repeated.

"I'm sorry," he said, his red eyes boring into mine, "I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?" Oliver asked.

"Pretend to be human."

We were silent as the message in his words hit us. I felt my silent heart sink.

"I'm sorry, I know you're disappointed in me, but who are we trying to kid? We're not human. Why are we acting like it? Kaia, you can't even go near people yet you want to be a doctor. Oliver, you're so busy organising Christmas for your children, but what's the point? Do vampires even have Christmas? Do they deserve it?" He looked back to me, "I can't do this anymore. What's the point of ignoring the inevitable? I'm a monster, Kaia. I know you don't want to see it, but I am. I'm so sorry."

We both stood their in silence as Jeremy turned to leave us.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"Don't do this," Oliver said, "You're better than this. You can always change your mind and come back, there's always hope."

Jeremy just shook his head, his mop of curls bouncing from the movement, before he ran away from our lives forever.

Oliver and I walked back slowly back towards our house where our daughters waited for us. He had his arm wrapped around my shoulders, and he held me tightly for the entire way. I was in shock – Jeremy was gone. So much the little brother I never had. I had wanted to save him from this life he was conscripted into, and I had failed. He was going to become the monster he feared.

When we arrived at the back of the townhouses, the collective Cullens and Jacob waited for us in the backyard. Edward's eyes were furrowed together as he watched our approach. Evidently Oliver was filling him in. I could hear as Edward explained tonight's events to the others, and watched as their faces fell in horror. Emmett spun and punched the tree closest to him, which gave a large crack before falling, before he turned and stomped off. Rosalie didn't even express her anger before leaving, but she wrapped her arms around herself, as if trying to hold herself together. Esme fell into Carlisle's arms, and he held her tight to him. Alice and Jasper just looked at each other, looking too shocked to comprehend what had just happened. Bella stood beside her husband, holding Nessie in her arms, biting her bottom lip.

Oliver and I didn't even speak to them as we walked past and back into our own home. Evy and Addie were sitting together on the floor, holding each other's hands. They stared at us, unsure of what had happened.

"Where's Jeremy?" Addie demanded, but I couldn't answer her.

Oliver walked over to them and scooped them into his arms, "It's past your bedtime," he said as he carted them up to their room. They looked at me confused, but I didn't say anything. I joined Oliver in our room after he put the girls to sleep, and lay with him on our bed without saying a word. There was nothing to say. My mind spun with a thousand thoughts, and I couldn't make sense of many. Was Jeremy right? Were we monsters masquerading as humans? Was I really deluding myself into thinking I could practice medicine again? I thought these through the entire night, and I could feel my resolve forming. He was wrong. Our inner demons were not destined to win. We could conquer them, it was just a matter of free will. I was going to be a doctor again. I would show Jeremy that I was strong enough for that. When he returned (I could not let myself think "if"), I would be a glowing example to him. Then he would stay.


	23. Chapter 23

The next morning, after I had fed Evy and Addie breakfast and deposited them for babysitting duty with Jacob and Nessie, I went to find Carlisle and Oliver to discuss my plan with them. I had not brought my plan up with Oliver the night before – I think we had both needed time to process our thoughts. But I did bring up with them that morning my desire to return to my chosen profession. Even though they looked suspiciously at each other, neither of them suggested that my sudden enthusiasm for work had anything to do with Jeremy's sudden departure. Carlisle had reservations – he had needed two hundred years of exposure before he was able to treat patients, but Oliver was less concerned. He pointed out I already had more control over myself than most vampires ever manage, and mentioned that my previous exposure to the clinical environment could act in my benefit. I told them that I was not going to push myself and limit myself to bloodless patients, and eventually they had both agreed to my request. So it was with their blessing that I went and got a job at Mercy Hospital's emergency department.

I had to admit, I was proud of myself. Despite Carlisle's reservations, I had managed to slip back into my role as a doctor without any problem. Just like a riding a bike. I had to admit, as I doctor, I had changed. I spent a lot more time being careful now than I did previously - I was still adjusting to the scent of blood. Even just a whiff of fresh blood from a paper cut would set my throat on fire. Even though it was awfully tempting, I managed to keep myself under control. Admittedly, that was largely due to my ability to stop breathing, but still, considering I was only ten months old, I figured that seeming I managed to retain the frame of mind to stop myself from breathing in the first place, that was a positive. As it was, I tended to avoid blood if at all possible, just in case. I was more than kept busy with all the broken limbs and stomach pains that filtered through the emergency department of Mercy Hospital every night.

Being a vampire doctor had more things to be considered than just my tolerance of blood. I also had to remember that I was now far stronger than I was in my human form. Whilst I had always had problems manoeuvring patients, now it was as if they were just bags of feathers. I always had to concentrate on controlling my strength whilst dealing with them - not only to prevent them from being injured, but also to prevent exposure. Then there was the issue of my skin temperature, which meant that I had to reduce patient contact even further. People tended to notice cold hands, I had found. I still didn't know what I could do to avoid this. I should have asked Oliver, who admittedly had a lot more experience in this area, but I didn't like to show that I needed help, so I didn't. I figured my well established no-contact policy would do for now. The final issue was more of an annoyance than anything else - contact lenses. Although my eyes were beginning to wash out, they still were too red to not be hidden behind contact lenses. Although this did hide my disturbing eye colour, they were terribly annoying. They affected my vision, and I had to replace them every three hours seeming my venom would dissolve them.

But apart from all the nuisances, I loved being back at work. Since becoming a vampire, a mother and a wife in such a short period of time, I had felt like I had lost myself in the mix. By going back to work, I felt like I was reclaiming a part of myself, re-establishing myself as part of the world. Don't get me wrong, I loved being a mother and a wife, but I did miss my humanity. I knew I would never be human again, but at least I felt like I could be around them. I did not want to be a monster that was stuck hiding out in dark alleys.

Evy and Addie didn't mind me returning to work either - in fact, they were largely unaware that I even left them. The fact that I didn't need to sleep meant that I was able to spend all their waking moments with them, and all their sleeping ones at work. It was a good balance. Besides, as they grew older, they were beginning to establish their independence from me. Even though they were only the size of a 18 month old, they were able to walk, talk, read, feed themselves and keep themselves clean. And they were extremely bright - the only thing that would prevent them from going to school, or even university, now was their conspicuous size and fast rate of growth.

Oliver was extremely supportive during my return to work. Even though we worked in the same hospital, we did not work in the same department. Oliver had returned to his surgical roots, mainly to give me space. I didn't like the feeling of being watched, and he appreciated that. Besides, I knew if I needed him, he was only a few floors away. He would not let me get into any trouble.

Or so I thought.

About a month after starting work at Mercy, I was on night-shift during the full moon. I know everyone says that people behaving strangely during a full moon is just superstition, but you ask anyone who works in the medical profession. Full moons are always very busy nights in emergency. That night, we were swamped under with drive-by shootings, muggings, car accidents and stabbings. I tried desperately to avoid anything too gory, and managed well, tending to the small scrapes and broken bones that had come in.

It was near midnight when a stabbing victim was brought in by ambulance. All the other doctors were occupied with their own critical cases, so I had to go and see this patient. I could manage this. In Keyes, I had managed stabbing victims before - I knew what to do. I figured as long as I didn't breathe, I would be able to cope.

I entered the room and found the young black man lying on the gurney. He had multiple stab wounds, apparently to any area with a large artery. Carotid, brachial, aorta, femoral, radial…it was almost as though someone went to a lot of trouble to make this boy beyond temptation for a vampire. Each artery only had a tiny nick in them, so instead of the blood bursting forth and causing the boy to exsanguinate quickly, only a small but rich flow seeped from the wounds, pulsating gently with each heart beat. I could hear the blood throbbing through his veins, see the rhythm of it under his skin. I could feel the heat emanating from him. Even though I was not breathing, this was too tempting. I _needed_ to go over to him, to feed from the torrents emanating from him. My throat burned with lust, desperate for the soothing blood. I felt the venom well up in my mouth, as my contacts dissolved from the extra assault. All the muscles in my body were wound tighter that spun steel. I was _so close_! It was _too good_ to pass up! He was already bleeding - I would not need to inflict anything that would leave a mark. No one was around, it was just me and him. No one would notice my sin. I would just say he died from his injuries, that I couldn't save him. Enough people were dying tonight that no one would notice this teenage gang banger's death. No one would care.

It was too tempting.

But I couldn't do it! I may no longer be human, but I am still a good person! I _heal_ the injured, I don't kill them. I could not kill this boy. But I _needed _to! Nothing in my life mattered more in that moment. Not Oliver, not Evelyn, not Adele. Not my perfectly constructed life. I _needed_ this boy's blood. What could I possibly need more?

I saw my face reflected in the glass wall, obscured by blinds on the other side. I saw the darkness in my eyes, the thirst. And I was horrified. I was a monster.

I froze, watching my reflection, and it held me. I would not kill this boy. I would not drink his blood. But neither could I move and help him. I just stood there and waited for him to die, listening to his heart falter and stop. There was silence as blood no longer pulsed through his body. Even though there was blood everywhere, I could cope. I was in control.

I had to dispose of the evidence of my inaction. No one could know. The risk of exposure, even though I had not drunk from this boy, was still too great. I pulled out a bag of saline and inserted a drip into his arm. I emptied most of the bag of saline down the sink, and emptied ampoules of adrenaline as well. I inserted forceps to clamp the arteries, and I rubbed blood across my white coat. My gloved hands were covered in blood as I looked at the corpse of this poor boy, who had died due to my weakness.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to him, leant over and pressed the emergency button, before I started to perform CPR on him, knowing full well it would not help him. But I needed to be seen to do something.

It was only a minute later that the resus team rushed in, and assisted me in my assault on the corpse. They tried their best, not knowing that there was no hope of reviving the boy. They worked for twenty minutes before calling time of death. And for all that time, the guilt ate me alive.

I went to the locker room to clean myself up, trying to wash away the sins of my actions in the shower. I scrubbed my skin so hard, but I did not feel clean. I could feel myself shake with tearless sobs, which just reminded me of the monster I was. How could I be so stupid? I was a _vampire_ for God's sake! I was the last…thing…on this planet that should be allowed near people! Because of me, that boy was dead. I had effectively killed him because I was unable to do anything. Sure, I did not feed from him, but what sort of victory was that? I felt like a coward - the only person I was concerned for in that room was myself. That boy's death should not have been about me, but it was. It was all my fault. It was my failure.

I had curled up on the floor of the shower, arms wrapped around my knees as I rocked myself backwards and forwards as I gave in to the tears that would never come. I did not know how long I was there for, but I heard the door to the locker room open and someone enter. Even though I had not yet replaced my contacts, I did not care. Come, see me for the monster I was. Maybe I would feel better if someone screamed at me and told me that I was a monster. I didn't even bother to look towards the person who entered, but I was surprised when they turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around my shoulders.

"Kaia, what happened?"

I looked up and saw my husband standing over me, pristine in his green scrubs.

"Where were you?" I accused, "I needed you and you weren't there."

Oliver knelt down beside me and pulled me towards him, "I'm sorry, I was in surgery. I would have come, but I didn't know you needed me. Private head, remember. Kaia, what happened?"

I rested my head against his chest, and I could feel the sobs tear at my throat, "I…killed…my…patient."

I felt Oliver's body freeze, and he pushed me away from him. I felt shunned - he was as horrified of me as I was. But instead of standing up and leaving me like he should, he looked into my eyes for a long moment, looking for something there, before he relaxed and pulled me back towards him.

"I'm sorry…I should have never thought that you could do that," he was apologising to me? "How did you kill your patient?"

It was my turn to push him away, "Why aren't you angry at me?"

"Should I be angry?"

"Yes!" the sound of anger in my soprano was almost comical, "I killed a man, Oliver! You should hate me!"

"I very much doubt you did it deliberately. We all make mistakes. I'm just happy you didn't feed from him."

"Oliver, I killed him cause I did nothing. I _wanted_ to kill him. I _wanted_ to drink his blood. I couldn't do anything and I watched him die. I may not of drank from him, but my thirst still killed him. I'm a monster."

"No, Kaia, you're not…"

"I am," I interrupted him, "How could I ever be so stupid as to think I could help people? I can't save them - they need to be saved from me."

Despite my best efforts, Oliver pulled me back to his chest and held me as I gave in to my emotions again. I knew I didn't deserve the comfort he provided, but I was too selfish not to accept.

"It's ok, Kaia. It's not your fault. You're only a newborn - I should have been more responsible. I should have known that something would happen at some point to put you in a difficult position. You're not a monster, you should never have been in the position that would make you feel like one. We rushed you back to this too soon, and I'm sorry." He kissed my hair, "I just keep forgetting that you're still so new at this, you handle it so well."

I snorted - I didn't feel like I handled this well.

Oliver looked down at me and sighed, "Come on, I'll bring you home."

I was not going to mention that I still had two hours of my shift left - to be honest, I didn't care. I would not be coming back to Mercy again. With that, I allowed Oliver to help me from the floor, as I went and dressed before he drove me home.

When we got back to our townhouse, I was surprised to see the lights on inside. When we entered the sitting room, we found the majority of the Cullen clan there - the only one that was missing was Esme, who was evidently stuck with babysitting duty. I knew as soon as I saw them that they knew of my failure - why else would they be there? Everyone looked grim, and they all stared at me with their golden eyes, looking intently at my face for something. All of them except Rosalie, anyway, who stormed backwards and forwards, her face looking like storm clouds. At least I could trust somebody to be angry with me.

As soon as we entered the room, Alice came bounding over to me, staring me in the face. Oh - the eyes. Evidently Alice had missed the conclusion of the terrifying future visions I must of inflicted upon her.

"She didn't do it," Edward sighed with relief, looking at Oliver. You could feel the atmosphere of the room change to one of relief. Alice smacked me on the shoulder.

"Don't you worry me like that again," she said, and I just stared at her. Why didn't they care that what I had done was just as bad as what they had feared? Irrespective of my actions, a man had died tonight needlessly.

"What happened, Kaia?" Carlisle asked me gently, walking over to put a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged him off, and refused to speak. Carlisle looked towards Oliver, who shook his head.

"I only know the basics. I wouldn't give a fair account," he told his brother. I looked at the pair of them, and felt even worse than before. Both of them could be around bleeding patients. Both of them could help themselves in spite of their thirst. But I was still controlled by mine. I felt weak.

"Who cares what she did," Rosalie spat, "From what Alice saw, all options were equally as bad. Stupid cow - she knew she shouldn't of been there! She could have exposed us all!"

"Rosalie," Oliver warned, his tone dark.

"What? She needs to hear it, to prevent her from being so stupid again!"

"You have no idea the trauma she's been through - she does not deserve your judgement. I very much doubt that you would have handled the same situation with the grace she did…"

"Grace? What grace? She wanted to murder her patient! Evidently she didn't, but whatever she's done she looks guilty about it - and she deserves to!"

"She's right," I said, interrupting the argument brewing between my husband and our household siren, "It was stupid. I should have known better."

"Kaia…"

"No Oliver," I interrupted, and looked him in the eyes, "I shouldn't have been there. We were understaffed and we were so busy. I was the only one not dealing with a critical case when that boy came in. I felt like I could manage, but I was kidding myself. It's just…I think I could of coped if it was a normal stabbing, but it wasn't. What human nicks someone in every major artery? The throbbing of the blood…it was just too much. I wanted it so bad… It was only the fear of the monster in my reflection that stopped me. But I couldn't do anything. I didn't kill him, but I didn't save him. His death is still on my shoulders."

Oliver looked me in the eyes, "Someone nicked him in every major artery?"

I nodded, "But that doesn't matter. A _human_ doctor would not have had a problem with it. It was just cause of what I am that it was a problem. I shouldn't have been in there in the first place. He deserved better than that."

Edward stared at me, "He was nicked in every major artery."

"What does it matter _how_ he was stabbed!" I was exasperated, "He's dead. I was weak and now he's dead. That's all that matters."

"Kaia," I was surprised the supportive tone came from Emmett, "It matters because I don't think anyone here apart from maybe Carlisle and Oliver would have been able to resist that. To be tempted not only by smell, but by sight and sound as well…I wouldn't have stood a chance."

"Nor would I," Jasper piped in.

"I wouldn't have allowed myself to be near him in the first place," Rosalie grumbled.

I shook my head. It still should have been different. I was meant to be a doctor, but I couldn't be. This thirst prevented me from doing my job, something I considered an inherent part of my being. I knew I would never be able to work in a hospital again. Yet another part of my human life was beyond me. I turned and walked away from the assembled crowd - I had enough of their pity for one evening. I could hear the continuation of conversation behind me, but I didn't care to listen as I climbed from the window, onto the roof, and lay myself down to watch the night pass me by.

Shortly later, I heard someone join me. I looked up to find Edward walking towards me, walking on the slanted roof as though it was a flat even surface. He came and sat down next to me.

"I know how you feel, Kaia," he said. I knew from the tone of his voice, he didn't expect me to reply, "I know you don't know this, but I've been trained to be a doctor. Twice, actually," he chuckled as I turned my head to look at him, "Carlisle…he's always been such an inspiration. I wanted to follow in his footsteps, to help him out with healing the sick. I thought it could be my penance - I took a lot of human life during my adolescence. Admittedly, they weren't good humans, but that still doesn't excuse myself. I thought if I could help retain life, maybe I could work off the debt that taking lives had cost me. Carlisle was supportive in my endeavour, and helped me throughout medical school. The theory was easy, it was just the practical. No matter how hard I tried, I could not manage the thirst. I couldn't even be around patients who weren't bleeding - just their scent was enough to start off the yearning. But I practiced, perpetually, and with Carlisle's help, after graduating for the second time, I thought I might finally be able to help people. So I went and got a job in a hospital as an intern. I did try to manoeuvre things so I only got patients without blood, which was easy enough. I can be charming when I put my mind to it," and he winked at me, "Everyone was amazed at what a skilled diagnostician I was, unaware I had spent the previous twenty years cultivating my medical knowledge. But then one night, there was a bank robbery. A guy had taken twenty people hostage, had killed four of the hostages, and in the ensuing fire-fight with police, he had been shot along with twelve of the hostages. The victims and the gunman were brought to the hospital I was working at. I tried to avoid having any of them as patients, but I didn't have a choice. We were too short staffed. I was given the gunman, as I only had limited trauma experience and no one cared if he lived or died." Edward sighed and looked up towards the stars, "He was riddled with holes, but none of them were fatal. But the smell of the blood…I didn't have a hope of resisting. It didn't help being able to hear his thoughts. This man was a monster. No one would mind if he left this world. After it was over, the guilt I felt was overwhelming. I saw my red eyes and I knew I had to leave, then and there. That was the last night of my medical career. In fact, that was our last night in Chicago. We packed up and left for Forks that very night. We couldn't risk exposure."

I sat and listened to Edward, and I was shocked by his admission. I had no idea that Edward had ever taken a human life, albeit a bad one. But I couldn't blame him, not after what happened tonight. I understood his weakness, a weakness we had both shared.

"You shouldn't feel guilty, Kaia," Edward said, his topaz eyes holding mine, "What you did tonight was the best outcome you could have hoped for, considering the circumstances. You're not superwoman - Carlisle and Oliver have had four hundred years to develop their control, you've had ten months. Give it time - you will practice medicine again. You just have to be patient."

"No, Edward, I won't," I told him, staring back, "I can't do that to anyone else. Even if I had all the control in the world, I could never be sure what happened today would not happen again. I couldn't risk it."

He smiled at me, "You can never be sure of what the day will bring. Don't underestimate yourself, Kaia. You know what to expect now, you won't make the same mistake again. Consider tonight a learning experience." He stood up and brushed the moss from himself, "Goodnight, Kaia."

I watched him as he lithely sauntered across the roof and dropped from view. Shortly afterwards, Oliver came leaping up in the same spot Edward had made his exit. He came and lay down next to me, and wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close.

"Eavesdropping again?" I asked.

Oliver chuckled, "Don't I always?"

I sighed, but snuggled closer to my husband.

"Edward gave you a lot to think about, didn't he?" he prodded.

I smiled - it always drove Oliver nuts that he couldn't hear what I was thinking.

"Yes."

"And?"

I looked at him, "And I'm not ready to be a doctor. I don't have the control necessary."

Oliver returned my gaze, and nodded, "You're right. I can't imagine how hard tonight must have been for you. I studied for nearly a hundred years before I touched my first patient - you're only ten months old. I would not have coped as well as you did tonight."

"So you keep saying. But just because I didn't kill him myself doesn't excuse my behaviour. I'm not ready for what I need to do. Maybe I will be in a hundred years, but I'm not now."

Oliver nodded at me again, "And I'll help you train for your return every night until then, if you wish."

I smiled at him, "Thankyou."

Oliver leaned in and kissed me gently, but before I allowed things to get carried away, I pulled away from him, "Oliver, can I ask you for a favour?"

"Anything," he replied, looking into my eyes intently.

"I think I'm going to need to get away for a while. Far away. I don't want to be near humans for a while."

His brows furrowed, "You don't need to run away, Kaia."

"I'm not running away," I replied hastily, "I just need some space from humanity. I'm not ready to play human just yet, and the proximity is too tempting. Besides," and I smiled, "We're still newly weds. It would be nice to have some private time away from the in-laws."

"So where do you want to go?" he smiled at me, evidently tempted by my proposal.

"Somewhere bereft of people, but not so far away that when Evy and Addie get older we can't start introducing them to society."

His smile grew wider, "Northern or southern hemisphere?"

"Southern. I don't like the seasons being backwards."

Oliver looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Tasmania or New Zealand."

"Is that my only options? They're both little inbred islands."

"You wanted bereft of people and southern hemisphere. Besides, everyone there is so odd I very much doubt they'd notice that we sparkle in the sunlight," he smiled at me, "And the landscape is pretty."

"Well, if that's my only options, then New Zealand. I have to avoid Tasmania - my parents have friends there."

"New Zealand it is."


	24. Chapter 24

I was starting to think that Oliver would always remain a mystery to me. More than that, that I would always remain a mystery to him. Sometimes it seemed we were like a planet and its moon - inextricably drawn together, but also pushed apart. Spinning eternally around each other without ever truly meeting.

I had hoped that my self-imposed exile from the world would help me come to grips with the fact that I was a monster and would never be human again, but if anything, in the three months since moving to New Zealand, I had become more depressed about my new reality. I couldn't talk to Oliver about it. I felt that somehow, I would have to bear this torment on my own. I could not force it upon the man I loved, nor upon my children, so I tried to keep my pain to myself. But I felt like I was becoming more and more isolated in my own personal hell. I didn't know if I could pull myself out of it if I tried.

My head was constantly replaying the scene of my failure, and I could feel the thirst and the terror at that moment. The guilt was still as fresh as I felt the day it happened. I had killed a man because I could not conquer the monster inside of me. And I replayed the conversation Jeremy and I had had - he was right, I could never go back. I would not get better at this life than I was now, and I was not good enough to be a doctor. My last string to my humanity had been cut, and now I was adrift. I could never return.

I thought about Jeremy and I was swallowed by guilt. The poor child, the abandoned ward. He knew so much about this new life of ours. He was right - it was inevitable that we would succumb to the monsters within. He was just embracing the inevitable when he had left us to go hunting, to be the vampire he was meant to be. I just hoped he was coping with his conscience, wherever he was.

Even with the knowledge of the inevitable victory of my monster, I knew that I would never succumb to the temptation of human blood as Jeremy had. I had my family, and they would keep me safe, even if we had to hide in the icy wilderness of New Zealand for the rest of eternity.

Evelyn and Adele had not taken the move well. They had enjoyed their lives in Dartmouth, however sheltered they had been. They had enjoyed the extended family we had shared, they had especially adored Renesmee. When we left, they cried for days. They refused to eat. Adele broke a few things, and even Evelyn tried to force us to stay with her gift. I had to scold her to regain the use of my legs, and the look she gave me…I would not forget it for the rest of my existence. I felt selfish for imposing this upon my family, but I did not know what else to do. I _had_ to get away. I could not stay where I was, I had been drowning.

Oliver had been very supportive of the move. Evidently he hoped that relocating our family to the other side of the planet would pull me out of the depression he had feared I was sinking into. And for awhile, it did. I was able to distract myself with the task of moving not to think about things. But eventually the guilt and hopelessness began to inhabit my mind again, it was inevitable. I tried to keep my emotions hidden, and I hoped that I did this well, but occasionally, when I spied my husband watching me from the corner of my eye, I wasn't so sure.

We didn't talk to the Cullens anymore. It had broken their heart when Jeremy had left and gone native, and it had hurt them more when Oliver and I had left with our children. Their family was being torn to shreds, and that left a scar. Rosalie had slapped me when we announced we were leaving, and I didn't blame her. Alice and Esme cried. Emmett and Jasper were silent but they suffered. Only Carlisle wished us well for our farewell. It hurt to leave this people who had cared so much for us in our time of need, and I just hoped they didn't feel like we used them.

Our home in New Zealand on the South Island was nice. It was a small cottage near the alps, with a small sheep herd attached. This was useful – New Zealand doesn't have any large animals to hunt, so having a herd of sheep was very practical for our purposes. The plus was it also gave us a cover story – we had moved to start a hobby farm. We had more than enough lamb being produced as evidence, and Oliver would drive our slaughtered sheep to market to sell after every meal. I did not hunt the sheep, as I did the wildlife in America. Oliver very kindly did the fainting trick for me. Since my incident at Mercy, I had lost enthusiasm even for this. Everything just served to remind me of the monster I was.

Oliver had not intended to go back to work once we were settled. I think it was because he didn't want to draw attention to my previous failure, but I forced him to get a job. There was no reason for both of us to suffer when one of us was actually capable of doing their job. Besides, I spent all my day with him and our daughters – I needed the night to wallow in my own self-pity.

But one morning, as I waited for the sound of Oliver's BMW to come racing down the winding road to our new home, I found that sound never came. I looked out at the horizon as the sun rose, a bit perturbed that Oliver was late home from night shift, but not entirely surprised. I told myself there had probably been an emergency and he was just running late. It was just… he had never been late before.

I was surprised that Evy and Addie woke up before their father's return, but I distracted myself with making them breakfast and getting them ready for the day ahead. They were actually quite fond of our little flock of sheep, and loved helping out with the feeding and the cleaning of the yard. They looked so cute stomping around in their jeans and gumboots, walking up to these big fluffy things twice their size who were too dumb to realise they should fear us.

"Mummy, where's Daddy?" Evy asked as I helped her put her gumboots on.

"He's just stuck at work, honey," I said, but my brows furrowed. Where was he?

So my daughters and I went out to the paddock to look after the sheep. With a flock our size (around 200), this took awhile, so it was nearly lunchtime by the time we made it back. Addie and Evy loved the fact that I would run while carrying them to get to and from our paddock - they were as obsessed with speed as I was. But when we arrived back at the house, Oliver's car was still nowhere to be seen.

While Evelyn and Adele ate their lunches, I gave in to my worry, and rang the hospital where my husband worked.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Kaia Munroe. My husband is Doctor Oliver Monroe. I was just wondering how long he was going to be kept up at the hospital?" I asked is my friendliest tone.

"I'm sorry, but Dr Monroe only works for the late shift."

"Oh I know, it's just he hasn't got home yet, so I thought he might be there."

There was silence for a moment.

"Dr Monroe never arrived for late shift last night."

Suddenly I heard the dial tone for the phone – I was surprised, but I had hung up. In that moment, my world started to turn. Where was Oliver?

I spun around and looked at my daughters, who were still sitting at the table.

"Mummy, what's wrong?" Adele demanded. Evelyn looked worried.

"Nothing's wrong, sweetie," I crooned at them, trying to mask the fear in my voice, "Mummy just remembered she has to do something. I'll be going out for just a little while. Will you be ok?"

They both nodded at me, hopping down from their chairs and heading off to the lounge room. I sighed as I heard them put on their favourite movie – they weren't going anywhere for awhile – before I left the house. I breathed in deeply when I was outside, and for once I was glad for my vampiric sense of smell. I could smell exactly where Oliver had been standing, and I could smell the trail his car had left behind. I started to follow it down the winding road away from our house, willing to follow it wherever it led to find my husband. Something was brewing in the pit of my stomach – fear. This wasn't right.

I followed the scent to the main road, where I had to slow down to almost walking pace in case a random human drove past. The trail was still strong, and it was leading towards the hospital. It was superimposed over the trails he left every day. I had walked approximately six kilometres down the road when other smells began to filter through my sensitive nose. I could smell fresh petrol in the distance, and the sap from newly felled trees. I could also smell something sweet and familiar. The scent of my own kind.

I couldn't care less about exposure when I broke into a run, covering the intervening distance in seconds. I found Oliver's black BMW on its roof off the side of the road, a number of trees felled from it's path of destruction. Bits of it were shredded, as if the metal shell was just butter cut by a knife. The scent of my kind was overwhelming in the vicinity, and I could smell Oliver, but they were both long gone. I jumped into the twisted wreckage, trying to find something that told me what happened here as panic overwhelmed me. Something had happened to Oliver – something bad – and I had no idea where he was, or if he was even alive. He had enough enemies that I wasn't surprised that someone had wanted to hurt him. The only surprise I had was that someone could.

I heard something approaching me in the underbrush, and I spun to face my quarry, descending in to a defensive crouch, snarls ripping from my throat. I heard someone laugh, and I saw them approach. Three men in grey coats. More growls issued from me involuntarily. I just hoped they took the warning.

"We were wondering when you would arrive," the tallest man said, pulling down his hood to reveal his blood red eyes and pale – but vaguely olive – skin.

"Where's Oliver?" I demanded. My voice was as dark as night. Even I was a bit frightened by it.

"Oliver is fine…for now."

"You haven't answered my question," I said as I stalked forward.

"The scourge Oliver Monroe has been arrested and taken to Volterra, where he is to stand trial for his crimes against his vampire kin," he said officially, "We were told to remain here to tell you. You are his wife and have a right to know."

I shrieked with my frustration and panic, and the piercing sound echoed back from the mountains that surrounded us.

"His trial is to start in a week. We need to gather witnesses," he told me cruelly, as he smiled, "Not that you need to worry. You will never see your husband again. But Aro is a generous man, and is willing to bargain. Maybe you should go and plea your case with him. He will give you fair hearing."

I didn't reply, I just stared at them, as they stared back at me.

"We take our leave, _Mrs_ Monroe," they said, backing away from me slowly before disappearing into the mist.

I ran home as fast as my legs could carry me, the scenery passing in a blur. The Volturi were _here_, in New Zealand, and they had Oliver. I was panicked that I had left my daughters at home, unattended, the only thing to protect them the shield I had raised before leaving. What happened if they had gone there and hurt them? What would happen then? But when I arrived home, I was relieved to find them both waiting at the window for me, their blue eyes wide with panic. Evidently they knew something was up.

"What happened? Adele asked, as I came barrelling in the door. She looked afraid. I spun and looked at myself in the mirror, and I understood. My eyes glowed like black orbs, my skin paler than I had ever seen, my hair spun out wildly behind me from the speed I had run. I looked like a monster.

As much as I needed to comfort them, I was unable to.

"We're leaving," I said as I dashed past their confused faces, my voice sounding dark and emotionless, as I swept around the room, collecting passports and packing bags for our trip. I knew what I had to do, and there was no time to do it in. I had to go to Italy – I was willing to give them whatever they wanted for Oliver's life. Even if I failed, I had to try – I was happy to die as soon as he did. I could not live in a world without him.

And my daughters – they could not come with me to face this test. They were so young and innocent – they did not have to experience the fear I felt. I would make them safe before facing my fate. I rushed to the computer, using the internet to book us the tickets to get them where I needed them to be. The only safe haven I had ever known. The only place I had ever really called home.

It was nearly sunrise by the time my rented four-wheel drive pulled into the outskirts of Keyes. Evelyn and Adele were asleep in their booster seats – the trip had been far too long and stressful for them. As I started to drive by the miner's settlements, hearing the buzz of the air conditioners from their trailers, I felt a wave of nostalgia come over me. My human memories of this place had not faded like others, I still remembered every moment. This place would always be special to me, because this was where I had found Oliver. This was where I had found myself.

I drove too quickly through town, arriving at Dale Wannapingu's residence a lot faster than should have been possible. I looked at the dark house in the night before me, and I felt guilty. I was not expected to set foot here again, not ever – as far as the good people of Keyes knew, I had died from a brain aneurysm nearly a year ago. But I needed some place safe to sequester my children away from the horrors I knew would await me, and this was the only safe place I could think of. Dale had always been my saviour in the past, I just hoped he still had enough good will towards me to do the same for my children.

I opened the door of my car silently and disembarked from the car, walking over to Dale's house so silently not even I could hear the sound of the rocks crunching beneath my feet. I slipped over to his bedroom window, which I slid open silently before climbing inside. I left my daughters in the car – I did not want to risk their safety if Dale was too surprised by my entrance.

There he was, asleep in his bed, his curls a mess around his head, his dark, thick eyelashes casting shadows against his face. He looked exhausted. I felt the wind blow through the window, and his eyes snapped open, and suddenly he was looking at me in the dark.

"Kaia?" he sounded confused, but not groggy as you would expect someone who had just woken up to sound like.

"Dale," I said, my voice barely a whisper, "I need your help."

It only took a few minutes to explain to Dale what I needed, and he was more than willing to help. He assisted me with removing my daughter's luggage from the car, as I went to gently wake them. They were not going to find this easy. I had placed them in Dale's bed, and they were looking at me with the same frightened expression they had held on their face since I had reappeared at home yesterday.

"Evelyn, Adele, this is Dale," I waved my hand towards my dark companion, "He's a friend of mummy's. I need to go away for a bit, and he's going to look after you while I'm gone. You have to promise me to be good for Dale – he's not like us. So no using your special talents, ok? He will tell me if you do. You must do everything he says until I get back." My tone was serious.

They just stared at me, unsure of what was happening. I reached forward and wrapped them up in a hug.

"Mummy loves you both so much, and I will be back _really_ soon," I lied to them, but they needed to hear it. I could not promise them anything right now.

"We'll be good," Adele promised, always the stronger of the two. Evelyn broke down into quiet tears, and I could feel my shirt begin to dampen.

"I know you will," I said, as I sighed and I pulled away from them, even though I never wanted to let them go. But time was getting away from me, and I had to leave. I stood and left the room, Dale shutting the door behind him as we left.

"Thankyou Dale. I'm so sorry to have to burden you with this, but you've always been my saviour. I couldn't trust anyone else with them." I looked at him, my eyes burning into his soul.

"It's fine, Kaia. I understand," he replied, looking at me worriedly, "I won't let anything happen to them."

"I know. I'm so sorry – I hope they won't cause any problems. And they can cook, so you won't have to risk loosing your fingers again."

He smiled, "I think I'm going to take them away from here. In case this goes badly and someone comes looking."

"Where are you going to take them?" I probably shouldn't know, but I had to. The thought of loosing them permanently was too much to bear.

"I was thinking Perth. I'll go stay with Franklin. He won't ask any questions," he replied.

"You have my letter saying you're allowed to take them, right?" I didn't want him to get into any legal problems if anyone asked. He obviously wasn't related to them.

"Yes, Kaia. You've given me everything. Now go. You have places to be."

I pulled him towards me for a hug, and felt the burning heat of his body in my arms. I felt him shiver as he took in the coolness of mine.

"I will owe you forever," I said, before I turned and ran to my car, the ignition starting before I had even closed the door and I sped off into the coming sunrise.

A sense of dread was suffocating me as I drove into the walled city of Volterra. If I was being honest, that sense of dread had been suffocating me since I realised Oliver was running late home from work. But still, now that I was driving into the stronghold of the strongest group of vampires ever known, while I was just an inept newborn, that sense of doom was far more tangible. And far more reasonable. The entire trip here seemed to drag on forever. Time crawled excruciatingly slowly, as I took flight after flight towards my inevitable destination. And in the silence, in my aloneness, all I could think of was my husband and fear for the man I loved. Although I was stuck like a sardine in those planes, surrounded by humans breathing their scent into the confined space around me, it had no draw for me. I was beyond suffering for my thirst. I was suffering enough without it.

I did not know how Oliver had managed to allow himself to be captured. I did not make any sense to me. He was the single most feared vampire on the planet – even the legendary Volturi were unwilling to cross him – until now. Oliver had always maintained his safety, and ours, by the legend that was the mighty Liiver Man, who single handedly stopped the vampire migration into Australia, who had killed over a hundred vampires without being touched. In a supernatural world, he was still beyond imagining. The aura of mystery that surrounded his fainting trick, that would allow those who tried to enter the great southern continent to be ripped to shreds and burned while they were unconscious, was a closely guarded secret. Only I knew the true reason why he was considered to be invincible.

So how, then, had he allowed himself to get captured? And why would they go after him now, even though he had been feared by them for over two hundred years?

I drove right up to the innocent façade that hid their headquarters, parking my rental car right in front of the doorway. I did not care about the legality of such action – for all I cared, they could get it towed. I had a feeling that I would not be leaving here anyway. I walked straight into the building, not frightened like I was last time. I was a vampire now, and a strong one at that. Anyone who stood between me and my husband would quickly meet a wall they could not get around. That obsequious girl, Gianna, still sat behind the desk. I didn't even give her the chance to speak – using a shield to slam her into the wall before I walked straight past her. She was not worth my time. Even though I had only been here once before, I knew exactly where I was headed. Although I could not remember my previous path from my dull human memories, I could smell where they were. I stormed my way into the antechamber, hoping they would respect the façade of danger I was trying to put forward. I hoped they would stay out of my way.

As soon as I entered the room, everyone spun to look at me. The three ancients sat in their thrones, as they had the last time I was here, serving as false idols to the assembled crowd. As soon as I entered, the grey coats assembled themselves to protect their so-called fearless leaders. I didn't say a word as I looked towards their dais, as Aro, the tall and dark one, rose from his chair to greet me.

"Kaia Monroe. I'm glad to see you've made it," he said warmly, his arms spread in greeting.

"Where is Oliver?"

He looked disappointed, "Come, come. The laws of etiquette should be adhered to, young woman. You would set a very bad example for your children…"

"Where is my husband?!" I yelled, and it echoed around the cold stone room, reverberating off every surface.

The polite, grandfatherly look that was always plastered to Aro's face fell then, revealing the darkness underneath.

"Kaia Monroe, you will show some manners in my house. I do not put up with insolence under my own roof."

"Aro, I am not afraid of you like your feeble lackeys here," I spat, "I do not afford the waste of such niceties on one such as you. I have come for my husband, then I plan to leave. You will not be able to stop me." My voice sounded dark and dangerous.

"How exactly do you plan on doing that, then?" he questioned, almost amused by my tone.

"You have no idea of how dangerous I can be," I piled on the bravado thickly. He would not know my weakness, he could not read my mind to feel the fear I felt underneath my anger.

He chuckled, "No, actually Kaia, I understand you better than you think…" and he clicked his fingers.

A small grey form withdrew itself from the unified gathering in front of Aro, to come and stand next to him. When standing completely on Aro's right, he withdrew his hood.

Ginger curls greeted me, with chubby cheeks covered in a multitude of freckles, which slightly obscured his bright red eyes.

Jeremy.

But this was not the boy I had known in Dartmouth. He smiled at me wickedly, showing none of the terror and fear he had presented to me. He looked like he felt superior to me, and I knew instantly that he was. Jeremy was no newborn like I was. He was a spy.

I felt my stomach twist uncomfortably, suddenly aware. Aro would not fear me, as he knew there was nothing to fear. All I was was an untrained newborn who could put walls up if she thought really hard. I was no match for any of his guard.

"Hello Kaia," Jeremy greeted me mockingly.

I glared at him, but refused to say anything. The hate, the anger, the _fury_ that welled up in me was almost too much to contain. I had trusted this boy, I had felt for him, and he had betrayed me.

"So you see, Mrs Monroe," Aro continued, "I know that there is nothing to fear from you. I also know that you have come to save your husband's life. I fear that is not possible. It has been judged that he is to be executed – he is too much of a risk to us. We did however stay his execution until after you had a chance to say your final goodbyes." He smiled at me warmly, "I am disappointed that you did not bring your daughters. I think your husband would have liked to have had a chance to say a final goodbye to them too."

My breathing increased with panic, hearing Oliver's fate, but I could only be glad that my daughters were not here. They would not die with their parents. And they would never be found – Jeremy may have been a spy, but he had never heard of Dale. No one would know where my girls were. They at least, would remain safe.

Aro then glided down from his dais. I had never seen him move before – it was almost as though he floated on air. The sea of grey-cloaked vampires parted to let him through, Jeremy following closely by his master's side. They stopped barely a foot from me.

"Are you ready to say goodbye, Mrs Monroe?" he asked.

I could not reply, but I just followed him as he took my unsaid acceptance and left the tower. I followed them, followed by two other grey coats, down a medieval tunnel to the dungeon, where Oliver was shackled to the wall. His brown hair was swept over his face, his face paler than I had ever seen it. He still wore the clothes he had left for work in, which were now dirtied by the water that dripped through the walls, green smears of moss laced through the damp patches, where it had been carried by the dripping water. As soon as I entered the room, he looked up at me and our eyes met. He sighed as we exchanged a wordless conversation – he knew our daughters were safe. I, however, was destined to die. And I was more than willing to once he was taken from me. I walked over to him and stroked his face, running my fingers across lines that had never been there before. As impossible as it was, he looked _older_. I could feel my silent heart break as I brushed the hair away from his face. I looked back towards Aro, who was clapping at us.

"Touching, touching," he said, smiling. I was surprised that his onion-thin skin did not break, "Oh, how it breaks my heart to separate two who love each other so very, very much. How I hate to separate _your family._"

I shuddered at the emphasis he put on my family.

"What do you want, Aro?" I asked, my voice desolate, and already knowing the answer.

"What do I want? Oh Kaia, do you think so little of me? I don't do this for my own pleasure, but for justice…"

I just stared at him.

Another smile crossed his face, "Of course, seeming the collateral damage such a judgement could cause, I would always be willing to reconsider. Oliver's life – life, not freedom – for your daughters to join my group. Jeremy has told me of their talents, and I think that once they're cultivated, they would show promise."

"No," I said, and I could hear Oliver growl beneath my hands, "Not my daughters, Aro. You will never have them. But you can have me."

Oliver looked me in the eyes, the pain there almost palpable, "No, Kaia. No."

I looked into his eyes, into the endless depth there, and even though I knew it would hurt him, my enforced servitude, it would hurt me more to loose him forever.

I loved him – more than my own life. It was worth the sacrifice.

Aro dwelled on this option for a bit, turning it around in his head, "I do admit, your talent would be useful in my guard…" he watched as I held my husbands face, "But would I ever be able to trust you? Your daughters, so young, I would be able to mould. But you, already set in your ways."

"You have nothing to fear, Aro," I interrupted, "I stay true to my word. As long as you keep Oliver safe, I will do as you wish."

He deliberated for a minute, before nodding. Jeremy grabbed onto my arm, withdrawing me from the room, as I felt my heart die. I may never see Oliver again, but at least he was alive. My punishment assured that much.

As I was dragged away from my husband's cell, I felt a part of me die. It was only a small part, but it died none the less. And I was willing for it to do so - had that part remained, the pain I would have felt from my enforced servitude would be too much to bear. I was silent as I was lead back to the tower room, where the rest of the guard and the other ancients awaited the results of our private conversation. I was left to stand in the centre of the room as Aro returned to the dais, where he conversed briefly with his brothers. I did not bother to try and listen to that conversation - it held no interest for me. Nothing would. That part of me was dead.

It was then Aro opened his arms to the assembled vampire hoard, and in a loud voice proclaimed my sentence, "Brothers, I left you to bear a wife to her final goodbye with her husband, but I return joyous in the knowledge that is no longer necessary."

There was a wave of hushed whispers through the crowd.

"The traitor, Oliver Monroe, the southern scourge of our kind for so many years, remains shackled in the most impenetrable part of our establishment, but he will not burn as punishment. Whilst we may not have agreed with his methods, what he did he did because he thought it was right. Even so, there are those among you who see him as a danger to us, that he should not be allowed to survive, but brothers, we have to look at the bigger picture," he waved his arm toward me, "Kaia here, a newborn of our kind and also a mother, something that is very rare for our kind. We have to think of the effects that executing the traitor would do to those innocents he would leave behind. Kaia is particularly repentant for her husband's actions, and has in fact offered to join us to help repent for his actions."

I felt myself shudder.

"We should be joyous in the new addition to our family, a vampire who has much promise as her gifts add to our arsenal of strength. She will help us to protect our secret, to keep us safe, to help pay for her husband's sins, which had occurred long before she was even born."

"What skill could she possibly have that would improve _us_?" one voice called incredulously.

"Ah, Felix, maybe we should provide an example. Kaia, would you keep Felix where he is?" Aro's dusty red eyes fell on mine.

I looked at the vampire who had spoken out, a tall and strongly built fellow, and easily brought up a shield around him. He took a step forward, only to hit into it. He huffed, before throwing himself into it with full force, causing a resounding crack to echo around the tower. I could hear the mumbled appreciations from other vampires.

Suddenly, I felt the most excruciating pain imaginable. It tore at every cell in my body, feeling as though I was being ripped to shreds, piece by piece. I only shrieked once before I hit the ground, writhing in pain. Such an act for me was involuntary, and I did not care for the cause. I was beyond pain, now.

A small, feminine voice chuckled, "Well, she's no Bella Cullen."

"Jane…" Aro warned, "Leave her alone. She means no harm."

And as suddenly as it started, it ceased. I looked towards the direction of the voice, and found a small woman with a wicked grin in the corner. I recognised her as the vampire Oliver dropped on our last visit. Evidently she held a grudge.

"I apologise," Aro said, "Jane was merely testing the boundaries of your shield. She meant no harm," he then spun to face Jane, "Kaia is a physical shield, Jane. She cannot withstand a mental assault. But she will be useful - she can stop our foes from fleeing, or prevent them from reaching us." he looked back towards me, "very useful indeed."

After that, I zoned out of the conversation. It held no interest for me. Eventually, Felix, and the one I now knew to be Demetri, came to collect me from my private reverie and brought me to another cell, which I was to call home. They locked the large metal door, and warned me - "If you try to escape, Jane will be waiting." I sighed - as if I could leave? As long as Oliver was captive, I was more bound to being here than they were. I knew, in my heart of hearts, that I would be here forever.


	25. Chapter 25

How I wished I could sleep, because I longed to dream. As I lived in a state of total captivity, I was desperate for the escape sleep would have provided, a place where I would be able to walk with Oliver again, to hold my daughters again. I longed for the red dirt of Keyes, for a simpler time. The complete opposite of where I was now. I wanted to be home.

I was unsure of how much time had passed since I had come to Volterra. It seemed like an eternity, but it could have been hours for all I knew. My days passed without sunlight or darkness, in this small cell that was my home. I had studied every inch of the stonework of my room, I knew every cell in every piece of lichen that covered the walls, I knew every divot in the floor, as I paced backwards and forwards with bare feet.

Since my arrival, I had not seen Oliver again. I didn't expect to. He was being held as leverage, and at the moment they did not require that, as I already did everything they had asked. I had been brought out on raids twice, only a small contingent of the guard with me. I had halted the escape of their enemies, as they were torn to shreds and burned by the guard. I tried not to listen as I heard the sound of shearing metal, the strangled screams so abruptly halted, but it was hard. The guilt I felt that I had assured their deaths weighed heavily on me, but I could not see what else I could do - it was them or Oliver, and I would have given up anything for him. Strangers I neither knew or cared for did not mean anything to me when compared to him.

The more I was brought out with the guard, the more tired I was. I lacked the concentration to maintain my shield, and on more than one occasion it faltered. Never truly failed, but still, it was noticed. I was dragged before the ancients for counselling, which was my first encounter with the fiery Caius. Where Aro looked at me with calm and considerate eyes, he was frustrated.

"Kaia, the guard is becoming concerned that you're not as strong as you were. We are concerned about your diet."

I chuckled darkly - what diet? The only thing I had been offered since arriving was human, and I was not going to sully myself with that. I was a monster, but not _that_ monstrous.

"How regularly have you been eating?" Caius demanded.

I met his jasper gaze with my dark one, "I haven't."

"What!" he shouted, "Is the child demented? How is she supposed to keep up her strength if she does not eat?"

"Caius, my brother, calm," Aro soothed his fiery companion, before facing me, "Kaia, why have you not been eating."

"I will not let myself become a monster." I whispered.

"Aro, she is useless unless she is fed. Confine her until she sees reason." Caius demanded.

He looked at his brother and sighed, "I don't see how I have any choice," before he waved me away.

So here I had sat, ever since, alone in my cell. Every what I could only assume to be 24 hours, someone would come and check on me and ask if I wished to feed yet, and I refused. I had already given them my life in exchange for my husbands, I refused to give them my soul. It was unbelievable the pain that I was enduring, how the thirst perpetually intensified. Most days it was all I could do to lie curled up on the floor and rock backwards and forwards as my stomach consumed me from the inside out, my throat parched and painful, as though I had been swilling acid. How I wished I could dream, to distract myself from my perpetual torment. I knew that I could give in, that they always offered me a way out of this eternal suffering, but I couldn't. I couldn't betray myself that way. I couldn't betray Oliver that way. I tried to think that he would be suffering as I did - I very much doubted that they offered to feed him - but that idea did not comfort me. The idea of Oliver suffering as I did only seemed to intensify the pain, as though I could feel our combined thirsts. I even wished for the burn of transformation, it hurt less than this.

I don't know how long I had been confined to this eternal nothingness, to sit and suffer with only my thirst to think about. To be honest, it doesn't matter. But today, this one day, I would remember for the rest of my life. It was the day I died.

I was rocking myself backwards and forwards in my tomb, awaiting the visit from one of the guard to announce that dinner was here and did I want any. I was looking forward to turning them down. It was the one time that I was able to express my emotions at my enforced captivity. I was learning how to fully utilise every profanity in my possession, a million times over.

But today, today the smell that greeted me was not the scent of one of my own. It was far, far sweeter. Far more appetising than anything I could imagine. I could feel the venom well in my mouth, adding to the burn that was constantly there, driving me insane. I could not believe it when I opened the door and found Gianna, the girl from the front desk, come wandering into my room.

"Aro would like to know if you wish to come to dinner," she asked me politely.

I stared at her with my undoubtedly black eyes, inhaling her potent scent. Every muscle in my body wound tighter than spun steel, itching towards release. She just looked _so delicious._ I was not able to restrain myself. There was no restraint possible when it came to this temptation. I was not strong enough to resist.

Less than a second after the final word exited her mouth, I was on her. My mouth latched onto her neck, and I drew in deeply, feeling the rush of her warm, fragrant blood wash down my throat. There was nothing else in the world in that moment, I had ceased to exist. Kaia Monroe, wife of Oliver Monroe, mother to Evelyn and Adele Monroe. In that moment, she died. In that moment, everything died.

It was all over so quickly, and it was not enough to satiate the monster within me, the only thing that had been left behind in that moment. I stared down at my discarded corpse, and was more upset that it had nothing left to give me rather than it used to be a person I knew. What did people matter? There was nothing left. All that remained was thirst, and thirst was something I could solve.

I kicked the corpse out of the way as I stormed my way down the corridor. The door had been left open, and I was free. But I was not escaping, there was nowhere left for me to go. I followed the scent Gianna had left in her wake, to the tower room. I could hear the pitiful human squeals coming from within, and they did not touch me. It sounded to me like a dinner bell. I swung the door open and entered the tower, and in that moment, every vampire there turned to face me, distracted from their food. I ignored their stares as I stalked towards my prey. All that was left was the monster, and it was thirsty.

I can't remember how long I gorged myself for, or on how many people I gorged myself with, but I didn't care. What did it matter? What did any of it matter? Kaia was already dead, there was no one left to contain the monster. It was finally free.

Eventually the monster inside of me quietened, and I managed to look around at the devastation I had wrought. Everyone around me looked stunned, as the ancients slowly descended from their podium. Aro walked over to me, smiling from ear to ear.

"Welcome to the family, Kaia Monroe," he greeted me warmly, but I did not see him. I did not see anything. There was nothing.

After that, Aro and Caius found uses for the shell of what was Kaia Monroe. It seemed pretty much everyday that there was someone who threatened the vampire secret, and I was sent out to hunt them down and destroy them. These days, no one was sent with me on such errands, even if they took me to the other side of the planet. I always returned - there was no where else to go. At least these banal errands gave my body something to do between feeds. Besides, when I ripped another vampire to shreds and burned it, I actually felt something. I felt a longing. I wanted it to be me. The novelty of feeling anything meant that I enjoyed repeating the experience quite frequently, and those occasions were never hard to come by.

I don't know how many months it had been since I had died before I was yet again called to the attention of the ancients. I dutifully went to them, where they were sitting in their large chairs. For once, there was no audience. There was only four vampires in the room that day.

"Kaia," Caius said (they continued referring to me by the name of the dead girl who used to live here), "Since you have joined us, we have had unparalleled success in suppressing those who risk to expose us. Surely you have seen now that we are the true way of our kind and we only mean to protect our kind. Surely you must want your children to join us."

"No," I responded reflexively. There were scars left in this shell from its previous inhabitant. Those children were _never_ to be harmed.

Caius grumbled unintelligibly, but I ignored him. The pointless whirring of his mind was of no interest.

"Of course, of course, Kaia," Aro responded for his brother, "Then maybe you could consider another proposition. For years now, we have tried to rid ourselves of the scourge that is the Cullens. Previously, their clan was too strong for us to beat, but now that you're here…"

"No," I replied, and the eyes of the monster bore into him. That was another scar my current host respected.

"Kaia," Aro's face turned dark, "This is not so much a request, as an order."

"No."

He sighed, and leaned back in his chair, "I see you leave me no choice," and he clapped his hands.

Just then, two cloaked men dragged Oliver into the room, followed by little Jane. Oliver looked horrible, his face was pale and sallow, his eyes blacker than black. But as soon as he entered the room, those eyes lit up when they fell on a familiar body. What he didn't know was that it was occupied by an unfamiliar host. Somewhere deep inside, I felt something crying. It was dim though, and it wasn't clear. Just an echo of a previous affection.

"I do hope you will reconsider our proposal, Kaia. I really do not want to hurt him." Aro warned.

"Kaia," Oliver said, "It's okay."

Another echoed wail reverberated within me.

"No," I replied to Aro. I could not take my eyes off the man this body had once loved.

"It's oka-" Oliver started to shriek in pain, rolling to the floor and practically convulsing.

I could not look away, and the wailing inside me grew louder and louder. I could feel myself filling from within.

_No no no no no no _"No!" I shouted, "I'll do it. Just…don't hurt him."

The voice of an angel lasted for a second, before it fell silent. I stared down at the now motionless form on the floor, as the feelings within my shell subsided.

Aro and Caius smiled at me as he was dragged away by his two captors, and I just watched, stunned.

"You are excused, Kaia. We will call on you when all is organised," Aro dismissed me, and I walked away, back to my tomb where I belonged.

Volterra was abuzz from the assembling of vampires from high and low, who were preparing themselves for the trip to Dartmouth to destroy the Cullens. I had remained in my cell since the episode with Oliver, and my head was still reeling. I could not shut my eyes without seeing him writhe in agony on the floor, and every time I thought about it, a tide of emotion would well up inside of me. Not as large as it was that day, but large enough. I did not understand why that was. I needed to see him.

Aro was very amenable to my request. As long as I kept up with my side of the bargain, he had no trouble with me seeing Oliver again. So it was that the evening before our departure, I was reunited with my husband. No one else was with us in the cell, it was just us two. But even after the months of separation, there was no awkwardness. As soon as I laid my eyes on him again, feelings I had long considered dead and buried started to resurrect. Not enough to make it to the surface, but they were there, bubbling underneath.

The smile that lit up his face when I entered was glorious, but I was unable to reciprocate.

"Kaia," he whispered, looking at me. I just sat there, unable to respond. He looked at me closer, no doubt seeing my red eyes, no doubt realising that the woman he loved was no longer in here. I waited for the onslaught.

"Oh, Kaia," he sighed, "I am so sorry."

Sorry? Why was he sorry? He was not the one going around murdering innocent people.

He looked into my eyes and held them.

"This is not your fault."

I guffawed, "This is not my fault? Oliver, I am a monster. My actions are my own fault, you cannot take responsibility for them. You should hate me."

I was surprised by the explosion of emotion from me, but it burned out as quickly as it sparked up.

"Kaia Monroe, how can I hate you? I love you. You are not a monster. No matter what you have done, I know you and I know this isn't you. This," he shook his head at me, considering his hands remained shackled, "This is not you. You don't have to be a monster."

I just looked at him, unable to speak. He didn't understand. The woman he loved was dead. All that was left behind was the monster.

It was stupid to have come here. What answers was I meant to find?

And with that, I left to go meet my fate. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.


	26. Chapter 26

We were marching on Dartmouth, following the scent of the Cullens in. My nose was assailed by the familiar scent, reminiscent of a happier time. But still I followed, knowing where this would end, with the end of everything.

I couldn't help but remember what it was like when I had a soul, when I was not completely controlled by the monster within, but those memories seemed so distant, they flashed in and out of my head. The snow was falling gently around us, but I was not paying attention to our surroundings. I was distracted by the flashes from within. The smile on Oliver's face as we decorated the Christmas tree, the frustration of Adele's face as she blew apart her "cheating" house of cards, the look of joy on Evelyn's face as we fed the sheep, the faces of the Cullens played inside my head. All these happy memories, so long ago, belonging to another person.

I was not familiar with the territory we were tracking into, which was away from the town populace, but then again, I did not expect to. I knew that Alice would have foreseen this event, and Carlisle was ever the pacifist and would lead the vampire hoard as far away from people as possible. Even in death, he wanted to protect them.

Eventually, we arrived in a large clearing, where they waited for us. The looks on their faces was one of defeat. There would be no stand as there was the last time they were challenged. They had nothing to give, there was no way out. I was surprised that when their eyes fell upon me, there was no anger within them. All I saw was my monster reflected in their golden eyes. There was nothing else to see.

Aro started to make a speech, as he always did, but I did not listen. It was unimportant. He was just trying to justify the unjustifiable, why this family of peaceful vampires should cease to exist. I just continued to stare at the prey I used to call friends, as I felt my grey cloak swirl around me. But then my eyes fell on Renesmee, as unique and as perfect as my own children were. How could any plan be justifiable where one so sweet and pure deserved to die?

I looked down at my hands, stained by the lives of so many innocent. I had justified their sacrifice to myself by telling myself that Kaia Monroe no longer existed. The monster didn't care who lived and who died. But was that true? I felt my heart swell as I thought of my children, as I thought of my husband. I thought I had sacrificed myself for them, but in fact, I had sacrificed the people whose lives I had taken for them. I had done everything I had to protect myself. Was I willing to sacrifice Renesmee, too?

I looked back at Aro, who was continuing his long winded speech, and I knew the answer. Irrespective of what happened to me, irrespective of what happened to Oliver, this had to end today. Oliver, my better half, would never have let it go so far. I looked back towards the Cullens, and I shouted at them, "Run!" before I launched myself at Aro, his paper thin skin coming to pieces under my skin. The master of their destruction was reduced to rubble in less than a second. The Volturi guard were frozen in shock for a moment, but I wasn't, as I flung myself towards Caius and dismembered him, too. I grabbed the lighter that he kept in his coat, setting both the ancient's remains on fire. Finally I could hear the roars of fury I was expecting, as the assembled guard came at me. Let them try, they would never touch me. My shield held them in place, as I let one by one through, allowing myself to shred them. Eventually they tried to shy away from me, hands raised in defeat, but I held them where they were. None of them would be leaving here today. Today, it ended.

"Aunty Kaia, stop," a bell-like voice chimed. I spun and looked at Renesmee, her eyes opened in horror, but still she held my blood-red gaze. I saw myself reflected in those eyes.

_I wasn't born a monster, Kaia. It would be a pretty poor show on my behalf if I started to be one now, just because I had turned into one._

Oliver's words echoed in my head, as clear as the day he explained to me why he didn't hunt humans. I looked at my eyes reflected in this child's. Was this what I was reduced to?

I wasn't born a monster. I didn't have to be anymore.

I sprinted over to Renesmee and hugged her in an instant. Feeling the warmth of her body in my arms, I could feel the humanity returning to me. I pulled myself away from her, and looked at her once more.

"Renesmee, you've grown!" I exclaimed.

And she had, she was at least the size of a seven year old. How long had I been away for?

"You've been lost for a very long time," Carlisle replied, "I'm sure your daughters would have grown too."

I sighed at the mention of my daughters. Oh how I longed for my family. But I still could not see them until they were safe. I turned to my captives. I had to make my daughters safe.

I walked over to where the world's nightmares sat shivering in fear of me. I paced up and down the shield, looking for the one face I needed. I found him surrounded by what was left of the guard's elite.

"Marcus," I said, and motioned for him to come forward, which he did.

This most silent of the ancients, I had never dealt with him, only the other two, and I had hoped that he could be reasonable.

"This ends today, Marcus," I said, "It can end by your hand or mine, but it will end."

He just looked at me and nodded, "What are your terms, Mrs Monroe."

I didn't even need to think about my answer, "I am no longer part of your guard, Marcus. I will no longer be your puppet. You will release my husband and you will leave our family alone. You will also leave the Cullens alone - forever. This vendetta you hold against those of our kind who do not live as you do is over. All I ask for is for a peaceful life. I am tired of the bloodshed. Will you grant me that much?"

He nodded at me again, "Your will be done, Mrs Monroe."

And with that, I released my shield and we shook hands.


	27. Chapter 27

I sat and stared out over the icy wilderness of my latest, and hopefully final, in the string of new homes I had accumulated since leaving Adelaide three years ago. I watched as the northern lights played across the ever dark sky, and sighed.

It had been three months since the final encounter I hopefully would ever have with the Volturi. Marcus had kept to his word, and Oliver was released upon their return to their home city. There they would mourn the passing of their leaders, and hopefully spend the next couple centuries trying to regroup. Oliver and my reunion was bittersweet. We fell into each other's arms, kissing each other for the briefest moment before he pulled away.

"I love you," he whispered, "But before we get carried away, I need to feed. I'm starving."

I was not surprised that even after six months as the prisoner of the world's most feared vampires, Oliver still retained enough control to go hunt they way he saw as natural.

After that, we had talked for a long time as we journeyed to go collect our children. We needed to debrief after the six months of hell we both had to endure. It was healing for both of us. It had always been a trap that we had fallen into, a net that had been laid long before we ever arrived in Dartmouth, long before I had even joined his kind. The trap had never been intended for us. Following the last encounter with the Cullens, the Volturi had planned their payback. They had scoured the globe looking for a human with a silent head, and had found Jeremy. They had found their perfect spy. He had no skill other than not being able to have his thoughts read, but that was all that they needed. He had been able to infiltrate the Cullens, and had discovered my family in the process. My two young daughters were just too special, and Aro had coveted them. And so, the trap originally laid for the Cullens was reassigned for us. Jeremy had planted the seeds of doubt in my mind, he had planted the temptation that lead to my family leaving the Cullens. Separated, we were weaker. Oliver's capture had been too easy. He had been stalked, unbeknownst to him, by Jeremy, so they knew the path he would take. Jane had incapacitated him at the wheel, causing him to crash his car. Unfortunately, because of the pain, he was unable to do his fainting trick, leading to him being captured. Although it was horrible to hear of that underlying betrayal, it was nice to finally understand the events that had led to all this pain.

We found Evelyn and Adele in Perth with Dale, and they had grown so much in our absence. They are now approximately the size of four year olds, and just get more and more beautiful by the day. I will never regret my decision to sequester them away before my poor attempt at saving Oliver. They should never have to know of the horrors both their parents had to experience.

Dale had returned with us to Forks, where the Cullens were spending their winter. He had grown too attached for my daughters to leave him so abruptly, and I welcomed his company. The Cullens had returned to the only place they had ever called home, to recover from what they had been sure was their end. I had thought it would take centuries to repair that friendship, but they welcomed us back with open arms. I could not believe they did not hold me responsible for my actions, but then again, everyone in my life was always far better to me than I ever had the right to expect. You just had to look at the company I kept. My wonderful, sweet Oliver, my perfect daughters, the assortment of Cullens, and even my faithful Dale.

At least there was a happy ending to that story.

Our first day in Forks, we were over at the Cullen's house when Jacob and his pack arrived. It was then that Dale met Leah Clearwater, and it was love…well, imprinting…at first sight. The pair of them are deliriously happy, in fact, Leah is returning with Dale to Keyes after New Years. We're expecting to hear wedding bells soon, and I wouldn't be surprised to hear the pitter-patter of little mutant feet (the mind boggles at what you would get if you crossed a wolf with an eagle) too soon.

And what has happened to me, I'm guessing you're asking. Well, I am currently detoxing from my human diet, which is easier said then done. The months I had of self-gratification at it's worst, letting the monster control my urges, they're difficult to get over. But Oliver, as always, is doing his best to protect me from myself. We've relocated up to Alaska for the moment, to the small cabin we spent our honeymoon in. We've had to add a few extra rooms for the family, but it's appropriate to our requirements. Alaska is wonderful. Not only is it desolate, so I don't have to worry about encountering any stray humans, but the wildlife up here make for good eating. Polar bears - almost as good as humans taste wise. There is definitely something to be said for carnivores.

Oliver has a job working in a hospital in town, which he now works at during the day. Evelyn and Adele have started school in town, now that their growth has slowed down to near-human, and they're loving being able to make contact with other kids "their age".

I hold no illusions that I'll be able to go back to the way I was before any time soon, but the happiness I feel in my little world at the moment gives me hope. I still hope to some day return to the medical profession, but that still seems like it's a very long way off for me, and to be honest, I don't care. I'm willing to take the time to do it right this time. Besides, I'm content in my little life, and I'm sick of change. I'm happy for things to stay the way they are, but I know they won't.

There never is an end to these kinds of stories.


End file.
